The day after - November 11th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Everything sucks. Don't say that I didn't warn you.
Are you ready for another fantastic letters column? Well, maybe you can settle for this one, instead.
| How to get rich quick |
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Hey Mr. Cosner, (Ha, that makes you sound like an English teacher)
Have you ever looked under your mattress (I'm sure you can already tell, but
this has nothing to do with video games. You're probably getting tired of
answering video game questions, and can't wait for a change in pace)? Well,
the other day I lifted my mattress and found all sorts of neat stuff. I
found a fly swatter, a dirty sock, a marble, a broken pencil, 3 water
balloons, a crayon, and a Canadian penny. I took them to a pawn shop and
found out they're worth **gasp** 15 cents.
I never knew I was sleeping on such a fortune!!
-hippidy hoppidy la la la
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Man, you aren't kidding when you speak of all of the intriguing things lying hidden within the furniture, just waiting to be discovered by some adventurous soul. Take my couch, for example. Just last week I found myself in need of a little spare change, so I began to upturn the cushions and mattresses throughout my home in search of a few cents. I had already bagged myself a cool $1.36, a comb, 2 television remotes, car keys that belonged to someone else, and a Cheeto, when I realized I'd as of yet not checked my own sofa. Imagine my surprise when I discovered a secret passageway concealed beneath the middle cushion.
Feeling a bit the spelunker, I began to descend the newly-revealed staircase, eventually emerging in a large laboratory compound. Lining the massive walls were hundreds of holding cells, each housing what appeared to be humans who had undergone xeno-implantation of some sort, and were in varying stages of mutation. As I pushed further into the structure, I found something that has forever changed my life. There, lying on the metallic floor, was a 20 dollar bill, just waiting to be taken. It was like winning the lottery, without having to do all of that strenuous scratching.
Unfortunately, the bill started to inch away from me every time that I grabbed for it until I found myself inside of an iron cage, just large enough to hold a human within. I was subsequently lowered into a large pool of lava as a sacrifice to Kali. That sucked.
| Animeish: the latest word to join the ranks of the English language |
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Finished seeing it and here's the verdict.
The first part contained Pikachu's vacation. Basically a somewhat pathetic attempt to ram as many Pokemon in as possible (within 22 min). What it had was a small comedic section of Pikachu and co. Of course this short feature would have been much better if it weren't for the fact that every few minutes you'd get an awkward break in the feature which was basically 20 Pokemon of the same type running around saying their names in where you would take a commercial break. VERY ANNOYING!
The actual movie itself (Mewtwo strikes back) starts out pretty good (and reasonably deep and thoughtful). In fact, it is VERY ANIMEISH (if it isn't a word, it is now!) which of course is good. You've got your incredible Dragon Ball Z type battles as well as some deep philosophy. The actual battle between Mew and Mewtwo is like more Dragon Ball Z but unfortunately turns a little too mushy in the end. I don't want to ruin anything so I won't say more than that.
Out of a five rating, one being lowest and five highest, I rate this anime film a 3. As I said, the mushy ending (which had little kids in tears) turned a more mature anime viewer off. Course the good news is that now, movie companies will hopefully bring over more and better anime. Yes, I have seen Princess Monoke to all you other questioning anime watchers. Now I look forward to G-Wing: Endless Waltz.
-RPGr
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I'm just wondering when Princess Mononoke became the indispensable anime experience that all who would call themselves fans of the genre are required to see. At any rate, I'm curious to see if we're going to see anymore anime released in the West. Unfortunately, it seems a bit unlikely at this time. The general public expects cartoons to be of the light-hearted fare; something that they can take the children to see. They don't know what to make of animated films that actually have a heavy-handed plotline and somewhat racy scenes on the occasion.
As the film Iron giant has shown, those who would normally be interested by the storyline will be turned off by the fact that it's animated, and those who would have otherwise seen it, perhaps with their children, will tend to shy away as it doesn't involve anthropomorphic animals belting out tunes written by Elton John. I'm not making any convictions either way here; I'm just calling the situation as I see it.
| And here I thought that it meant "sarcastic jackass" |
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Hey Drew, I have some more Latin for you, and I think you'll like it.
After many hours of tedious research, I finally discovered the meaning of your name.
