Double Agent
I only eat free range sarcasm - July 18th, 1999 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I know you shot down JFK Jr's plane. I'm just letting you sweat it out a little before I call the authorities. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Just another lazy Sunday here at the GIA. Of course, our definition of lazy is scrambling about like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to get all kinds of news and media ready for posting. The exception is that we get 5 hours of sleep rather than the usual 3. Good old Sundays.

Oh, hey, and to help set the mood for a day of relaxation I've decided to start the column by ripping apart a really stupid letter from a writer who I hope for his own sake speaks english as a second language. In the spirit of the day, of course.

Like a father

Hi Drew, i am one of the biggest fans of squaresoft, they are like my father tio me, but also i'm a fan of psx. resently, i happenned to hear that square was getting interested on the next generation console system of nintendo( Dolphin). i wouldn,t like it one bit that square went to nintendo. Square has to be loyal to sony, i mean thanks to them the now have a stronger company and a really good rep. Me and my friends have spent nights talking about this and we've decided to do everything possible to prevent this from happening. I know there's lots of fans that feel this way and that want square to be with sony only, but we need some way to let squaresoft know how we feel. Is there any way i could do this. if there is please tell me. i would really hate to see the name final fantasy on nintendo. At least me and my friends would never buy it. thank you for your time. p.s. final fantasy rules!!!!!!!


I think this is a prime example of why safety regulations should be done away with. When natural selection can't run its course, this is what we start to see.

What stands this letter apart from the other completely incoherent and illogical bosh that somehow makes it to my mailbox along with the usual assortment of letters is the way it manages to shift almost seamlessly from complete and utter absurdity to blatant factual inaccuracy.

I have to seriously wonder about you, my friend, if you see a corporation as a father figure. And really, I'd like to know what you and your friends intend on doing to halt Square's consideration of expanding development to the Dolphin. After all those nights you've spent pondering, I'm sure you've all come up with something good. Maybe you can send Hiroshi Yamauchi a really nasty letter, that'll sure show everyone.

Furthermore, Square hasn't been loyal to Sony, they simply chose to develop for the Playstation rather than the Nintendo 64 or Saturn for financial and creative reasons. Cartridges wouldn't allow them to make the games they wanted to make, and the Saturn's installed base in North America wasn't enough to warrant Square's development. But what I really enjoy is the fact that you don't want to see the Final Fantasy series on a Nintendo console. You must not have been a big fan of the first 6, huh?

Prelude

Hey yo Double Agent,

I just got the FFVIII sound track, which kicks ass IMHO(whatever the hell that means) and i noticed it didn't have a prelude. none! if it wasn't enough to RUIN the fanfare and get rid of the intro to the battle music and have a cheesy pop song and even stupider song at the ending theme, they had to get rid of the prelude. At least the crossing the bridge (aka "final fantasy") is getting better........but my question is, is the prelude in the game, or was Uematsu drunk and forgot all about it, or did square just leave no place to put it?

-Chaos Paladin


IMHO stands for "in my humble opinion", just for the sake of making myself useful. And to answer your question, the Prelude most certainly is in Final Fantasy VIII, although it's never a song unto itself. You hear it at the tail end of the opening theme, and also when you die.

Pocketstation come home

Okay. Once and for all, in which points of the game do the FMVs play in the Anthology FF6? I know obvisously in the ending and begginning, but what about the opera movie? Does it play when you're in the opera, or is it just a thing to be seen in the Omake mode?

-Mr. SpeKKles


Okay, I hate to dole out news of such a high suck factor, but I'm afraid you're wrong on one account. Both FFV and FFVI have only opening and closing (ending) FMVs, the Opera scene you speak of is in the ending FMV for FFVI. There is a third disc with a compilation of scenes from the game, which I'm assuming is the omake you're referring to, but it doesn't have anything on it that can't already be found in the opening or closing FMVs. Tell me that's not a major disappointment.

Games as games or games as stories?

You mentioned in your columns that "[G]ames are like movies in that they are effect the viewer, or player as the case may be, on an emotional level" and that "Games are now more than just recreation, they're beginning to take the form of an art". I must say that while what you say rings true, I can not agree that this is a good thing, at least, not to some people.

