Double Agent
Bastard Operator from Hell - August 3rd, 1999 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I think you really suck. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Well, now you know about our big ol' secret I eluded to yesterday. Feast your shifty little eyes on the GIA Community. We here at the GIA pride ourselves in being able to waste precious minutes of your life, and this is just another step towards complete and total world domination.

Speaking of wasting minutes of your life, let's get this column started.

What's in a name?

Dear fake father

Although you are likley right about how well the Final Fantasy movie will do in theater's, you are wrong about one other thing: the name. It isn't that big of a secret that recent Final Fantasy endeavors have been with the American audience in mind (usually to the effect of "give them some fucking polygons so they'll shut up"). This recent trend, along with the fact that the movie is being created in America, with quite a bit of American talent, and will be released in America first, leads me to believe that Square is desperately trying to make the Final Fantasy name a house hold one in America. Square already knows that Final Fantasy anything will rake in millions of dollars (or billions of Yen) regardless of quality. So now they attempt to conquer the North American market; after all, why not try and make Final Fantasy as big in America as it is in Japan? Now, if Square is indeed attempting this, wouldn't it be a smart, no, obvious move to keep the Final Fantasy name in the movie's title?

-Justin Freeman


Let's not fool ourselves. The number of people familiar with the Final Fantasy name, in relation to the number of moviegoers, is pretty limited. Square knows that they can't sell just any piece of crap movie with the Final Fantasy name tacked on to an American audience. That may fly in Japan, where the license is a household name, but not in America.

However, you make a good point. If Square does want to make the name "Final Fantasy" instantly familiar to nearly every American alive that doesn't happen to live in a cave or under a rock, the best way to do it is with a highly successful movie bearing the name. The fact that Square is designing the movie with a Western audience in mind lends credence to your theory. You can have a gold star, but it's my policy that I pin it to your left ear lobe.

I was going to make some witty little comment about Americans would mock a name like "Final Fantasy," but then I remembered the fact that there have been a multitude of American made flicks with names that make Final Fantasy sound downright superb. Movies like "How Can I Believe You When You Tell Me That You Love Me When I Know You've Been A Liar All Your Life?" or "Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies."

And yes, those are both real movies.

Heavy reading ahead

In regards to the probable success of the Final Fantasy movie, I think it comes down to one factor, though the factor does have two parts: how the two upcoming "non-traditional" animated features do at the box office. The reason for my use of quotation marks will be explained in a second. The ones I'm referring to are "The Iron Giant" and "Mononoke Hime/Princess Mononoke;" there may be more that will affect the BO performance, but I must claim ignorance in upcoming releases of any non-Disney animated films in 2000.

Okay, why "non-traditional," and why are these two movies important? The reasons for deeming Mononoke this (and if you don't know about the film yet, shame on you!) are obvious, and it will be a real litmus test to see the American public's response to an adult animated feature in widespread release. If Mononoke succeeds, it will have also broken down a little bit of the barrier in the public's mind about "that weird Japanese cartoon stuff," and, as there's no way Square will be able to hide the fact that it's game-related, that will be important as well.

Even if they tried, I'm sure that there would be some coalition of concerned parents circling the theatres on release day, saying that the evil game movie was trying to warp their childrens' fragile little minds. And, if Mononoke doesn't succeed, this could actually be a problem. With Americans' tendancy to finger-point combined with the failure of the public to see animation as aimed at anyone but five year olds, the FF Movie could be seen as somewhat of a subversive influence. I mean, heavens, one of the characters from an earlier game wore a black trenchcoat and went around killing people! <insert horrified gasp, and start singing a song called "Blame Tokyo">

Now, the adult animation area has been explored earlier in American film history, albeit with limited success. The most prominent example is "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," but that succeeded as an adult movie because the live actors were there to soften the blow...or, rather, to harden it. That is truly an exception, however; compare Who Framed to its contemporary "Cool World," or earlier works by Ralph Bakshi, such as "Fritz the Cat" or "Heavy Traffic." While the latter two performed moderately well at the box office (with Fritz becoming somewhat of a cult classic), they did poorly compared to their live action counterparts. And "Cool World" and Bakshi's "Wizards" both bombed. We just simply can't seem to see cartoons as works in their own right, and it will be important to have Mononoke help break that stereotype. As it's already made a profit in Japan, it won't be seen as taking as large of a risk as were it original to the States; if it bombs, and the FF movie still manages to do well, bully for it. However, if both bomb (as would be more likely if the former does), the losses from the more expensive FFM would steer film makers away from doing a repeat of such an endeavor.

Okay, what would actually happen is that all the neat stuff along these lines to be released in the foreseeable future would be Japan-only. As they view animation as a medium rather than a strictly-defined genre, I have no doubts the movie will succeed there. But back to us.

I've rambled about Mononoke; what about my other choice, "The Iron Giant?" While less vital than the first, it will be an important little test as well. I've heard nothing but positive buzz about the movie, and I tend to read critics who bitch about problems rather than provide fawning soundbites for no reason other than to get mentioned in the ads. It is a more traditional (read: "less adult") movie, and, if not for one thing, it might seem to fit into the Disney mold. However, it has...no...songs (gasp!). While "Antz" might have seemed to be the test on this account, that movie suffered from the Armageddon/Deep Impact and Dante's Peak/Volcano syndrome with "A Bug's Life," and it doesn't really work to judge it by itself. The public, after all, saw it as just one of the bug movies. But...this is standing by itself. And it's different.

I honestly don't know what the public reaction to this will be. Even "Prince of Egypt," with its scenes of slaves being whipped, a man's corpse after a hundred-foot fall, and all the other Biblical stuff still had cheerful little ditties. Heck, it even had Steve Martin singing. And we *liked* that it had Steve singing. We're *comfortable* with Steve singing. The great lord on high that is Disney has decreed that all animated features will have songs, and have songs they do.

So, what was this more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about- American-animation rambling about? In short, we're a nation of Pavlov's dogs, and only a certain kind of animated film is heard as a bell. If we can't be taught to respond to a buzzer as well before the Final Fantasy movie comes out, I doubt any amount of publicity will gain it the box office take from the general public we'll need to keep getting movies shipped to us from the Honolulu studio.

The sad thing is that I didn't have to look up a single one of those references.

-Kristen


One major difference between the Final Fantasy Movie and the examples you cite is the fact that the Final Fantasy Movie isn't going to be seen or sold as a cartoon by any sense of the word. It will be perceived as a special effects extravaganza, along the same lines as Jurassic Park was. Af