Be a member of our community and like it - August 4th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I want to have sex with the woman in the Doritos commercials. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Well, now you know about our big ol' secret I eluded to yesterday. Feast your shifty little eyes on the GIA Community. We here at the GIA pride ourselves in being able to waste precious minutes of your life, and this is just another step towards complete and total world domination.
Speaking of wasting minutes of your life, let's get this column started.
| Observatory |
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Um . . . hi. I bring questions and observations.
Is it just me, or are the release dates of FF9 and PS2 out of whack? PS2 is
supposed to be coming out late 1999/early 2000, as is FF9. But FF9 is
supposed to be coming out on the PSX, not the PS2. With these projected
release dates, FF9 won't be coming out much more than two months before PS2,
which will sort of take something away from the PS2 launch. Both Sony and
Square should realize this.
FF8 was to be released in Dec. 98; the first screen shots that were
definitely FF8 appeared in either April or May 98, 7-8 months before the
expected release. If that follows, we should be getting some FF9 screen
shots pretty damn soon.
On a completely unrelated note, I've been playing FF4 hardtype - one thing I
noticed was that some of the dialogues were much longer than in FF4
easytype, notably one with Kain at the beginning of the game and another
when you meet FuSoYa. I was wondering why translators always have to make
the dialogue 'fit the dialogue boxes', when it's clearly possible to change
the number of them. Any ideas?
-CS-
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You seem to forget that even with the SNES Square continued to release games long after the PSX had already been placed on the market. Square's put a lot of time and money into mastering the PSX architecture, so they're going to squeeze every last dime out of it that they feel they reasonable can.
As for FFIV, taking away is a lot easier than adding. When you start adding dialogue boxes, you begin to increase the size of the game. In the end, that requires a larger, more expensive cartridge, especially since the original Japanese version of the game was designed specifically for the standard ROM size of the day.
| Nice BOD |
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Yo Drew,
My friend and I think that you and your column are awesome. Now, I started
going to the GIA on, ironically, your first day on the letters column...so I
feel a deep rooted connection to you, my brother man. Now, in honor of our
brotherhood, I have started a fan club in your honor called The Brotherhood
Of Drew, also known as T-BOD. Now, anybody that really, really, really wants
to join T-BOD can mail me and, for the low, low price of nothing you will
recieve the special membership package. The package includes Drew's Email
address, embarrassing pictures of Drew playing (and enjoying) SaGa Frontier
(quantity limited), and maybe he'll give up some Seaman, we can only hope.
Well this is the end, may our future be prosperous.
The Steve
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The fact that somebody could possibly like me enough to start a fan club is freaky enough, but c'mon man. I never liked Saga Frontier. That game makes me want to push other people out into traffic in rage. Since you can't deliver such goods, I think you're making this whole fan club up. Well, I've called your bluff and posted your email address, so anybody that wants to bug you can. Oh, and by the way, there's no chance that anybody is getting my Seaman, it's just too much fun to give up.
Okay, after that last Seaman joke, I have to take a quick time-out to wonder just what in the hell Sega was thinking when they named that game. I mean, at least with games like Irritating Stick, you had to make the sexual conotation in your own mind, but Seaman is just a blatantly sexual and depraved sounding name. I'm going to have to assume that at one point or another, someone working for Sega got a good chuckle out of that title. There's just no way it could have possibly slipped past the panel of advisors, the development teams, and the play testers without somebody mocking it. And that being the case, there had to be somebody who was getting a good laugh out of the whole situation as he explained why it was a good monikor for whatever reasons he may have conjoured up. I sure hope Sega has enough brains to change the name should it see a Western release. Hell, name it "Mister Fish Face's Wacky, Mixed Up Adventures" for all I care, anything beats "Seaman."
| Don't trash the mouse |
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I'd like to say that Disney's latest, Tarzan, did not have anybody bursting out into song. In fact it just had "song-overs". You know, where they put music over the action? Like any normal movie?
