Double Agent
Kojima, you will pay dearly - May 11, 2000 - Chris Jones

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Does everyone think of a small Midwestern town digging itself out of the rubble following a violent alien attack when listening to Aaron Copland's "Our Town", or is it just me? Don't say we didn't warn you.


Hideo Kojima is a total bastard, and I'll tell you why. By now I'm sure you've seen the painfully brilliant movies, character art and impressions from MGS2, a game that has the potential to be one of the greatest titles of all time. If Kojima can pull off half of what's been suggested at E3, he'll join the Elder gods of the video game pantheon, alongside Miyamoto and Sakaguchi. There are a few good PS2 games forthcoming, but MGS2 is the first game I've ever seen that I'd betray my country and sell my family into slavery for. The title sketch of the Metal Gear Ray is my current desktop wallpaper, and will remain so indefinitely.

So what's my problem with Mr. Kojima? Two words: Fall 2001.

2001! What were you thinking, sir! You can't do this to people! How on earth can a game look that cool and that polished and still be over a year from release! How the hell will I pass the time between then and now? Don't you realize that anything and everything I see from here on will be a pale imitation of what you've shown the world? It would have been bad enough to show the footage you've shown and suggest a 2000 release date, but 2001? I'd rather have known nothing and seen it at E3 next year than to be exposed to this itch I can never scratch! Damn you Kojima! Damn you to hell!

Ok, got that out of my system. Feel better. More composed. If people can fight nicotine, drug, and alcohol addiction, I can last until Fall. Fall, 2001. *shudder*

No, wait, one more thing. Listen up, Kojima, if you've got two characters named Solid and Liquid Snake and you want to introduce a third one, you DO NOT freaking call him "Solidus"! I mean, come on! What the hell kind of name is Solidus? It's doesn't make any sense! Call the "third twin" Gas, or Gaseous, or even Plasma Snake if you must, but Solidus? Why, God, why?

Ahem. Anyway...

Arch Nemesis contest. All entries present and accounted for. Read. Vote.

Onward.

Kojima is a god. An evil god.
dear chris,

i would just like to say that hideo kojima is a god. metal gear solid 2 looks amazing. that man is a visionary. if shigeru miyamoto is the steven spielberg of games then kojima is the wachowski brothers (he's so amazing he gets to be two guys). somehow i don't think i'm the only one expecting by far the best videogame EVER come fall 2001.

i say thegia changes its name into the Church of Kojima and makes the site a digital temple for the god's worship. and you could create technology that makes it possible to scan our souls (memories) onto the internet.and instead of names we can have frequencies (180.85 etc.). and we could all hang out at the message boards and need never return to our boring, geek lives.

it's a plan mr.jones, get started,

-zenith
(i mean 199.99)

I'd be willing to do all of this and more if Kojima would release the game in a reasonable timespan. But Kojima withholding the game for so long from his people shows only contempt and hatred on his part.

I am undecided as to if I can hold in the great rage that beats in my heart - as much as I would dearly love to play the game it might be better to storm the gates of Outer Heaven and destroy Kojima entirely than let him think people will put up with this kind of treatment. We shall see, Mr. Kojima, we shall see.

Uncover your eyes and see the truth, people! Kojima is darkness incarnate!
Yo Chris,

Wow. I'm really impressed with those screenshots. This game is much further along than I had thought. MGS was the first game that I got for my PSX (I got it only a year ago...) and I was completely amazed by it. MGS2 should be enough to make me buy the PS2. I've already decided that I don't want to get it right at launch because, most likely, prices'll drop right after the holidays. If nothing good is out by summer, things'll be even cheaper then. It's not so much the money as the risk of getting a bad PS2. Remember the first-generation PSX's?

Also, from what we've seen already, I'd have to say that this E3 is gearing up to be something really spectacular. Is it me, or did we just get finished with a really boring Tokyo Game Show? Where were all these cool games and stuff during that? Sega stole that show, let's see what they can do with this one...(I'm betting second place finish to Sony, with Nintendo pulling up third, but still with some impressive titles...)

--The Steve

P.S. You say "Onward." too much. You need a new sequeway from opening rant to column. May I suggest either "Let's mosey." or "A walrus with a penguin for a son? Ghar, har, har!"

