Double Agent
So I'm not dead after all - January 3rd, 2000 (whoooo!) - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Some people would like to know in what city I live, so here's a clue: it's not Chicago. Don't say we didn't warn you.


Well ladies and gentlemen, it looks as though existence goes on, despite the passing of the year 1999. Computers the world over didn't grow little robotic limbs and go about obstructing traffic, flora and fauna did not evaporate in flashes of smoke, and our heads did not become bifurcated from our bodies. I'm a bit disappointed, really. Although I didn't believe a single word of this "Y2K" fustian, there was still a part of me hoping to be proven incorrect so that I could see at least one sparsely populated third-world nation drop into a singularity which had inexplicably formed at exactly the stroke of midnight. Or at least have a star or two fall from the sky -- alas, nothing.

If nothing else, I'm enjoying the attempts of the mainstream press to backpedal and scurry off from the limbs they had gone out on in the name of catchy headlines. A few cable news channels were still pressing various computer programmers in interview to tell them "what could have happened." And in an effort to sound profound, the Washington Post states that the failure to combust on the part of the planet was due to a "..dramatic triumph of mankind over machine at the end of a century defined by the march of technology..." Someday when machines have become sentient and killed us all, they'll be sifting through our microfiche to find out a bit more about their creators, and get a good chuckle out of that.

Then again, maybe the "Sixth Sense" theory has proven to be correct in the end; we're all dead, we just don't realize it. At least now I have an excuse for scooping the same clothing from the floor each morning and wearing it for days on end.

Do you miss a challenge? I sure as hell don't.

As to the question of whether gaming has changed or not...well, let me put it this way. Has there been any games as challenging as Battletoads or Metroid since those games came out? Think about it.


Well, there's actually a reason for that. Back in the 8 bit days, cartridge space was limited. What better way to maximize gameplay than to make the game almost humanly impossible, so that only 9 or 10 people on the face of the planet would have the perseverance to complete it? Of course, these games actually led to players hurling furniture through their television screens, beating random bystanders in blind frustration, or tracking the developers down like some kind of hell-bent hound dog and running them down with their cars. All of which are undesirable outcomes.

In all seriousness, modern games have found other methods to keep the title interesting, and life economizing has become increasingly less prolific. Most modern games are difficult because they require you to think, a la Resident Evil or Silent Hill, while others are fairly easy, and the emphasis is on exploration, such as Banjo Kazooie. Compared to the bubbling rage that gaming used to instill in me on the occasion, I think that I prefer the more recent solutions.

The end will one day come for us all. Of our infatuation with gaming, that is.

Drew,

As I get older, the real world becomes more and more appealing, and the videogame world becomes less. I am in the process of becoming a jaded gamer, but I'm not completely out of it... yet. I don't play nearly as many games as I used to, and the ones I do play, sometimes don't hold my interest as much as I would like them to, like it was in the days of old.

That was the case a little while ago, but for some reason I had a second wind on the video gaming scene. After I beat FF7, and stopped playing Goldeneye, I seemed to drop my controller, and went into a little alcoholic binge for, oh I don't know, maybe a good 15 months. Then my friend lent me his copy of Final Fantasy Tactics, and I said "What's this? Don't tell me that Square is ruining the Final Fantasy name with cheap spinoff titles, like FF Mystic Quest." My friend just told me to play it, and so I dusted off the old PlayStation and play it I did. It consumed all my free time, and I wasn't going out to drink anymore (well, not nearly as often at least.) When I was done with that, the same friend lent me his copy of Xenogears, and it was bye-bye Mikey. Don't ask me why I like that game, I just do. Then came Final Fantasy 8, and now I'm just a full blown gaming addict again. And with the prospects of the PlayStation2 and it's dvd, and Final Fantasy 9, all coming up relatively soon, I know that I'll have a few new toys to keep me interested for a while.