And also, it's Disney that releasing Princess Mononoke. Contrary to popular belief, Disney is rather concerned with advancing the state of animation in the United States. Yes, they put out kiddy movies. You know why? Because IT SELLS. But they also want to put out animation geared towards adults. The reason is simple...it's good business sense. Why just make money drawing kids stuff when they could be doing both? Personally, I think Disney is the best thing for anime in this country right now. The company has bought up the rights to a helluva lot of it, with the intent of releasing it under it's Miramax subsidary. Disney sees the future of animation in it, and it's doing it's best in making sure we get it, with good dubbing jobs, and widespread release. I believe that it was another Disney subsidary that released Ghost in the Machine [Ghost in the Shell -Drew]. Not to mention the fact that Disney has a lot riding on Princess Mononoke. Being a former cast-member, I still hear stuff. One of the movies they have got coming out in the next couple of years is called "Atlantis"....and it's not supposed to be a movie geared towards 5 year olds.(I'm also of the opinion that Hunchback of Notre Dame was one of these movies, but nobody bothered to see it so....) They want it to be an American made anime, so you can bet that they're going to be doing their best to make sure that "Princess" does well stateside. It'll be bad for them if they don't.
In short, don't trash the Mouse. Yes, they churn out stuff that most people our age don't want to see. But the fact is is that this sells here right now. But they are trying to make other stuff sell too. And if it does, I'm willing to bet that Disney(which has the money to do this) will make sure most anime arrives here, with acutal production values and wide release. This is a company that wants to be on the side of anime, and it'd be good for it if it was. How does this tie into video games? More anime means more video games means better translations means we get everything. Disney actually has a lot to do with the future of gaming. Keep up the good work, monkey-boy. Can I have an award?
-Etiam, delenda est Carthago,
Caine
P.S. I don't think most American gamers will mind Edea as long as she has huge....tracts of land. ;->
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A lot of what you say remains to be seen, to be blunt. Disney has attempted to make their animated films appeal to both children and, to some extent, the parents of the children being dragged along to see them. To be honest, I'm a bit skeptical. After seeing what they did to one of my favorite childhood cartoons, Inspector Gadget, it's going to take a lot fo convince me that they're changing their ways. Oh well, you know what they say about us pessimists; we're either right or pleasantly surprised. So, you could be right, but I'll take the conservative viewpoint on the matter until I see some proof of what you say.
However, as far as producing animation that resembles anime, I don't think we're going to see that. I agree that we may see some films that reflect the deeper subject matter prevalent in most anime, but the drawing style is something that has its roots deeply embedded in Japanese culture and history. As such, I highly doubt that we're suddenly going to see American animation studios trying to mimic such a style, especially since there is already an existing Western drawing techniques.
| Love me. |
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Morbid Greetz, Drew
Very nice and cool of you to make a off-hand reference to Mystery
Science Theater yesterday. "Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped
Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies" is a MST classic that probably no
one would have ever heard of if not for our favorite movie riffing bots
and that ever so cool clown in the sky with them, be it Mike or Joel.
While this has absolutely nothing to do with RPGs or Adventure games,
or puzzle games, or rhythm games, I know that a lot of the readers care
about MST3K and are sad to see it leave the airwaves, as the final
episode airs this Saturday at 9 and 11pm on the Sci-Fi channel.
(Shameless plug, I know)
Uhm, in remembrance of MST3K and in celebration of the coolness of
Double Agent, I've wrote this song singable to the themesong of MST3K.
Ahem.
"In a not too distant column,
somewhere in time and space,
Drew Cosner and the GIA,
are caught in a nasty place!
They started a page about some games,
but not all smart games are the same.
The people had questions to ask,
Drew got stuck with Double Agent, and that's not an easy task!
(Take off weekends!)
We'll send him stra-a-ange letters,
the worst we can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and read them all,
and it'll liquify his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind Drew can't control,
where the column begins and ends (la la la)
He'll pound 'em out day-by-day,
with the help of his D.A. friends!