I can do this. I can respond to this letter without mentioning... mentioning... that man. I'm cool, I'm calm, I collected. Let's do this thing.

It was pretty clear from the announcements at the TGS that everybody was saving their best stuff for E3. Why, I'm not sure, except maybe that Sony is quite logically trying to promote the heck out of the PS2 and everybody else wants to counteract that. I haven't seen anything on Eternal Arcadia yet and PSO being delayed doesn't look good for Sega. On the other hand, Square seems to be as strong as ever, and between the PS2 hype and... that game... things look good for Sony. Nothing Nintendo has shown so far makes me give a damn.

I like onward. It's a good word, and I'm keeping it, sorry.

Tech stuff
Regarding your post on light guns yesterday, video game light guns are just ultra cheap versions of computer light pens. They both work the same way.

I'm sure you know how a CRT works, but just for the readers out there that don't, a CRT basically lights just one pixel at a time with the scan line moving really fast (fast enough to cover the entire screen 60 times a second on NTSC television) across the TV.

A light gun works by generating an interrupt whenever it sees the scan line. Since the console is controlling the scan line, the console knows where the current lit pixel is, and consequently, where the gun is pointed.

It doesn't work on LCD displays due to the fact that LCD screens don't use scan lines and in fact have each pixel always lit. The technology is just fundamentally incompatible.

Branin

Technically speaking an NTSC television covers the entire screen 30 times a second, or half the screen 60 times a second, IIRC. But the rest of your explanation rings true, so partake of this great wisdom my fellow gamers, and be happy.

Umm... my butt?
A Used FFT for $100+?

Where did you pull that number from?

AL

I'd never looked at selling FFT, because I had absolutely no desire to, and I'd heard that the demand for FFT was high. $100 seemed like a reasonable number at the time. But browsing eBay it looks like $40 is about the going price.

Either way, I stick by my statement that I wouldn't sell Tactics for $100+, so it's a moot point.

It's better than that damn Chihuahua, but not much
Chris:

As cool as the GIA shirts are, they cannot hope to match the unpurchasable Final Fantasy VIII t-shirts.  Take a look at this beauty:

TSHIRT2.jpg (28934 bytes)

I would sell my soul for a shirt like that.  You would, too, and you know it.

-Aaron L.

Eh. It's ok, but yellow has never been my favorite color for a shirt. In fact, I'm not sure I own any clothes that aren't black, gray, white or blue. And yeah, the Cactaur thing is nice but the GIA shirt has character.

Evil is the job.
Ho Hah! What do I think of E3? I think it's just a big scam to let all the people in the "industry" to see all the new shit while we "commoners" have to wait for the news to come in! Well, I've had enough! Jabroni's Alpha Squad boys are on their way to the event to make it look as if E.O.Inc. is a credible company. While Sicone's Delta Squad clears the perimeter, Maloney's awesome Solid Squad will take the show over! Mwoo hah hah! It will then, be forever known as E(vil) 3. And, it wll go on for a week in 2 cities with FREE ADDMISSION TO ALL COMERS! (that is after they give a "gift" of $155 to E.O. Inc.)

Evil Is Good.

-Lonely Swedish

This is a nice idea but doesn't hold up to scrutiny when you consider the inevitable looting that any E3-occupying force would inevitably engage in. One guy would grab the Square promo video, one would grab the demo PS2, and someone else would grab the footage of... that game... and sooner or later all that is good and wonderful about E3 would be lost forever.

No, in some strange way E3 is best the way it is. But I applaud you initiative, sir.

No save files for you!
howdy,

I was just wonderin how much did yer Dex Drive cost and is it compatible with Macintosh?

thankyou

opul (Map Man Machismo)

I picked my Drive up for about $30 at Toys R Us, and I don't think they make a Mac version, since that would require either a USB or RS-422 port on the device. Sorry. 

It's the stench from the Morlock tunnels
Chris-dawg! Wassup, yo?

(1) Did you ever figure out the cause of "the Jester Funk"?

(2) Bringing a laptop out on a date isn't acceptable - even in Austin.