You see, games are just that - games. And while the premise behind a game such as, say Final Fantasy 7, and the premise behind a movie, say Eyes Wide Shut, are similar, they are not the same. While both of these present serious, thought-provoking stories (we didn't go see EWS for the nudity... naw ;), there is a key difference - one is scripted around what the player's input, and the other is not. And I don't talk about just RPGs - ALL console, computer, board, pen and paper, and other games are based on the player's input - the player is in control, he calls the shots. When you start taking that aspect away, these cease to be games - even though they call themselves such. Of course, the easiest form of control is action - you choose when you want to fight, when to talk, when to run like a pansy. It's this action, and the control of it, that we derive entertainment from - at least, in video games.

Unfortunately, this action is easily and even worse, often, taken away in RPGs. Their more story-oriented nature lends toward a scaling back of action. However, this tends to lessen the enjoyment factor in turn. Sure, text-intensive games like Xenogears can be fun - but a book is 100% text-intensive, and is more fun, IMO, than playing Xenogears, because it doesn't try to be something it's not. Xenogears (not to bash it, but it's a glaring example) tries to be more of a story, when it should be more of a game, and that lessened it's effect on the role-playing community - with more action and more control (for action isn't the ONLY method of control, only the easiest) Xenogears could have rivaled some of the greatest - Chrono Trigger for example. Instead, Xeno doesn't even come close, because Xeno offers very little control, whereas in CT, there's a lot of control - you can choose to fight or run without starting up a battle, choices you make affect the outcome, and the action is paced quite well.

Not to say that Xenogears is a bad game - I enjoyed it as much as I could. And I'm sure that people that are really into long, intricate stories (myself one of these people) enjoyed it a lot. But if I want a long, intricate story, I can pick up, say Robert Jordan, or flip to Babylon 5 on television, and get that intiricate story told even better. My point being, games, and especially RPGs, should strive to be first and foremost, a game. Because if they try to be something else, they'll be outclassed - other mediums cover it much better.

-DkPhoenix, Wow that was a long rant 8-)


I can see where you're coming from, but one of the main draws of any good RPG is the storyline. Although you could read a book to get a complex, well-written story, in the end all you've done is read the narrarator's account of the tale. With an RPG, you have a greater sense of involvement, and because of this the story means more to you than if you'd just read a book. There are other games that are a blast to play because they are made to simply be played as a game, and not to be taken more seriously than that. Banjo Kazooie is an excellent example. The storyline serves only to give the player a basic motive, the experience comes from the gameplay itself.

There's room in this world for both the plot-intensive and the gameplay-intensive, and the combinations of those two. As long as everything is balanced out appropriately, and the player still feels as though his interaction somehow affects the course of the game, then there will still be a place for the Xenogears and the Final Fantasies.

And there's an equally long-winded reply. Damn you guys, making me think all of the time.

Dude, that chick's a dude!

Oo! Oo! I have a complaint, I have a complaint!

I had to watch the Vagrant Story movie five times before I realized some of the characters were male instead of female. That confuses and enrages my homophobic american male self.

Unsincerely, -Ian P.


The first time I saw the blonde character, in that picture where you only see his head and neck, I thought he was a pretty attractive woman. And then I realized that he was a dude when I looked at the other screenshots. I've been in counseling sessions ever since that incident.

More about HDTV and DVD

http://www.playstation.com/press_releases/show.asp?spec=89

This is why whoever said that Dreamcast is the only console to support HDTV is wrong. The following is the important paragraph from the address (the official Playstation site) above.

"The current PlayStation introduced the concept of the Graphics Synthesizer via the real-time calculation and rendering of a 3D object. This new GS rendering processor is the ultimate incarnation of this concept - delivering unrivaled graphics performance and capability. The rendering function was enhanced to generate image data that supports NTSC/PAL television, High Definition Digital TV and VESA output standards. The quality of the resulting screen image is comparable to movie-quality 3D graphics in real time."

In conclusion- niener niener.

-Locke828


Yeah, I knew it would have been pretty freaking strange if Sony didn't support the HDTV format they've been pushing with the PS2. It's nice to be right once in a while. Er, I mean, I'm always right. Yeah.

