Take your peace and goodwill elsewhere, buddy - October 15th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. It feels so good it's like walking on glass. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Read this column. Don't force me to duct tape a cattle prod to your face again.
| Son of a submariner? |
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Hi Drew, I have been trying to find something out for a while, and was hoping you could answer it for me.
Anyway, could you please just answer this question for me real quick, in a response, or in the column. Anyway, do you, in all of your might and omniscience, happen to know if in the FF Anthology, does FF6 use a new translation, featuring it in it's uncensored glory, complete with racy comments, new items, and other generally cool stuff, or is it still condemned to "Sun of a Submariner!" I know that Vicks is know Biggs, but I need to know if they changed the rest. It is the deciding factor for buying FF Anthology for me.
Anyway, I hope you can answer this. Thanks a lot dude!
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Other than a few minor changes, the translation is still pretty much identical to the original. In other words, you can still expect to see Kefka's infamous insult. There are a few very, very minor alterations, but don't expect much of a change, I'm afraid.
| The dead have a great sense of humor |
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Hey Drew
I was wondering if the GIA sattelite was ever the site of some huge battle
among the writers. I mean did someone like go around talking about how
Seventh Saga is the best game ever and it turned into a heated argument, and
then to insults, and then to an all out bare knuckles tooth losing two men
walk in only one walks out there can be only one highlander battle.
Personally I would think the walls of the GIA would be littered with blood,
teeth, fisted shaped dents, and Mt. Dew.
-Figure Four
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Thanks to Andrew's insistance on keeping the Necronomicon underneath his bed, the Geosynchronous Satellite is often stormed by entire armies of the dead. Fortunately, our superior wit and strength, coupled with our curt one-liners, always allow us to emerge victorious and get the girl. A good time is had by all; even the dead, who get to make whimsical remarks as we blow them to pieces with shotguns and other tools of destruction.
Well, almost all. Andrew has to clean the partially decomposed remains from the walls and floors and find a way to dispose of them. We keep telling him just to return the damned book, but he doesn't want to pay the two month late charges over at the library.
| What is this crap? |
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Drew, my man.
I played the Legend of Dragoon movie disc on my Playstation and I thought it
was awesome. Can't wait for its release in December. Just thought I'd let
you know that.
-S. Assassin
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This, ladies and gentlemen, is a momentous occasion. Do you notice something unusual about this letter? It's complimentary. It's speaking with optimism and enthusiasm. This person has enjoyed a game, and is in anticipation of its Western release, rather than pointing out what flaws it may have.
Well, I'll have none of that. What kind of column would this be if everybody had upbuilding and constructive thoughts and opinions to spread? Where's the controversy? Where's the single-sidedness? You'd better write back and tell me what it is that you didn't like about the game in a condescending and sarcastic tone, or I'll have no other choice but to ban you and your positive attitude from the column.
| THE MAN's influence continues to be felt |
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I don't know where to send this exactly, but I thought you guys might enjoy
this.
I scanned it from an Amano artbook called "Final Fantasy Japan," (copyright
1994)
and cleaned it up a lot. It contains work from Final Fantasy V and VI.
Enjoy!
-Jason Wilkins
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You, sir, are the man for taking the time to track down and send in this picture of THE MAN.
| You suck |
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That column sucked.
Mainly because I couldn't read half the letters. No FF8, and someone
stole the first CD of MGS from me. There must be much pain and suffering
now.
~Ian P.
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You were specifically instructed to have both games played by Friday of last week and begin writing letters concerning them. We have a deal, Ian. You do The GIA's bidding, and I post your letters on a daily basis. This is the second time within the past two months that something like this has happened. I gave you a pair of nosehair clippers and instructed you to trim my lawn with them, and you still haven't finished. Three strikes and you're out, pal.
| More Chrono dross |
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Hey Drew,
After reading the report that Chrono Cross would feature over 40 characters, and the concerns people have expressed about it having a Suikoden-like "faceless wonders" character system, I began think that maybe it will feature something entirely different.
Imagine CC designed in a way so that for every new character that joined your party, a number of different subdivisions would open in the game. In each subdivision, you would have access to say 3 or 4 more new characters, and depending on which ones you choose to join your main party, that itself would open several more sidequests for you to either get access to more characters or perhaps even see a little story arc for another one.
The game itself would continue to develope the main story involving the central characters like Serge, Kid, and Yamaneko no matter what path you take, but each path would lead to different characters and/or sidequests. But lets say they put a limit on how many characters you can keep at any give time, say 8 (including the 3 in your active party), and if you come across another character, you have the option of telling another to hit the road. Eventually, the subdivisions will become fewer and fewer as you progress closer to the end, until the game is 100% focused back on the central story involving Serge/Yamaneko/etc. Can you imagine the sheer amount of replay value a game like that would have?!? Think of it as sort combining the best aspects of the SaGa games with a smaller version of the "everything affects everything" style of Star Ocean, and maybe just a little character management along the lines of FF Tactics. All mixed in with a story that takes place in the CT universe! ^_^
Of course, designing a game system of that complexity would be mind-boggling, even for Square. But at the same time, I can't imagine they would be make a complete copy of the way its handled in Suikoden. Even the game's director Masato Kato stated in an interview that the player is "essentially free to choose the story's path", so that lends at least some proof that it won't be like Suikoden. In any case, we'll just have to wait a couple more weeks to find out. Then the 4-6 month wait will begin for most of us to actually get to play it...ohh well...the wait begins...
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That would certainly be interesting. I'm going to reserve my final judgements until I've popped the game into my PSX and given it a fair shake. Of course, once I have, I'll be certain to shove my viewpoints on it down your throats, so don't worry one bit about that.
| Trivial pursuits |
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Dear Drewie,
I've been playing video games most all of my life, actually since I was 3
when I picked up the control for Super Mario Brothers 2 (I still say that
the princess was the best for every level!). And of course I've played alot
of RPGs also. I have a challenge for anyone... Ask me some FF trivia I don't
know. Just try.
~I'aint P.
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Hey, you got it. In Final Fantasy VI, not the English equivalent of III, what was the 5th kanji spoken by Terra in her 124th text box?
Closing Comments
Okay, click that link and send Andrew letters. Simple enough. Anyone who doesn't send Andrew a letter will be assumed to be too ignorant and incapable of thought to put together a cohesive letter. You don't want to be thought of like that, do you?
-Drew Cosner
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