(3) Sony announced the MSRP of the PS2 in the USA will be $299 - BUT, and it's a big but (see - (_)(_)!), no controller is included...that needs to be purchased for and additional $35 bucks or so. Wassup wit' dat, yo? I realize the PS2 does the DVD thang and all, but no controller? I remember back in tha day when the Nintendo came with two controllers, a light gun, and an infrared robot dude named ROB, AND three games! Oh...and one more thing...there was no mention of a hard drive or modem.

~Your adoring, Flappin' Labia

I never experienced any "Jester Funk", I think that was limited to those poor fools on the lower floors, and not us groovy 8th floor residents.

It is indeed acceptable to bring a laptop out on a date - if anyone's told you differently you're not dating the right women. What's not acceptable is actually dating a laptop.

As for the PS2 price, I'm also a bit disappointed with this. It's somewhat like the Dreamcast, where in addition to the base unit and games you have to shell out serious bucks for another controller, VMUs and Jump packs. But the Dreamcast retailed for $100 cheaper than the PS2. Unless the launch titles are really stellar, I may wait a bit for the PS2.

<groveling attitude> I'm sorry!!! </groveling attitude>
HTML jokes are stupid </high and mighty attitude>

~Alex

No, my HTML jokes are stupid. Other people do pretty good ones. But you're right, I did take a look at yesterday's column and realized that I didn't care for either of the HTML jokes I put in. So I think I'll be easing up, for a while. </deception>

The PS2, like information, wants to be free
Chris,

Just wondering whether there have been any similar exporting restrictions placed on the US release of the PS2 as there was when it was released in Japan. Since I live in Australia I import most of my games from the States because I cannot stand the borders nearly all PAL versions of games get. I am hoping that I wont have any trouble importing a US PS2 (apart from the crappy exchange rate!).

Also, do you happen to know whether there will be a border or speed problem with the PAL version of the PS2 as there is with the PSX? You all may complain about the GF's in FFVIII taking too long, but you haven't seen how long the PAL version takes!! I am curious to know whether this will be the case with the PAL PS2 as well.

(Worshipping all things NTSC)

EH

I really don't know anything about PAL borders, this is the first I've heard of it. And I can't imagine there would be restrictions on moving a PS2 from the US to Australia - countries generally only put restrictions on stuff that they produce that could be used against them, or anything that might go to one of their official enemies. Most companies I've worked at have notices by their fax machines listing all the countries you're not supposed to do business with, and I don't think Australia falls in that category.

Hey, what's a nice person like you doing in a place like this?
I've been reading the letters from all those people amd it seems that none of them measure up. I doubt that anyone would do one of the tasks they said they would, just for a chance to attend E3. I may be only 14, but I can beat all that. If i could attend E3, I would:

1.Do everything my parents say for the rest of my life, no questions asked.
2. Practice the violin every night for an hour, like I'm supposed to.
3. Kiss the feet of every perosn I insulted the day before.
4. Never talk about my friends behind their backs, ever.
5. Never again will I fake sick to get out of school.
6. forget the attitude: Screw the project, I'll do it the day before I hand it in (however, I get most of my A's that way)
7. Start using words like 'ligoobrious' in everyday conversation.
8. Give up my allowance.
9. Go to the extent of saying "It's educational" and "honest, Grandma, I don't want anything for Christmas!"
10. Do the people around me the grace of forgetting the arogant, snobby, rebelliuos tennager I really am and for one day, act like a normal human being.

If this does'nt get me to E3, I don't know what will!

-HAH

I'm printing this because it has a novel approach to getting into E3, especially in this audience of wannabe arch criminals: being nice to get what you want. Doing what your parents and teachers etc. ask you to do, instead of crushing any and all who get in your way. Trying to make the world just a little bit better by your actions, and hoping that some divine karmic force will take notice and reward you in exchange.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Sorry, kid, but maybe you can take an Evil Genius for Beginners remedial course, or something.

Closing Comments:

Rain your hatred down on my Kojima blasphemy if you must, but tell me your thoughts on E3, I beg of you. See you tomorrow, if I'm not lynched for my heresy tonight.

 

-Chris Jones, wondering how Snake would handle the situation

Recent Columns  
05.10.00
05.09.00
05.08.00
Double Agent Archives
You could email me about MGS2 if you really have to, I guess