Baroque means crooked pearls - September 6th, 1999 - Fritz Fraundorf
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I heard a guy somewhere is gay. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Free Topic Monday? AK didn't offer any topics in yesterday's Double Agent, so today brings us an ecletic mix of letters: a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, the (not-so-)shocking true story of the Legaia guide's untimely demise, more on the Chu-Chu orgy, and a lengthy Soul Reaver conspiracy theory from one of our Very Special Readers. And, yes, the Chu-Chu pic of the week has been updated.
| One of today's whopping two game-related letters |
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Is the worth waiting for the PC version of Final Fantasy VIII or just buying
the PSX one? I'm nearly tearing out my hair in deciding and it looks like
I'm running out of time. I have a nice, fast, computer running so I'm
wondering if the enhanced graphics and crisper resoulution will be worth
waiting.....when is it coming out anyway? Is it going to take 3 weeks or 3
months? Plus my old first generation Playstation skips like hell (I can't
even play Legaia now). AND, I'm going to have to shell out more money for
the PC one cause I need a USB controller (no way I'm gonna play using the
keyboard). Help me! PLEASE!
Frustrated Person
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As far as I know, the PC version of Final Fantasy VIII doesn't even have
a release date yet -- there's going to be a PC port, but that's about all we
know. Being as impatient as I am, I'd have to advise getting the PlayStation
version. Sure, the PC version's graphics are shinier, but if you wait, you
run the risk of having the game spoiled, and we don't know if FF VIII PC will
suffer from the same sound problems that plagued FF VII PC. (One Winged Angel
had no lyrics!)
| 3y3 @|\/| 1 1337 g4|\/|3r d00d!! |
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Hey Fritz, are you old school?
-Slick McFavorite
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I'm as old school as they come, baby. I cut my teeth on Adventure and
Zork I, can beat Battletoads with my eyes closed, refuse to play any RPG
that features technology greater than that of the Bronze Age, and dismiss
every translation error as a Yiddish dialect.
| The blind guiding the blind |
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Weren't you going to make a Star Ocean Walkthrough?
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Not particularly. Before the game came out, I'd considered it as a
potential project, but after realizing how many good guides are available
on GameFAQs,
I quickly dropped the prospect. (The fact that I didn't like the game at all
didn't help either.)
And for those wondering why the Legend of Legaia guide saw completion,
I'd neared the end of the game when my save file was corrupted. Completing
the guide would have entailed replaying the game from scratch, and by that
time everyone would have finished the game anyway. (The main Legaia guide page
has finally been updated to reflect this). Don't be surprised to see another
guide sometime in the near future, though...
| Go to the head of the class |
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By the way, why is today called Labor Day when most of us are not doing
labor? I must have slept through 2nd grade again.
-S. Assassin
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Because Labor Day is supposedly honoring America's laborers. Apparently
we honor their hard work by not doing any.
| Gunblades don't kill people. People kill people. |
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This is in response to today's (yesterday's now I guess), comment about the
gunblade. It actually seems to have some basis in reality. I was channel
surfing one day when I saw one of those antique shows where people get their
stuff appraised. As it happened, some guy was having four of his guns
appraised right when I flipped there. On of them bore a striking
resemblance to Squall's gunblade, though with a shorter blade. The antiquer
reffered to it as a cutlass-pistol. After noting this to some people, one
of them actually found one for sale on Ebay. Guess the old-timers *did*
have a use for a sword/gun after all.
Alex
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And there's today interesting history lesson for you. On the off chance
that I ever do finish the RPG Origins List, this is an example of the kind
of interesting GOODIES and TIDBITS you can look forward to.
On a side note, Andrew Vestal attempted to build his own custom Gunblade
this summer. He polled several weapon specialists to see how much it
would cost to get a Gunblade made out of iron or aluminium. Sadly, the
best "deal" he received was a 12-month project that would cost $1,000, and
he had to settle for his old Atma Weapon. This is a true story.
| blah |
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Fritz,
I think you should look on the bright side of Xenogears, instead of all of this hate. I mean, I hate it as much as the next guy (the next guy being you), but I mean, look on the bright side! It doesn't have bromides like Lunar.
