Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. You just waltz on in here with your hotter-than-thou-art 'tude and expect us all to love you?! Don't say we didn't warn you.

You really never appreciate what you have. Yesterday I was bemoaning the amount of letters... today I hardly got any. Things are just rough all over, Pony Boy.

Let's go.

ScrewNobuo.com

I'm hiring some synth people to replace all the Suteki da Ne variations with their own "Let's Get It On" ones, having them rewrite it back into the FFX code, etc.--then I'm buying one of those new iMacs, so I can burn myself a DVD-ROM of FFX the way it was MEANT to be played... and heard. -- Webmaster, ScrewNobuo.com

I've not yet had the pleasure of actually seeing this infamous hack job -- with my shitty dialup transfer rates any download over 5MB better contain Ed McMahon brandishing a huge-ass novelty check redeemable for several million and a truck full of chicken salad sandwiches..

Do Re Mi Fa So La Wo Bo Ti Do

I know this is off the suggested topic, but...too bad. It seems to me that there's a more likely middle ground between your theories on Uematsu's themes and "Steve's" theories on his laziness: It's probably a combination. I mean, generally speaking, commercial art has to be produced on a schedule. If the thematic elements of the game and your schedule happen to have a little convenient overlap, why shouldn't you take advantage of it? I mean, I, in writing fiction, could invent my own language and use it for the book. Perhaps I could even invet a new word for every instance, never reusing any word twice. I could even make up my own letters. It might be more artistic, from a time=quality point of view, but it would also be a huge-ridiculous-impractical waste of time. A bloated, evil plague on humanity. Also, no one would understand it. Mike notquiteromantic.com

Okay, now. Honestly. That's kind of a far-fetched parallelism, dude. You're probably right in your first assertion, but I really don't think a little musical recycling's comparable to writing in your native language. That's more akin to a musician saying to hell with the octave; I'm devising my own scale -- the decatave -- and composing in that.

Chorus

Erin, Maybe I'm looking at this a different way than JP is, but can we really blame the composer when the rest of the game doesn't live up to the quality of the music? Coming from someone who keeps his copies of the Grandia, Xenogears, Legend of Mana, Donkey Kong Country, and Chocobo Racing OSTs in a special CD rack and meanwhile doesn't know - or care, really - where his copies of the games are, I'm GLAD that composers don't know how poor the game really is sometimes. At least that way, you get something worthwhile out of the experience. Of course, JP has a legitimate gripe in that sometimes the game can ruin the music. I enjoy listening to Xenogears, but when it's the same three-minute looping track playing for literally one hour or more nonstop... Chris Kohler

I'm as much a fan of vg music as the next geek, but I can't say I fully understand wanting to listen to DKC's OST independently of the game.

Creepy

Well, obviously the portable form works great for a game that you need to spend a LOT of time on, for instance games where you build up the experience of many creatures like Pokémon. But nevermind about the topic, I really wrote in to tell you that your red semicolons creep me out. -Baer

My red semicolons weren't nearly so creepy as all the letters I got saying something along these lines:

I need a Deputy DA to dot my Is for me.

You see, we've got these things called dashes-- er... what are those, you ask? They're a sort of punctuation mark that's used "to indicate a break in the thought or structure of a sentence" (or so Mr. Webster tells me). Keyboards generally don't have a proper dash so the mark is generally written as two consecutive hyphens: "--". A hyphen, on the other hand, is usually used to link two words together into a loose compound, e.g. "bitch-goddess". As for what a "hyphenated sentence" is, I have no idea, since hyphens can't be used to compound clauses. -Anson (Does anal-retentive have a dash in it? [No.]) Agent Mehlos, I just had to write you a letter in response to Red Raven's complaint about your excessive use of hyphens. While he may or may not have a valid point about your use of hyphens, I was surprised with his method of doing so. I'm sure I don't have to point out that a hyphen--which is represented by an "em" space dash--should not be confused with the "en" space dash--which is a d-a-s-h, and as such it has its own special uses. Also worthy of note is the fact that no spaces should ever be used around a hyphen ...or a dash pretending to be a hyphen. Maybe someone hasn't taken quite enough english classes? ...and I'm only an english minor. Hmmm... Depressingly literate, Yuriko Star

Huh?

'I'm sure I don't have to point out that a hyphen--which is represented by an "em" space dash--should not be confused with the "en" space dash--which is a d-a-s-h, and as such it has its own special uses.'

For an English minor you certainly know how to structure a sentence to best eliminate clarity. I'll forgive you, though, because your Captain Tylor signature tags you as a cool person.

Anyway, seeing as how I don't have a lot of letters to respond to today, I'm going to take this opportunity to defend myself in this whole sordid hyphen/dash matter to the full extent of my lingual and typographical knowledge.

