Sony wants to put its crap in your home; what will it take? - October 13th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I put a lint ball in your coffee. Don't say I didn't warn you.
They really do make a card for everything.
| Andrew the ar-teest |
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Drew, you ought to take photoshop lessons from Andrew. His 'thank you' award
was simply beautiful.
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Andrew has a skill possessed by very few; the art of simplicity. He can express far more with a single stroke of the Photoshop brush tool than some can with fancy paths, layering, filtering, and shading. Andrew is a master. We should all bow before him, and sacrifice our firstborn as a burnt offering to Andrew Christ, our savior. You cannot look upon him without going blind. He gives speech to the mute and sight to the blind. And above and beyond all of that, he's the best Go Fish player I know. He is your new god, worship him accordingly.
Sorry, I promised that I'd say that if he'd cover for me the past two days.
| It will either be a phenomenal success or a phenomenal failure |
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Drew,
On the subject of marketing the Playstation 2, if the target price is indeed
going to be in the $299 and above, then the target audience age increases
from teens to adults in their mid to late twentys and above. You figure that
Sony will try to target those that have the necessary funds to afford the
system. And with a built in DVD player and online capabilities, I bet they
will try to market this system as a multimedia system, not as a hardcore
gamer's dream system.
I think that way of thinking is wrong. History shows us that previous
systems who had impressive gaming specs but whose marketing strategy focused
away from its immediate gaming capabilities ultimately was deemed a failure.
Focus on the games and nothing but the games. Get the public hyped up before
hand. There will be some media coverage when the system comes out in Japan,
so use that to get the American public aware of the system early. Remember
the news story about the U.S. government speaking about the powerful
capabilities of the Playstation 2 based on the specs and how it might be a
threat to the U.S. because it would allow terrorists the access to such
powerful chips? Use that story. Say some like "The government thought the
chip in the Playstation 2 is so powerful, they were considering banning the
export of these systems into third world countries for fear of terrorists.
Think of what you can do with that much power." A new slogan is in order
also. Something like "Real life is for wimps" or "enos lives again" (if the
rumored release date holds true). The Playstation name is known fairly well
around the U.S., so continue to use the name. Blitzkrieg the public with
tons of press releases, contests, giveaways, and special events. Make the
name known to everyone and pretty soon you'll make the Dreamcast seem like
last season's fashion trend.
-Kil
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If there's one thing that's going to propel the Playstation 2 to the unequivocal success that its predecessor enjoyed, rather than every bargain bin in America like every multi-purpose system to come before it, it's going to be the Playstation name. The only company in the videogame business whose name holds more sway is, arguably, Nintendo. The Sony brand is every bit the household name that Nintendo is, so people will sit up and take notice of this system.
Previous attempts at similar devices, namely the CDi and the 3DO, both came from companies whose brand names didn't garner the same mindshare that Sony's does. As long as Sony focuses on games, and doesn't try to bill the device as the end-all, be-all electronic component, and as long as there are games that showcase its power and potential, gamers will buy the systems.
However, should they go down the other route, gamers will see a system that only half-heartedly supports gaming, and average consumers will see a DVD player that doesn't have all of the available options that other, more advances players do. In other words, it will do more than one thing, but it will suck at both.
Sony isn't stupid, but all companies make mistakes. Nintendo went with cartridges in a world of discs, and Sega released the Saturn. It could be Sony's turn to slip up, for all that we know. Then again, this could be what finally gets a gaming system into nearly every househould in America. Me, I'm content to sit back and wait to see how the pieces fall into place.
| All it will cost you is your soul |
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Drew,
Here's my advertisment:
(Black screen)
[Deep voiced guy speaking off screen]: "In 1995 you sold your social life
for the PlayStation"
(pictures of PSX games flash across the screen)
(Black screen)
[Deep voice again]: "Now, it's time to take the next step. It's time to
sell your soul....
for the PSX2!"
(pictures of the new games flash across your screen)
[Deep voice again]: "Eternal damnation has never looked this good."
(PSX2 logo on screen)
-Mike Drucker
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I think that I'll just pay in cash, thanks.
| Not impressed |
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Yo Drew,
About the PSX2...what would make me buy it? If the commercials showed FFX.
All they'd have to do is flash the words "FFX-launch title for the PSX2" and
I'd be the first in line to preorder one.
However, for Sony's benefit, I'm including a list of what games NOT to make
their main launch titles:
SaGa Frontier 3
Any snowboarding games
Any game that has you control a train
Mystical Quest 2
The Paddling of the Swollen Ass--With Paddles
Whack Carbuncle (Unless Square made it really, really good)
A remake of The Phantom Menace game for the PSX
Beyond the Beyond: Special Edition!
I think you get the idea....
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I have to admit that I've been wholly unimpressed with the early-release titles shown thus far for the PS2. Every game looks like a shinier version of what's already been possible on previous systems. In the 16 Bit era, you had Sonic showcasing blindingly fast scrolling to create a gameplay experience that quite simply wasn't possible on previous systems. You had Super Mario World, which introduced scrolling and scaling elements, as well as an entirely new level of exploration and platforming perfection. You had Final Fantasy II which weaved a more complex and enjoyable tale than any game previously.
With the PS2, you have Popolcrois III. Okay, so games like Gran Turismo 2000 and The New Ridge Racer certainly look fabulous, but I'm really not seeing anything that I haven't seen done before, albeit with a slight hit to the visuals. If Square is ready to plunk down FFX shortly after the release of the PS2, it's almost certain that they'll use the new horsepower for sweeping innovations to the RPG genre. Every Final Fantasy has, in some way, redefined the genre. That's exactly the type of game that the PS2 needs to prove itself to be a true step beyond.
