Make some new connections - August 5th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Quistis is definitely an honorary member of my list of videogame women who need to somehow become real. Don't say I didn't warn you.
My mailman must think me the biggest pervert alive. See, about a year or so back, I decided to tempt fate and sign up for a free trial issue of PSM. Naturally, about a week later, I get a letter thanking me for subscribing for the next two years. Now, if I weren't such a lazy, lazy person, I would have done something about it, but as it stands, I just dealt with it and paid for the two year subscription when the bill came. I have to admit that I like the magazine, but my God. Every issue features a random videogame female in a suggestive position of some nature. I can understand that, seeing as PSM's covers are drawn by comic book artists, but all I know is that if I were my mail carrier, I would think myself an extremely horny little bugger. Who can forget such classics as the extremely exaggerated Namco girl lying out on the hood of a car, or the Lara Croft with her shorts going up her ass crack?
I was hoping that I'd finally seen the end of the Tomb Raider covers until the eventual release of the PS2, if nothing else, but how wrong I was. Damn that Tomb Raider: Last Revelation. I honestly have to wonder if anybody even cares about that series anymore.
| Victims of poor marketing |
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I've got three words to describe how a animated feature will not do well
at the box office.
It's not Disney.
Seriously, unless you have massive hype or neato graphics (Antz, Prince
of Egypt) or a already mainstream existing series behind it...(Beavis &
Butt-Head, Rugrats, soon to be Pokemon also...)...you don't get box
office. This will probably happen to such movies as "Iron Giant"...just
because people believe in the idiot company known as Disney, and won't
give others a fair shake.
This might hold also true for the FF Movie. Even though they will hype
it as really awesome visuals, is the Final Fantasy series mainstream
enough to earn the amount of money that this cost to make? If you count
foreign box office...it will a damn hit. But, to many
companies...American box office is everything.
Even though FF7 shook the U.S. and brought many newbies into the RPG
genre...I still think that the genre is still stereotyped as a place for
"nerds and socially-inept" people. What do you think about this whole
topic? Will it affect box office to you? I'm sure damn seeing the
movie...but I only know a few people around me that would think of
seeing it.
-PeaceTalk
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The Disney name does carry much clout, no arguing that. However, I think that a major part of the problem lies in the fact that other companies looking to make their animated films a success advertise them as being direct competition to Disney's films. Take Iron Giant, for example. From all that I've heard, it's a mature and deep film, but Warner Brothers insists on advertising it as yet another heartwarming tale that both adults and children will enjoy. Which, in itself, isn't such a bad thing. However, they're going out of their way to make it look like another preachy, Grimm-eque "can't judge a book by its cover" morality film. And nobody wants to have morals shoved in their face by a damned cartoon.
Simply put, other animated films have had awful, misleading advertising campaigns, and they flopped because of it. And that's not even taking into consideration the complete and total jock-offs like "Cats Can't Dance," and all the other films that tried to directly rip off the Disney style.
| I'm dead sexy |
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Hey hey Drew!
First, let me say, i am a proud member of T-BOD...and yes folks, i've seen
the pictures of Drew playing SaGa Frontier...they frighten you, but you
cannot look away. Anywho, my writing this letter is to complain about DaveMan
dissin' Ian P. Daveman, you better watch your back, aint nobody talkin' smack
about Ian. Ian's comments spark people like you to mail Drew bitching, which
then sets drew up for hilarious responses. C'mon folks, enjoy the ride. Also,
the Final Fantasy movie looks like it'll kick ass. i close with this: Join
T-BOD!!! FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN! THE CHILDREN!!!
--Nick-bo
PS, Drew, if you could attach one of your cool animation bits at the end of
your response, T-BOD promises to build several churches in your honor. BOO
YAH! You kick ass!
