A cast of thousands. Or 40, as the case may be. Same difference. - October 20th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. A proud member of the "Ate My Balls" web ring. Don't say that I didn't warn you.
Good morning geniuses. I prompted you readers to give me your opinions on this whole crazy deal with 40 playable characters in Chrono Cross. Coincidentally enough, here are your responses.
| A lack of memory |
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After reading the news article yesterday about how the PSX2 *won't* enhance PSX games in any way, I seem to have found a loop-hole. Memory. While this won't be an issue for 99.9% of games, I have been hoping that maybe, just *maybe*, the PSX2 would fix the slow battle speed of FFVI (Anthology). Because the problems in that game lie in the lack of memory (not the CD speed), do you think that they will go away? It would seem rather stupid for Sony to limit both the CD speed *and* the memory to the original PSX specs, although it is possible...
Any ideas?
Matt Cascino
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Unfortunately, no, the PS2 will not allow the titles created for the original Playstation to utilize its extra memory. Go figure. How was that for concise?
| Put your right arms in |
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Many a good tidings to you sir
After countless hours of study I have officially decided that The GIA has
been giving Gilgamesh the shaft. I mean calling Gilgamesh THE MAN? Please.
Gilgamesh cannot be contained into a mere six capital letters! If you took
every letter of every language in all the world and formed it into the most
beautiful word in all of history it couldn't even begin to describe
Gilgamesh. So in closing Gilgamesh is indescribable, so don't even try.
-Figure Four
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I cannot possibly form any sort of rebuttal. Despite my attempts to advocate Gilgamesh to the best of my capabilities and the Andrews' feature extolling his virtues from every possible angle, our efforts have proven to be hopelessly inadequate. After much deliberation, it was decided that words truly were incapable of an accurate description, and only an interpretive dance could come anywhere close to capturing the radiance and brilliance that is THE MAN.
Sadly, the entire crew of the GIA has the combined rhythm and grace of a giraffe suffering from massive brain hemorrhaging. And we aren't particularly creative, either. The only option available to people like ourselves, who are completely incapable of excogitation, was to make slight alterations to an existing song and then pat ourselves on the backs for our wit and imagination. And so the official GIA Gilgamesh song has come to be the Hokey Pokey, with the part about the arms repeated 3 times per side. We are freaking geniuses.
| Cthulu: let's see you pronounce that |
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Well.... the Necromicon is thought to be a fictional work, invented by
HP Lovecraft for his Cthulu books (all known editions postdate
Lovecraft, and there are no historical references to it previous to the
late 19th century). However, I can furnish Justin with a copy of the
Necrotelicomnicon, which is just as occult-ish:
"Legends say that any mortal man who reads more than a few lines of the
original copy will die insane. This is certainly true. Legends also say
that the book contains illustrations that will make a strong man's brain
dribble out of his ears. This is probably true, too. Legends go on to
say that merely opening the Necrotelicomnicon will cause a man's flesh
to crawl off his hand and up his arm. Nobody actually knows if this is
true, but it sounds horrible enough to be true, and nobody is about to
try any experiments"
So, I've got this bloody thing on my bookshelf and can't do a damned
thing with it. I'll sell it... or even trade it for tootsie rolls. Gimme
a ring.
-Myrtle the hurdle-jumping turtle
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Those myths are merely intended to frighten away the prospective readers who wouldn't have the nerves of steel required to handle the great truths revealed within. All of the great mysteries of the world and of life are explained in depth inside the pages of the Necrotelicomnicon. However, the tales aren't without an underlying authenticity - albeit one which has come to be greatly exaggerated. Anyone who reads the book will be fine for the time being as he thumbs through the pages. Unfortunately, the reader will be incapable of controlling his bladder whenever in the company of his fellow human beings.
