Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Why am I the only one not smiling? Don't say we didn't warn you.

There's nothing so frustrating in this life as coming home from an Economics class to an apartment that smells (inexplicably) like a possum trickling away the last of its dysentery-stricken existence under the kitchen sink, knowing full well you're not going to get to play Rez that night -- because you don't even ownRez, and you probably never will.

Except maybe a similar scenario substituting Jet Set Radio Future. Or maybe the realization that most of whatever I wrote in yesterday's column was mistaken or misconstrued. Like Ozzy Osbourne and Socrates before him, I am just one majorly misunderstood corruptor of the young, hey.

To clarify a few points, my closing comments were perhaps misleading in their implication that JSRF is an XBox exclusive -- it is in fact expected to appear somewhere down the line on other platforms; just not in the immediate or determinate future.

Also, thanks to everyone who wrote in to mention Doom's success on the GBA despite a letter yesterday arguing the impossibility of porting it to a handheld. I suck for not having noted this, and I greatly appreciate your help in hurrying me along the road to public humiliation and scorn.

But enough with the banality of my personal evil -- let's go.

We all love love you

You just waltz on in here with your hotter-than-thou-art 'tude and expect us all to love you?! Yes, yes I do. Moving on... I dearly love Jet Set Radio. I've greatly enjoyed a lot of the games we've seen over the past few years on all sorts of platforms, but despite the ICOs, MGS2s and FFXs out there, nothing has even begun to approach JSR's mix of style, 'tude, speed, skill and fun. Everything from the graphics to the plot just puts a big style on my face, and the gameplay's so good I frequently forget to blink while I'm playing, leading to red, blurry eyes for days following. And it's still worth it. From nearly all reports, JSRF's bigger and better than the original, with nearly everything I loved about the first one (except the nifty big-logo spraypaint system) meeting up with bigger worlds, better music and more competitive play. I'm drooling on the keyboard as I write this. But if the game's for XBox only, then sad to say, I won't be playing it anytime soon. Myself and the vast number of people I know have already placed our bets for the current console wars; I've got my GBA, my PS2 and my GCN, and that's all I'm gonna have for the next few years. Even if I had the money for an XBox, those three systems still manage to give me far more worthwhile titles than I have time to play. So, long story short, even for something as cool as JSRF, there's simply no benefit in me picking up an XBox. And while I can't say I'm representative of the public as a whole on this, I can't see that many other people would pick up an XBox on the strength of JSRF either, especially considering the dismal fate of the first game. Smilebit should maximize their sales by porting the game to every next-gen console in existence, but JSRF won't save the XBox, and the XBox won't save Jet Set Radio. Sad but true. -Chris Jones, setting that picture of an 8-armed spaypaint-wielding Beat as his desktop wallpaper

Look everyone! It's Chris! The ... ah ... Dowager DA!

The truth of the matter is that I missed out on JSR, simply because at that point in history I was looking at the DC from much the same perspective as I'm now staring at the Xbox, and that being a simple case of -- as you've said -- too many games, too little time. And in my case, too little cashflow, but that's another story.

I won't be buying an Xbox anytime soon, but that doesn't mean Sega isn't single-handedly turning my head in a second glance -- of impassioned longing -- towards this "other" console that I didn't give a rat's rosy ass about before.

As always, Chris, the hotter than thou art 'tude pervading your words lends a false air of class and respectability to this flesh fair I call a column.

