Paling in comparison - July 19th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Compared to having sex, this column really blows. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ladies and gentlemen, today is a good day indeed. Why, you ask? The answer is simple. Jay Boor, the Master of Mail, the Lord of Letters, has made his return to IGNPSX. Normally I really couldn't give half a crap about what goes on in the world around me, let alone make up some lameass line about it like that previous one, but this is is an exception.
I'm going to have to start cranking out those animations and coming up with some incredibly cool javascripts, that's for sure. It's hard to compete with a guy who posts pictures of bare-ass naked chicks soldering mod chips.
When questioned, Andrew Kaufmann went on record as saying, "Jay Boor did to letters columns what the Beatles did to music. He transformed a lame scene into a true craze, complete with legions of fans that adore him like I do. Jay, will you marry me?"
Jay Boor was unavailable for comment, although the prerecorded message on his answering machine played out as follows: "Hi, you've reached Jay Boor. I'm either out, or unable to come to the phone right now, so please leave your name and number at the sound of the beep and I'll get back to you as quickly as possible. Oh, and if this is you again, Andrew, there's no way in Hell I'm going to marry you. Call me one more time and I'll have somebody cut your balls off."
Hey, speaking of castration, let's start the column.
| Spoonfed |
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DkPhoenix wrote an interesting letter yesterday about storylines in
videogames and movies. He essentially said that storylines could not work
in videogames because of the interaction involved compared to movies, and
cited Xenogears as an example. While I agree with him that Xenogears was
flawed in its storytelling, I do not think that it was because it's just a
game, but rather in the way that it tried to tell the story.
First off, let me say that the story itself in Xenogears was very deep and
involving, and I enjoyed it. Second, I do not consider it a game because it
force fed you every line of the story whether you liked it or not, taking
away the interaction that a game should have. In trying to be a playable
movie, it ended up being neither fun or a game, and eventually led to me
putting it down before I finished it.
I think the way FF7 handles the progression of its story is more ideally
suited to videogames. Instead of giving you everything all at once and
right up front, FF7 was very cryptic and made you have to piece together the
puzzle, and draw your own conclusions, not making it so clear-cut (the
ending scene is a prime example). Also, it only gave you as much of the
story that you needed to get by. If you wanted to learn more about the
world around you, you could, but if you didn't, that was also ok. Sequences
like when you go back to the Shinra Mansion, Lucretia's cave, and watching
those home-made videos of Aerith's parents were some of the most interesting
parts of the game.
Now, I'm not saying that FF7 was perfect (the dialogue was unforgivable),
but I feel it has the right idea as to how to tell a story in a videogame.
The only game that I've played that accomplished what Xenogears set out to
do was Metal Gear, but only because it was nowhere near the complexity of
Xenogears (being essentially an action movie). Anyone please feel free to
email me your opinion.
Peace out,
-Darian Knight, darian__knight@hotmail.com
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I'm in agreement here. Xenogears did make some attempts at being interactive, namely the dungeon crawls, but unfortunately it spoon-fed the entire plotline to you. You didn't have to put any effort into discovering plot points for yourself. In the end the dungeons seemed more like an excuse to drag the game out longer rather than a truly crucial element. Nothing you did or could possibly do affected the outcome in any way, unless you decided to lose on purpose just to spite the game.
Xenogears had an interesting premise, I'm not questioning that. What I am saying is that Xenogears would have been a better game, in my eyes at least, if the player had to put a little effort into finding out the finer details of the storyline, as was the case with Final Fantasy VII.
Well, I guess I had better grab my asbestos underwear, because my ass is about to get royally flamed by every Xenogears fan reading this.
| Here we go to Nintendo. Crappy rhymes rock. |
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Hello, Drew. I'm writing in response to the person (unnamed, I notice),
who expressed his undying love for both Square and the Playstation.
This letter disturbed me somewhat. This fan decided to declare his
hatred for Nintendo, and also toward Square's possible (though, in all
fairness, this link has been, at best, vaguely implied) reunification
with Nintendo. While, indeed, during Square's alliance with Sony, their
company has been strengthened, I, personally, do not feel that Square
joining back up with Nintendo would be such a bad thing. Before
Nintendo's rather sad attempt to upgrade their prime system from the
SNES to the N64, they were a very respected mogul (in fact, the
dominating force) in RPGs. Stellar games such as FFIV, FFV, FFVI,
Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana and more, all some of the best video
games of all time, came out on ths SNES.
On a concurrent note, we must note that Square, however powerful and
god-like they may attempt to be, are *not* the end-all word in RPGs,
despite however much they say so (and some people think). Companies
such as Enix, Tri-Ace, Working Designs, just to name a few, have made
games that can surpass Square's attempts in many senses. Were Square to
leave the Playstation market, it would indeed make a noticable rift, but
could not make the RPG industry topple over.
In closing, I, for one, think it would be nice for Square to go over to
Nintendo when (if) their new system is unveiled. In order to be
successful on a new platform, we could expect Square to release much
higher quality games, if just for a while, and just to re-establish
their top spot on a new system.
- Riffraff
p.s. I don't intend, by this message, to be a Square basher. I always
have loved, and doubtless always will love Square. I simply felt
another perspective was needed.