Drew Cosner translates directly into "Gilgamesh is the MAN".
Now, stand tall and be proud, for your name has a meaning to it.
-Killer~Medic
P.S. If you're still reading the column, Allan, your name translates into the entire FFVIII script.
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There's just no end to the many things you can learn through the reading of Double Agent.
| There's nothing wrong with some good ol' fashioned subliminal messages |
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I just saw the Pokemon movie yesterday and was left in disbelief. IT ACTUALLY HAD A STORY LINE. Well ok so Picachu's vacation was a little questionable. (buy more Pokemon)I mean it seemed like kind of a marketing ploy to me. And those tripy scenes with all of the Pokemon floating around in phsycadelic fasion probably had subliminal messages in them. (buy Pokemon Snap) But if they did I don't think that they affected me because I have a very strong will. (buy more Pokemon Cards) As for Mewtwo Strikes Back, I think that I learned many valuable lessons from this fine piece of cinamatagraphy. First, if something is different you should slap it in the face with a sea cucumber. Second, buy Pokemon. Third, fighting is good. Only through fighting will we move to the next evolutionary plane and after my 3,000,000 battle I will have enough power to smote you all down. Ha Ha Ha. Oh well until that time comes I think I will buy a lot of Pokemerchendise.
-BipolarFluke
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Federal law only allows for so many seconds of screen time involving characters flying through the air with speed lines in the background. Because of this, approximately 45 minutes of footage had to be cut from the original Japanese version. Had there been even a second more of this footage in the American version, federal statutes require Hiroshi Yamauchi's awakening next to a horse's head in his bed and the subsequent eating of lime-green Jell-O out of the hollowed brain cavity. Harsh, yes, but the rules exist for our own protection.
| Memorial Day |
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Oh how I fear for our young brave soldiers, fearfully standing their
ground out on the front lines. They knew this day would come, I'm sure.
Training for it, fearing it; yet determined to keep their ground. And on
that morning, with their tools shined and in place, and their uniforms on
tight, our friends walked into a tense atmosphere, a battlefield waiting to
erupt. The calm before the storm had permeated through the air in an almost
tangible form.
And then the theater doors opened.
Few, I am sure, came back home after such an affair, those that did have a
tale to tell to all future generations. They had survived an ungodly swarm
of rabid creatures. These "kids" (use the term lightly my friends), have
worked up an unswaying enthusiasm unseen since Hitler youth rallies. Yes, my
friends, these kids are the second coming of the fascist armies of hell. Yet
their leader is not mustached madman, he is not a cold-hearted monument of
communism. No, he is not like Hitler, he is not like Stalin. He is a little
animated yellow devil, and he hath no mercy for the nonbelievers.
Our movie theater patrons are just the latest group of casualties, and
not the last. The demonic hoards will continue their sweeping takeover of
our petrified country. Yes, Armageddon is here, and it has been brought on
by a gameboy cart, a yellow speech impaired mouse, and a legion of children.
We are all doomed, but we must take arms! We must not die without a fight.
Fuck you Pikachu!!!!!
-Justin Freeman
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We should now take this moment to reflect upon the lives of the young theatre employees who died in order that we may live in freedom and prosperity.
| Let's look on the positive side |
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Unlike some of the people my age and above that wish that Pokemon should
burn in the depths of Hade's Underworld to burn there for all eternity, I
actually don't mind Pokemon. I actually applaud the Pokemon craze because
the Pokemon games can get kids interested in RPGs and I think that is great.
In fact if you think about it Drew, if more kids get into RPGs because of
Pokemon that means the GIA will get more popular and so will your letters
column. All you RPG fans that hate Pokemon should take a second look and be
happy that Pokemon is making a new and bigger generation of RPG fans. I
don't like the Pokemon games themselves but I do like what the Pokemon craze
is doing.
-Pendy (that wacky zany DW freak)
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again: even if you dislike Pokemon itself, you have to appreciate what it's done for gaming in general. Pokemon has made gaming a more social experience, as well as something that's more gnereally accepted as a viable form of entertainment. Even if you think that the Pokemon franchise should dry up and blow away, you have to respect that.
Closing Comments
Tomorrow is a Free Topic Friday. Write about whatever it is that your heart desires. The column is over. Go home.
-Drew Cosner
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