Double Agent
Guess who? - December 16th, 1999 - Andrew Kaufmann

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. My shoes are heavy. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say we didn't warn you.


AK here. Drew is busy seducing several women, so he called from his cell phone to tell me that I need to do the column tonight. So here I am. Drew will be back tomorrow.

Stepping on a toe or two

Yo:

Considering the fact you all seem to have branded me a "whacko" and thus blacklisted me from publication (as I work in a Senate office, I only too well understand the phenomenon of "constituent blacklisting"), I'll assume this is going solely to you all. : )

To analogize RPG's to so-called "rhythm games" is like comparing a symphony to Brittany Speare, the Four Tops to the Backstreet Boys or, (yes, I'm going to say it) the old, cherished, R.E.M to the total sell-out that this formerly god-like quartet has become (yes, I'm aware this too is a tired argument, but anyone who was also old enough to see above the couter when Murmur was released will agree with me).

IRS Records Lives! You Shall Be Avenged!

Eh-hem. In any event, games should be what gamers make of them, and if someone wants to sit there and mechanically hit buttons in tune with a poorly written pop-ish emlody that's fine with me. I think the "beef" people might have with this is that your extremely well-crafted site is like a haven to the true beleivers of the RPG world, those of us who have played these damn games when no one else did (I totally empathize with the sports game jab - when I was an undergrad all my residents just loved those mindless games). Couple this with the fact that you guys always scoop the RPGamers of the world (Eff them) and have kept your integrity in your reviews and recommendations (Eff Gamefan), and you must understand why some of us are dismayed that "Beatmania" graced the front page for so long - you are lending credibility to an impending epidemic or lousy, brainless, story-less (such a word??) drivel that will pollute the EB's and Babbage's of the world. Yes, I am being a totalitarian pig about this, but enough is enough, Parappa should be left well enough alone.

Ha, you guys are the old REM of the gaming press!

...and that's why it's discouraging that Drew would compare these two totally distinct genres. I think it's a fad that will quickly die (Rhythm games) and that RPG's will only grow in popularity. Christ, if this keeps up we'll have Tokimeki Memorial Dating Sims up the yin-yang - and gamers will once again be viewed as "kiddish" and needing to "grow up", as if Pokemon hasn't already decreased our newly found credibility.

RPG's are a complete gaming experience, Beatmania and the like are merely mini-games.

That's my rant. I'd love some feedback, esp. if you don't post this.

Take care,

Dave


Well, there's a letter that's guaranteed to piss some people off. Here's my take.

Games are just that. They're a diversion, nothing more, nothing less. Some games tickle the fancy of some people more than others. If one person prefers sports games to RPGs, or rhythm games to RPGs, so be it. It doesn't make them any less smart than the next guy. It just means they have different tastes.

I find rhythm games to be pretty fun. I prefer RPGs to them, but I enjoyed PaRappa the Rapper and UmJammer Lammy. The Beatmania games don't impress me all that much, but I have high hopes for Guitar Freaks.

Now that I'm done defending rhythm games, I've got to defend my favorite musical dudes in R.E.M. I don't understand how moving from IRS to Warner Brothers equals "selling out." They make more money, yes. But I gather that you like to get paid for what you do, as do they.

When going from IRS to WB, they say they didn't lose any artistic freedom, and I believe them. Up proves that. Up is about as un-commercial a record as you can possibly make, leading to the expected result: critically acclaimed, but a record-store failure. They're not shedding any tears about it.

Old R.E.M. made great music, and Michael Stipe, Mike Mills, and Peter Buck continue to do that today, in my opinion. The music has changed, but so have they. They're 20 years older. Don't expect them to be the same 20 year old punks that made Murmur.

On another note, thanks for the general compliments. We like getting them. It keeps our egos big and our fingers on the update button.

He's got it made

Drew,
Sorry I'm about a week late, but I just gotta say. Rythym games kick ass. It's the only genre that allows me to do my two favourate things: Hang out with girls and play videogames. So far Rhythm games (and Puzzle) are the only genres I can get girls to play with me and have fun.

Paul


How much better can life get? Keep up the good work, Paul. Make us proud.

A grand Grandia

Drew:

I just had to say that Grandia is by far the greatest game ever made. I'm hooked, and I'm only an hour in! The conversation parts are unbelievable immersive. I almost didn't want to leave Parm for the Sult Ruins. (Though what's with Sue's Step-dad's hiding his "coffee problem" from his wife?)

