Double Agent
Sluggy Q&A - November 28th, 1999 - Andrew Kaufmann

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. I just emptied out our trash can. The trash was piled about 4 feet high. The trash fought back when I tried to carry it out. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say we didn't warn you.


I didn't do letters last weekend, or yesterday. What's my excuse? Well, last weekend, I was eaten by an alien named Aylee, and yesterday a bunny named Bun-Bun attacked me with a switchblade. Give me a break.

What's in a name?

Can you rename the Chrono Cross characters? I hate not being able to rename characters. That's why FF8 sucked, after all. I mean, it's fun to name the GFs and all but *Selphie* NEEDS a dirty name! Did they ever think of that? That maybe Selphie needs to be renamed to something I have to cover up when my mom comes into the room? Of course not.

Anyway, my point was, it would be really cool to rename all the CC characters. Just like Pokemon. (For example, "Screwmie, I choose you!" or "Crapachu, go!")

...that's all I have to say about that.

--Uncreativity


I asked our resident Chrono Chross expert Andrew Vestal, and he said that you can rename your characters. Celebrate! But please, use restraint. The rest of your letter bothered me. A lot.

Another worrisome letter

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Ah, AK, Drew doesn't seem to share the same passion as me and Nich, or at least, not with equal frevor.

Imagine if you will...

Lucca, sitting at her work bench, smiling serenely. She looks up at you, over the rims of her glasses, eyes shining...Slowly she takes off her helmet, shaking her beautiful purple hair free...Coyly playing the tip of her glasses across her lips, arching a delicate brow suggestively...

Or Fujin...

Standing closely to you, regal, proud, strong...Looking directly into your eyes, unflinching and unmoving. You can tell so much by the seemingly contemptious stare she bestows upon you. Espcially that she is the kind of woman who will tell you exactly what she wants. In one word.

~Ian "I do Not have a problem." P.


Ian, I didn't know your father was a mosquito. I was bitten by the mosquito, so I was upset. Sue me.

I pasted your letter to Nich, and he nearly wet his pants. I haven't seen him so riled up since Shonen Knife's last CD came out.

That movie

Hi AK,

I was wondering, did FFA had control similar to FFVII or FFVIII? Ya know, when X is the select button for FFVIII. If so, is there any way for mw to change it? I had to play though FFVI using X as a select button, I would have second thought buying that game.

Also, do you think Grandia or FFA will be in the Greatest hit in a year?


I think it's different from FF8, because I played the two at the same time and found myself getting frustrated at the buttons. Don't quote me on that, though, because I have a horrible memory. If I'm wrong, I'm sure at least 28 people will let Drew know. So, feel free to flood Drew's mailbox correcting my errors. Just don't bother me with such banal details.

I doubt either will become greatest hits, but you never know. It all depends on Sony's criteria for naming a game a greatest hit.

Another opportunity to miss the point of a letter

Hey AK,

After that letter a couple of days ago about the importance of music in games and how that made Chrono Trigger a lot better I got to thinking about how music affects peoples emotions. Not just game music though. Like if REM didn't do that awesome song for Man on the Moon I doubt I'd even be that interested in seeing the movie. If Earth: Final Conflict didn't have a really epic opening theme I doubt I would have even bothered watching it the first time.

I don't want to get bogged down with specifics though. If done right, music can have major effects upon your emotions. It makes you want to fight, cry, or scared as hell, perhaps more than what's going on in the actual show/game. If you've ever watched those horror shows like Tales from the Dark Side you know what I'm talking about, the intro is so simple but the music so haunting that after awhile you start humming just to get it out of your head. Now all I've talked about is music on television shows but this does apply to games too.

The primary thing though is to use music appropriate to the game. Therefore, popular music usually doesn't work because that may only be loosely related to the game. I think the work of most game composers that successfully get their audience to feel what they should when playing the game, regardless of how good it sounds outside the game, should be rewarded.

Anyway just my 2 rupees,
Spy Guy

You make a really good point about music in games and movies. They play a really important role. That having been said, I'll use this space to talk about the Man on the Moon soundtrack.

Great Beyond is a great song. I can't wait to hear it during the credits of Man on the Moon in full theater surround sound. Mmmm. And the title song, Man on the Moon, is as great as it was in 1992. The instrumental Man on the Moon is great too, even though it's a bit short. The other tracks are a bit disappointing, though... they're short and kinda generic sounding. I was nearly in tears.

Some of Jim Carrey's singing is fun, too.. but most of it is stuff I skip right over. Bummer. In the band's defense, though, they had very little time to work on the soundtrack, since they were on tour when a lot of work needed to be done.

Blowing some steam

Okay, I'm in a ranting mood tonight, so here's a list of things that are annoying me the living hell out of me. I've been reading these things for months, and well, I guess tonight, the moon just hit me in the wrong way. Like George Carlin, I don't have pet peeve, I have psychotic major episodes. So here's a list of things that are pissing me off.

