Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I buy my humor at discount. Don't say that I didn't warn you.

In every person's life, there are a few key defining moments that are indelibly etched into the mind, shaping the very man or woman based upon their occurrence. Be it because they were especially emotional or because they enlightened you in a way which you'd never even contemplated, these events engrave themselves into the very essence, becoming an integral, indispensable part of the whole that makes up personality.

And when you can be a participant in an occasion of such appurtenance, which comes to be shared by a number of people, the feelings of accomplishment and gratification that are derived simply cannot be expressed in words. That is how I felt about being a member of the team which was able to bring to you the Chu-Chu Rockets commercial.

As a matter of fact, referring to it as merely a "commercial" borderlines on heresy; it is simply so much more. It's catalyst of cognoscence; a vehicle of change; an epiphany in the audio/visual form. One cannot view the 15 seconds of sheer artistic beauty without coming away a better person for it. And today, some people have attempted the impossible; to sum up their feelings towards it in language. My hat is certainly off to these daring intellects.

Were it true, it's an absolute certainty that we would be a might bit irate. After all, having the name of the bumbling fool of a villain from the demented children's show "The Smurfs" in our title would be both an embarrassment and a mockery of the quality which we stand for. He was incapable of capturing a single member from a group of blue, bipedal mice -- certainly not the type of person we would like to find that Gilgamesh had come to be associated with due to a poor translation error.

His ineptitude displayed in his vain attempts to seize the Smurfs places him in the same company as the cat from Chu-Chu Rockets, making him, by association, entirely kowai. In short, no, Gilgamesh's name remains intact for the English version of Final Fantasy V. I'm always glad to waste your time with a pretentiously drawn-out, multi-paragraph answer to a simple yes-or-no question.

If you take what Mister Okawa said at face value, that would appear to be the case. However, I feel that he was alluding to a future in which gaming will be an online experience, and the consoles themselves will serve only as the devices of interpretation. In explanation of what I'm trying to say, I'll use personal computers as an example. It doesn't really matter if you have a Dell, a Compaq, or an IBM -- they're all capable of downloading and playing the same software. Perhaps this is what Isao envisions the future of home gaming to be like.

I'm not saying that I agree with such a viewpoint, I'm just making clear the point that I feel Mister Okawa was trying to get across.

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to further enlighten both myself and your fellow readers. Given how suave and charismatic a bunch that we male gamers are, I'm sure we'll all find plenty of opportunities to put such a phrase to use. Nothing says "I'm sexy" like speaking random gibberish in a dead tongue. Go ahead an whisper the scientific names of a few common farm animals into the ear of your significant other; it's sure to drive her wild.

As for the truffle, you are most gracious. Sticking my snout into the soft soil and sniffing about for the delectable fungi was beginning to strain my knees.

It's letters such as this one that make me wonder about RPG enthusiasts. Every single one of the baseless and specious points which you make serve as nothing more than a defense of pompous elitism. I won't even bother to shoot down the opinionated personal preferences you lay forth in regards to character names and lead character personality types; I realize that you must have been at least somewhat joking in these matters. Rather, I'll point out what it is that irks me about this letter.

You seem to feel that in order for any RPG to be of quality, it must feature a heavy-handed storyline and lack mass appeal. It's this very attitude that gets to me. So many RPG fans fancy themselves members of an exclusive club. Anytime a game falling into the genre attains noteworthy popularity, they snobbishly turn their noses up at both the game and those who happen to enjoy it -- quality be damned. Fans that would shun a game strictly on the grounds of its success are hardly fans at all. In fact, if someone were truly a fan, they would be thrilled to see that their favorite genre, which has been long considered merely a niche market, is finally earning the respect that it deserves.

If the game was absolutely terrible and devoid of any redeeming factors, I would tend to agree with such a viewpoint. However, like the phenomenon or not, that isn't the case with Pokemon. It may not appeal to everyone, but it is certainly an excellent title in and of its own merits.

I credit the success of The Blair Witch Project to the multitude of people who felt that they were proving themselves to be film connoisseurs capable of looking beyond aesthetics to appreciate underlying quality. Unfortunately, there was no underlying quality. The Blair Witch Project raked in millions of dollars in thanks to this country's undying need to feel intellectual and distinguished. In short, the film was an emperor wearing absolutely no clothing.

Feel free to disagree with my opinions on the matter completely. Andrew will be the one that has to deal with the irate rants of dissent. I'm always glad to spread a little ill-will.

I know of several people who wished that they owned a Japanese Dreamcast strictly for the purposes of importing Chu-Chu Rockets. What's even more unsettling is that every one of these people absolutely abhor puzzle games. I think Sega is on to something; insanity is even more persuasive a sales technique than sex appeal. Lara Croft, your day in the sun has come and gone.

You should be thanking us. Everybody knows how irritating it is to have a tune stuck in your brain without knowing the words to it. Imagine if we'd been so cruel as to not provide the lyrics in addition to the translation. It would have been truly sadistic. Naturally, I voted in favor of doing just that, but the rest of the crew felt that driving the majority of our readership to the brink of insanity may not have been the wisest of ideas. They're such a bunch of squares.

Forever it shall guide your destiny.

I fear that the commercial is all too real, my friend. But don't go insulting it; you know that it's enticed you. Don't try to deny the fact that you now have an irresistible urge to get your hands on the game, no matter what it's like. I can see right through you. I can see the deceit in your eyes. I have those powers.

Closing Comments

Normally I don't bother to specify a topic for Andrew; he prefers it that way. However, today I'll make an exception, as what I have in mind must be said: How has viewing the Chu-Chu Rocket commercial changed your life? It's as simple as that. No wordy explanation, no example opinions, only the query itself. Go now, and send a letter to Andrew. Getting it off of your chest will help to ease the inevitable dementia.

-Drew Cosner