But Drew, I know that it won't last forever and sooner or later I will fall out of it again. I can see it staring me in the face, and can't do much about it. It's inevitable. Especially, when I hit the drunken haze that will be college life next year, I will have no money for games and it will be another past time of my life, much like little league or bike rides. But at least I'll enjoy it while I can; before I get jaded.

I know that this is kind of a depressing note on which to end this letter, but I can't think of a better way to end it so....


You'd be surprised by how many drunken revelries wind up with a group of intoxicated college boys huddled around a Playstation or Nintendo 64, as too much movement will invariably result in vomiting. I hope that you don't mind sports games.

Showing its age

Yo Drew,

Ah, memories...the gaming world sure has changed alot. The once invincible PSX is finally showing its age and Square made the most recent FF depressingly weak...but it's still great to be a gamer.

Why? I don't know...I only play games for the experience of the story, and that's why FF8 sucked so hard, it was irrational and made my head hurt. Give me something delightfully complex like Xenogears and I'd be a happy gamer. (Not that you'd like it of course) I can't wait to see where we are next year at this time, most likely just settling in with our new PSX2's and waiting for FFX: Online....

Provocatively yours,

-The Steve


I'd say that Xenogears was unnecessarily confusing at many points and tried to come across as being far more profound than it actually was, but that's just because I never tire of insulting the game. Otherwise, point well made, blah blah blah.

I'll, um, keep this in mind

drewamaphone,

i'm not afraid this is off topic, although it most definitely is, but what i have to say must be said, so to speak.

there are some items of clothing that normal ppl (and by normal i refer to the unenhanced and un-exercised) just should not wear in public:

i had a humorous list of items but then realized they mostly pertained to fat ppl, and the only real standout was the bit about cords being a fire hazard, so i'll cut to the chase...

-capes. but this goes for everyone. in this day and age there is just something very unsettling about cape wearing. it implies things that others, very simply, do not want to think about. the wrongness of such a display is beyond comprehension.

as your beacon of common sense in this new millenium, i would advise you all to please don't buy and/or wear capes in public. they should be only dealt w/ under the table and in other various erotic settings. remember friends don't let friends wear capes.

so, in conclusion, the end.

-hayes


I'll be certain to pass this note along to all of the cape-wearers that I happen to encounter.

Just keeps gettin' better

You asked us to write in whether or not we are "growing out of" video games. I've been playing video games since the Atari 2600 (and I'm 19 so you do the math) and I can say I will never "grow out of" video games. The reason for this is the video game industry has evolved (especially with RPGs) to the point where it is becoming more and more appealing to older teens/adults. Back in the days of Atari there weren't really games that were obviously for kids and games that were obviously for older teens/adults. Games now run the gambit from Pokemon to Vandal Hearts 2. Video games are now more fun than ever for me. My first RPG (which is my fav genre) was Dragon Warrior 1 and RPGs have advanced and evolved so much since then. Video games like FFTactics and Xenogears have pushed the limits in indepth story telling. Games like FF8 have pushed the limits in spectacular looking graphics. PSX RPGs in general have pushed the limits in fun to play RPGs period.

With this generation of consoles racing games have fast become my second favorite genre. Games like Gran Turismo, Need 4 Speed 4 and Test Drive 5 have blown me away unlike any other racing games for past systems could.

New exciting genres are being created like mission based racing games (at least I think it's a new genre since I can't think of other games like these for consoles), including Driver and Dukes of Hazzard.

It's just going to get keep getting better and better too. I'm very excited about the on coming arrival of internet console gaming. Can't find anyone to fight with, with your new fighting game? Play online! Imagine playing Twisted Metal bouts online with 7 other people.

In today's gaming world I really don't see how you could "grow out of" video games unless you limit yourself to playing games like Pokemon Snap and Elmo's Letter Adventure.

-Pendy (that whacked out DW freak)


I'd have to agree that games continue to advance and innovations continue to be made. Most people who cease gaming do so merely because other aspects of their lives become more important. You know, lesser annoyances, such as holding down a regular job, or heading a family. May that never happen to me.