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Seriously, let me say this. If you want news, that's what the front page is for. This is a damn letters column. I'm here to make you laugh. Occasionally the discussion isn't entirely game related, because to be quite frank, if all this column ever focused on was straight gaming, it would get horrendously dull extremely quickly. But enough of this maudlin garbage, time to give the fans what they want. Unfortunately, I was unable to throw together an animation, so here's a picture of a man being attacked by "keep left" signs.
Why do I keep printing letters saying that I rule, you ask? Well, it's like Hitler said. "The great masses of the people ... will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one."
| A member of our Community |
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I just wanted to say that Fritz's fanfic on FFVII (sort of) was the
absolute coolest thing I have ever read, other than this column (*cough*).
>From the moment Ramuh goes off on Cait Sith to the closing credits, this
story is funny enough to cause grevious injury. Beginning to end it is a
non-stop rollcall of everybody whose anybody in the RPG world. I am
seriously considering having this story tattooed on my back.
As for the rest of the Community, it looks great, especially the Forum.
However, I was tragically five (5!) minutes too late to make the very first
post on the forums, but, fear not, I am using a highly-experimental
e-letter bomb to remove this "Hawkeye" from any further contention.
In closing, I know that this letter has no content and stands no chance of
being published, unless I do the unthinkable - submit it under the name
"Ian P".
-Ian P. a.k.a. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
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If you fake being Ian P. again, I'm going to smack you like a bitch. See, a while back we were running a promotion in which you could earn bonus points by clicking on the ad banners. Jokingly, we claimed that you could purchase a jetplane with 70 billion points. Little did we know that Ian P. would actually bother to accrue that many points, and expect us to hold to our end of the bargain.
So there we were. Ian P. was standing outside of our office door with a baseball bat in hand, and 70 billion points in a backpack. Obviously, we had no plane to give him, so we worked out a deal. He wouldn't embed his bat into our skulls, and in exchange we would print one of his letters everyday from then on.
And now you know the rest of the story.
Seriously though, I'm glad to hear that you enjoy the Community section. It's still a bit buggy and in its testing phase, but expect it to grow to the point where it is officially preferable to sex.
| A member of our Community, part II |
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I really liked what I saw when I went to the new Community section. I
wasn't sure what exactly would be in it other than the message boards,
so I got really excited when I saw all those other sections, too. I'm
not big into fan fiction (except for Fritz's), so I can't really comment
on that part. The Viewpoints part is basically what we saw before with
the old Deep Thoughts thing that Allan put up, but as long as the topics
stay interesting, I'll probably enjoy them. Can't say much about the
save game archive until I actually get a DexDrive, which I'm planning on
doing soon. Message boards were as great, if not better than, before,
so no complaints there either. Well, other than that, I've got nothing
more to say. It's new, so I probobly won't come up with any ways to
improve it for now, so just keep up the great work with it.
-TheBeaver
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For now the Community will be undergoing constant tweaks and improvements, so don't expect any completely new sections just yet. However, if you think you have a good idea, by all means let me know, and I'll pass it on to the rest of the staff.
| Uhm, spoiler or something |
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Hey Drew,
You're doing a great job with this column, especially during this time of
year where RPG news comes at a crawl. I mean, the recent things I can
recall are Pokemon Snap and a bunch of Dreamcast stuff (most RPGers I know
own a PSX). I also enjoy the nonsensical letters you print, as they provide
relief to those who get tired of hearing about the Final Fantasy Movie.
Ever consider slapping us in the face and giving us an all-flames column
one day? Heh.
By the way, I have FF8j (seems fewer people are excited about it than they
were for FF7), and the "theme" song is not played during the credits, but
is actually played some time before the last fight. I guess the Average Joe
Gamer will have to settle for the mute button instead of the power button
to avoid that song, eh?
And also, Edea ** *** *** **** ****, ******* **!!!
There, I hope that spoiled the whole game for you, bastard.
-Wesley
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I want to say right now that while I think the radio version of Eyes on Me is a horrible, horrible song, the variations of it throughout the rest of the game aren't bad at all. In fact, a few of them, particularly Julia's theme are pretty damn good. So don't lose heart just yet.