Those "hyphenated sentences" of mine were wanting for an em-dash — yes, an em-dash — so called because it (typically) occupies the same space as the letter M. Not to be confused with the en-dash — which is used much more sparingly for things like chronological ranges (1980 –2002), open compounds (the Minneapolis–St. Paul area), and already hyphenated compounds (post-Romantic–pre-Impressionist) — the em-dash is my favorite bit of punctuation. And, while my wanton use of a hyphen flanked by two spaces to represent it is, I'll confess, incorrect, this is one bitch-goddess who's hardly deficient in written word wherewithall--I dropped English Comp this morning because it sucked my left ovary — not because I couldn't hack it.

Conveniently dropping the ball

EM, Very clever. I hope we have all learned something from this. The key to porting over successful franchises to the GBA would have to be allowing the gamer to play for shorter periods of time. A game that forces the player to hunt around for save points, trap them extensive dialogue sequences, or otherwise prevent them from playing in 5-10 minutes bursts will not work. A GBA Xenogears will not work. A GBA Lunar however, could work. I cannot tell you how many times I've lost my progress in Castlevania: CotM due to bosses, teachers, and commuter college professors unexpectedly ending my game time. It's ridiculous. -Red Raven

Thanks for providing me with such a fluid segue. You're my hero.

More importantly, though, the speed with which a game can be abandoned without dire consequence is certainly a factor in making a decent portable experience. Leisurely time with a home console is interrupted enough to make far-flung save opportunities and drawn-out cutscenes irritating, but when you may have to suddenly tuck away your GBA as the tour bus pulls in to the casino, it's imperative that you can put away the game, risk free.

N...O... ...E...S...C...A...P...E... (Lunar:EBC spoiler in my reply)

Erin, In response to Paul Segal's dismissal of Super Mario Kart's music, I have to defend it by saying it actually introduced a few new sounds into the SNES mix. It's the only game I've played to date that includes a similar guitar riff to the opening of GQ's 1979 song "Disco Nights (Rock Freak)." Then again, that's not much of a defense. As for today's portability topic, I think the biggest factor for success is immediacy. Turn it on, play how long you want, and get something accomplished. The first time I saw Metroid II was on a bus ride to school. Borrowing it from a friend, I managed to start a new game and face off against my first Metroid before getting off the bus. Gaming on the go requires satisfaction for any period of time we can put into it, no matter how limited. We can spend 10 minutes at a time in a Metal Gear Solid cutscene or just as long summoning Guardians in Final Fantasy, but that's not a productive way to spend my bus ride. I want to do something! For those that remember the Game Boy RPG Great Greed, there were no battle menus, no summons, just an A attack, B block, and four spells on the arrow pad. Battles were decided in seconds and your bus ride could be spent leveling up - twice! Then again, maybe I just want gratification that's over in a couple of minutes because I'm a guy. -- Mike Mariano (dot com - but you don't want to go there.)

There's something to be said for gratification that's over in a couple of minutes - sometimes there just isn't room in your life to commit to summoning Eden ... or to listen to that Clintonian speech Lucia interjects into the final showdown with Zophar.

Keeping it real

Dear Eric, Just wanna put my 2coppers into the hat on this topic. Portables are a way for a company to publish a "good" idea w/o having to spend too much money doing it. I can hear the guy's at Square or Enix tell some teams "Thats a great idea, wonderful story and all.... but I don't see that in the budget". If a game on a new console doesn't keep on par with the last big hit when it comes to graphics, then some may not buy it. Pure RPG'ers will say "Not true" but that's how most company executives see it. I see portables as a chance to bring back the old "SNES" mentality to RPG's. Sure we don't have the ability to make it pretty, but we got good damn story lines, and great innovations. And best of all, anyone that buys it isn't expecting it to look great, its a portable. They are expecting an experience through story and innovation in an old art form. It may be the only instance where both the developers and consumers may see completely eye to eye.

Eric...? No, dude. I really am a girl. It's not just a sick joke.

I just wonder how long this will continue to have any weight -- handheld technology is evolving right along with console technology. Yes, for obvious reasons it's likely the former will continue to lag behind the latter in the forseeable future, but it's not as if portable gaming presently does away with, say, the need to pay an art director because the GBA is deficient in graphics power.

Developing for the small screen

Howdy Erin, ZOE has no soul, so it shouldn't be hard to put it on another system. The only aspect I see being improved in the transittion is the story, which features a cast that's twice as large as the original. If just three of those characters have marginally developed traits, then Konami has already outdone it's original attempt. Unfortunately, using the GBA means you lose out on the excellent game engine that was the saving grace of the PS2 ZOE. I have worries about the use of a strategy format for combat... It probably would have made more sense to make the game a shooter similar to R-Type Delta, just to keep the relatively fast pace of the original intact. -CTZanderman, still wishing that Viola had shot Leo when she had the chance.

I never actually played ZOE -- which is sad because I probably would have enjoyed it -- so I'm left with little to say here. From what I've seen of the original, though: yeah, you're probably right.

Which direction's the E facing?

