Ten points for the coffeehouse intellectual snipe. As to the topic of conversation, I have masturbated to a video game. Cower before me.

And no, I'm not telling you which one. Go away.

-Somebody who, oddly enough, didn't put a signature at the end of their letter, and will thus be known as "Boneractive Wear"

It was late July, and I had to choose between MIT and Stanford for my undergraduate career. MIT began on Sept. 4th, while Stanford began on Sept. 23rd. And most importantly, FFVII was to be released on Sept 7th.

The choice was easy.

I'll be a Junior at Stanford next year.

- Andrew V.

This one was back in the days when Blockbuster charged $3.99 for a "three" day rental for a video game.

Rented Dragon Warrior 4. Made myself comfortable on my waterbed and began to play it. And play it. And play it. Stopping only for the occasional quick bite to eat. (This was on a weekend so sleep wasn't that much of a concern.)

By the end of the rental period, I had played for around *60 hours straight* and was 7/8 through the game. I had to return it because my father didn't want to incur any of those annoying late fees.

By the time I got to rent it again, some loser had overwritten my file, having named his characters typical vulgar names.

Dammit.

-Navaash

So you wanna hear a nasty story about gaming, huh? Well it all started last year. I went out to rent a copy of fft. I thought it was very cool. About two weeks later, I bought it. I beat it soon after, but still wanted more. I decided that i must master it. This included getting a team of five normal squires(including Ramza), and getting every single ability in the game for all jobs for every character. I managed to do this before entering chapter two. I stayed up two nights in a row and still wasnt finished. Eventually after a week i mastered all of them. But to master it completely, I had to find every item in the game(including stealing items off of enemies, poaching monsters, and finding every single hidden item in the deep dungeon). I also had all five characters learn zodiac in the deep dungeon. This all took me about two weeks to accomlish. I also mastered ff7, with all characters at lv99, the best materia setup you can possibly have(master summon x3, master magic x3, master command x3, mastered final attack x3, master revive x3, w magic & summon x3, mastered 2x cut x3, hp plus & mp plus x9) and thats just a bit. I also have every item in castlevania sotn(there is only one open space for items in my inventory. No gameshark help at all. Come to think of it, I'm crazy. Will you tell me whats wrong with me?

You wanna know how far off the deep end I went with gaming? I basically flunked out of college last fall cause of gaming. I was going to this college as a freshman and my roommate had his own computer. So I discovered a little thing called the internet (I had only been on it 2 or 3 times before that). While I was browsing I found something very interesting that I had never heard of before. It was emulation. I became totally hooked. I got the NES, SNES, and the equivalent Genesis emulators. It wasn't bad at first but I just got obsessed with it after awhile. I skipped classes and X-country practices just to play the almighty English translated FF5. I played the Super Punchout ROM for the SNES and beat into hell and back. I can't remember how many times I beat it. There were so many games I had missed out on and had to play and so little time. I had become pathetic.

Don't get me wrong I didn't turn into a hermit or something. I did go out sometimes and party through friends I had made through the X-country team. My final G.P.A for the semester was a whopping 0.0. Consequently I'm not going to the same college anymore, but I have cleaned up my act and I am trying to get back on my feet by going to my local community college. I still do emulation but I am not totally obsessed with it like I was before. So my advice for everyone is that emulation is awesome (except I'm against it for new systems like N64 and PSX) and if you ever get into the emulation scene don't get too caught up into it like I did. It is soooo easy to do so with all the great games you can find.

Dear Drew,

I think my girlfriend is having a growing Dreamcast fetish. We're only having sex 4 times a week now, and she frequently locks herself in my room to play Sonic. She says she's seeking a deeper relationship, and the Dreamcast is smarter than me. What should I do? I'm thinking I should get back at her by having an affair with her Playstation, but is that really wise? What do you think?

-Wondering In Wyoming

Howdy, Drew.

You asked to hear our stories about insanity in the name of gaming, and have I got one for you. It's irreverent and sarcastic; I think you'll like it.

Sometime early last year (or maybe late the previous year) there was a kind of family reunion for the family on my mother's side. My mother, being one of ten children, has a mess of extended family members. And I, of course, being her intelligent-yet-cynical son, was forced to come along.

We met at my grandmother's house: aunts, uncles, 5-year-old cousins, 20-year-old cousins, my parents and grandparents, some of whom came from as far as 2,000 miles away. I suppose I was expected to say hello to everyone and attempt to engage them in intelligent conversation. However, I felt more than a little opposed to this concept, feeling little kinship for people I see maybe once every two years. So I packed up my PSX, Suikoden, and Xenogears, and brought it to my grandparents' house in a blue plastic bag from Wal-Mart I found in the pantry.

Less than a minute after walking through the door (after, of course, my mumbles and barely-sufficient hellos for the family members already there), I was in the back room with my PSX hooked up to the TV out there. My parents made me come out once, to get some lunch (we had arrived about noon), and as soon as I had done so, I took my plate back out into the back room and commenced eating while playing. (I'm sure everyone has done THAT, at least once. That's another one of those things that count, isn't it? I mean, logically, you should be able to take five minutes out to eat a burger, but no, you've gotta be playing video games while you eat.)

I spent the next five-odd hours in the back room, isolated along with Fei, Elly, Viktor, and Suikoden's nameless hero. About that time, the adults had finally worn out their topics of discussion (mostly consisting of bragging stories telling how they cowed this one store clerk or told off that office secretary, along with scathing criticism ranging from the mundane to the extraordinary for family members who were not present), and so I packed up my PSX and games, and went back home without feeling at all guilty that I had spent about fifteen seconds of a five-hour reunion speaking to other people.

How's that for insanity in the name of gaming?

-Matt Blackie