Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot.

I saw Mystery Men last night. I thought it was pretty enjoyable. Why am I telling you this? No reason, really. I just thought I'd fill you in. And I like short sentences. Fragments, too. This gives me a good chance to use both.

But on to more relevant matters. Generally speaking, I tend to steer away from controversy in the letters section, preferring to have a little fun and leave deep thought for other sections, such as the newly founded Viewpoints section. The letter I open with brings up a subject that I have an unpopular opinion on, and I figured I might as well ruin any small amount popularity I might have by expressing my opinion on the subject. Hooray!

I use the "clause-however-clause" sentence construction too much...

I never, ever, in a million years thought I would be saying this, but I happen to agree with Hillary on this one. I have a friend who has a 4 and a half year old little brother, and the little guy is just getting into video games. He has Super Smash Brothers and Star Wars Episode I Racing, which are more or less suitable for a little tyke like him.

But imagine this scenario: mom and dad pick up a copy of Um Jammer Lammy for little "Karl," and Karl wonders why this innocent sheep has suddenly landed in Hell. Karl was brought up religiously and was taught that you only go to Hell if you sin. As far as he can see, Lammy hasn't sinned, but she's in Hell anyway. If I were a parent, I wouldn't want to have to explain to Karl why a good lamb has gone to Hell; if I were a parent, I wouldn't buy the game for my child.

What many forget is that and that those who care enough to be insulted by Lammy's island jaunt are little more than a vocal minority. Sony is trying to appeal to all ages with Lammy, and I applaud that. It's a fun little rhythm game that kids and adults can enjoy, regardless of where the stages in the non-existent plot are ostensibly "set.". I played it in a dorm lounge with other college students and everyone was having a good time jumping around and making Lammy get "COOL"s. Would everyone have had less fun had one of the stages been an island and not Hell? Not at all.

Are video games to blame for violence in society? Of course not. But Sony's decision to make the game suitable for kids was done to increase the game's audience, not to reduce violence. The change was made for cultural reasons to make the game accessible to all ages. Lammy is a game all ages should be able to play and enjoy -- so more power to them.

On another note, I think Hillary is slimy for trying to be a Senator for New York rather than her supposed home of Arkansas. I think her videogame statement might have been aimed at garnering votes, but there's wisdom in it regardless.

Oh yeah, and don't complain aboot having to settle for American products. You can always wait a few extra months and get the PAL (European and Australian) version released.

You are correct. I didn't think of that yesterday. My brain stays in idle mode and only remembers bizarre things. Before I join your army, I must know: does decent footwear mean Nikes? I only wear Nikes. They're comfy. Nothing personal against your army if you wear Rebooks, but they just don't do it for me.

Brian, our quicktime movies are held on the server in a way so that they can be downloaded and saved on your hard drive rather than streamed. Assuming you're using a PC, right-click on the link and choose "Save file as" (or something similar, depending on your software).

Well, I don't know the MilkMan personally, but I hear he's a pretty cool guy. Since he's cool, we could get together at his bar, have some lemonade, and enjoy a good afternoon of calmly discussing music, life, and RPGs. Why would we want to fight?

Now, if you were to assume that we did fight, I imagine I would win, mainly because I have a club built onto my left arm (i.e. I'm wearing a cast). Not only that, the size of my enormous ego would undoubtedly intimidate him and cause him to run in fear.

Milkman, if you're reading this, that wasn't a challenge. I'd much rather do lunch.

Why, I'd love to help you. A "ping" is an Internet term for a small amount of data sent from one computer to another. When the destination sees that it's gotten a ping, it sends a "pong" to the first computer. The first computer calculates how long it took to receive the pong, and thus you have a rough measure of how much network lag there is. "2ms" probably means it's a 2 millisecond ping response time, which is very low. Something you'd never see across the Internet. You'd only see that on physically connected networks.

Man. Someone crawled out from under the wrong side of his rock this morning. We were just stopping by to have a little fun, and you call us names.

Well, true. He was annoying, too. I say we just call it a tie, and call them both legendary. It's not that great an honor, really. Benedict Arnold is legendary, too.

Closing Comments

I try to avoid long rants like the one in response to that first letter, but I decided to give it a try anyway. And you know what? It was kind of fun. I'm sure you'll all be eager to continue the thread tomorrow, but be sure to email Drew, as he'll be back and eager to read your letters and pop in his two cents on the issue. If you have something you want to specifically say to me, just drop me a line and maybe it'll be printed next weekend.

Until next time,

-Andrew Kaufmann