Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. All of English's staple coordinating conjunctions can be found in the word "fanboys." Don't say we didn't warn you.

It's come to my attention that taking any kind of language class will completely defeat any love of the written word a person may harbor. Attentive readers take note: if my worst columns begin to reliably fall on Tuesdays and Thursdays ... it's because English Comp shrivels the soul and sickens the spirit.

But anyway ... Let's go.

You want some of this?

Erin, It's almost painfully obvious that one of WD's three projects will probably be Lunar 3, although I couldn't see how that would "blow people's minds". The only other projects I could think of otherwise would be more re-releases of the previous Lunar games, or perhaps a new series. On Atlus' side, I could only hope that these "exciting annoucements" are US releases of the upcoming Shin Megami Tensei III, the Devil Children remake on the Playstation, or even better still, another Persona game. But, I know that these games will probably never be released here, and a third Persona game is unlikely (especially since Cozy Okada said that Persona 2: Eternal Punishment would be the last of the series), so I am an unhappy Atlus fanboy. I can wish, can't I? - Esto Carass

One of Atlus' trick ponies was, of course, unmasked today, (Tactics Ogre GBA), and a thought amongst the GIA staff is that another "exciting announcement" might refer to Growlanser III. Hopefully they won't have entirely burned their allotment of exciting announcements before they get to something their fans are actually clamoring for - like, say, a MegaTen box set bundling Devil Children with P2:IS and Soul Hackers in a deluxe Totally Unmarketable Chronicles package.

Screwed

Erin, I'd really like to see Working Designs bring over Sakura Taisen. True, it's pretty quirky by American standards, but what can one expect from a strategy RPG + dating sim? Mr. Ireland has expressed his interest in the possibility numerous times over the last couple years or so, and now that the Sakura Taisen Complete Box is soon to come out in Japan and the series is officially over, just maybe we'll get a chance to play this excellent series in the U.S. --- Alex Bender Thinking Kohran should maybe try wearing safety goggles...

I get all ... ooh ... squealy at the thought of wrapping my calloused gaming mits (no wonder I'm not doing so well with that whole Havoc fund-raiser... hmmm) around an English version of the ST Complete Box - despite being a admittedly underwhelmed with the whole dating sim element. Given the series' general quirkiness, I can think of few groups better suited to translate it than WD, but it would largely depend on Sega and WD mending their fences, so to speak. Remember, WD's split with Sega was largely responsible for the first Sakura Taisen not seeing American shores. All the bad blood, combined with licensing issues pertaining to the ST anime (previously released in the US), pretty effectively screws us over.

Dammit, Ruby, you dumb bitch. Quit playing with my emotions.

Dear Agent: Not that I don't dearly love Working Designs and their practice of eschewing every conventional wisdom the gaming industry ever had, but seriously, about the only thing that Vic has to say that would really blow my mind is: :Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to release 'Lunar 3', one day early." I'm not even sure why they give release dates at all, they should just tack on twelve months to whenever they think the game will be ready, then give that date. Anyways: Working Designs Mind Blowing Announcement Number 1. Translating and Locating Final Fantasy 12 2. Porting Lunar 1 to the Wonder Swan 3. Vic Ireland, inspired by Andrew Vestal, will rampage in New York City in a Ruby the Cat suit. the insane bovine Daniel Nelson

Ha. Ruby is not a cat, smartass. Ruby's a baby red dragon.

Oh, crap.... I suppose that counts as an unmarked spoiler.

There's been a lot of discussion as to whether Vic Ireland truly has something mind blowing up his sleeve. At the very least, I'm forced to wonder whether or not WD defines mind blowing in quite the same way we do.

It all comes back to Nazis

In a dream world, Atlus would localize the games in the Megami Tensei series that never got released in the US. (Oh, just about all of them.) But I just wish they would have translated Persona 2: Innocent Sin. To those who don't know, we stateside were left with the mediocre sequel/sidestory, Eternal Punishment instead. The main reason the game never came out was that the Columbine killings occurred roughly around the ideal time for translation to take place, and a large portion of the game consisted of high school juniors running around class with swords and semi-automatic weapons killing Nazis of the 4th Reich. But damnit, that's what made it so COOL! But unless it was a remake for the PS2, I doubt it would sell well. The graphics weren't that fantastic even then. So, my best guess would be Megami Tensei Online. Which, being set in modern Tokyo in an alternate reality, has a 99% chance of NOT being an Everquest clone. -Duncan Burris

... huh?

