The time is now - October 16, 1999 - Andrew Kaufmann
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. Hey, why not smile? There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Hi everyone. It's me. Now, I've been alerted that there's a trend among
letters people to post pictures of themselves and invite readers to turn them
into anime superheroes. I said to myself, "Wow, that sounds like a great idea
to boost my ego!"
As you all know, I rarely pass up a chance to have my ego boosted. Thus, I'm
inviting you all to turn me into a superstud.
Here's a picture of me (my hair isn't blonde anymore, but that's just a minor
detail). But, if I were to ask you to just turn me into a stud,
that'd be rather trite, and demanding. So, you can do things the lazy way (which
is my personal favorite way) and just send in a picture of someone cool looking.
Don't bother putting my head on their body, or their head on my body, unless
you're in the mood. This is the nice, laid back way of doing things. I might
give a prize to the winner, but I probably won't.
| 40 |
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About the 40 characters in Chrono Cross. I think it will be a bit like in
FFVI where you have some characters join your party for a short time,
exemple Banon and General Leo. That would mean they will remain main
characters but will not remain in your team forever. So they would be
faceless characters but will remain main characters who join you from time
to time while you have a batch of characters that will be with you untill
the end or something simmilar. That's one of the things that has been
missing from RPGs recently, characters that don't stay in your team from the
start to the end.
-Phil
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I see it less FFVI style, but more Suikoden style. Get a bunch of characters,
some cool, some dumb, and most will sit around playing tiddlywinks while
your 3 favorites go and save the world. Square has always impressed us for
being revolutionary, though, so let's see what those whippersnappers whip up.
| 40 part 2 |
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Hey hey hey,
I read the CC info on being 40 characters awhile ago, and came up
with an interesting piece of speculation. Even Square (we hope) isn't dumb
enough to give a massive game such as CC Suikoden syndrome, and the plot of
CC involves parallel worlds, so... couldn't the 40 chars be different
versions of the same one? Hell, Mr. Leather Pants and the Fancy Flower Lad
may be the same guy from different dimensions. Now wouldn't THAT be
interesting...
-Nef
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Speaking of weird whippersnapperish ideas, here's one. It's a little far-fetched,
I think, but who am I to judge? It's creative, at any rate.
| Translations |
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i wonder if the reason they used the snes translation in ffvi was it because
they were lazy or what. they should of brought up what is with the octopus or
something.and wouldn't there be legal troubles in using the origional
translation because would they have to pay royalties to the guy even though
he don't work there because he translated it. also have you noticed that the
mass number of typos in suikoden 2 because it's so bad that the square
translators would notice off course.
imperial mog
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Well, I think it's part laziness (or, in corporate lingo, "expense minimalization"),
but the fact that it was well translated in the first place is another factor. There
are a few changes, mostly name changes, but besides that, it is the exact same
translation. I don't think royalties to Mr. Ted Woolsey were a problem... but that's
something for Square's massive army of lawyers to worry about.
I haven't played Suikoden II, but I have heard about it being riddled with typos.
Smooth dialogue in translations is paramount, of course, a department in which
Suikoden II is strong, as I understand it. Unfortunately, the typos detract from
it.
| Color blindness |
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this is light green.
- Hall of Fame Announcer, Harry Carey.
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Not anymore. Admittedly, it was light green in the email you sent, but I'm
way too lazy to html that. Sorry. You lose. Please drive through.
| A revelation |
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My darkest secrets eh...I'm wearing Boxers for the first time today.
~Ian P.
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Well, congratulations Ian! I'm glad to hear you've made this decision,
because this helps ensure that there will be future Ian Ps. The troops
don't like to be so confined, they get all warm and toasty and it's not
good. Boxers allow them to move away from the bodily center of heat to
cool off. Just as an FYI sort of thing, I too wear boxers, except when
I'm playing basketball or something. Don't like the looseness in that case.
But usually, it makes me just peachy keen happy.
| A quick flurry of questions |
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how do you pronounce your name? Is Gilgamesh really the man? Why does
alphabet soup not have any Z in it? oh wait, i thought the Z's were N's...and
why does paint thinner taste so good?....dont you think Square could come up
with better names then Kid? and whats with this water stuff? Whoops, time for
my ritalin...
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My name is pronounced "Ahn (as in sand) drew koff-man". That's how I say it,
anyway. If you're feeling like pronouncing in a more German way (which is
probably more proper, since it's a German name), you could say "Ahn drew cowf-man."