By the way, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if somebody sat around thinking of possible interpretations of what that could be, and then flamed me for printing spoilers. Ah, the life of the columnist.
| Under certain restrictions |
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I have found it extremely disturbing the direction in which moviegoers
are wandering these days. Is the entire world suffering some massive
cerebral virus to which only I am immune? When did the entire planet go
absolutley friggin' stupid on me? It seems that everytime I turn around I
see another P.O.S. script is rolling over 20-30 million a weekend in
box-office reciepts. I ardently hope the FFM will be an exception. Who
ever decided that it would be a really snazzy idea to turn a video game into
a feature film? I would like to throttle the bastard with a blunt object.
And what kind of unfathomable inbecile does it take to think that an
animated feature based a video game, would ever have an iota of a chance of
winning an Oscar? Did anyone else besides me blow five bucks on Super Mario
Brothers: The Movie? Granted thebrain-farting contest going on in the Academy Board of Govenors, which
produced 11 statuettes only to stamp "Titanic" on them, has produced some
mighty strange results in recent history, I have not lost -that- much faith.
The Academy awards are nominated by and voted upon by the Academy members.
Squaresoft's presence in the Academy numbers exactly zero. I do not care
how much money Square throws at the Academy, they cannot make up for the
shoddy workmanship their upcoming feature film is sure to display. One need
only look at Square's track record to see that not only will the FFM be a
flash in the pan, if that, it will probably be a great source of embassament
and significant finacial loss to the company. If their flick amounts to
anything more than an 82 mintue chunk of eye candy, I will eat my head with
a nice bottle of keyante and plenty of wasabe, but I say the FFM is going to
be a big shit sandwich that Square is going to have to swallow whole, then
wash down with a glass of lukewarm Chocobo urine unless they get a massive
Hype-Machine rolling and PR the hell out of that Mofo. Outside of RPG
circles I have not seen or heard the first word about this venture and I am
fairly deeply entrenched in the film industry.
A quick word about Disney, Micheal Eisner could care less whether it's
a five year old or a 104 year old that goes to the movies. As long as his
company's name gets flashed up there, he makes his buck. That's Disney's
only stake in the venture. I do not have a problem with this in the
slightest. Princess Mononoke is a brilliant piece of art that deserves a
release in this country, and if it takes having to sit through the Disney
logo and a bunch of Disney trailers for two seconds it would absolutly be
worth it to see Princess Mononoke of the big screen again. I had the
pleasure of seeing Princess Mononoke when I was in Japan 2 years ago.
Although my Japanese skills equate to the value of a back massage from Marv
Albert, what I saw was a cinematic masterpiece. Last fall I got to see asubtitled version and the story is just fantastic. I do not care if all the
lackluster idiots of the world unite and buy 5 bazillion tickets to FFM,
Princess Mononoke -is- one of the finest pieces of animation ever created.
Kudos to Disney for expanding their vision into the realm of quality Anime.
Hell, they might even do something good for the Genre. Disney, unlike
Square, rarely releases something that looks thrown together. Does this
mean they will be changing their style of animation? Gosh I hope not. The
songy-dancy stereotypical Disney flick are as vital a part of American
culture as barbeque and apple pie. As long as they rake in a few million in
the Box-offices, and a couple million in lunchboxes every time they crank
out the retelling of some old tale, they won't change a thing. Enough rant;
the FFM will crash and burn, I forsee it. The only thing i can think to
best summarize what is going to happen to the FFM is "race ipsaloquator".
End of sermon.
--EidosWetsuit
P.S. What's with you dolts? How hard is it to peruse your letter and proof
it before you send it in. I thought RPGs were for smart people. My gosh
people, is it such a big deal to get your grammar and spelling straight?
What kind of idiots are you?