Japanese for constipated

Erin, In short, Jet Set Radio Future will fail because it's too cool, and people don't like cool things. A little more detailed inspection would lead one to believe that JSRF will fail because it's on Xbox. Save one glaring control flaw, Jet Set Radio was as good a game as it could have been. It simply happened to be on a system that was, sadly, on the way out. Now it's on a system with an installed base that couldn't care less. Unlike the majority of Americans, I've not so much as seen an Xbox controller. (I have, however, touched a Panasonic Q.) So I'm only speculating when I say: The people who lined up to buy an Xbox on launch day most likely are not the kind of people who know or care what Jet Set Radio is. Xbox Owners are the Big Gun Lovers. They're the Truckers. They know the name of every driver currently participating in NASCAR, and can even hold long conversations about which wrestling league is "better." These are not the people who would care to play a game with an unstoppable hardcore techno and punk soundtrack and unique artistic design. These are the people who love that bigass "loaf of bread" controller. Let me tell you about Xbox owners, even though I don't know any. I when I was talking with my friend in a videogame store in Bloomington, Indiana a week before the Dreamcast launch. Two mulletheaded guys in their thirties were picking up and mocking the backs of the mock-up jewel cases in the Dreamcast display. "I ain't goin' for one of these," one guy said. "Yeah?" "I'mma wait for that there PlayStation2. They's gon' have NASCAR Heat." Now, what in the name of God is that all about? I mean, did they even know what the hell NASCAR Heat was back then? Was I looking at a couple psychic mulletheads? I'm chilled as I write this. Meanwhile, Jet Set Radio's un-popularity in Japan is the biggest mystery on the face of the earth as far as I'm concerned. Case in point: A friend and I were sitting on a bench one night up in Omiya, under these bigass Akira-Neo-Tokyo walkways, when this kid on rollerblades came grinding the hell out of the railing leading all the way down the stairs to the bus depot. Wearing no protective gear other than gloves, big headphones, and a pair of spacey goggles. Like something out of a cartoon. He got all the way to the end before he fell and landed, first on his right hand, then on his face. There was blood on the pavement. He got up, ran back up the stairs, and tried again. On his sixth try, he made it, and I got up and shook his hand. Wouldn't you assume that kid would be interested in playing something like JSR? Then again, as my first rule of journalism states, "Never Assume Anything." That kid, for all I know, falls into the "escapist" category. His life is Jet Set Radio. (To a greater extent than is, say, mine.) He probably goes home every night and relaxes with his PlayStation2 and Tokimeki Memorial 3. In addition, the Japanese fear the Xbox. Some kids in a game store were looking at an Xbox trailer video and laughing at it. It was Halo. Honestly, I thought it looked cool as hell. "Ain't you excited about Xbox?" I asked one of the kids. He looked at me and snorted. "Hell no," he said. His friend laughed. "They ought to make Final Fantasy XI exclusive for that son of a bitch." (Closest possible translation.) I want JSRF, and I won't get it -- unless it's released on PS2. I sincerely hope, at any rate, for the sake of the few mulletheads who get duped into picking up the game by techno-savvy Software Etc. clerks, that Smilebit has fixed the camera button/spray button problem. You all know what I'm talking about. A final note: in Japanese, "You stuck at a boss in Dragon Quest or something?" is the equivalent of the English "Quit acting like you're constipated." --tim rogers, whose new novel pieces of one goes from "If you want my advice, I'd say to buy me some more peanut butter before somebody's ass gets broken" to "This world is an endearing waste of space; this life is an endearing waste of time."

One certainly does have to question whether or not JSRF's would-be target audience is the same as the Xbox's. Making sweeping generalizations about the types of people who own the MS console would be unfair and sucky of me, but sadly all those proud Xbox owners I've had the pleasure of meeting in the flesh are die hard Madden NFL fans; the people who popularized bass fishing games; the guys who hailed the Tomb Raider flick as the true spiritual successor to Raiders of the Lost Ark -- i.e. not the kind of people who buy quirky Smilebit envelope-pushers set to Latch Brothers tunes.

We can only hope it sells well enough to warrant bringing it to the PS2 or, better yet, the GCN.

