The foot is coming down - July 17th, 1999 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. The end is nigh, some old lady on a street corner told me so. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Man, I have to admit, Vagrant Story looks pretty sweet. And it really has to impress me to elicit a compliment, rather than my usual bitching. Hell, usually the closest I'll come to complimenting a game is a grunt of approval, but Vagrant Story just looks so damn smooth. I like the way Square is trying something a bit different with the Gothic atmosphere. Sure, we've all seen the knights and dragons thing, and the hell hole future world's been done about a million times, but a Gothic setting remains underplayed at best. This could be cool.
Not as cool as my idea for a golfing game in which you can get into your cart and terrorize the other players on the course, but cool nonetheless. Maybe that should be the next genre Square expands into.
| If you need me to off somebody, just say the word |
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drew,
i have a small favor to ask. can you give me the names and addresses
of a few people you don't like? the reason is if your letter column
represents a good cross-section of the rpg gaming gene-pool, and i think
it does, then this gene pool needs to be drained. what i propose is
simple; start off with someone you hate, the so-called hardcore gamer
you spoke of. you get his name, address, and location of blood
siblings(just in case...) then i find them, torture them, eventually
kill them, and for good measure, destroy their souls. and i do this for
free. think about it. you know how to contact me.
-juno reactor
p.s. why the hell is vagrant story in english?
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Some columnists have readers who send them ridiculously flattering emails, who draw little sketches of them, who come up with clever nicknames for them, or who who write them painstakingly articulate letters debating the current state of the gaming community. I have readers who offer to kill people for me.
And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.
P.S. I knew English was hip in Japan, but I cant figure how they intend on even understanding Vagrant Story when the dialog is in english. Okay, so some people will try to tell you that the Japanese know english, but may I remind you that this is the country whose knowledge of English has brought us such game titles as "Everyday is Cat Day" and "Super Love Love Mahjongg EX". Vagrant Story isn't a case of style over substance, it's more like a case of style of decipherability.
| Video formats |
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Hey man,
I really hate QuickTime 3, I mean I REALLY hate QuickTime 3. It's so poor if
you don't own the damn thing, it takes forever to start up a movie and when
you finally do you can't adjust it to the particular resolution you want it
at without having the viewing area completely blanketed in a purple fog. I
got rid of it and I don't want to bear the seven meg download for something
worth less than what I crap out three times a day. Can't ya do something with
the movies? I'm speaking of the recent Crono Cross and Vargrant Story movies
you posted ... (here's a hint: MPEG!)
PLEASE,
-mista tea
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For the answer to this query, I went to our resident movie guru and badass extraordinaire, Brian Glick. Here's what he had to say:
"Half of the movie-related letters we get bitch us out for posting them in QuickTime 3 format, while the other half bitch us out for the rare MPEG files we post. The problems you describe certainly aren't normal...there shouldn't be a problem resizing it to some other dimension. Since there's no clear preference out there on what to use, we'll stick with the format that's far easier for us to work with, most of the time.If you're really desperate to see the CC and Vagrant Story movies (and you should be!), you might want to download the minimum installation of QuickTime 4 at www.quicktime.com, which may also fix your problems"
So there you have it, the reason why we opt to go with Quicktime movie files rather than MPGs nine times out of ten. I hope that not only answers your question, but also satisfies your innermost desire for Brian Glick quotes. I know you have that desire. You don't have to lie to me.
| The Drew system |
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You seem tired pookey, is something wrong?
No one seems to have hit upon the fact that no games for any of the next
gen systems except the DC have been announced yet...I learned my lesson
from the last start of the console wars. Twice as many bits means so
very little. =P
Have you heard about the new 'system' for FFIX? You know how you have
the Esper System, the Materia System, now the Draw System...Well next is
going to be the 'Drew' system. You see, you play the role of a young
letter columnist who's able to summon animated graphics to combat and
frustrate the enemy. I hear his last and most powerful graphic is a
picture inhabited by his long lost brother Allan, who's looks apparently
can kill most enemies instantly! But I also heard you need a Dual Shock,
a Pocketstation, and Sakaguchi's retina pattern saved to a memory card
to unlock it.
I'll stop now ^_^;;
Here is a question that shall entertain and educate...What was the
starting price for all the systems NES/Master System up? I have some old
comic books and magazines that show the price of the Genesis being
something like $200...And the PSX was $300 when it was launched wasn't
it? Or is my faulty memory being faulty again?