Fraulein Agent: Doing what I do best, I'm gonna go ahead and state the obvious. The most important factor of a game translating from console to a portable is: Does It Look Good Small? Mario works perfectly on a portable screen. You just scale everything down and plug it in, maybe reduce the size of the screen edges to compensate, and voila. Meanwhile, putting something like Doom on the GBA would just be impossible. What with the statistics bar at the bottom and the fact that the player *needs* a big enough viewing field to actually figure out what he's doing, it would simply be unplayable, processing power aside. Which brings up another obvious point: the GBA is basically an SNES, but you're porting a PS2 title. This means that you can only transfer games that have a simple boost in graphics, and don't actually require the DVD medium for the game's core concept. GTA3 wouldn't translate, but your average RPG would do just fine. And the last criteria? Controls. No analog sticks = no fine control. Bad for MGS2, perfectly all right for, say, a puzzle game. -Eightball, thinks ZOE will translate just fine

Something I always despised about playing the earlier GB Zelda titles was negotiating the menu on that little monochromatic screen. I couldn't tell a bomb from a bow from an ocarina. Which led to some pretty amusing mayhem -- none the least of which was my repeatedly attempting to hurdle those pits in the floor using only my boomerang.

What the hell?

Erin, I'm ashamed that no one mentioned Rob Zombie's "Dragula" for its unwelcome appearance in the otherwise immaculate Jet Grind Radio and about 47 other games I don't really care about. Before I go any further, let me admit that I cried today when I learned Cibo Matto's "Birthday Cake" will be in JSRF. I cried, because I don't have an Xbox, nor do I have any intention of buying one. The resulting state of shock accounts for the scattered nature of my letter. "'It's food nouveau; it's food nouveau: the shape of love.'" Damn, if they'd thrown in "Spoon," "Sci-fi Wasabi," "Beef Jerky," "Know Your Chicken," "Artichoke," or Yasuharu Konishi's "Son of Godzilla," well, I would have had no choice. Anyway, something I've been wondering: is there a vocal theme song in the American version of Pikmin? The Japanese theme song is the prime example of a "pop" song in a videogame that actually works. If you people haven't heard it, get your asses over to audiogalaxy (hey, it's the only way...) and download "Ai no uta" ("Song of Love") by Japanese folk group Strawberry Flower. I think it's pretty kicking. Then again, like all Japanese udon-shop and/or cafe owners, I almost exclusively listen to the Beatles, so who the hell cares what I think? As for the topic: I like Tactics Ogre Gaiden for GBA because it's a new addition to a pre-existing series, much like ZOE (which, on a side note, sucks -- sorry to break the news). I prefer TO:G over Breath of Fire II GBA, much in the same way that I prefer Sonic Advance to Super Mario Advance II. New additions to old series' are VERY cool. In the meantime, I would like to pose some kind of mixed question/topic-idea-inspiration-like thing. Ahem. Here goes. Resident Evil is a videogame based on a series of movies -- namely, the Living Dead. Soon, there will be a movie based on Resident Evil. A movie based on a game based on a movie. Tomb Raider, too, was a movie based on a game based on a movie. That's a disturbing trend. Even more disturbing a trend is what I'm seeing here in Japan with collectible trading card games. Pokemon is a videogame about collecting monsters. Pokemon inspired a manga, which inspired an anime, which inspired a collectible trading card game, which inspired a collectible trading card videogame. Now, witness "Yu-Gi-Oh." Someone told me they have it in America, though that person's something of a pathological liar, so I don't know. Let me clue you in: Yu-Gi-Oh is a collectible trading card game, a manga, an anime, and now a series of GBA games by our best friends at Konami. Yu-Gi-Oh is, foremost, a manga about collectible trading card games inspired by videogames about collecting monsters. It is inspiring movies about collectible trading card games inspired by videogames about collecting monsters. Now, the big, important question, which I pose to you fine people, is: What the hell? Miho Hatori of Cibo Matto is singing. It's "Speechless": "You saw me crying, and now my eyes are dry, you saw me crying, and now my eyes are dry: I'm leaving you -- I'm leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaving yoooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu..." --tim rogers, whose neighbor has been beating the hell out her futon (or... many futons) for what seems like six hours -- damn it, he's got... work... to do

Yes, Yu-Gi-Oh's found its way to America to join Pokémon and Cardcaptors on the Kids' WB (where else?), but I think you pretty much covered the whole manga about collectible trading card games inspired by videogames about collecting monsters situation with "What the hell?"

Closing Comments:

I'm feeling a little left by the wayside in this whole JSRF matter -- the catchy prandial stylings of Cibo Matto aside, I'm beginning to bitterly rue the fact that I don't own an Xbox. Anyone else?

Tomorrow, let's expound on that a little - who's looking forward to JSRF? Anyone independently wealthy enough to shell out for an Xbox in order to play it? Think the second time'll be the charm for Smilebit, or will JSRF land itself in the bargain bin alongside its predecessor?

-Erin Mehlos