Theophrastus


I haven't played Grandia outside of one dungeon... so I won't pass judgement on it in either direction. Your recommendation is the strongest I've heard thus far... most everyone I know says it's pretty good, but not great. I do plan on giving it a fairer shake, though.

Is he really that ugly?

could you please please please tell me if emporer gehstahl in FF3/6 is a dog? you cant tell me he doesnt look like one. am i the only one who thinks of him like this? you know if hes not it could bring about the apocalypse. think about it. people dying in the streets and all that. well. thanks.
LuRCh


My vote goes to non-canine.

Pokémon strikes again

Every store in my town is sold out of Gameboys...all because of *@#! Pokemon!(I wana play more games than just that!) I use the "Super Gameboy" attachment and my little brother's original GB to play the games, but I've always wanted my own Gameboy.(being low on cash 'till now I couldn't afford a color) When the Color(screens) came out I figured it was about time...but I was broke 'till now and...Now because of those *#@! Pokemanics....I can't even find one!

Shadow_Hunter (thanks for letting me complain about the ultra-craze if you decide to print this)

Life just isn't fair, is it? Keep looking... I've seen them in stores around here. You might also want to try online stores like www.buy.com and www.amazon.com.

Bitterness

Dear D-Love,

Alright- first of all, I have some beef with the portrayal of the RPG genre to date, so you can just shove your rythm game crap...Anyway- One thing I'm pissed off about is how people abuse Pokemon.I mean who cares if it's been stretched further than Jon Goodman's underwear, It's a damn good game as well as an exellent show. I mean come on- how much anime can an american guy get for free now a days?Well? Not since Zelda the animated series have I been so entertained by a cartoon show. Secondly, I'd like to address how rookie players are always looking for graphics? Screw graphics! Who cares about them anyway- games are about the story- not the graphics!On another note- Sports games, GO AWAY!!!!!If you want a damn sports experience then get your lazy ass to a damn stadium and spend your 50 bucks that way.Action games- the fall of all that was good in Nintendo. Let's remember the mid-nineties, the time of flowing prosperity for RPG's on the super nintendo. Now what is there? A Damn bear with a chicken on its back? The only turn based RPG Nintendo has to date is where the main charecters a damn Wizard! There's something wrong with that. Another thing- Tactics Ogre and FFT were two of the greatest damn games I've ever played. But no one has given praise to them. I guess no one liked the graphics.Finally- One of the greatest games of all time has been shuned as just "one of the series".I'm talking about FF4. That was a quality game. Thanks for listening to me Drew buddy- I really love the Gia- I'm just a bit angry

-Laguna L.

P.S. Who would win in a fight- Squall L or Cloud S, this has been plauging me for quite some time now-thanx


Wow. This is one bitter letter. I'm impressed. I'll give quick respones, though, because I'm tired. Pokémon: boring game, OK show, if you ask me. Not craze-worthy. Graphics aren't everything, that's for sure, but they sure help a game along. If you don't believe me, try playing Radical Dreamers. Sports games are cool, on some days you feel lazy and just want to sit around in your room with some buds and play games. Sports games are great for that. I prefer going out and playing basketball, but some NBA Live 2000 is fun too. The N64 games lineup continues to bore me. A few good games here and there, but overall the PSX has it better if you ask me. Tactics Ogre was a bit too slow to grab my attention, but FF Tactics is one of my favorite games. I like it a lot better than FF7, and about as well as FF8, if not slightly better. FF4 is my favorite RPG. I've said that here before. I'm glad you love the GIA, and glad you got that stuff off your chest. I think Squall would win, because he uses a gunblade. Cloud just uses a sword.

A prophesy

Hey Drew,

I have two theories on the end of the world, which, interestingly enough, have to do with baggers at grocery stores. First, instead of saying "paper or plastic?", they will say "Would you like to destroy trees or waste our natural resources?". This will trigger massive natural resource preservation programs by the world's governments, which will be funded by a huge tax hike, leaving us without any money to purchase what we need to survive and we will eventually die.

Second, instead of the usual, baggers will ask "fibrous or polymer?", thus confusing the customer and creating total chaos. The world's economy will break down and we will be reduced to beating each other for the things we want. Wait....that already happens with Pokemon merchandise. Oh well.

-Mountain Drew
"The other Drew"

P.S. About Crono being mute, I couldn't find a better argument than "...". It was perfect and undeniable. I could not disprove it, I could not argue against it. He would make a fine debater.