Arrogant letter columnist, strike the impure down with snide comments!
Drew3!
-Ian P.
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That Drew system can be pretty rough, let me tell you. If you aren't careful, I'll whip up some epileptic fit-inducing animation on your ass, and then everybody will be screwed. Okay, so I've already tried that... it seemed like a good idea until I ended up twitching around on the floor and frothing at the mouth. All my best laid plans are ruined by fits or seizures of some kind, it's really irritating.
Anyway, now I'll even answer your question, which is a strange and foreign concept to me... It's not like this is a letters column or anything. The SNES and Genesis were both about 200 bucks when they first came out, the PSX was 300, and the Saturn was a whopping 400 dollars when it was first released.
| Pocketstation come home |
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OK... now I'm pissed. So, they aren't releasing PocketStation's in the US, and they're leaving in all the PocketStation-exclusive crap, huh? Well, oh omnicient one (everyone chuckle now!), do you have any idea where an irate American... no, an irate CONSUMER, can get his/her greedy little hands on one of these little rare grey gems while in the US? I'm not going to sit still and play a Final Fantasy game without my lovely Bahamut... and on that note, what exactly is the PocketStation used for in FF8? I heard you had to raise your Summon/Esper/whatever-the-hell-they-call-it-this-time spells like Tamagotchis... -shiver- Truth, or bullshit?
-Pissed-off-bastard-who... umm... swims in cottage cheese and kicks Elvis' ass?
(No, I didn't use the name generator, but I got the gist of what they were doing with the damned thing)
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Whelp, you're going to have to either use an online import company, such as www.tronixweb.com or www.ncsx.com, or track down a local import shop. And be prepared to pay through the nose for the little buggers; I've not seen one for less than 60 bucks. In the end, you'll be one of the few people to get the extra summons and the ribbon. Yes, you really have to go through all of that to get a ribbon accessory, despite the fact that it's always been a mainstay of the Final Fantasy series. The game itself is basically a Tamagochi like you said, but the only character you're raising is a baby chocobo. Unfortunately, the most fun you can have with one of those Tamogochis is punishing the animal everytime he goes to the bathroom, and I doubt that'll get you the hidden crap. That's such a shame.
Remember how I said there was a much more complex answer beyond my pathetic grasp? Well there it is.
| Legend of Mana music |
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The Legend of Mana music is actually done by the composer for.......Parasite Eve. I don't remember the exact name but I am positive of this. The
shock and then the pleasent suprise of everyone I have talkrd to sticks in my mind. Also you can download a beautiful mp3 from chrono Cross,
here, http://www.zophar.net/Files/crosopen.mp3 it is on the site Zophar.net
Hope this helps.
-Cain
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Okay people, that's enough plugging in your letters. Really. Next person to plug a URL is going to find it replaced in the actual column with a URL to a Care Bears site. I know none of us really want that. I was willing to post this URL since it's actually something of interest, but I have to start drawing the line somewhere. Or maybe charging. Hm....
Nah.
| Legend of Mana music, part II |
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Hoiya.
Yoko Shinomura did the mewziks for Legend of Mana, methinks. She's done
stuff for Live a Live, Front Mission, Parasite Eve, etc. Me personally
didn't like PE mewzik, but me hears that her Legend of Mana work be
exshellent.
-Keiiii
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And there you have it. Consider my lame ass clued in.
| Comedy |
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Hello, mister Double Agent!
Even though some people strive for "depth" and "posterity" I don't want any
of that in my video games. If I want thought-provocation, I'll play
Xenogears or Final Fantasy 8. If I want ass-kicking gameplay, I'll take a
copy of Parodius or UmJammer Lammy. If I want horror and action, I'll take
Resident Evil 2 or Silent Hill. But if I want a game that takes its humor
seriously, I'll pick up..... er..... well......
All of the game developers have lost their sense of humor. Squaresoft
relies on puns. Point Blank is more silly than funny. Tomba! is just plain
childish. I laugh at PaRappa/UJL because they're Japan's attempts to
decipher our culture by watching Nickelodeon for a couple of days. I liked
Lunar because a lot of the humor was intentional, with the Cave of Trials'
"break" floor where you got to check out a bunch of lost adventurers and
their wacky antics, including a brief cameo by Austin Powers, International
Man of Mystery. And I laughed my ass off when I discovered that Nall was
supposed to be a GUY.