What tax returns are for

Erin, I enjoyed the hell out of JGR on the Dreamcast, and I can't wait to get my hands on the sequal. Hopefully, people won't give me weird looks now when I try to tell them about that rollerblading game where you spray grafitti and shake the cops. Everyone shall see the light that is Sega's game development skillz. I don't own an Xbox yet, but that is what my tax return is for. Then I will have done it. I've gotten myself into credit card debt (I'm getting a second job this summer to deal with that), but I own a DC, GBA, PS2, and a GC. That's right, I'm about to fulfill my dream of owning every current system, so now the only reason I have to miss out on a great game is that I don't have time to play it, because I'll be wading in a sea of other great games, not because I don't own the system. Aren't you guys proud of me? Jonezy63, a true advocate of game system equality

I think you overestimate our maturity, son. Proud of you? We bitterly resent your good fortune and plan to replace your Odor Eaters with new shoe inserts, lovingly crafted to fit the contours of your feet and carefully cast in C4.

Cold indifference

Erin, I personally couldn't care less about JSRF and I suspect that come launch day most of the country will share my indifference, regardless of what Sega's marketing department does. In North America, the original Jet Set Radio had television ads, magazine ads, and last and (sadly) probably least, critical praise. Despite all these things sales in this country were laughable. People knew, but didn't care. Graffiti artists do not have even a tiny fraction of the 'cool' catchet of other (more violent) shady groups like mobsters or gangbangers. In the eyes of the mass market, making a great graffiti game is like making a AAA sewing simulation. Instead of trying to push a square peg into a round hole, Smilebit would be wise to go back to the drawing board and try to come up with an interesting concept. On a related note, Sega should give the hook to Ulala (and that creepy androgyne she hangs out with) as well. Last but not least, judging by my experience with a demo disk, JSR's gameplay is much less accessible and/or engaging than that of other 'board-based' games like Tony Hawk or SSX so if Sega is determined to make the franchise a success, they might want to change that. - Mark

... What?

I never perceived JSR as an attempt to cater to the people who want violence and lawbreaking for violence and lawbreaking's own sake. People looking for that particular experience will be disappointed by JSRF -- and to them I say go pick up something of Rockstar's. Like its sibling SC5, JSRF is about fast, fun action, catchy tunes and youthful 'tude -- not being a hardcore thug.

Finally -- "board-based?" Not only is JSR inline skate-based, but its focus is slightly different than Tony Hawk or SSX.

Killer App

I'm eagerly awaiting Jet Set Radio Future's arrival in my mail box. Sega is the main reason I plunked down some cash for an Xbox, along with Buffy and Project Ego (a game that this site should be covering). At the moment I only own two Xbox games (Halo and DOA3) and it has been neglected due to the gaming madness that is my PS2. My Xbox needs some attention, and hopefully JSRF will be the game to do it. My early fears of the game being Jet Set Radio v1.2 were washed away when I saw some footage and the new characters. The co-op and other multiplayer modes sounds like a blast, and the new music tracks are great so far. The only thing that would be better if they let you import your own songs into the game, my Jet Set Radio soundtrack will be getting ripped onto my hard drive as soon as I get the game. The game also now has a world map that you traverse upon, very cool. There are some bad things that I hope don't ruin the game. Gamespot.com's preview mentions that you no longer have to twist the stick all around to pull off the tags. Bummer, that was great fun and made the game a little more difficult while being chased by the fuzz. Speaking of the cops, they no longer harass you during your tagging sessions, you now take them on at the end of the levels in a battle royale where you knock them over and spray their donut lovin' asses. I'm very optimistic that these changes don't ruin the experience that is Jet Set Radio Future. As for this one ending up being a $9 bargain (yes, thats right, $9, go buy it if you don't have it already) title like it's daddy, I really doubt it. Microsoft is very excited about this game and they plan on marketing the hell out of it. Hopefully we get some more commercials like the Jet Grind Radio US commerical, that was the only good idea Sega of America's adverstising department had during the Dreamcast era. February 12th can't come fast enough. Nic George

Ironically, not everyone feels those commercials were quite the stroke of advertising genius you purport them to be....