I shudder at the terrifying image. I hope your prophesies don't come true.

Strong words

Legend of Dragoon is like Shadow Madness only in Japanese, with some Square-level CG mysteriously tacked on. The gameplay is atrocious and it's just not fun. The best rebalancing Sony could give this title is to keep the scales tipped against a U.S. release. Leave this turd on Japanese shores.

-Andrew Vestal

Normally, I'd slap you upside the head to try to relax your hair, but I almost agree with you on this one. I wouldn't go quite as far as you do, but when we played the game I was bored to tears. It wasn't impressive at all, and the battle system blows chunks. Bummer city, man. I was really looking forward to this one.

Bad joke of the day

Drew,

I have a joke for you. And here it is:

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

That's it. That's the joke. Think about it.

-Mikey B.

P.S.- Shine on you crazy diamond.

What an embarassingly bad joke. I hope you regret sending it in.

More Legend of Dragoon

drew, i think legend of dragoon is a plague. a plague that must be wiped out. sony has spent...(i don't know, a lot of money) on making this four cd game, that isn't even original. the battle system is horrible the story is, well, bad, the out-of-battle graphics look like ff7 (not a good thing) and it's got ugly characters. why didn't they make something original with those millions of dollars (like creating that answer to pokémon they were saying that they had up their sleeves)

-el gritty


El gritty agrees with AV, it looks like. I bet their answer to Pokemon is like, a Furby video game or something. Something that capitalizes on last year's trends.

Importing music

Hail, I was wondering what was an SM soundtrack. I saw at www.gamecave.com that there were SM soundtracks and others soundtracks. Since i ordered a thing there and they didnt answered me yet, i tough only you could tell me.

-The "I dont have any idea for a funny nick" guy


SM stands for Son Mai, a company that deals in cheap copies of music CDs. While they generally sound OK (I own one that tends to skip a lot, even though the disc is clean), the packaging is very substandard. I'd stay away from them if possible. Digicube currently puts out Square CDs, I believe. Go with them.

A good point from Ian. Yay!

Drew! I thought you were dead! But you're not! You're alive! ...I guess that means I have to give your stereo back huh?

My opinion of Legend of Dragoon? Ooohhh, pretty!

Let's talk about FF again. Nya ha ha. I was thinking, all deep likes, and something struck me. Naturally I fell to the floor unconscious and bleeding seriously from a headwound, but it gave me time for more thinking, and during that time I thought about the difference in the drama and 'feels' between the FFs. Now I thought of what stirred emotion in me in FF8, what impressed me, what left it's memory with me...And naturally, I came to the FMV sequences. And then I think back to FF's that couldn't have FMV, and what impressed me about them. And naturally I came to the dialog of certain memorable scenes.

Now look at games like FFT. One CD and hardly any FMV. Butt-load of text. Good text. Maybe not the most well translated text, but when it did manage to get it's meaning across, it was impressive. And it's the favorite of many, many gamers. A better example would probably be movies...What movies are your favorite, Drew? I'm sure they're blockbusters such as Armageddon, Godzilla, and Lost in Space. And if you can't sense sarcasm in that last sentence, you're not the man I fell in love with.

What's the point of this letter? I think Square's games were already blurring the line between game and film in the sense of scripting. I'm saying there's a difference between cinema, and special effects. I'm saying Hollywood has corrupted Square, and that I'm a very bitter, petty person because of it who would sue if he could.

But anyway...I've got to go the hospital to get this sharpened NFL2K GD removed from my forehead. Ta.

~Ian P.


Just when you thought Drew was back, you have to put up with me. Oh well. Ian, I think you make a crackerjack point about using dialogue to have key scenes. If Square could work their old dialogue magic with their new FMV magic, we'd have serious asskicking. This might require voice acting. Let's hope for good acting. Hope. Hope. Hope.

Two of my favorite movies are almost entirely based off of witty dialogue, to back up your point. Both are Tom Stoppard masterpeices, Shakespeare in Love and the lesser known Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. My other favorite movie is the Naked Gun, but that's for silly slackstick. I love a silly movie.

Can I have that NFL2K when they get it out of your head? I want it but am too cheap to buy it.


Closing Comments

That was quite enjoyable. I won't bother setting a topic, I think today's letters will get people stirred up enough to write even without one. Have fun!

-Andrew Kaufmann

 
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