Looks important

Drew,

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoops, did modern society just collapse due to a foolish mistake made by early computer programmers who didn't think their work would still be in use by the year 2000? Oh no, that was just my copy of "Spawn: The Eternal" reacting to sunlight. My window accidentally flashed onto it while I was grabbing Tekken 3 so I could practice King's chain throws and beat the Tekken Tag masters in my local arcade.

I'm sure that, to you, that just sounded like a bunch of ranting designed entirely to get a laugh. And it was. But just now, I realized that I might just be able to relate it to the topic at hand. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, when misshapen, three-color pixel formations passed as heroic Italian plumbers without last names, video games were meant for enjoyment. Some games were good because they were fun. Some games were bad because they were not fun. That was it. Now, things have changed a little bit.

Games are no longer intended just to make players have fun. What are they for now, you ask? I'll tell you: affecting people. It seems to me that games nowadays are made to alter people's lives in some way. Games like Final Fantasy VII and VIII strive to evoke an emotional response from gamers. Games like Tekken Tag Tournament strive to addict people, turning the game into a way of life. The aforementioned Tekken masters I know are in the arcade, quite literally, every day. For them, Tekken is a constant thought. "How can I time my reversals better?" "How do I escape King's Muscle Buster?" "Why the hell does that annoying Stefano guy keep trying to beat me?" These are things that float around their minds while they're not playing. I think about those things too, but only when I'm playing, because as much as I love the game, it's not my life.

Now I've made my basic point about games being made to alter people (to varied degrees of immersion, as you can see), so I'll move on to my next subject... games like Spawn. I love the Spawn comic and action figures, but every other attempt at merchandising has failed horribly. Movie, games, etc. Anyway, why sucketh Spawn? (That means "Why does Spawn suck?" you cultureless ignoramuses! Whoops...) As far as I'm concerned, it sucks because it doesn't affect me in a positive way. Sure, the controls suck, the combat system is atrocious, and there is a complete lack of innovation, but the real reason that it's a piece of crap is that you can go through the entire game and unlock every last little secret, yet still be exactly the same as you were when you started it. That, to me, means that the game... "ain't worth jack shit," to put it politely. Smart money says that you think all my opinions here stated are a bunch of BS, and that you didn't even read this far into the letter, but I don't care. I had something to say, so I typed instead because I didn't want anyone to hear me. Moogle.

~Stefano F, Bill Gates' stunt double

PS: Post this letter. If you don't, I may or may not choose to make a half-assed, easily-prevented attempt to deal you harm. Maybe.

PPS: Give me a Smartass Award! If you do, I promise to send you lots of beer and five hundred dollars in small, unmarked bills. Maybe.


I have no idea what it is that you're trying to say with this letter, Stefano, but it's real long and wordy, so I mistakenly assumed that it must be important.

Thanks for inflating my ego, but you're still not getting my Bud Light

Hey Drew,

Your art is both amazingly humorous and reflective of society, blahblahblah and all that jazz..

Ok, so it's self indulgent tripe, but you already knew that, and I got an incredible kick out of it, so what the hey. And don't conform. It's not good for you. Of course, the 90s were defined by conforming through nonconformity (up until these last few years, of course) but don't sweat it.

Well, the subject is a self indulgent one, and I mean to indulge all I can!!! (Gwa ha ha, you suggested it after all) Are video games as enjoyable as when I first picked up my NES and Super Mario Bros all those 12 years ago? The simple answer is, no. My question for you is: am I just so jaded and consumed with cynicism that every little pointless thing makes me loathe every new game I play or are the games actually going down in quality? No no, here me out, This is a legitimate question! Have games started stinking or is it just me?