Even more about HDTV and DVD crap, with Plasma TV thrown in for good measure

Dear Drew,

Whomever says DVD and HDTV do not mix is either oblivious to fact, or getting their information from some propietery source. For a year, I was the office manager at a store called Hawthorne Appliances, which is a part of ABC Warehouse (a huge chain in Michigan/Ohio). Hawthorne carries the newest technologies on the line, and so we always had HDTV for sale, as well as Panasonic Plasma Screens (which are not HDTV) and a virtually endless supply of DVDs. We sold about 50 of those a day around Christmas, and couldn't keep them on the shelves.

In December, in an effort to interest the public in an $8,000 TV-Set, Hawthorne had a much publicised showing of Mr. Holland's Opus, between the local NBC station, Sony Corporation, and ABC Warehouse. We packed the house, and showed a TRUE HDTV signal (not the tripe that is normally broadcast for an hour a day) on the HDTV. The result was, actually, amazing. There was a depth and clarity which I had never before seen, as if the picture were *real* and not just a picture.

So, the following day, we connected DVDs to the four HDTVs, a Mitsu Rear Projection, and three Sony XBR VEGAs. I watched Dante's peak on them. I know it worked, because I stood there and watched how crystalline the graphics were on the component video, and I know right now that DVD works on HDTV because I saw it with my own eyes. It was marvelous. Not *as* good as the HDTV signal, but VERY close.

Now, a DVD will not run at the highest resolution an HDTV *can* achieve, but the HDTV will take the highest resolution the DVD can offer through a set of component video (R/G/B) cables, and that will blow away your digital satellite, cable, VHS, and normal TV signal faster than you can say "Boink!". As far as DVD goes, it is QUITE compatible with your HDTV.

~D.Greenleaf
Former Office Manager, Hawthorne Appliances

p.s. If you ever want to buy a plasma screen, PLEASE call me and let me know, and I can get you a great deal, and probably save you a grand or two on it.


Hey, thanks for the info, seriously. And if I ever have a few thousand dollars lying around that I just don't know what to do with, I'll be sure to give you a call.

And if Hell ever freezes over, maybe we can grab some shovels to dig our way on down there and then go ice skating together.


Now that's comedy

Surely I'm not the only one who found numerous scenes from the Final Fantasy series, especially VI and VII, to be very funny? I agree they weren't built around a core of humour, but it was certainly there if you share the designers' sense of humour at all. For example, the Turks could be pretty funny, and the Sabin and Gau scenes were hilarious. To me, at least.

For games that really do focus on humour as their reason for being, you probably have to look back to the traditional point-and-click adventures by LucasArts - Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle, and so forth. Perhaps one reason we don't see many games based on humour now is that these adventures aren't really being made any more, and even when they are they're not released on the consoles, only the PC.

Still, there were some really great laughs in those old games.

About games taking themselves too seriously: it's really a matter of scale. When you want to make an epic like many of the Final Fantasy games, or Xenogears, you just have to take the story seriously, or it won't feel epic. If you make a game just for laughs, it's unlikely that it's going to keep up anyone's interest for 60+ hours. It's like the difference between drama and sitcoms on TV: drama tends to be an hour, sitcoms only half an hour. It's harder to sustain comedy for a long time.

-Thorfinn Tait


Yeah, those old point and click games could be a riot. Who can forget good old Sam and Max Hit the Road? But I'd have to disagree with you on the length statement. That would mean that all the movies that were comedies couldn't have existed were it the case.


Closing Comments

Well, my reply to that first letter was undoubtedly the most bitter and and sarcastic number I've ever conjoured up. I feel almost guilty. Okay, so I never really feel guilty about anything I do, but I know when I've been a pretty big bastard, and the ol' sixth sense caught plenty of negatory vibes off of that one. I have to go spread peace and good will to raise my karma now. At the rate I'm going, I'll be coming back as a dung beetle. Peace out.

-Drew Cosner, off spreading good will towards others


 
Recent Columns
07.17.99
07.16.99
07.15.99
Double Agent Archives
Nickname Creator
Contact the Agent.