It's a real doozy of a situation; once the reader has learned the true nature of humanity, he can't be around anyone else without pissing himself. Oh, but those naughty lords of darkness had a sadistic sense of humor.
| The running commentary from hell |
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Dear Love Rhino,
Well, I could hardly let slide an opportunity to add further commentary regarding Chrono Cross - especially since you so slyly twisted my words to paint me as an extremist on the topic, you li'l stinker you! *pinches your cheeks*
Personally, I think that Chrono Cross will have about 6 or 7 truly playable characters - the rest will actually take turns sitting in "front" of the screen in silhouette form, making sarcastic remarks about the game as you play. It'll be like Mystery Science Theatre, except without the wide array of films to mock. Each time you play, three characters will be selected randomly to make snide comments. And during every time/space warp, it'll be like a Commercial Sign, and they'll exchange clever banter with Dr. Magus and his bumbling sidekick Ozzie (to be replaced by Dr. Magus' mother Queen Zeal and her henchmen Dalton and Lavos in the New Game+ mode).
The genius of this is that not only will you have an interest in the characters who are making the game progress, it will allow you to grow attached to the warm and witty commentary of soon-to-be-classic characters of Chrono Cross, like the cleverly-named "Star Child" and "Dragon Child." This of course is a good thing, since I can't possibly imagine having those particular characters in your party as being "fun" or "enjoyable" in any sense of the word. Most of us hit our cute-cute RPG hero limit with Peco from Breath of Fire III; I'm sure Square is aware of this, so they'd never force us to use even more of them, right? Uh... right?
I've heard rumors that the first 1,000 people to buy the game and send in their customer reply card will be sent a real-life Lucky Dan, who will hang out in their living room and accidentally light stuff on fire while trying to wrest control of the game from them. Really, it's the next logical step in gaming interactivity. It's like having those annoying scarecrows from Zelda V in your own home, but with a higher risk of fire!
Anyway, I'm off to restore some 1337-hardcore credibility by ridiculing every game designed for the NES and up as "14m3 gr4fix wh0r3 3y3-c4ndy!" Toodles.
Ripping your flesh (RZZZZ!),
-J. Parish
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There's a reason why Lucky Dan is a bonfire waiting to happen; he follows you around in your daily life, making sarcastic remarks in response to everything you do and say until you finally twist his smarmy little head forward a bit and set his entire body ablaze.
Square decided that it was time to take the annoying RPG character to an entirely new level, and Lucky Dan is what their top brass concocted. Not content with including the stock character who is utterly useless in battle and speaks nothing but the most banal of dialogue, Square decided it was time to make the pain in the ass a bit more tangible.
Lucky Dan will usher in an entirely new era of obnoxiousness.
| I'll get you next time, Gadget |
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Well well well...So you found me out. Yes, now you all know what the P
stands for, aren't you all proud of yourselves? Well it doesn't matter!
CyberPikachu, destroy them all! Ha! Ha! Ha!
...
Ahem.
Another thing about RPGs saturating the market is that they take so long
to play and enjoy compared to a fighting game, or a sports game. The
whole package is right there, right when you start up. To get to the
sweet sweet meat of an RPG you've gotta devote 20+ hours of your life to
it at a time. Of course, you have to take all that into consideration
after you get past the fact that we're complaining about too much of a
good thing. I love being an American Gamer.
And someone else will point this out to you no doubt: You're going to
accidentally turn off your console while you're playing it if there's a
power button on the controler. No matter where it is.
And finally...I have no idea how CC will handle 40 characters. I can't
imagine managing a pool of 40 characters down to the details like I did
with CT, espcially with what I've seen of the battle system. I was
thinking it'd be something like you could only access ten characters per
dimension you visited. Or your characters 'evolve' at a later
point...Or! You have different versions of each character per dimension.
But I'm babling as evil geniuses are wont to do.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to head out to my Nerds Bent On World
Domination Convention. If I get there late Bill Gates eats all the crab
cakes.
~Ian P., The Love Child of LuckyDan and StarChild.
