Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Does everyone think of a small Midwestern town digging itself out of the rubble following a violent alien attack when listening to Aaron Copland's "Our Town", or is it just me? Don't say we didn't warn you.

Hideo Kojima is a total bastard, and I'll tell you why. By now I'm sure you've seen the painfully brilliant movies, character art and impressions from MGS2, a game that has the potential to be one of the greatest titles of all time. If Kojima can pull off half of what's been suggested at E3, he'll join the Elder gods of the video game pantheon, alongside Miyamoto and Sakaguchi. There are a few good PS2 games forthcoming, but MGS2 is the first game I've ever seen that I'd betray my country and sell my family into slavery for. The title sketch of the Metal Gear Ray is my current desktop wallpaper, and will remain so indefinitely.

So what's my problem with Mr. Kojima? Two words: Fall 2001.

2001! What were you thinking, sir! You can't do this to people! How on earth can a game look that cool and that polished and still be over a year from release! How the hell will I pass the time between then and now? Don't you realize that anything and everything I see from here on will be a pale imitation of what you've shown the world? It would have been bad enough to show the footage you've shown and suggest a 2000 release date, but 2001? I'd rather have known nothing and seen it at E3 next year than to be exposed to this itch I can never scratch! Damn you Kojima! Damn you to hell!

Ok, got that out of my system. Feel better. More composed. If people can fight nicotine, drug, and alcohol addiction, I can last until Fall. Fall, 2001. *shudder*

No, wait, one more thing. Listen up, Kojima, if you've got two characters named Solid and Liquid Snake and you want to introduce a third one, you DO NOT freaking call him "Solidus"! I mean, come on! What the hell kind of name is Solidus? It's doesn't make any sense! Call the "third twin" Gas, or Gaseous, or even Plasma Snake if you must, but Solidus? Why, God, why?

Ahem. Anyway...

Arch Nemesis contest. All entries present and accounted for. Read. Vote.

Onward.

I'd be willing to do all of this and more if Kojima would release the game in a reasonable timespan. But Kojima withholding the game for so long from his people shows only contempt and hatred on his part.

I am undecided as to if I can hold in the great rage that beats in my heart - as much as I would dearly love to play the game it might be better to storm the gates of Outer Heaven and destroy Kojima entirely than let him think people will put up with this kind of treatment. We shall see, Mr. Kojima, we shall see.

I can do this. I can respond to this letter without mentioning... mentioning... that man. I'm cool, I'm calm, I collected. Let's do this thing.

It was pretty clear from the announcements at the TGS that everybody was saving their best stuff for E3. Why, I'm not sure, except maybe that Sony is quite logically trying to promote the heck out of the PS2 and everybody else wants to counteract that. I haven't seen anything on Eternal Arcadia yet and PSO being delayed doesn't look good for Sega. On the other hand, Square seems to be as strong as ever, and between the PS2 hype and... that game... things look good for Sony. Nothing Nintendo has shown so far makes me give a damn.

I like onward. It's a good word, and I'm keeping it, sorry.

Technically speaking an NTSC television covers the entire screen 30 times a second, or half the screen 60 times a second, IIRC. But the rest of your explanation rings true, so partake of this great wisdom my fellow gamers, and be happy.

I'd never looked at selling FFT, because I had absolutely no desire to, and I'd heard that the demand for FFT was high. $100 seemed like a reasonable number at the time. But browsing eBay it looks like $40 is about the going price.

Either way, I stick by my statement that I wouldn't sell Tactics for $100+, so it's a moot point.

Eh. It's ok, but yellow has never been my favorite color for a shirt. In fact, I'm not sure I own any clothes that aren't black, gray, white or blue. And yeah, the Cactaur thing is nice but the GIA shirt has character.

This is a nice idea but doesn't hold up to scrutiny when you consider the inevitable looting that any E3-occupying force would inevitably engage in. One guy would grab the Square promo video, one would grab the demo PS2, and someone else would grab the footage of... that game... and sooner or later all that is good and wonderful about E3 would be lost forever.

No, in some strange way E3 is best the way it is. But I applaud you initiative, sir.

I picked my Drive up for about $30 at Toys R Us, and I don't think they make a Mac version, since that would require either a USB or RS-422 port on the device. Sorry. 

I never experienced any "Jester Funk", I think that was limited to those poor fools on the lower floors, and not us groovy 8th floor residents.

It is indeed acceptable to bring a laptop out on a date - if anyone's told you differently you're not dating the right women. What's not acceptable is actually dating a laptop.

As for the PS2 price, I'm also a bit disappointed with this. It's somewhat like the Dreamcast, where in addition to the base unit and games you have to shell out serious bucks for another controller, VMUs and Jump packs. But the Dreamcast retailed for $100 cheaper than the PS2. Unless the launch titles are really stellar, I may wait a bit for the PS2.

No, my HTML jokes are stupid. Other people do pretty good ones. But you're right, I did take a look at yesterday's column and realized that I didn't care for either of the HTML jokes I put in. So I think I'll be easing up, for a while. </deception>

I really don't know anything about PAL borders, this is the first I've heard of it. And I can't imagine there would be restrictions on moving a PS2 from the US to Australia - countries generally only put restrictions on stuff that they produce that could be used against them, or anything that might go to one of their official enemies. Most companies I've worked at have notices by their fax machines listing all the countries you're not supposed to do business with, and I don't think Australia falls in that category.

I'm printing this because it has a novel approach to getting into E3, especially in this audience of wannabe arch criminals: being nice to get what you want. Doing what your parents and teachers etc. ask you to do, instead of crushing any and all who get in your way. Trying to make the world just a little bit better by your actions, and hoping that some divine karmic force will take notice and reward you in exchange.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Sorry, kid, but maybe you can take an Evil Genius for Beginners remedial course, or something.

Closing Comments:

Rain your hatred down on my Kojima blasphemy if you must, but tell me your thoughts on E3, I beg of you. See you tomorrow, if I'm not lynched for my heresy tonight.

-Chris Jones, wondering how Snake would handle the situation