Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Bears discover fire, film at 11. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Well, I got a whole lot of nothin' in my mail box today. As the saying goes, "worst email day ever!" Either Ogre Battle 64 really is as good as they say (got it, but haven't played much as of yet) or everybody's busy with work and exams, or there's a technical problem I'm not aware of. Regardless, I'll post what I have and hope things improve tomorrow. On the other hand, I do feel compelled to provide you with some kind of new content, so I've gone ahead and updated the DA FAQ. Ironically enough most of the changes consist of cutting stuff from the original, so it seems somewhat odd to call it "new content", but whatever.

Incidentally, I also ordered and received both the Dewprism and Saga Frontier 2 OSTs this past week, and I'm exceedingly pleased with both. Looking back on various reviews of the games, not many people commented on the music - regardless, I think they're excellent. Not quite up to Chrono Cross levels, but great background listening. And that's all I have to say about that.

Onward.

No, VIII is correct. Oddly enough I think the game itself may have gotten things wrong - the clock in the final dungeon had 9 written as "VIIII", if I remember right, but it definitely goes V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X. The basic pattern is consistent for all Roman numbering.

Who knows? Personally I've been down on voice announcements for years - none of them have ever really come close to the classic, coolly synthesized "Prepare to Qualify" in the original Pole Position, so why even bother?.

Not that big a football fan myself - "school/college/team spirit" has never been high on my list of virtues, at least when I wasn't actually part of the team doing whatever it was they were doing. Not to mention that televised sports and video games have always had something of an antagonistic relationship in my house. See, we only ever had one TV when I was a kid, and that meant that when my dad was watching the Sunday afternoon games I couldn't play Zelda. Add to that the fact that I'd rather be controlling my own characters rather than watching people crash into each other, and you have my general take on sports.

But hey, that shouldn't stop you from enjoying it... go local sports team, or something! Yea!

Do I really have to reply to something like this? No? Didn't think so.

You have no idea how many of these damned letters we got, how many drooling morons kept writing asking for a bigger photo, her name, her phone number, measurements, sign, blood type, shoe size, brand of shampoo, etc. It's genuinely pathetic - I mean, yes, she's cute, and it was fine as a one line joke, but to hear it over and over and OVER... Believe me, I'm more than a little ashamed to have a Y chromosome at the moment. In case I haven't made it clear yet: STOP ASKING ABOUT HER AND GET A FREAKING LIFE! At the very least, you're making it more and more certain than ever that we will NEVER put up another cute girl in costume again on the index page, so shut up about it!

End of rant.

Closing Comments:

Well, that was a cruel joke of a column, and I hope I never have to do anything even remotely like it again. So for the love of all that is good and cool, send in letters tomorrow. I'd like to hear any Ogre Battle thoughts or feedback you've got, but I'm flexible, believe me. See you tomorrow.

-Chris Jones, feels... unclean.