The Columbine shootings had nothing (or next to nothing, anyway) to do with the decision not to bring P2:IS to the States. Remember the manner in which Soul Hackers was rejected - it's been theorized that the only reason we were given EP but not IS is simply that SCEA considerably relaxed their standards for PSOne titles after the release of the PS2.

Monotonous funk w/ occasional masturbation - the plight of the gaming male

I just don't care about anything anymore. Oh, back in the day I had the energy to play video games for hours, yes! But now, *sigh*, even "Make Your Own Video: Kriss Kross" fails to amuse me. I just lie on the couch now, occasionally masturbating. What could put me in such a funk, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you anyway: While Atlus speaks of its "exciting announcements," I know that to be a filthy lie, for they have coldly turned their backs on La Pucelle. Just as I was preparing the wakazashi for seppuku, lo and behold, Erin invites us to visit a land of happiness -- A land of hopes and dreams! So, before I run myself through, I must take myself up on her offer, and imagine what the world would be like if us stupid Americans weren't so insecure that we fear bright colors and chirpy themes. . . . Okay, done! Goodbye forever, cruel world. --Dahvied Brewington P.S. No, you can't have my stereo.

Geez, dude. First I spoil FFX for you and then I have to stand idly by while you depart this mortal coil, filled with loathing for a cold and unforgiving existence wherein your only joy was cutting together videos of punks in bass-ackwards pants half to the floor with random footage of barnyard animals at the whims of clearly retarded radio callers.

Well, hey. If I can't have your stereo, can I have a chunk of that pecan pie? No? Oh, well. Then I may as well let Miaowara try to reason with you if I don't benefit in any direct, material fashion from your untimely self-inflicted demise....

La Pucelle (Incidentally, not a second letter about gamer sexuality)

Good ol' Atlus. Wait, no. I'm sure you'll get lots of letters (or maybe only 5 since everyone just digs Square) hoping that Atlus is finally gonna release Persona 2: Innocent Sin. Well, actually, everyone probably lost hope on that a long time ago. I know I have. After being an Atlus fan for so long, ya pick up on the little patterns they have with their teasers on their front page. For example: they say "Some old friends will be returning as well as some new..." the natural assumption would be a new MegaTen game, since it actually has somewhat of a fan base and is one of the few series Atlus has published in America. But it won't be another Persona game, or one of the Shin Megami Tensei remakes. It's gonna be La Pucelle. Because that makes a lot more sense. Lemme tell ya, I got Rhapsody, (for free, from the GIA actually) and I couldn't play more than 15 minutes of it. So of course Atlus is going to bring out the next game in that series, instead of something like Innocent Sin which people have been slobbering over for years now. Another musical RPG is the obvious choice. Y'know, for the fans. After all, this is the company that gave us Eggs of Steel when we wanted Soul Hackers. ~Miaowara Shiro, the Small and Psychopathic

Well.... in the (as I see it) damn near inconceivable event that they do bring over La Pucelle, Nich would be happy, at least.

Don't even bother to hope

Somehow, I doubt that my mind will be blown quite as much as I'd like... but since Vic made the first move, I figure it's my responsibility as a fan to set the bar high enough that I'll certainly be disappointed when details are revealed. Then I can go back to being a cynic, and everyone's happy. I haven't the foggiest idea what the Adventure/RPG planned for Q2 2002 release might be. As for the other two, I'd hope for: - Ikaruga WD likes Treasure, and they like shooters. A Treasure shooter? Sure thing. Except that the Japanese version's been delayed again, it's a Naomi game, and it supposed to use a vertically-oriented monitor. - Lunar 3 WD's done their best to inspire rumors about this for years. It'd be nice to see them come up with something substantial. See? This is why I don't bother to hope. -Anson

This is turning out to be an unexpectedly bleak topic.... It must be Thursday.

The only evil more popular than Nazis and Ghaleon

1) Special Edition, Deluxe PONG Complete 2) Completely rewritten version of 'Adventure' ...and what else could blow people away...? 3) Lunar: Osama Edition Harrharrharr... --Steve, who is pissed because you never print my letters

For spite, I have chosen to print this particular letter. Now everyone knows you've been calling me names outside the knowing yellow sweep of the streetlights.

You knew someone had to go ahead and make the old joke....

Working Designs will be announcing a game that will blow our minds? There is only one thing that it could possibly be: A game that they're going to try to release on time. Etiam, delenda est Carthago. Caine

... I just hope you also knew it wasn't gonna be me.

Closing Comments:

Mmmkay. It's been a few weeks since you've been allowed the warm, rejuvenating, enema-like release of a free topic day. So c'mon. Hit me. I dare you. What? You gonna cry? Oh look - the crybaby is cryyyying....

-Erin Mehlos