D.A. Rollcall!
Larissa: I'm gay!
Kelvin: I'm a janitor!
Ian P: Every Day!
Kaaaaufmann: Just the weekends!
If you're wondering how he thinks and writes,
and other science facts (la la la)
just repeat to yourself it's just a column,
I should really just relax!
For Double Agent on the thegia -dot- coooooooom!
"
And there you go. Your own themesong. Maybe Vestal and Kaufman can
use it for their sure-to-be upcoming album all about the GIA!
-Aaron "I didn't use the nickname generator" Littleton
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Just about every geek is going to miss MST3K, so why not pay it a little homage in the column? Sure, you could see this is just a thinly vailed excuse to fan my own ego, but that would be giving me more credit than I deserve. I'm not a conniving little bastard like that, it takes far too much thought and effort.
Did I fool you? No? Okay, so I'm a narcisistic prick, life's rough.
| Damn dirty cheater |
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hey drew,
have you ever heard of games that cheat? dont they piss you off, or am i the only one who ever says this. im writing this after playing Street Fighter 2 for SNES. this game cheats like a bitch. for example, to do guiles sonic boom a player has to hold back for 2 seconds then press forward and punch. but when i fight him (hes computer controlled, hes whipping those things out like theres no tomorrow!!! another is so blatant, so obvious its horrible. its called Mario Kart 64. you can use one of those super mushrooms and get like 8-10 speed bursts out of them, and those computer bastards still catch up to you! and they never spin out, only slow down!!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH
-LurCH
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Mario Kart 64 has to be the biggest cheat in the history of videogames. I could bitch all day about how much that game cheats. You can nail one of those computer-controlled opponents with 3 homing shells, and 2 seconds later they're back on your ass. Not only that, they all seem to have an endless supply of bananas that they either conveniently drop in your face as you edge up behind them, or strategically place in the most obnoxious of areas. At least the 2 player game rocks.
| Casting |
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I got very exicted about the Final Fantasy movie when I saw the cast
list the other day. The reason (and please no laughing): Alec Baldwin. I
had the good fortune to interview Mr. Baldwin back in June (I'm the
editor of a local media trade magazine when I'm not stomping evil
magicians), and he talked about what he looks for in a role. It's either
about money, which I'm sure Square has, or about getting a really good
role. As he said, "I'll play the waiter in a movie if I think it's
really good." It's also impressive to see names such as Woods, Rhames,
and Buscemi attached here. This is A-list talent, so Square must be
doing something right.
And it makes sense for them to launch this movie in the US. Final
Fantasy has already achieved maximum penetration in Japan, but the US
and European markets have a ways to go before saturation sets in. A hit
film in the US translates to a huge opening in Europe, especially for
something that is fantasy-based. I'd be very surprised if Final Fantasy
wasn't the title, as we've already had Wing Commander, Street Fighter,
Super Mario Brothers, and a pair of Mortal Kombats. This is about
cross-promotion, slipping the title into the mainstream consciousness.
If Square succeeds in making a good film, it will be great for the
series. Not to mention the first time a game-based movie was worth the
admission price. With this cast, I'm looking forward to it.
-Pilcrow
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I wouldn't go so far as to say that a good cast assures a good film. Wise man say "if you pay them, they will come." However, what you say is right. In order for the FFM to do well, it can't rely on its name. The FFM has to be an excellent piece of work in and of itself, or it will assuredly flop.
However, I do think that Square is going to give this their all. It seems to me that Square is eager to break into the special effects industry. After all, they've got more SGI rendering stations than even Pixar, why not make a few more bucks off of them? And the best way to show what they can do is by putting together an entirely computer-rendered film that winds up being a huge hit in the theatres. Square isn't going to purposely make a half-assed movie to slip out the door on unsuspecting fools. If the movie sucks, it's going to be inadvertant.
| Grow up |
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People talk about maturity in video games. But I never see any of this
"maturity." All I see is a bunch of little kids and teenagers. It seems
to me like a mature game would have 45-year-olds talking about their kids
while using Elixirs to heal their ulcers suffered from too much battling.