I'll leave it up to you.
| A level 30 NerD |
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My chemistry teacher considers himself to be the biggest nerd around.
And because I'm always talking about games in class, he considers me to
be the second biggest nerd around. So, I came up with a little system to
classify just how nerdy everyone is: the NerD ranking system. Every time
you do something that people consider nerdy, you go up in NerD rank. If
you stay away from nerdy activities, your NerD rank decreases, and you
get paid less.
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This is a good, useful ranking system. I like it. I think anyone that
reads this column should automatically become a level 30 NerD and get
a ton of money. What a plan!
| A lesson in getting your letter printed |
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I have sent several letters to you dweebs, and none have been answered.
So i simply assumed this was the only way to get published. Also, i have
prepared this statement. Ahem:
"Gilgamesh is 'THE MAN'"
Thank you for your lack of cooporation, and i look forward to not seeing
my letter in any column.
~"Ian P." (actually Don Jacques Von Hui, Knight of Tokyo)
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Glad you wrote in, Don Jacques. I assure you that all the times we never
published your letter, we were doing so to be mean spirited and to annoy
you. I decided to print this letter, though, because you predicted I wouldn't.
CURVEBALL! I bet I threw you for a serious loop, eh?
| Terra riddle, answer #1 |
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In Final Fantasy VI, not the English equivalent
of III, what was the 5th kanji spoken by Terra in her 124th
text
box?
That would be "karoshi". It means "death from overwork".
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| Terra riddle, answer #2 |
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The 5th kanji spoken by Terra in her 125th box is "ma".
Max (Don't mess with the master!)
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| Terra riddle, answer #3 |
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Big A-
Last column, Drew asked the following question:
"Hey, you got it. In Final Fantasy VI, not the English equivalent of III,
what was the 5th kanji spoken by Terra in her 124th text box?"
First of all, it would've been Tina that said it. Not Terra. That slip makes
Drew a miserable failure. And the answer to the question is the Katakana for
'ke'
I checked and double checked. This is the truth. I swear it.
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First of all, if you three really sat around and counted out the boxes, then
I must say you have too much time. I also vaguely wonder how you managed to
come up with three different answers to the same question. I don't know the
correct answer, so I'll be sure to have Drew judge it for you on Monday. Good
luck to you three finalists.
| It's all a matter of time |
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Hello Andrew
I just bought Final Fantasy Anothology yesterday but I can't play it yet
because I still haven't beat FF8! Has this ever happened to you? Now I'm so
focused on beating Final Fantasy 8 just so I can play 5!! It's just burning
a hole in me.
-Figure Four "I just wish THE MAN's song was on the soundtrack"
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I hear you, Figure Four. Boy, do I ever hear you. I put FF8 down to play
FFA, so I'm only on disc 3. Not only that, I hear Suikoden II is good,
as is Thousand Arms. I'd love to play both. But who has the time? Not me...
hopefully I'll find some soon, though! The time issue comes up again in the
next letter...
| Time flies when you're busy as a bee (FF8 Spoiler Present) |
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Attentione': Please all of you bastards which includes readers as well as you Gia writers like Andy and Drew, stop talking about a) How Ultimacia is the worst villain ever and b) How Ultimacia is the best villain ever. I'm on the second disc. I'm very busy unlike all you bums with no life and don't have time to play very much. I don't know who Ultimacia is-so stop having those damn arguments about how much she sucks or how much she rocks. It's really pissing me off. Cease and desist. You have been warned. And any of you people who send in letters about how you beat FF8 in playing 4 days straight nonstop-you have way too much freaking time on your hands and you need to go take all those classes I am in like AP european history and honors chemistry and all that shit cause I am and have very little free time so that pisses me off you damn ultimacia grubbing chummmmmmpunks!
GWHAHAHHAHAHAH (Heidegger laugh! Can you spot it?)
-Lord Nick of the Communist Space Ninjas
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Hey, I totally hear you Nick. I just found out about this crazed thing called
Ultimicia myself. I have no idea how she stacks up on the villains list. As
a college student trying to have some fun on weekends, work on GIA, and oh yeah
pass my classes, I understand how hard it can be to find time to play games. Just
remember, prioritize, man! FF8 is far more important than schoolwork. Wait, no,
it's not. Get those good grades. Make us all proud. Let us know how you do on
those AP exams.
Closing Comments
-Andrew Kaufmann
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