Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Yes, have some. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Surprisingly, I got drastically fewer letters about the GameCube's launch than I did about the Xbox's. Which makes me wonder very seriously if the raging debate over whether the Xbox "sux0rs" or "r0x0rs" hasn't, ironically, generated so much buzz as to help move more consoles for Gates.

Either that or everyone's too caught up in Super Monkey Ball to be bothered with sending mail to the poor old incontinent Agent.

Whatever the case, I'm including a few off-topics to make sure everyone gets enough fiber.

Let's go.

Several people have asked me recently what system I recommend they buy.

And my recommendation always boils down to that ubiquitous axiom "It's all about the games."

I don't have a personal vendetta against the Xbox, but I sure as hell won't be buying one in the near future. Why? Because like the majority of the GIA's staff and readership, I like my RPGs. Which I simply don't see turning up in droves over at Microsoft's camp.

Final Fantasy, Dragon Warrior, Suikoden, Xenosaga, etc. are all on PS2, and for the time being, that's where I'm staying, and where I'll continue to tell advice-seekers to place their bets if they're after the kind of games the GIA's all about. Nevermind the omnipresent trump cards that are backwards-compatibility and (albeit not the most fantastic) DVD support right out of the box. I don't know about you, but I haven't yet played every play-worthy PSX title.

Tying in to today's would-be topic, when I amass the cash to add another system to my armada, it's most definitely going to be the GameCube. Affordability + the exclusive genius of Miyamoto = happy Erin.

Bottom line: I don't go to the produce stand asking after pork steak.

"Let me tell y'all what it's like / Being male, middle-class and white"

50NY 5UX025. Now that we have that giant hunk of stupidity aside... The price of the PS2 is outrageous. the DVD is low-end, it sucks for 2D games, there are about four or five worthwhile titles (and even then, not for everyone), and quite frankly, $299 US (which translates into roughly $420 here in Canada) is a rediculous price to pay for the Sony brand name. Oh and trust me, it's the Sony brand name. Just like Tommy Hilfiger, there's nothing special about the system in terms of monetary value and architecture, but the Sony name is the bump in price. In addition, it is now a social sin to be proud to be white or a male. Oh it's fine to be black, asian, or mexican and/or female and proud of it, but the minute you're white or male, or both, you're racist. Feminism nothing, I want machoism! Men are hardly brainless. I hate it when women call men scum, just because they made bad choices in relationships. Does it occur to anyone that maybe they're the ones wrong? And that maybe you can't determine an entire gender by a handful of people you meet? 'cause if you're going to, we might as well put up Osama Bin Laden and curse all the male gender to hell. Frankly, gender bias is far worse than racism. See, it's horrible to hate someone for their skin colour, but it's a thousand, billion times worse to hate them for their gender. Cut the feminism crap and let men have something sacred. After all, we don't have anything against buff, well-muscled men being shown off in movies, do we? Or games for that matter. Now if you're that insecure about being well-endowed and ogled by men, maybe you're the ones with a problem ladies. Man, I'm going to be so flamed for that. -Hidoshi, worshipper of the Tonberries.

What a loaded letter this is.

I do find Sony's sticking by their $299 price tag to be a tad absurd given the relative affordability of the GC and the newness factor of the Xbox. If not for the PS2's established user base (for which parents everywhere are going to be buying Christmas games), Sony'd be sore come spring, methinks.

I don't see how in HELL you can compare a game console to a T-shirt sporting a logo, though. It's not as though Tommy Hilfiger is backed up by an impressive line-up of third party T-shirt support or completely lacking in playable in-house titles.

But now you've got me wading into repetetive territory. See above.

As far as the rest of your railing against being a part of the reigning white male middle class.... Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?

I can only speak for myself, but I've got nothing against men as a species. Hell, dude. If it makes you feel better I'll even let you ogle my well-endowed person. Without calling you a "priveleged power elite Caucasian male chauvanist pig," too. But only if you let me pick up the tab for dinner.

Seriously, we've talked too long about all this feminist fury and gender bias bullshit. People are strong and weak, intelligent and moronic, kewl and lame on an individual basis. Why can't you all just quit with the generalizations and hate everyone equally like me?

Now for God's sake... to hell with Sony, Microsoft and gender role stereotyping. It's the GameCube's turn in the sun, so help me....