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Nintendo is a vastly different company now than it was in the 16 bit days, that much is certain. They've learned some harsh lessons about accepting industry trends and sticking their nose in the work of the third parties. Nintendo may try to make like they made no mistakes with the N64, but losing to a competitor in Japan, what has always been their home field, was not taken without notice.
Because of this, you may notice that Nintendo has been making greater attempts to accommodate the third parties and their demands. For one thing, they went with DVD. That may not sound like that big of a deal, but Nintendo has always had a strict policy of using a propietary medium so that third parties were forced to come to them. This not only discouraged piracy, but also padded Nintendo's pockets rather effectively. Going with the generally accepted "Next Big Thing" in the form of DVD is a major change of strategy for Nintendo.
What's all this rambling have to do with anything? Well, because of Nintendo's more leniant and agreeable business practices they've slowly made the switch to, Square would really have no reason not to develop for the Dolphin. Censorship is no longer an issue with Nintendo, as long as it's not porn or something of that nature, and developing for more platforms means more cash.
Will Square make the move to the Dolphin with their major franchises (read Final Fantasy)? I doubt it. But what it boils down to this time around is really a matter of which company is the dominating force. If Sony is cleaning up, Square has no reason to leave their camp. If Nintendo comes out ahead, there's really nothing to keep Square from developing for them. That's what this all boils down to.
And yes, I am leaving the Dreamcast out of this whole rant. I personally will by myself a Dreamcast, as will a decent number of others, but I really don't see Sega as a major player this time around, sadly. Of course, that's just me going out on a limb, so who knows? Maybe I'll be proven incorrect.
| And in the other corner... |
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I think it would be a terrible idea for Sqauresoft to hook up with
nintendo again, they have had unprecedented freedom with sony and I
think YOU(Drew) failed to see that. Maybe you don't realize it but
square was miserable with nintendo, they had their games censored and
such, and some weren't allowed to come to north America. With Sony,
Square was given a chance to be free to release whatever they want, in
its real (almost)form. With Nintendo we would end up with Pokemon
Fantasy , we would get another kids game such as our version of FF2.
And you were REALLY too harsh with that guy, im not a Nintendo basher,
but I haven't seen stuff I like from them since the ole' super nintendo,
but u seem to have your lips planted right on their brightly colored and
watered down arse.
I also have trouble believing that Nintendo is going to be releasing the
Dolphin any time soon, c'mon people, we know their track record. all the
delays and such.. they are just announcing it now so that we wait for
their system to come out and not invest in a PS2. I also can't abide by
people saying how much faster it will be than the PS2, we haven't seen
any data, all we really know is the clock speeds on the chips and I say
WHO CARES to that. My computer is 450mhz, and I bet it couldn't handle
even a million polygons per second. PC CPU's aren't designed for
graphics really, they are more for text and the internet and such... of
course I may be wrong about this, but until i see hard evidence that the
Dolphin will beat the PS2's PROPRIETARY emotion engine(an impressive
chunk os silicone) in speed and image quality... my money will be on the
PS2.
Thank you!
PS: Don't read this as Nintendo bashing, it really isn't. Nintendo may
come and surprise us all with the dolphin, but i am being objective here
and the only hard data we have is on the PS2.
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Hey, I respect anybody willing to tell me what a Nintendo ass kisser I am. I admit it. And like you said, computer specs and console specs really can't be compared, there's so many differences between the two to take into consideration that I'd have to type a really, really long reply. And to be honest, I'm too damn lazy to do that. And yeah, the Dolphin still remains shrouded in mystery, so it could end up being a major piece of crap for all we know. It's possible. The kind of possible like a meteorite composed of pure gold falling out of the sky and landing safely besides me, but possible nonetheless. However, like I stated in my last reply, Nintendo really doesn't bother with third party titles much anymore, so Square would still have their creative freedom.
Hoo-rah.
| Do it for Johnny |
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Been debating with myself to write this rant or not...But ah what the
hell.
Yesterday, I was browsing the Zaney Video Game Qoute archive ("A Winner
Is You!") when I came across all the amusing qoutes from Chrono
Trigger's Programer Room ending...And I got to thinking...These guys
really DO put in a lot of time for these games. No question that Square
is Sakaguchi's livelyhood is there?
And they more than likely occasionally browse sites for consumer
feedback...And I have to say, there is no such thing as good feedback is
there? It IS bitch bitch bitch...Reading that stuff discourages me from
even buying the games. You have to wonder what it'd do to the maker.
So here it is. To the video game industry. My hats off to you. My hats
off to you guys who go without sleep to tweak that battle engine, or
that puzzle room...My hats off to you, Sakaguchi, and countless others
like you, toiling on your 'Final Fantasies'. My thanks for some really
fun and memorable times.
For Sale: One Slightly Used Soap Box.
~Ian P.
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Hey, Square's Japanese development team rocks, no question about it. They consistently put together an excellent game, and the few games they've put out that sucked can be counted on the fingers of one hand.
If only they would get rid of those mentally handicapped chimpanzees they have doing the English translations.