#1. Game Fan Magazine (Including On-Line)- Why not just change your name to SegaFan? I mean come on. Are you people nuts? I love Dreamcast games as much as the next guy, but not everything Sega touches turns to gold, I'm sorry to inform you people. In fact, in recent years, everything Sega's touched has turned to a soft substance alright, but it's not quite what I'd call valuable, and unless you're fly, you won't like the smell either. Let me get this 100% straight...and just so I'm crystal clear on this matter...they are going to rate the Dreamcast Bass Fishing game...OVER Final Fantasy VIII?! A fricking fishing game?! Did I miss the boat here? Since when would any intelligent human being, who has a neck that's any color BUT read rather play a Bass Fishing Game rather than Final Fantasy VIII?! And for those keeping score at home, here are other games that are rated better than Final Fantasy VIII, according to this collection of overobsessed blue hedgehog fetish boys: House of the Dead 2, Ready 2 Rumble Boxing, and let's not forget the game of all games, Mortal Kombat Gold. A game so bad, that not even fighting game fans go near it. Only an complete idiot would rather have Bass Fishing and Mortal Kombat Gold over Final Fantasy VIII. And I'm not saying Final Fantasy VIII is the best thing since sliced bread, because it's not perfect, and I, more than anyone else, would not give it perfect scores. But rating games like Mortal Kombat and Bass Fishing over it? Would it help if I spelled it out? Both are Dreamcast games. In fact, *every* Dreamcast game, except for Blue Stinger (which was rated..pretty much the same as FFVIII), was rated better than FFVIII. So change your name, or shut up. You're not Game Fans, you're biased freaks.

#2. People who won't shut up and stop whining about Final Fantasy IV not being included in Final Fantasy Collections. Certainly, I would have liked to have had it included. But for whatever reason, it's not, *deal with it*. What people don't realize is that if a game like this sells, the better the chances of games like Chrono Trigger being ported over as well, not to mention future games taking a more old school approach. I was as happy as a clam to see Lunar top the sales charts 2 straight months. Final Fantasy Collections deserves that as well. So quit you're damn whining about Final Fantasy IV. This *includes* the bunch of twits I just charred above, since the reason why they marked FFC so low on their "not even fit to be toilet paper" magazine was because FFIV wasn't included. We whined and whined for years to get Final Fantasy V..and we finally get it..but we have to whine and whine some more because FFIV wasn't included. And if we got FFIV we'd probably whine because we didn't get the clock, and if we got the clock, we'd whine because the guy at EB selling it to us didn't smile or some goofy crap. Am I making my point, or are we gonna have to have an episode of South Park made after this?

#3. Working Designs. I love your games, I love your translations, I love the work you do. However, the delays are getting to be a pain in the ass. Lunar topped the sales charts for 2 straight months, given the amount of games out there for the PSX, I'd say you're rollin' in the money, use it to hire some more help and crank out some games already! I'm one of your biggest supporters, and I fully defend your perfectionist attitude towards the games you release, but come on..hire some kids with Japanese to English dictionaries, let them watch MTV and Comdey Central and let them go ape shit with a computer already.

#4. Nintendo. God I could write an entire novel on things that piss me off about Nintendo. However, I'll sum it up as best I can here. I own 3 games for my Nintendo 64. ..3 games. Zelda, Goldeneye and Castlevania. That's it! I own nearly 50 PSX games, and damn near 20 Saturn games. For crying out loud, I own more import Dreamcast games than I do domestic Nintendo 64 titles! Does...anyone..see a problem with this? I've had the N64 since it's domestic release, I've had a Dreamcast since July. I own 5 Import DC games, I own 3 domestic N64. Get on the stick, boys! Cut the crap with the kids and put out some quality games! And while I'm at it...tone it down on the damn Pokemon garbage. I swear if I see Pikachu one more time, I'm gonna get Sonic the Hedgehog, Crash Bandicoot, Mega Man, and Mog the Moogle, and we're coming down to Nintendo HQ to stomp a mudhole in that little yellow peice of monkey crap, and then we're gonna walk it dry!

#5. Squaresoft. What's this crap about "We cannot comment at this time," about games being released. You're pretty much a first party company. You're nothing like Working Designs, someone isn't going to swing in on a vine and steal away Chrono Cross for domestication. Is it coming? Yes or no?! It's that simple. This whole thing about not being able to say just annoys me. Anyone read the interview PSM did with various game developers a little while back? They had some biggies..like Capcom..Namco...and Square, naturally. And the words "We cannot comment on that at this time," were only uttered by one company...three guesses which one it is, and I'm sure you know by now who. And then they didn't only say it once..but OVER and OVER again! I don't think they answered one question! Helllooo! Earth to Square..we are the consumers! We want to know what the hell is going on with Square! If we want to hear, "We cannot comment at this time," we'll watch CNN!

Well...that's it AK...I'd rant more..but these 5 things are on like the tippy top of my list of things that piss me off. So you can comment on them or something, I dunno. Keep up the good work!

Your friendly neighborhood God of Mischief


Well well, long time no hear from you, Mr. Mischief. Hope things are going well out there in Arkansasland. It seems like you got a lot off your chest, and I agree with much of it, if not all of it. I think you need to get better control of your rage, though. Trying breaking some vases with little stick figures drawn on them.

Pun

I know this is a little late for Zelda names, but I got one that I'm surprised hasn't been used yet (and sounds extremely cool):

The Legend of Zelda: The Missing Link

-Clyde Hudman


Haha, clever pun there Clyde. I approve. Here's a topic for Drew for tomorrow: Gaming puns! I know you love them! Get those brain cells flowing!


Closing Comments

Drewtime! I hope you're all nice to him. Remember: puns. Think puns. Send Drew puns. Make him howl with delight.

-Andrew Kaufmann

 
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