But there is one RPG that was particularly funny, in my humble opinion. You
know it. I know it. It was produced by Nintendo and some unknown Japanese
company called "Ape." Mother 2. EarthBound. It didn't set out to have an
enriching, heartwarming, and asskicking story. Much like BASEketball or The
Naked Gun, it focuses on the censored, oddball humor that made it so
popular. Only without the censorship. Or the oddballness. You could get
the same effect if you took FF7 and had it written by Seanbaby.
Even if you took Xenogears and replaced its dialogue with nonsequitours and
gave it a coolassed font like Mr. Saturn's, then crossdressed everyone and
drew a moustache on Elly, it wouldn't have a great effect. Honestly: Has
anyone ever played a game that revolved around a large nucleus of humor?
With a lot of mindless swearing and injokes, with a bunch of sight gags and
ruthless puns? Maybe a sex scene to even things out, instead of an implied
"FEI AND ELLY SHARE A BUNK" scene.
I want dirty jokes, insane swearing, a soundtrack that sounds like something
other than "Dragon Warrior Meets Final Fantasy" and a guest cameo by Don
Knotts instead of human cloning, insane strategy, and inane puzzles.
Consider this a letter with very few backupable flames, Mr. Milligan (Or
Cosner, whichever is managing this column at this time.
-Cedric "NeatoMan" Henry
Come to think of it, a soundtrack by NoFX would kick ass........
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I don't really recall this swearing you speak of, but yeah, Earthbound was definitely a funny little game. It had crap graphics, sound that could pass as humorous if not high-tech, and an extremely lighthearted storyline. Despite all that, it was still more fun than a lot of the junk I've played recently.
This also raises the question: Why are there so few humorous games? In the film industry, comedy is one of the more popular genres available, and yet when it comes to games the best we can hope for is an adventure title with a few funny lines tossed in. Lunar being a prime example.
It seems that too many games just take themselves too seriously. Some of the premises that have been appearing as of late sound like something a teenaged pothead came up with after toking up behind his parents' garage. "Dude, what if, like, God was really evil, and the Church was just here to control us? Whoah man...."
Certainly there are inherent dilemmas that would creep up when attempting a comedic title, such as misplaced timing due to the interactive nature of a game, but I don't see why this is something a clever developer couldn't get around. Hell, if somebody can make a music videogame like Parappa or UmJammer, why couldn't somebody come up with a way to make a comedy videogame? It'd certainly be interesting to see.
| The meaning of life |
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I was playing Clever Endeavor with my family the other day, and about
halfway through it occurred to me that it's a game. Just like the stuff I
play on my PSX. There's a huge difference between the two, though, because
I don't hunt down the latest Boggle news on networks of websites devoted to
board games. I don't sit around in board game chat rooms on IRC fuming
about how lame the new question set for Trivial Pursuit is. And I don't
import the foreign version of Risk so I can get an uncensored version.
Now, obviously, there are some fundamental differences between board games
and video games. But what are they? Why do we spend so much time learning
and bitching about video games? What makes them so different, from, say,
legos? They're both fun things you can do by yourself. But the number of
lego pages I've seen is kinda limited, whereas you can find hundreds of
video game shrines. So what do you think?
-Captain disco beat and a big bag of your face
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And so I leave you with this. My personal take? Although at one time videogames were just "games", as the name implies, with the advent of more powerful consoles and a maturation of the gaming crowd, they've become something more. Sure, there aren't any magazines or websites devoted to Boggle, but there are sites and magazines devoted to films. What am I saying? Well, even though it sounds kind of fruity to say so, I personally feel that games are like movies in that they affect the viewer, or player as the case may be, on an emotional level. I've never seen anybody get teary eyed as they realized they've inherited a cat farm from a dead uncle while participating in a game of Life, but most people have gotten a little chocked up at select scenes in games, such as the death of Aeris or General Leo.
Games are moving beyond the realm of a form of recreation, they're beginning to take the form of an art. I don't personally believe that they've reached that level just yet, but with each passing day, and with each game that pushes the envelope just a bit further, the medium comes closer to attaining the status of an artform. And those, ladies and gentlemen, are my two cents.
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Closing Comments
I'm starting to understand why Allan was considering doing away with these closing comments. It's really hard to think of something to say, let alone something that provides a sense of closure to the column. I wish I could just start rolling the credits Monty Python style. Oh well.
-Drew Cosner
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