Operation Secure GameCube

Last night's procession: 12:30am Leave casual gathering at friend's girlfriend's house to return home and notice my bud Brad hasn't called as he said he would. 1:00am read The GIA for a while and periodically send 1 ring calls to Brad in an attempt to wake him. 2:00am Finally reach my cohort and dicuss pickup time of 6:30 at my house before we proceed to the battleground of Wal-Mart. 2:30 am Sneak out of house and take car, drive across city to knock on ex-gf's basement window and coax her to sneak out with me. 3:00-5:00am 10km out in the boonies, watch kickass meteor shower on the hood of the Buick with blankets. 5:15 stop in offroad lot to get "re-aquainted" with ex. drop her off and sleep in car in driveway for an hour till 6:30. where brad arrives with wad of $600 to combine with my %10 discount card. 7:00am to 9:00am setup camp by doors and eat McD's breakfast sitting in beanbags over a tarp. My own manager walks out to give us #'s 1-3 and we go home for an hour to let the anticipation reach a climax. In the end we got a purple console, a spice controller, mem card, Rogue Squandron and rented we WaveRace from a Microplay. we gamed for hours till i had to go in to work at 5pm. selling GC's just aint as fun as playing em. Karston B. ~the Pretender~

No, probably not.

I envy people with console launch stories, especially when they involve "re-acquaintence." I never seem able to get my mits on a fistful of sweaty money until a year after the fact, and when other gamers are relating their riveting acquisition epics, I'm forced to sit alone in the corner poking a bloated dead animal with a stick to amuse myself.

"And that's when I decided that I must have it."

I decided I wanted a Gamecube at 11:45 pm on Saturday, November 17th. I had one in my possession by 7:05 am on Sunday, November 18th. It really all starts when I go to see Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone at 8:30 on Saturday evening. An underwhelming experience to say the least, but I did go with eight of my closest friends, so it was pretty fun. Two of those friends invited me to a meteor-shower-watching party to be held from 4 am to 6 am later that evening. For those of you who don't know, the most spectacular meteor shower we'll see in the next 98 years happened Sunday. Anyway, after Potter ended, five of the friend and I went to Waffle House for some late night din-dins and post-movie discussion around 11:15 pm. After 30 minutes of greasy wonderful food and chit-chat, it dawns on me that, gosh, I want a Gamecube. Why? Because I want to play Super Monkey Ball more than anything. I must have a soft spot for apes. Ape Escape is my favorite Playstation game and Samba De Amigo is my favorite Dreamcast game. So I ask my friend who happened to be my roommate and car passenger, "Think we can make it to Wal-Mart Supercenter in ten minutes? They might be giving Gamecubes out via raffle." Mind you, Wal-Mart Supercenter is the only place open at midnight that will be selling the Gamecube and is about 13 miles away. And the PS2 I got there was acquired via raffle a year before, so I had precedent. "Sure," says my roommate/friend/car passenger, "We can make it." We sped out the Waffle House at 11:51 pm. We arrived at Wal-Mart 12:07 and stood in line. The last Gamecube went to a guy five spots before me in line. There was no raffle. So ended my Gamecube purchasing adventure. I purchased some soap, shampoo, and batteries, and went home to wait until time to go to the meteor-shower-watching party. Let me tell you, those meteors were a sight to behold. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Anyway, the meteors ended around 6 am, and afterwards I played about 45 minutes worth of Boggle with one of the party's hosts. Then I headed out. On the way home (which was a 20 minute drive), I passed K-Mart. "Hey. K-Mart opens at 7 am," I thought to myself. I parked in front of the deserted-looking K-Mart at 6:54. I stood outside the store, alone. The clerk at customer service could see me from her counter. She took her precious time, and six minutes later opened the door. "You want the black one or the purple one?" she asked, a bit surly. "Purple." It would match my Gameboy Advance. "Can I get some software and accessories too?" "They're locked up in Electronics, and the Electronics folks don't come in until 8." "Ok, then I'll just take this." I headed out with the Gamecube. No hassle. No real wait in line. No "camping." No horror stories. But a sense of accomplishment. On the way home I bought Super Monkey Ball, an extra controller, and a memory card at the very same Wal-Mart Supercenter I had attempted to get my Gamecube at 7 hours earlier, from the very same clerk who told me the last Gamecube went to the guy five spots in front of me in line. Sometimes things work out. And Super Monkey Ball is definitely my favorite Gamecube game. -- Nick Ware

I don't know what I rue having missed out on more; getting a 'Cube at launch or witnessing this much-touted meteor shower.

All hail the Double Ag -- I mean, the GameCube!