So tell everyone I said that.
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I guess that would be mature, but I'm not exactly sure it would qualify as a game...
| Better than sex |
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I think that the Final Fantasy Movie will win the Oscar for Best
Picture. And knowing Nobuo Uematsu, it will also win Best Music. And
just about every other award, too. Why am I so confident? Because
Square Soft has geniuses working for them. Hironobu Sakaguchi is one of
the greatest literary geniuses of the 20th Century. His storytelling is
incredible, and will put American movie makers to shame. Nobuo
Uematsu? With people like him, who needs Motzart? I am totally serious
about this. I mean, just look at the incredible stories that are Final
Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy VII. Those stories smash a whole lot of
books and movies.
Hironobu Sakaguchi is an incredible video game maker. I am sure
that he will be an incredible movie maker as well. Long live Final
Fantasy.
-Brendan McGrath
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Since when have popular, effects-laden movies done well at the Oscars? If it isn't French, or all artsy it won't get an Oscar. I think the panel of judges fancies themselves quite the mavericks who toss common consensus out the window in picking the best movie.
I like your comments, though. Yes, who needs Mozart? Who needs literature? Why, with a copy of Final Fantasy VI and VII around, who the hell even needs sex? I'm convinced. I'm going to move all of my furniture into a cave and live the life of a hermit, because as long as I have Final Fantasy, I really don't need any of that human interaction shit, either.
| Flamer's Corner #1 |
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What's up with your column now?
I thought you would at least retain some of the humour that was once in it
before. Although I knew your taking over of the comments section would mean
at least more homosexually gay-ass comments, I believed it would at least
remain a decent column devoted to game freaks and people that fuck with your
head. Now, your column has degraded to its pure essence of ephemeral
gayness.
What is this? Have you been eating some creamy creamy fruit flakes with
that slice of milk lately? Sure looks like it.
-Creator of Eggshit
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Some people dislike me. Maybe it's because I'm arrogant. Maybe it's because I'm opinionated and outspoken. Maybe it's because I openly insult their idiotic letters. Who the hell knows. Anyway, because of this, I receive a good hate letter now and then. Now, there are good hate letters, and there are bad hate letters. The best hate letters are those that toss in copious amounts of swearing and hollow insults, along with accusations of stupidity or, more oftenly, homosexuality. And these letters, my friends, are the ones that will be showcased in the new "Flamer's Corner."
Congratulations, Mister Eggshit. You are the first inductee. Had you actually made some valid criticisms, or pointed out what it is you dislike about the column, your letter may have qualified as a critique. Rather, you opted to scream and bellow and use all them big ol' nasty words your momma told you never to use. This, coupled with the ever politically-correct gay accusations, makes your letter a bonafide flame.
Now, if you would, please print out the column and roll it up into a tight cylinder and pinch off one end. Repeatedly ram this into your ear until you eventually break through the protective barriers encasing your brain. Continue until you have destroyed enough of your brain cells to cause you to become a mewling, puking vegetable, thus eliminating any chance of you passing your genes into the gene pool.
Closing Comments
I feel like having another topic-based column tomorrow. Along with the usual letters and other miscellaneous stuff you feel the urge to mail me tommorrow, here's a little something you can talk about. What do you think of the new Community section? What else would you like to see, or if what improvements would you make? The rest of the crew and I would love to know what you think, as we're trying to make The GIA the only RPG site you'll ever need.
Originally we intended on making the site the only thing you'd ever need, period, but it soon became apparent that shipping food and water out to all of our readers was unfeasible, and that AK's massive porn collection wouldn't satisfy your sexual urges forever. So, we're just going to have to settle with the Community I guess. Now, see that link up there at the bottom of the big blue table? I want you to click it and send me some brain droppings. I never said emailing me required having anything worthwhile to say, so don't put, er... thoughts in my brain. Or something.
-Drew Cosner
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