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I think that putting a power button on the controller would be a rather large convenience. Especially for people like myself who get their gaming in right before going to sleep. By the time I decide that game time is over for the day, it's because I'm dead tired and have to be at my first class of the day within the next 5 hours. At that point, rolling over onto my side to nod off seems like a hassle, let alone having to walk across the room to hit the power button.
See, it greatly interferes with my goal of attaining my mention in the Guiness Book of World Records for being the "Laziest Human on the Face of the Entire Freaking Planet." Right now that dude who weighs over 1000 pounds and eats nothing but cheese puffs and peanut butter is favored to gain the nomination.
They could make it like it was a self-destruct switch of sorts; have a little plastic flip top covering the power button that must first be opened by pressing a little latch on the bottom of the control. Or something to that end.
As for your theories regarding Chrono Cross's character selection, they all sound viable to me. There's not really much that I can say since I haven't played the game myself. Sure, I could spout off some ideas of my own and act as though the very utterance has miraculously transformed them into fact, but I don't think that anybody wants that. Especially not me, since coming up with ideas is a lot of work, which would also interfere with my plans.
| 6+ years of gameplay |
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Hey Drew.
I don't think its possible for Chrono Cross to include well crafted
storylines for all of its characters without making the game over 100 hours
long to beat. Look at Final Fantasy VI. They had 14 well developed playable
characters in that game and it takes about 40+ hours to beat. My opinion is
that they will have rotating characters like Final Fantasy IV wher you get to
play with a character, and something will happen to that character to force
you to choose another character or choose one for you. Maybe Chrono Cross
will have a few of its character tie into one main storyline so that they can
reduce the total number of character storylines in the game. Have like 4 or
5 of them come from one kingdom, other few who are rebels, a couple that come
from another dimension, throw in a circus troupe...you get the picture.
And by the way, I noticed that some companies now boost about the time it
takes to beat one of their RPG'S to make its seem like you'll spend a lot of
time playing this game, so its worth your money. I think eventually we will
have the first 70-100+ hour RPG soon. I don't know about you, but I think
that's just too much. I prefer 30-40 hours RPG's because at least I'll have
the time to beat it before the next game in its series gets released. What
do you think? "Insert snide remark here" Later then.
-Kil
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I think that making an RPG interesting for 70-80 hours would be a herculean feat, to say the least. It's certainly an option, but like you, I'd have to be a bit skeptical should it prove to be the case.
| Alternative reality lifestyles |
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Drewboy,
In the Famitsu interview, the creators stated they were gonna use a sort
of "switching point" system, where some of your actions and decisions
in the game would open/close paths for you to take in the story line.
It seems to me that this is much like the system used in Legend Of Mana,
where you to get new quests and characters you have to do the right
things at the right time. In LoM, you could say that all the characters
beside the hero are "optional", because to get them, you must first
complete a task or something of the sort.
This being, it could be much probable that getting ALL 40 characters
into your party will be very very complicated, maybe even impossible -
perhaps StarChild is LuckyDan's worst enemy, and having both of them to
join you is impossible, because LuckyDan's story development involves a
subquest where he kills the big headed alien Teletubby, and vice-versa.
And here I must agree with J. Parish's letter of yesterday's column,
making sure that I'd have LuckyDan keep Starchild alive until he had no
more extremities to be cut and/or burned and/or ripped, and then let the
that Teletubby to die slowly. All that in front of my 3 year old cousin
to prove to her how I feel about her favorite show. Uh? I'm rambling?
Back to my point....
And then there's time travel. If you pick up the "old" CC trailer, when
the camera goes "inside" Kid's eyes and the screen switches to
screenshots of the game in a sort of "time tunnel" thing, you'll notice
that some red numbers are scrolling around in the background - thhose
numbers are obviously dates if you pay attention. Being as crazy about
CC as I am, I didn't just "pay attention", I looked up the numbers and
they go from 7,572,677 BC to 9,682 AD. This is a pretty big timespan,
just like it was in CT, but I suppose that that comparing the storage
capacity of 2 CDs to that of a Snes cartridge, we're gonna be seeing
MUCH more times and dimensions than in CT. And if just like in CT, we
have one or more character for each time/dimension, your problems is
solved.