P.P.S. If you have taken any amount of Latin and know what "race
ipsaloquator" means, you have my respect.
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Ah, but you're forgetting one key factor in this whole discussion. While movies based on games like Super Mario Brothers are restricted to using certain characters and settings, this is not the case with a screenplay based on the Final Fantasy series. In fact, the FFM will be borrowing nothing but the name, should Square actually opt to retain "The Final Fantasy Movie" monikor, which, as I've said, I highly doubt.
Square can do whatever they want with the FFM. With the Mario Brothers movie, the writers were stuck using Mario and Luigi, who had to be fighting against goombas and Bowzer for there to be some semblense of continuity between the games and the film. The FFM doesn't have these restrictions. Just as FFVII has absolutely nothing in common with FFIV or VI other than a few spell and weapon names, such will be the case with the FFM.
Square has all the freedom they could want or need, and I don't see them messing this one up. Let's just hope my instincts prove to be correct.
P.S. You're an even bigger bastard than me. I like it.
P.S.S. You've got me on that one.
| Hagu hagu |
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After thoroughly examining community.thegia.com, I was somewhat at a
loss to describe what I saw. Still, I wanted to contribute to the topic
column, so I pondered for a time on the best way to express my thoughts
on the community section.
The community section is down. And I don't mean it's up and down
like one of those wishy-washy sites that can't decide - the GIA is too
good for fence-sitting, and its new community section holds true to
form. In fact, I think I might even say that GIA Community is the
downest thing I've seen in years. It's downness like this that the world
needs today in this period of uncertainty, sites that have the courage
to rise above the crowd, to cry out in a strong voice, "Yes! I am down!"
and not be ashamed of it. If only other sites could learn from the GIA's
example, to be as down as GIA Community, I think this world would be a
better place.
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I'm going to assume that you're complementing us. In which case, we love you too.
| Wave of the future? |
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Drew,
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned anything yet about PS2 not
being packaged with a modem. So I'll be the first to comment. Personally
I don't care that it is not coming with a modem. Internet game play is
just a lot of hype. I think that it will be popular for about a month
and then just totally die down. It's trying to make videogame players
and computer game players into one big happy family. Videogames and
Computer games are just too different. Could you just imagine Tekken 4
being played on the internet. You'd have like 30 players brawling it out
at one time. That would get old as shit when you can't do a move because
four different people are attacking you at the same time. Or what about
FF on the internet! What the hell would be the point of that, you
couldn't do it! You could have Resident Evil, everyone is running around
trying to shoot each other. Or Tomb Raider, 40 Lara Croft clones running
around trying to shoot each other. Oh wait a minute they already have a
game like that! It's called Quake! You could have a melee war game with
no real strategy other than seeing who can build more tanks and see who
can take out the other opponents resource supply faster. Oh they have
that game too, it's called Star Craft! See these are computer games, not
game intended to be played on the Playstation. These games are made with
the intention of being played on the internet. They are frantic and lack
much structure. Consul games require so much structure that they just
don't make sense being played by 50 million people together at the same
time.
-pAul, aka Fen Gai
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Look at all of the excellent multiplayer console games thus far. Mario Kart would be a mediocre title at best if it were simply a 1 player game, but the multiplayer mode is where the real enjoyment lies. As it stands now, the only time you can get a good party game going is when you round up a group of friends. With a built in modem, you can hook up and play a human opponent anytime you want, night or day.
A well-crafted multiplayer game can be far more enjoyable and gratifying than any single player game can ever hope to be. Blowing away a human target is far more fulfilling then outsmarting some predictable AI routine. Not only that, it will be the socialization of that will pave the road to becoming mainstream. When gaming becomes a group activity, that's when it will become a more accepted for of entertainment.
Would anyone care to dispute the merits of online gaming? Who sees a flop in the future, and who sees a new wave?
Closing Comments
You have your mission, should you choose to accept it. Just be careful, as this column will self destruct.
-Drew Cosner
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