Xtreme

Hello Ms. Agent, I think if Jet Set Radio Future becomes lost in obscurity it's Sega's own fault. Did you see the commericals for the first one? The game might be a quirky fun little title from Japan, but it's "quirky Japanese commerical" paraody was so bad it probably stopped the first game from becoming a hit. All I got out of that commerical was it's from Japan, it might involve roller blades and spray paint OR super markets and screaming old lady pictures, the 5 seconds of game play footage wasn't clear on that. If Sega should take the other road with the commericals for JSRF and play up it's link to "eXtreme sports", like those commericals for yogurt in a tube, or those pizza rolls, or those juice packets, you know all those commericals that feature skateboard riding kids for no good reason, it should sell quiet well. People who like Tony Hawk-ish games or Crazy Taxi might give the game a whril then. The people looking for quirky Japanese game probably own the first one or read about it on-line so it's all good. I own an XBox (as well a PS2 and GCN) so I'm eagerly awaiting the game's release for that system. Although, I still secretly hope the rumors are true of it being multi-system after the initial XBox launch, more systems means more people can buy and enjoy it. Then it's more likely there will be a JSR3, and you can't hate that. -Hiroshi Sakuran

I certainly hope that SEGA's marketing of JSRF proves successful. It was brave of Smilebit to forge ahead with a sequel to JSR in light of its dismal showing -- a leap of faith I don't think they could afford to make again should the second offering similarly bomb.

The North American market in particular really needs to express its support for these offbeat games, not damn them to the clearance bins. If we don't make it clear we want the new, the different, and the arty, all we'll ever get is Tony Hawk. And Tony Hawk's boring: to the best of my knowledge, never once has he busted out the Krylon to make known to the world that he owns the Tokyoto fuzz.

Jet Set Revolución

Agent Mehlos, Jet Set Radio? ^^;; When someone starts talking to me about Jet Set Radio, all I can think about are the horrible feelings of betrayal I experienced after playing the first one. Everyone was talking about what a revolutionary game it was, but when I played it... I dunno, maybe it was a revolutionary experience in the way that the French Revolution was: a horrifying time of confusion, sorrow, and grief over bad music. The idea of the game was good enough, but I just couldn't really get into the experience. Maybe it was the music that sounded like it was performed by the Fingernails and Chalkboard Chamber Orchestra? I guess I'm just not bad-assed enough to enjoy the game. Having said that then, NO, I am not looking forward to JSRF. I don't want to play the game even if it DOES have cell shading, which I'm told gives angels wings, reunites lost puppies with their mommies, and generally makes the world a better place. What would it take for me to adopt an X-Behemoth from the local shelter? The Panzer Dragoon sequel, of course. ^_^ Hoping I haven't lost my last shred of coolness, Yuriko Star

Not having actually played the first one, I suppose I'm in no position to defend the gameplay. But while JSR's unique selection of music was bound not to appeal to everyone, it was one of the primary reasons I felt so left out in not owning a DC -- and one of the primary reasons I'm so excited about a game that's being released to a console I don't even own.

Rock the house

Hey, I have some good news for you. Jet Set Radio Future is not an Xbox exclusive! When I found that out I was ready to party in the streets! I love Jet Grind Radio absolutely to bits, and those trailers of JSRF have me drooling everytime I think of them. Screw Cibo Matto, Nideki Naganuma's "Fly Like A Butterfly" rocks the frickin' house! And Guitar Vader just plain owned the JGR soundtrack. The only thing is, that is the only game on Xbox I care about. That silly green thing has the most crap-tastic software lineup since the Jaguar, but I was still willing to ditch Final Fantasy X, GTA3 and Metal Gear Solid just for the chance to hang out with Beat, Tab, and Gum again. Now, I won't have too. Horray! Tokyoneon, who is lubing up his in-line skates and waiting for spring

I wish I were better at rollerblading ... as it is I'm likely too slow to tag my own armpit with an aerosol can without the cops catching up with my flabby ass. Some magical girl I am.

Closing Comments:

Drew's back tomorrow. so tell him what you think of this Fresh Games thing -- and what you think will ultimately come of it.

- Erin Mehlos