Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Daytime TV, the ultimate wasteland. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Some people are on their way to E3, some coming home from college, some in the midst of final exams, and some doing meaningful, productive work at their respective occupations. Me, I'm sitting on my ass waiting for UPS to show up at home. Fun.

There will be a few new entries later on to the Arch Nemesis contest, people who wanted to get in a little late and people who I forgot to include the first time through, my bad. That said, EVERYBODY VOTE! It's simple: click, click, type a name, hit send. That's all, it's easy.

And now it's time to mock the pathetic fools who'll destroy any shred of pride or integrity to get to E3.

Onward.

If there were any justice in the world, anyone who actually went through with the course of actions mentioned above would get not only a ticket to E3 2000, but a lifetime pass to nearly any game-related conference of his/her choice. Unfortunately, there is no justice, so all you've done is provide some of us with a good laugh. C'est la vie.

Human degradation doesn't do anything for me, so I'd have to go for the soul thing. Except I've never been clear as to what one would do with a soul - they're flimsy, transparent things that tear very easily and are impossible to get a stain out of.

Not interested either way, I guess. But thanks for trying.

I had to include the link, otherwise the "Animatical" thing wouldn't have made sense.

And on behalf of the entire GIA, I categorically reject the implication that Andrew Vestal or any staff member would gain funds by engaging in illegal narcotics transactions. We get all our money from cattle futures. End of story.

This man isn't nearly evil enough to be an Arch Nemesis. He is, however, clinically insane if he'd pass up E3 to go to another, almost certainly more boring, conference. I'd suggest someone go up to Abilene and have him committed, but since that would mean actually venturing into the vast desert that is North Texas, we should probably just leave well enough alone.

Since I published the "old school is best" letter yesterday, I had to publish this response today. It's the law, I can't fight it. But hopefully this has satisfied everyone's hunger for gameplay vs. graphics debate for a while, and we won't have to do this again for quite some time. Like say, 500 years or so.

Always nice when someone follows my advise and is happy with the results. Now if it would just happen more often than 1 out of 24,798 times, I'd be set.

The fake RPG idea is really quite bright, kinda like Enix using DQ7 to make people still think they're still an actual game company... er, forget I said that. The only problem is that the money and effort needed to do such a thing would be far greater than you'd need to simply force or bribe your way inside. Still, they do say that game designers get all the girls, "they" in this case referring to mentally deficient 7th grade otaku.

And as much as I appreciate the sidekick offer, I'm gonna have to turn you down on the reasoning that a sidekick might eventually eclipse my own fame, which must never happen.

What, a Double Agent can't be an egotistical maniac?

Son, are you sure you really want to go that far? E3 is a truly great experience, but Katie Holmes? Her insanely verbose dialog would drive a man too insane to enjoy the expo, or indeed, anything other than the simple joys of Pong. The old, bad, Pong.

Ellen Raskin's "The Tattooed Potato and Other Clues" is indeed where I got the brick wall from, and I'm very surprised anyone got that because it is indeed obscure. Some of you may remember Ellen Raskin as the author of "The Westing Game" which is still one of my favorite mysteries of all time.

Materialism rocks, if you've got the salary to back it up. Which I do. Heh. I recently faced the same offer from someone to import stuff from Akihabara, and the answer I came up with was this: nothing. If you don't read Japanese I don't think import RPGs are all that fun, and there's already a ton of good games in the States anyway. Even if you could get your hands on a PS2, you'd still have the power supply problem to deal with. Soundtracks are probably worth your while, if you like such things, as they're probably cheaper and more available over there. Chrono Cross and FFT top my recommendation list, but tastes will vary.

Generally speaking, I don't care all that much for booth babes. Babes in real life are great, no question, but the entire idea of using a gorgeous but often clueless woman to try and sell me something I don't really want makes me feel as dumb and cheap and easily manipulated as I probably am. The underlying assumption that such a woman might go out with you/have sex with you/bear your children doesn't hold up when you consider that they see pathetic nerds such as yourself all day long, and there's very little to distinguish you from them. (Think of the classic Simpsons Auto Show bit: "Do you come with the car?" "Oh, you! Tee-hee-hee!" over and over and over, and you'll begin to get the idea.) It's nice to dream, but ultimately what's the point?

Someone else suggested foaming cleaners such as Pledge as good CD wipes, but again, I can't vouch for this. To me a CD represents as much money as I bought it for, if not much more, and I'd sooner cut up twenty dollar bills than allow a CD to be scratched.

I'd tend to think I post new people and old people about equally, and a rough statistical analysis of last month's letters tends to support this. Many of the people you see over and over get in because they write over and over, and you don't see the letters they send that don't get printed. Nor do you see the people who write over and over who I never print, or print only rarely. There's no personal vendetta involved with any of this, it's really a question of writing skill and the quality of the ideas involved. Good question, tho, thanks for asking.

I too have seen a PS2 in action, but wasn't that impressed. The actual characters in TTT didn't look or move all that much better than Soul Calibur, and though the background graphics were significantly better, any background graphics in a fighting game ultimately become... well, just background.

I do my own laundry, thanks, and don't expect anyone else to do it for me. Dishes are a little trickier, and it's always nice to have someone else get up at 6am to walk the dog, but still, it's not enough to get to E3. So do what I'm doing, enjoy the E3 coverage from the comfort of your very own computer and say to yourself, "next year... next year..." 

As a working engineer I've been to my fair share of corporate parties, and I gotta say that sooner or later the novelty of free food wears off and you wish you could just go home and play some Metroid. Still, it is worth it at least once or twice.

Said southern girls do not live in New Orleans. Actually, I've never seen any such girls in any part of the South I've visited, but it's nice to think they're out there somewhere. As a 6th generation New Orleanean I think I can safely say that New Orleans itself has little in the way of drawls, Southern mannerisms, or actual culture. (That is, real, honest, genuine culture, done because that's the way it's always been done, as opposed to crap you do to get money from the tourists.) And that's the way I likes it!

Closing Comments:

The Arch Nemesis applications have been pouring in as of late, both from people who I missed the first time and people who just now decided to get in. I'll add more of them later tonight. However, there ultimately has to be a cap on this stuff, so as of 6pm tomorrow, CDT, I will no longer be posting AN applications. Voting will continue for one week after that deadline.

Let's continue today's topic into tomorrow, although I suspect that we may have some interesting E3 news to discuss as well. Adios for now.

-Chris Jones, waiting for the Arch Nemesis vote tally