My enjoyment of games from the time I was 8, those 12 years ago, kept escalating. Every new thing was a sight to see, and my ultimate gaming experience was Chrono Trigger, which I sped through real quick and then replayed to death for the next six months. After that the crop slimmed down until I got a playstation in '97 for FF7, which I enjoyed immensely, but still bitched about it on the net and had no desire to play through again after 2 times playing it through. Lately, games have been making me so angry, I can't even finish them! Xenogears got me emotionally involved really fast and then proceeded to screw me over for the next 45 hours of hot blistering anger at the game's creators and every kid on the net who heaped praise on it. Every game I pick up after this one seems to make me angry. Final Fantasy 8 really pissed me off when the demo came out, I vowed not to buy it, but did anyway do to high reviews. The first disk and a half? Amazing.blew me away. I was enraptured with every single moment and fell in love with the characters. Then what does the game do? Same thing: screwed me over. Gameplay became bogged down with endless busywork and load times, and character development proceeded to disappear for the next 2½ disks. "Oh, we all had amnesia and knew each other from the beginning and didn't know it," oh give me a break! Amnesia was ok back in FF4&6, getting old in 7, and absolutely not acceptable in 8. Almost any game I try these days, I don't get too far, now. I feel like the game company will find a way to piss me off. Metal Gear Solid didn't even give me half the pleasure playing metal gear did. My complaint? Too short and easy, despite excellent production values.

Now this above is the crap you get everyday. Bitching and moaning, the picking apart of every little part of a game until it isn't fun anymore, and I can't even tell if it ever was meant to be fun to begin with. Now the fact that I read a lot of this all over the net, makes me think that it's not just me, that the games are indeed getting worse.

"BUT. BUT," what's that you say? Oh yes, the other choice, it's not the games, it's me. Yes the other choice is that parts of the gaming community including myself are becoming more cynical and jaded, and well, annoyingly so. There are many people who enjoy these games, play them over and over into the ground. I also find myself becoming more cynical about other popular things, such as the music industry and the film industry. I haven't bought a music CD in 3 years, rather shoving daggers in my ears than have to listen to the music today's youth is being spoon fed by the "evil record companies." Movies seem to be going down hill, too, in my own mind, the last movie I really liked being back in 1997. The chances everything is going wayward of the crapper at the same time are rather slim. More likely, I've gotten older, and cynicism has permeated every nook and cranny in my body.

But then again, there are some games that really touch me deep inside, jaded old me. I really liked Brave Fencer Musashi. I played Castlevania: Symphony of the night into the ground, and still play it. Maybe I should go splurge on an N64 and Zelda, or a Dreamcast and Sonic, and hope they're not overrated. So maybe it is the games that are getting worse. Maybe the developers so obsessed with graphics found making fun gameplay not a factor in selling games. As games get longer, it's hard to tell whether or not a game will start to be less fun 30 hours later, and leave the whole thing unresolved. Maybe what happened is that with the ability for longer and more plot based games, developers simply haven't figured out how to make a good ending. So maybe with these new games, all people will feel betrayed by SOMETHING by the end: that a character wasn't fully fleshed out, or a plot line not elaborated on or even completed for that matter, or the gameplay didn't evolve over the long game and became stagnant and boring. Whether that something ruined the game for you or not is something very personal, I guess.

So games aren't as fun for me as they used to be, or maybe I'm more cynical, or maybe games have just evolved and developers haven't figured out how to balance everything within the game yet. Or maybe all three. Who knows?

-Silktail


And such ends today's column. I hope that you enjoyed today's Double Agent. The overall theme was "Drew is tired and has to get up early tomorrow, so he'd better write this quickly." I try to innovate with creative themes whenever possible.


Closing Comments:

Well, since we continue to live, I guess I'll just have to come up with another of those crazy topics that all of the kids are into these days. Since it's my first day back from a nice weekend vacation, and I'm still feeling a bit adventurous, I'll go with something a bit more unusual. Meaning that I'll ask a strange, rhetorical question just for the simple sake of seeing what kind of responses I get. See, this column is all about amusing myself. Screw all of you. So here it is: why does it hurt so good? Answer this question in whatever manner you see fit.

-Drew Cosner, foreseeing an even more obscene and tasteless column than usual in his immediate future

 
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