Keeping on, there's the whole "alternative realities" thing again : one
character could appear differently depending on which dimension you
recruit him - I don't know how CC is gonna handle this, but in many
books and comics that deal with alternative realities, there is an
infinite number of possible "realities" depending on each choice every
person in the world has ever made. So there is a reality where you
became the main letters guy at the GIA, but there's also one where you
didn't. Sure, this is an extreme example, but it gives you the idea of
what I mean.
Still, developing 40 character backgrounds is a pretty huge task, even
for Square, unless you keep most of them "shallow". I mean Mog shallow,
not Suikoden Shallow or FFT hired soldier shallow. I'll bet most of
these characters have the same ammount of development that the "Little
Magicians" have in LoM - an obligatory small quest to get them into your
party, which already includes a little development (We are orphans,
raise us!) and an optional quest to develop their "present" a little
more (Ooh, we wanna see the 6 sages around the world!), the latter being
something only about 10 or 15 of the 40 will have.
Enough with my thoeries, this is getting really long :P
But CC is still flawless, and to be tagged the greatest form of
entertainment ever created by man -after E.T. for the Atari, of course.
~ Gab "Tumalu rlz d00d" L.
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Who knows; perhaps Square is taking another stab at non-linearity with Chrono Cross. It would certainly be daring on their part, especially when you take into consideration the fact that SaGa Frontier is considered to be by many the best example of a non-linear console RPG. That may be arguable, but it still bodes rather ill.
| Death to them all |
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It's easy to get in 40 characters and still have some
character development - have some DIE! In most RPGs
there are constant battles (often a full-fledged war),
but no one of note dies (and if they do, the
resurrection code rumors start because no one believes
a character could REALLY be dead dead dead). Hell,
even in the old war flicks they kill half the soldiers
off, and many die early in the picture (giving the
remaining characters more screen time, plus the chance
to react to the deaths of their fellow characters).
The killing could be done in many ways - for instance,
a certain boss could always kill at least one of your
characters off (a different one depending how you play
- and multiple plot paths and endings! Nah, too much
work for the script writers).
This could be a big selling point for the game. I
remember way back in my distant youth (the 80's), we
were all very sick of the fact that no comic book
character could be killed for more than a month (a
certain female Xman came back about 10 times, among
others - and Bobby on Dallas as well). So sick, in
fact, that Marvel launched an initially sucessful
comic with the only premise being that gaining the
superpowers meant certain death within a year
(Strikeforce Morituri). Of course, they messed it up
quickly by killing them each month (average lifespan 2
months each - no time for any character developement),
and soon talked of a "cure" (meaning no sure death),
and the comic tanked. But that's not my point - my
point is your Double Agent powers come at a price and
you will soon explode...no, that wasn't it.....
-The Eggman
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You're right, my powers did come at a price, although not in that fashion. I had to undergo a rigorous hazing ceremony before taking my place as Double Agent. While it doesn't mean certain death, my doctor feels that it will be at least another 2 years before I'm able to sit again.
Take that facetiousness as you will. I never claimed to be a moral beacon.
Death would certainly be a way of keeping your party size under control, although it would probably become a bit difficult to attach yourself to a cast of characters with the lifespan of a mayfly.
But if they do die, this next letter has an interesting theory as to how that could be handled.
| That Lucky Dan and his shenanigans |
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Drew Sir,
I don't think the issue in Chrono Cross is 40 characters, but rather 39.