Before you say, "That wouldn't be so bad...", I meant be glad there isn't a CHU CHU bromide. That'd just be disturbing. The game would go from bad to ugly. Really ugly. That'd make the Chu Chu orgie scene practically nothing. Plus, they might end up having Bart talk more... ug.... I hated his voice too.
Curses! You must find Glick's shoe size. Only then can I complete my death machine! NOOOOOO! I've been stopped!
-Comic Guy, McPherson
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A Chu-Chu bromide? Sign me up! Just think about how much every game could
be improved with the inclusion of bromides. I mean, sure, PaRappa the Rapper
was a pretty cool game, but, damn, who wouldn't want a Sunny Funny Bromide?
| Duel of the fates |
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Fritz/Chu/Whoever,
For centuries, many great wars have been fought.
Sometimes good wins, sometimes evil prevails... sometimes they just have freaky endings that get talked about all
the time in newsgroups.
After weeks of my absense, my powers of evil are rising again. Soon, the transformation will be complete, and I
shall rule over all.
Now, is time for the powers of good and evil to do battle once again. As I issue a challenge to you,
Fritz/Chu/Whoever... we must fight TO THE DEATH in a nice, friendly game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
If you, Fritz/Chu/Whoever accept, then print this letter, and prepare to FIGHT TO THE DEATH.
----------------------
Neil Hughes - Isd
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Your move, Mr. Hughes.
And since I've saved the best for last, you can now bask in some of the
weirdest analogies ever, brought to you by a GIA reader wisely choosing
to remain anonymous:
| Everybody out of the gene pool |
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And if you as a reporter believe that mad up BS, then you need to seek help.
OK great, they decided to make it a two-parter, and that removing the sound
files might have created bugs in the program. Let's talk about the bugs.
(excerpts taken from an interview from the director/producer of the game
found at Videogames.com)
"For example, if a player reached a position in the game where it would try
to access a sound file that didn't exist anymore, or if they had removed a
wrong sound file by mistake."
How would they reach a point in the game looking for that file? According to
them the file isn't bein used right? and you mean to tell me that with all of
those people working on the game, they would remove a file and not stop and
check to see if it worked??? That's like Nintendo releasing a Mario game and
accidentally renaming him "George" in the title.
"Most of the extra sound files on the disc are merely alternate takes or
"protection" material, as well as some dialogue originally planned but later
removed from the game."
Again, material that was either removed from the game, or an alterante
version. Um, if it was removed from the game, why was it still there? "Mom,
I'm going to take the dog for a walk, but I'll just take the leash OK"
"The decision to split it into two games was actually made several months
ago, it's not something we decided at the very last minute, just to rush the
product to the shelves."
If the decision was made months ago, did they forget to inform the
programmers? Did they forget how to do it?? Couldn't they have come up with a
way to not end the game so abruptly? I've seen game have beautiful endings
that left more than enough clues for a sequel; A SEQUEL THAT WAS AND WILL
NEVER BE MADE!!!!!! Hey, Soul Reaver is an excellent game, but when you feel
that something was left out at the end, then you find out about the parts
still on the discs, I'm going to feel different, no matter what any
director/producer says. Sorry to sound so bitchy to you, but I don't know
anyone at Eidos personally......
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That's absolutely right! Soul Reaver's producer would have every reason to
invent false claims that her game is incomplete when it was actually finished!
It's just like Nintendo releasing a Mario game and naming him George! Everything
is clear now!
I am concerned for the future of our civilization.
Closing Comments
Originally, I was going to ask what your plans are for September 9th.
But then I realized that would be about as a original as a tri-Ace game
(and about as exciting), so think on this: Ever since the very first Dragon
Quest, all RPGs have featured certain conventions -- hit and magic points,
levels, dungeons and towns, save points, random encounters, etc. If you
were making an RPG, what one RPG gameplay convention you could eliminate,
and why? We're talking about gameplay conventions here, not story conventions
like cicada-like demons that appear every 1000 years or heroes whose hometowns
are razed in the first hour of the game.
Responses to this should be interesting; now's your chance to sound off about
that annoying RPG feature you've always headed. Or, if you prefer, explain
your plans for September 9th (FF VIII? Dreamcast? Wait for Thousand Arms/Dino
Crisis/Suikoden 2?). But you won't get a bluebird on your chart for the day if you
do that.
- Fritz Fraundorf, holding Baroque inside his heart
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