And no, I'm not knocking the PS2. The same applies to all of the next generation systems.
| One word: Excalipoor |
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Riddle me this batman. If Gilgamesh is THE MAN, then why does his triple
triad card suck? It's easily the worst GF card and even has monster cards
that are better. When will you Gilgamesh fans learns that it is Odin who
rules all? His card is better, and unlike Gilgy shows up at the beginning
of some tough random encounters to cleave the enemy in two rather than in
the middle of a boss fight to have Zanetetsuken(sp?) miss.
-FABIO
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I'd have to agree that Gilgamesh's THE MANliness has taken a slight drop in my eyes thanks to Final Fantasy VIII. Not only does he look like a wandering circus freak who's taken to combat to repay all those who have mocked his superfluous appendages, but he also has Excalipoor. He has to get your hopes all up with his appearance, as though he's about to tip the scales in your favor during a heated battle, and then he lets you down with an attack that takes one crummy hit point.
What is that? Why don't they just stick him in a dress and have him attack with a frying pan? Could they have possibly made him a bigger goober in this game?
| Nice going. |
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To market playstation 2 I would first give it to a monkey, creating PS2 AIDS,
then I would fling the monkey into the streets of a crowded city by use of a
large catapult and everyone would get PS2 AIDS when they touched the monkey,
or came incontact with anyone that touched the monkey. This would lower their
immunity to impulse buying. Then everyone would spend the $370 for it without
a second though and then go buy some impulse dog food, regardless of it they
have dog or not.
That's what they'd do.
I own marketing.
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Unfortunately, I think that would qualify more as a campaign than an advertisement, completely disqualifying your opinion. Thanks a lot for wasting both my time and that of the readers. You are a worthless pile of filth. Your own mother gave birth to you simply to rid her body of your vile and unwanted presence. Your entire existence will be one filled with emptiness and hatred, and no one will ever truly understand you.
You make me sick. Get away from me before I vomit. You are not good enough, you are not smart enough, and people do not like you.
| I must say |
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You know that underneath all that armor, Gilgamesh is a Tonberry.
-The Tonberry Mafia
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That's where you're wrong, my eccentric friend. Underneath all of that armor, Gilgamesh is actually none other than Ed Grimley. Although it doesn't happen too often, if you get Gilgamesh to use Excalipoor twice in a single battle, he'll stand atop a chair and lament that you're "as doomed as doomed can be."
| How to sell anything |
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Here's how you market the PS2:
Announce a game in which there are multiple FMVs that contain Terra, Celes,
Tifa, Aeris, and Quistis dykin' it out. If I saw a commercial for that the
product would be within my home in about a minute and 22 seconds.
"I am not on crack, it's the acid that makes me act this way"
-the Lord of Chaos
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Anyone who disblieves the old adage that "sex sells" is either completely oblivious to reality, or simply chooses to ignore it. I'm fully convinced that I could sell condoms with the ends snipped off so long as the commercial was adequately pornographic. It makes me wonder why the Internet hasn't become one giant porno collection. It's already 90% of the way there as it is.
When I ran a search for "Ed Grimley" to be sure that I'd spelled his name correctly for the previous letter, the return was absolutely nothing but porn. You've got to love that.
| Heavy Metal Gear Solid spoilers, watch out |
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Hey Drew, I was wondering what you think about a theory a friend and I
worked up about the ending of Metal Gear Solid. See, in the "good ending,"
Revolver Ocelot telephones/radios his superior and mentions in a throwaway
line that "My cover wasn't blown--nobody knows who I really am." (Or
something--that's the spirit of the line, anyway.)
Well, we think we know who he really is: none other than the
supposedly-dead Big Boss. Support? Well, consider the following ...
1) Revolver is untouched by FoxDie. It's known that Big Boss' DNA
contains the cure for this selective disease, so why would someone
unrelated to Big Boss survive it? It even killed Liquid, who was a clone
(albeit an imperfect one) of Big Boss. So it's hard to believe that anyone
but the real deal (and, for some reason, Snake) could walk through
unscathed.
2) If you sit through the torture scenes long enough, Revolver says
something to the effect of (and I'm sorry this isn't a direct quote)
"Liquid is the only one with the power to bring my dreams to life." Later
in the game, Liquid announces his intention to resurrect Outer
Heaven--which was precisely Big Boss' goal in the first two games.
3) Revolver "accidentally" kills Donald Anderson on the torture machine,
which leads to the whole Decoy Octopus shenanigan. In the ending, it's
implied that this was no accident, but a deliberate murder to prevent
Anderson--who knew Revolver's identity--from talking to Snake. As DARPA
chief, Anderson would surely have recognized Revolver as Big Boss.
4) If you look at the manual for the game and compare character
illustrations of Big Boss and Revolver Ocelot, the two are strikingly
similar in appearance, even down to the attire. The only difference is the
eyepatch Big Boss sports that Revolver Ocelot is missing--a ruse, perhaps?
If this is so (and I am sure it is) then it raises the coolness level of
MGS's plot by about 50 notches, as it means that Big Boss was once again
the true enemy all the time--and this time, he managed to win as evidenced
by the cryptic phone conversation at the end. Seen in this light, Snake
perfectly carried out the mission that the President and his own father
envisioned. More than a little neat, I'd say. Thoughts?
-Bartleby
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Sounds like a pretty sound theory to me. And that gives me an idea, to boot.
Closing Comments
That last letter has given me an idea for tomorrow's topic. Tomorrow will be the Double Agent Conspiracy Theory Day. That's right, send me all of your videogame-related conspiracy theories and manifestos. No matter how insane, inane, or downright asinine. I'm convinced that my readers are an intelligent enough bunch to come up with some humorous theories, instead of sending me a bunch of random bosh. Even if you would buy absolutely anything if the advertisement featured lesbian sex.
-Drew Cosner
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