Well, I think my choices for a GIA-themed FFTactics party would be pretty predictable, but nevertheless here we go:

Drew: Mediator. The only class that causes damage with words.

You: Chemist, since you're the only person I know who could make a bong out of a Stone Gun.

Fritz: Mimic; his biting satires prove that imitation can be as damaging as it is flattering.

Allan: Black Wizard. He still wouldn't have to reveal his face.

Vestal: I'd rename Malak "AndrewV" because it's always funny when the top banana is turned into a worthless putz.

And the sexy, sexy, Brian Glick: a dancer. Shake that money-maker, beautiful - steal my heart wiznaibus!

Of course, we all know the rest of the staff would go off and form a party with Larissa and Kelvin, who would promptly kick the pudding out of the team I listed above. Pathetic. You guys need to boost your levels.

Well, he asked for suggestions for a GIA Tactics party.

Drew -- Mediator
Ha. Ha. Ha. Yes, I'm sure you get it too.

AK -- Dancer
Oh, wait. Male characters can't be dancers. Fine, Bard, then. (This statement does not reflect my personal views on anything at all.)

AV -- Chemist

Andrea -- Summoner
(judging from the drawing in one of the Northern Crater sections, this'd be most accurate)

Fritz -- Wizard
Because we have never, ever seen a photograph of his face.

Big Lick -- Knight
Because there isn't one in the party yet.

Tami -- Monk

OK. Remember, you can blame this on Drew. That's all.

--Matthew Schuele

To all of you hard core gamers who hate Final Fantasy VII because it has 3D graphics even though the prerendered back grounds are 2D and 3D graphics are made of 2D polygons: You are spoony

-Not Spoony

Have you ever played WWF Additude? You know the Create-a-Player? They should have something like that in an RPG, and I don't mean something like the begining of Bauldur's Gate. I mean 100% pure customization. That would kick ass. Yes, I am God, I know.

-Adam Yauch-

Dear QAK,

Oh so you want to know what you guys would be if you were FF tactics characters? Simple. Drew would be a mediator of course, level 1 with no skills and armed with a squirt gun filled with his urine (he couldn't afford water). The brainiac AV would be a calculator, he'd only know how to count up to 1 but you'd be forced to use him as a guest for about 5 battles. To create in game tension the yellow-dyed black chocobo QAK (that's you buddy) and AV would constantly be arguing over who is THE MAN.

Fritz the Box Art knight armed with his trusty thumbnail would be insanely powerful. The charming Tamzen Marie Baker, Keeper of the Vault, would be a thief especially proficient in stealing hearts. Then we come to Allan "Heluva Tough" Milligan, he'd be transformed into a big black guy with a gold chain around his neck. Biglick would be that lovable dragon that can lick you anywhere on the map causing extreme fear and impotence.

Getting a little repetitive...I thought so.

Andrea would be that psycho cultist ninja that threw paint brushes and used cult priest spells. Ed McGlothin well he's a big fat chocobo that feeds the rest news. Then we come to the most hated characters in the entire game Kelvin and Larissa. While being loved before, once everyone finds out that their only useful attacks constantly miss and they always die first in any battle they'll be hunted for food by rabid "hardcore" gamers and bitchy "graphix whores" finally uniting the two and ending that stupid debate.

Sadly no one will play the game because of a bad translation and the mere thought of Drew saying "I had a good feeling" sends a shudder down their backs.

End of Story,
Alex Trabec, The New Universally Communist Soldier

Hey Andrew, the weekend letter guy. To sum up the previous day's column I agree with the majority. Now then, onto the point. Final Fantasy VIII (which I now envy you at the GIA for playing the English version) has been in the making and on the waiting lists of many for about a year. Point is, there are two types of ways that I have observed for people to wait for FFVIII: The Premature Desire and the Last Minute Wait. Here is an example of each:

The Premature Desire occurs when the Japanese version ships. This was a symptom all of my friends went through. Ex: "OH MY GOD, FINAL FANTASY VIII IS SEVEN MONTHS AWAY!!!!" Throughout all of this my exact words were "It's seven frigging months, for crying out loud! Get a grip!" But then again I'm not nearly as obsessed (they were fanatics for awhile) with FFVIII as they are. I'm guessing they were so crazy about it that they all have at least once masturbated to the image of Rinoa or Quistis. That's bad.

The Last Minute Wait is what I'm going through. Reading everything there is about FFVIII (remember, this can apply to all games that you wait for) is a common symptom. My friends are all now like "Two and a half weeks left....Cool." The tables are turned.

What is the point of this letter, you ask? No point, (there goes my chances for being printed) I just wanted to see if you get any interesting responses about how people have coped with the FFVIII syndrome.

I wrote to Andrew. Do I get a cookie?
- WB