Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Doh. I missed. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Without getting into politics, this morning I went to a political party's rally that was being held on the Southern Methodist University campus (it was just a couple of blocks from my apartment, so I figured I might as well). It was like a high school pep rally, complete with two high school marching bands and an athlete (Chuck Norris) giving a speech. It was pretty fun, and I got to see this Comedy Central dude looking really bored. The only problem is that no one really talked about any issues, which would have been neat. Oh, well.

I was expecting to see a lot of Chrono Cross mail sitting in my mailbox, but I have to admit this letter was a surprise.

I, personally, think Kid's dialect is pretty annoying. I don't find it offensive, but I can understand how a person would. Like most accents that are not from a natural speaker, her accent is more of a caricature of a dialect than a true attempt at representation or imitation. And as is often the case in a caricature, most people feel ambivalent or are entertained, but a few people will be upset. And not without reason.

Even with the annoying tendencies of the characters, I don't think Square will completely alienate too many people. But they will likely irritate quite a few, as it appears that no accent is left unimitated. If nothing else, they'll irritate quite a few just by the fact that some of the characters are really annoying.

I'm clapping! Not too loudly am I clapping, though, as I'm playing another game for a review for another site. Taking time away from Chrono Cross, boo!

That having been said, I'd like to speak to any and all teachers that might happen to be in the audience. I'd like to suggest that whenever one of your students makes a your/you're error, that you slap them. Normally, I don't like to encourage violence, but this is one case in which it's appropriate.

Kids, listen up to Uncle AK! When we want to say "you are," we use the contraction "you're." "Your" is possessive. For example, "Your jacket is quite sexy." For a more complex example, you could use both in the same sentence. "You're going to be upset when you see what I did to your car." By working together, we can master this!

Now that I've given a haughty and annoying lecture, watch me make a your/you're mistake, and mispell every other word in this column. Or is that misspell? I'm too lazy to look it up, and Notepad doesn't have a spell checker. So I guess I'm a hypocrite now. Bummer city. You can flame me if you're upset by this whole scene.

Hey, that's a good thought on the Lynx thing. I bet he'd purr like a kitten if anyone were to try that instead of trying to beat him up.

My biggest problem with CG actors and actresses is that they're not real people. Something about real people make them cooler that unreal ones. I don't know how to put it. But I just like real people. And besides, CG actresses will probably be modeled, although loosely, on real ladies.

But, let's pretend for a brief moment that CG actors and actresses were to become mainstream, and actors and actresses were out of work. Then, to get to Hollywood, you'd have to become a programmer or graphics artist. Suddenly, the dorks are the studs! The world turned upside down! Dogs living with cat (to steal a line from Ghostbusters)! And then, as a Hollywood star, you might just be able to get that chick at the mall's phone number! But she'd dump you after one date because you're kinda creepy, but that's another story.

And, dude, sitting around the mall ain't gonna help you with the girls. I mean, what girl is going to think a guy is cool if he spends all his time sitting around in a mall, probably with other guys? It kinda screams out "social pariah." If you're just wanting eye candy, I suggest a magazine or the Internet or something. Real girls tend to get creeped out when they're watched by guys, and that's not going to get you any phone numbers. I mean, some find it flattering they're being checked out, but ogling and checked out are different things, you know? Real girls tend to want to talk. That's what makes them so much cooler than a magazine or a CG actress. Get to know some females at school/work/church/Electronics Boutique better. Show them you listen with your ears and your eyes (by making eye contact).

Man, I am preachy tonight. I apologize.

Well, to find out why we gave it a 5, read the review! That explains the reasoning behind the score. I haven't played the game, so I don't know firsthand. But the review will tell!

A little explanation from someone that appears to know something on the topic. Thanks Gooch! Is that on your driver's liscence? Gooch, The? That'd be cool.

Wow. Very good thoughts here. Ones far beyond my simple mind. Trying to add anything to this would be futile, and just dillute your point. Well said, my friend!

Hey! Congratulations on your purchase! I hope you come to really love the guitar.

Before anything else, I suggest you take a step to do something boring. Find diagrams, or a guitar master that you know, and have them show you the proper wrist and hand position for your left hand. It's one of those ultra-basic things that really help not just in getting your fingers to cooperate but in preventing the ever-dreaded carpel tunnel syndrome.

Once you've got that down, there are basically two tracks you can take (combining the two is good): chords and single notes. Which one you concentrate on more (or if you concentrate an equal amount) depends on the style you want to play. Do you want to play rhythm guitar for a rock band? I'd focus more on chords. Do you want to be the next Jeff Beck, playing shredding guitar leads? Focus more on scales and individual notes. Of course, a great guitarist can do both, but no one says you have to focus on both the exact same amount in the beginning. A big part of learning the guitar is to just become familiar with the fretboard and be able to think "E!" and just pop your fingers into the right chord formation or to the right note. Sort of like typing. A slow typer looks at his fingers and has to look at the keyboard to type the letter he has in mind. A fast typer just knows where the letters are, and when he thinks "W!" his finger just plops over to row 1 letter 2. It comes with practice. I'm not there yet, myself.

The first thing I did was learned an E minor chord. It's incredibly easy. From there I learned D major. Then I sat around and just switched between the two, strumming as fluidly as possible, until it felt comfortable. Then I added an A minor. Then a G (which was tricky, it was the first chord I learned that took four fingers). Each time I'd memorize a new chord formation, I'd practice just switching between the various chords I knew trying to become comfortable with them. The first song I learned was a rudimentary version of Love Is All Around, by the Troggs. In a stripped down form, it has a simple chord progression that has a nice, easy strumming pattern but has plenty of chord changes. It's a good song to practice.

I'm a far better rhythm guitar player than a lead guitar player. The first song I learned that was notes and not chords was a very simple version of Ode to Joy. It was ridiculously easy, but kind of satisfying. As you probably know from experience with other instruments, practicing scales is boring but essential.

I used mostly a variety of online resources to learn. www.harmonycentral.com has some very helpful stuff (and great equipment reviews, too). A lot of guitar techniques are hard to learn without someone showing them to you in person. Stuff like bends, slides, tremolo, picking patterns, etc. can be hard to pick up from a single picture or a textual description. My freshman year in college I lived next door to a guitar stud, and he taught me a lot of stuff. There are a lot of guitar players around, I recommend finding one and mooching off of his knowledge.

Good luck, and most importantly, have fun!

Closing Comments:

That was fun. Take care!

-Andrew Kaufmann