Take a good look at Lucky Dan, who is apparently a scarecrow made of
dried grass with flames coming out of his head. Basic physics suggests
that the first strong breeze that comes along will set his tinderbox
body alight, thereby eliminating Lucky Dan and, perhaps, anyone
unfortunate enough to be downwind when he becomes a walking Molotov
cocktail.
Maybe this is how Square plans to deal with all the characters. You
travel around, making new friends and building up your party, then Lucky
Dan shows up and self-immolates, setting your new friends ablaze and
removing them from your party. Serge & Co. figure this out early in the
game, of course, and run away when they see Lucky Dan coming, callously
allowing their new friends to die.
-Pilcrow
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Actually, Dan is made of a unique form of woven asbestos. While this keeps himself from combusting at the slightest breeze, it does have a rather nasty habit of giving all of those who come in contact with him a rather life-threatening form of cancer.
| Surprisingly pleasant |
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Hey, Drew!
I'm going to skip the formalities and instead of guessing Ian's name and
writing an essay about how Gilgamesh is The Man, THE man, the MAN, and THE
MAN, and do something that has never been done here before:
Write about a video game. (INSERT COLLECTIVE GASP HERE)
Dance Dance Revolution, known as "obscure-assed title that was never/will
probably never be released in the U.S.", is pretty awesome. It's bigger,
stronger, and more challenging than UmJammer Lammy. It comes with a big,
large, foldable carpet that works with any game, which ups the challenge and
rock factor about 98 points.
Fortunately, I happen to be spry and wispy and strong and stuff, so I'm able
to take whatever's coming at me. Er, at least, when it comes to Kung Fu
Fighting and Have you Never Been Mellow. And if you don't know what the
hell I'm talking about, then I'd better explain the soundtrack to ya.
The Olivia Project, KC and the Sunshine band and a whole bunch of others
licensed some music to Konami for this Bemani thingamajig, and let me tell
you that it's all good, baby. All the music is in Redbook, which means that
you can cram it into a CD player and jam out. Or something.
If you decided to PgDn to the next letter filled with flowery language, I
hate you. But if you scrolled up to see this delightful little document,
then I'll just say this: IMPORT DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION NOW, OR YOU FUCKIN'
DIE. Amen.
-The groovalicious Cedric "Lobstaboy" Henry
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Dance Dance Revolution is a member of a rather small and elite group; the weird-ass Japanese games that are actually enjoyable. Feel free to shoot me a venemous letter of dissent to that bold generalization. If you can make a solid argument in the favor of the latest horse racing simulator, or upcoming gems such as Roomania #203, all the more power to you.
Anyhow, Dance Dance Revolution is an excellent game for all of you would-be importers out there. You'll be able to get a handle on it without any knowledge of Japanese whatsoever, and it honestly is an addictive and enjoyable title, especially if you happened to enjoy Parappa or UmJammer.
And so, I end today's column on a positive note. I hope that the denizens of hell are enjoying the cool weather.
Closing Comments
I think that I'll go with something a bit different for tomorrow's topic. Well, different in the sense that it's doesn't deal exclusively with the RPG genre, rather than what usually constitutes as being "different" around here. From what you've seen thus far, what are your opinions on Code Veronica and Resident Evil 3: Nemesis?
Both could end up being tired rehashes with only minimal innovation in typical Capcom style. Then again, the subtle tweaks and additions could end up making a tried and tested experience all the more suspenseful and immersive. The series is already known for it's moody atmosphere and ingenious (if somewhat out-of-place) puzzles, so why screw with an established commodity?
And then, there's yet a third option. Maybe we're not giving Capcom credit where it's due, and these upcoming titles will be a drastic step beyond what we've come to expect from the franchise. Admittedly, this applies more to Code Veronica than RE3.
At any rate, let me know what you think. What have you seen that you like? What would you, personally, add to keep the series fresh? Don't just sit there keeping your opinions to yourself; stick them down our collective throats. A haughty and condescending tone is in no way discouraged.
-Drew Cosner
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