And to address the broader point that you're making, I agree that we need to show a little more appreciation for what it takes to piece together an entire game. Sure, it's easy enough for us to scrutinize every last aspect of a game upon its release, but the frustration of getting that one line of code to work or making that one character look just right is something most of us simply can't relate with. A lot of effort goes into the games we play, my friends. Yes, even the ones that suck massive balls. Does that mean we should like all games? Hell no. But stepping back and thinking about all the hard work and energy that went into a game may help us to overlook the faults of an otherwise excellent one.
Hey, I admit I'm not lily-white, I bitch as much as the rest of you. We're gamers, it's what we do.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled bitching and dry sarcasm.
| Just not funny |
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Actually, comedies usually don't do as good at the box-office as the
more standard fare of action, adventure, etc.
Auston Powers 2 recently opened to the largest weekend for any
comedy, making like $50 million or something. By comparison, Batman
and Robin, a not-purposely-comedy movie, made roughly the same
amount.. and its nowhere near the top.
Romantic comedies make even less.. Notting Hill opened recently to
$23 million, the most ever for a romantic comedy.
(These figures (and actually, pretty much the entire letter) are from
Entertainment Weekly.)
-TorgVega Q
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Yeah, that's true. I guess we just live in a society that perfers seeing a bunch of shit blowing up to a good laugh. Of course, I suppose the fact that the almighty fart is considered the Mecca of humour could have something to do with that. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a comedy that required more than three active brain cells to process. What ever happened to that stuff? Given the choice between Jerry Lewis and Milton Berle, I think it's pretty obvious who's example the film industry chose to follow.
Yeah, okay, so I sound like your grandfather now. Just stay the Hell off my dead lawn and I'll leave you alone.
| Bitch indeed |
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Drew you bitch,
I just wanted to mention,in order to see the Opera FMV in FFVI you just have to beat the game and access it through the save screen. you
get to watch all 3 FMV.
-llorac
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Well, I stand corrected. Nothing like being proven wrong by a Dr. Seuss character. And just to prove that I'm a good sport when I'm wrong like an ass, here's another, more in-depth explanation.
| Omake |
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Hey Drew,
First, unless Square took it out, the opera FMV is at the end. The Omake isnt an additional
disc, I have prove, I have the Collection. The third disc I htought was the "soundtrack" CD for it.
Second. yeah I was wrong to prejudge CC, it's not bad, its good, and I know I'm gonna get
flamed for this but, we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. In this case, screenshots.
Third, Square sould go back to Nintendo, for one thing.... GameBoy games. I need more damn
fun on my stupid little peice of $80 purple crap (in other words, GBC). With the whole Lufia 3
thing messed up, there is nothing else to play besides.... nothing!
Random Rants: Xenogears should be released as a book!
We need more comedy RPGs!! More EarthBounds!! More Lunars! And they need to be 60+ hours!
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Okay, here's the full deal: you can use the omake mode, some options of which are unavailable until after you've completed the game, to view a few extra sketches, renders, and movies, amongst other crap. Using the omake mode, you can watch the loosely termed "Opera movie", which is really just compilation of scenes from the intro and ending FMVs. The bouquet scene is in either the intro or the ending movie, or perhaps both, as well as the omake compilation clip.
Oh, and by the by, Natsume feels that the Lufia for Gameboy Color will be every bit as deep and complex as they'd originally intended it to be. Whether or not that will pan out remains to be seen, but give them the benefit of the doubt, man.
| Eyez on me |
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Hey? I just had a few quick questions concerning events surrounding the release of a little-known esoteric rpg called "Final Fantasy VIII". While I'm not quite sure if you've heard of it, there still is a slim chance that someone reading this column might have. [dripping with sarcasm]
Anyway, concerning FFVIII's release date- what is the *real* date? My local Software Etc. says 9/8, Square on several ads says 9/9, but Square also said 9/7 for FFVII and it hit stores on 9/2 and 9/3. What gives?
Also, will Faye Wong's "Eyes on Me" be released in the States for radio airplay as it was in Japan? While I do like the song, and I have heard of its success in Japan, I'm not entirely convinced that a song with an oriental vocalist off a videogame would do well here (not to mention the similarities with the now notoriously-despised "My Heart Will Go On").
Finally, I was just wondering what *you* are going to do on the Pocketstation matter for FFVIII? I personally am about to import it from Japan, but I'm not quite sure its worth the $70.00 plus s&h.
-Matt
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Although the car ads have September 9th listed as the release date, a much more recent press release marks Final Fantasy VIII's date as September 7th. I'm sure you'll be able to snag it a few days earlier if you call up and pester the store you intend on purchasing it from, though.
Secondly, I highly doubt Eyes on Me will get actual radio time, games just aren't that mainstream yet in the States. Of course, I've been wrong before, as the previous letters prove so well, so we'll just have to wait and see.
I swear "wait and see" is becoming my mantra around here.
Lastly, I still haven't decided. I'm usually broke, so chances are I'll wind up just coping with the lack of extras, or being a cheater and using my Game Shark.
Closing Comments
I like letters. They make me feel like a stud. Send one to me, you sweet thing.
-Drew Cosner, überstud
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