Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Yes, I know "goeth" isn't really a word. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce that our long national nightmare is over. No, this doesn't have anything to do with presidential administrations. Rather, according to Toastyfrog PSI, the demonic being known as "Lucky Dan" or "Mojo" has left the planet, thereby freeing hundreds, if not thousands, from his evil spell. This is news we can all feel good about, news that should lift our spirits and enrich our lives. I'm proud to have fought on the side of righteousness, but I hope there will be no long term hard feelings on either side.

Onward.

Near as I can tell, the grand total implications this should have for this site and the rest of the legitimate gaming news industry is this: nothing. Daily Radar talks a good game, but they made the extremely poor decision to use Nintendo's own screens to build their Pokemon guide. It's one thing to distribute PR shots that the company has voluntarily provided, but something else entirely to blatantly steal their work rather than taking your own captures. DR seems to deserve everything it gets on this one, end of story.

1. There have been any number of movies based on books that haven't been able to provide the same "voice" that sold the original novel, but have still done ok. In the case of something like Final Fantasy, the gameplay isn't even that great to begin with (at least in comparison to other games) so I don't think we're losing anything irreplaceable.

2. If you can't use your Dreamcast's online abilities, not a damn thing.

3. Although at least some of the voice acting talent Square's using this time around is somewhat untested, I can't believe they'd reduce their flagship series to camp. Count on a solid, dramatic reading.

4. I never said I thought FF9's ending was lacking - quite the opposite, really. It was an effective emotional payoff for the game that wrapped everything up about as well as could be expected, and fit the lighter tone of FF9 very well. I honestly couldn't have expected anything better. On the other hand, you could easily argue that the entire game was at fault by not providing a more compelling, meaningful plot line, but that's not the fault of the ending.

Honestly? Financial success, all the way. The main reason, of course, is that Square needs the movie to be successful to stay afloat, and it's far more important that the company remain solvent than that any one product be of impeccable quality. It'd be nice to have a critical success as well, but considering that many people are liable to deduct points from the movie just because it's CG and derived from a video game, regardless of how good it is, I don't see it happening.

There's probably a brilliant deduction to be made out of all that raw data, but nothing comes to mind... except perhaps that most of the games we get excited about here at the column don't seem to have made an appearance. A reality check as to where RPGs and the like fit in in the greater gaming world is probably a good thing, every once in a while.

Actually, I don't feel like I've constantly been someone who's been involved in every possible fight to defend the honor of FF8... but considering that this letter is likely much more about my ranking FF8 above FF9 than anything else, I'm game.

1. Quistis is actually a very well defined character: she's capable, intelligent, patient, and perhaps overly ambitious. Note that all of that falls under the category of character - the general complaint relating to Quistis doesn't actually have anything to do with her character, but with the extent that she's used in the plot. But even there, I think she's well served. She's clearly someone who pushed herself hard to get where she did in her career, but wasn't able to secure the respect of her superiors when she got there. She was vulnerable and uncertain after she lost her instructor's position, and reached out to someone who was, at the time, entirely incapable of providing the support she needed - a very human, believable thing to do on her part, I thought. Beyond that, it's true that we don't get much closure with her, but I don't mind having to make my own assumptions about how she dealt with her problems. Instead, we get a solid story about the history of an entire group that Quistis is a part of, and of course the world gets saved from ultimate evil. Works for me.

2. Time compression is one of those universe-destroying things that villains just seem to want to do, and she survived it because she's an extremely powerful sorceress. That's not as flippant an answer as it may sound - RPG bad guys often want to do something really evil that's not very well defined, either in execution or in motive. It's arguably a problem with the game, but if we're gonna start hanging RPGs for that particular sin then FF8 won't be able to get anywhere near the gallows for the crowd.

3. This is more open to interpretation, but I thought the desert at the end was as much metaphysical as anything - Squall was out of his time, out of his place, away from the people who supported him, and most importantly, away from Rinoa. By focusing on his love for her, he was able to find his way back home. "Love conquers all" is trite, but I thought it was executed well enough this time around.

4. I honestly didn't pay enough attention to the plot surrounding this point, but I got the impression that she was as much a potential sorceress as Rinoa was, and thus had some innate power that Edea/Ultimecia could use.

5. I didn't find "Eyes on Me" all that objectionable, especially when we saw how it related to Laguna's part of the story. It's certainly better than a lot of vocal themes, the English version of "Small Two of Pieces" among them.

Satisfied?

Seeing it tomorrow, so I'll get back to you on Monday.

Let's be fair here - both Fight Club and The Matirx, while containing more philosophical content than in most American movies, still differ from the stuff we see in most RPGs in a couple of significant ways. First off, the themes of both movies were much better integrated into the guts of the films than in an RPG. Rage, alienation, and acting out against society was a core part of Fight Club, and while the nature of the Matrix might have been nothing more than a gimmick, it was at least used productively throughout the film. In comparison, the musings about life and death that seem to take up the majority of a modern RPG always feel tacked on, and rarely do more than give the characters something random to talk about during a cut scene.

Then we get in to how these passages are worked in to the movies, and how they're portrayed. This response is already something of a rant itself, but suffice it to say, I'd far rather see Tyler Durden demonstrate his philosophy first hand than have a previously unknown ultimate bad guy emerge from nowhere and declare their intentions to destroy the world, just because.

I dunno, man... it might be cool, and it's certainly nice to think about, but have you ever heard the expression about too many cooks?

Closing Comments:

Drew is here tomorrow. Does anything else really need to be said? Didn't think so.

As for a topic, try this on for size: let's hear a prediction on your part as to how long it'll be before RPGs consist entirely of cut scenes and voice acting, without any text at all, except perhaps as a subtitle option. Would you still want to play games without endless text boxes, or what? Tell Drew, and I'll be back next week.

-Chris Jones, just disappointed that Lucky Dan has no grave to dance on