Erin, If you were single and lived in California, I'd ask you out to a thoughtful, charming date. As it is, I'll have to find someone just like you, regardless of appearance. (How many letters have you recieved of that nature so far? In the thousands?) Just wanted to let you know that not only are you doing fascinatingly well at Double Agent, but you've won my heart as a person. On to the topic. I woke up this morning (the 18th) at 6:30, to my dismay I might add, as my plan was to awake at 3:30 to get to the local Walmart for it's 7:00am opening. I leapt from my bed, got dressed and drove quickly to the store, seeing happily that the line was only about 20 people long, and the supposed unit number was 65. I then waited all of 20 minutes in the cold till the doors opened, and I purchased my bundle of Cube, memory card, extra controller, and adapter (just in case). Driving home with greatest elation, I practically flew through the front door and to the back, giving a triumphant cheer to my parents as they smiled from the kitchen. Hastily opening the box, I removed each component carefully, but first of all: the controller. I had played a gamecube kiosk before, so i had an idea of how it would feel (and had been a little dissapointed) but let me tell you, it's bloody perfect to hold and behold. The console itself....if I had to pick two pop-culture words to describe it..."Slick" and "solid" come to mind. The PS2 has nothing on the design of this video game machine. I then quickly set up the machine in about 30 seconds, and popped Rouge Leader (purchased elsewhere) into it's little love box. I could go on about how beautiful it all is, and perhaps I will for a bit. I've never ever seen a better looking game. And it plays like a dream. Anyways... That was my experience, till I lost myself in hours of play. The Gamecube has come. All hail the Gamecube. -Byron, who thinks you have the sexiest mind imagineable.

Bah. I'm nothing special. Being sexy's a GIA requisite.

These stories only serve as excruciating torment for me, as it'll be quite a little while till I lay hands on a GameCube of my very own to hug and squeeze and call "George."

And George is most definitely gonna be night-stalker Jet Black, to better facilitate melting into the shadows of my entertainment center.

Suikoden IV to feature monkeys ... in hamster balls!

Erin, Buying a GameCube? That's easy. I showed up an hour before BestBuy opened, was fifth in line (which eventually grew in length to 60 people), snatched up a Jet Black console, three controllers (such that I now have all 4 colors) and a memory card. That's not too complicated. Here's the interesting part: Super Monkey Ball. Apart from the new Star Wars game, this is the only launch game that appealed to me. How to describe it...take Marble Madness, toss in Mario Party, Mario Kart, Pilot Wings, a pool table, a bowling alley, and a minigolf course, pump up the graphics to a smooth 60FPS, and have it made by SEGA! What could go wrong? I mean, c'mon, they're monkeys...in hamster balls! I sat down at 10:30 AM, after returning from the purchase, and started playing it. Slowly, my suite mates woke up and came out of their rooms and joined me, as the day went buy, several people walked past our open door, and came in to check out what the commotion was all about. The crowd grew. Soon, I would have to be waiting my turn behind a quarter of the dorm to punch monkeys off cliffs on my new system on my TV in my room. It was the most fun I've had in months. The fun continued until just about twenty minutes ago (1:30AM) and finally I'm getting around to tomorrow's homework. To make a long story short (too late) Super Monkey Ball is the most addictive party game I've ever played. "Vin-Vin" VinceXII - Pushing Solid Snake to the side for a while

If I still had friends I would be aching for Super Monkey Ball, not to mention Super Smash Bros. Melee.

My N64's primary purpose after the glimmer that was Zelda:OoT was to serve as reigning get-together console. For all its shortcomings, SS Bros. made for a premier party game.

Nice to know Nintendo's effectively carrying on at least one tradition.

The cunning plan:

Erin - Covered in camoflauge clothing, myself and three friends, having just played Rainbow 6 for a few hours, prepared. Charges were set at the doors, various cardboard boxes were employed, and a fork was stuck in the fuse box. Drop a hair dryer into some water, he entire East Coast Power Grid was taken out for three seconds. That's all we needed. The doors where blown wide open, and the four of us charged into the Electronics Boutique stockroom, pulled the camera wires, and taped the door sensors. By the time the power returned, we had free movement. We grabbed a Gamecube each, suited up in our Cardboard Boxes, and mailed ourselves to Abu Dabi. From there one of our contacts got us a jet back to New Jersey. Then, in rapture, we hook it up to my tv, run it through the massive stereo system, and flick the power switch. Only to realise that we hadn't stolen any games. Peace, Ray Stryker, who would like it known that he did not REALLY steal a Game Cube. No, I'm serious, we didn't.

Clever, my friend. Diabolically so.

But nonetheless you have been eclipsed:

Sheer, unadulterated, console-securing guile incarnate

My "GameCube Purchasing Story"? My story is, I ordered it online, and got it delivered to my doorstep Friday morning at 10AM. People like to make things too hard on themselves, what with the camping out for hours just to get it 2 days later.

Who is this shadowy mastermind? We'll never know. But you can bet he employs lots and lots of ninjas....

"YOU ARE BEING STALKED BY AN ENEMY NINJA!"

Ah, my purchase story. It is one of hardships and struggles. Of friendship and betrayal. Of intrigue and...stuff. It also involves ninjas. Ninja's who not only stole my Gamecube, they also stole my very memory of ever having bought a Gamecube. That's the only explanation there can be for there not being a Cube on my desk, or me remembering buying one. Ninjas. ~Ian P.

Ninjas who then delivered your GameCube to the doorstep of above anonymous contributor, no doubt.

Evidently not in Abu Dhabi

Erin, The gamecube came out today? Where the hell was I. Chad

Same place I was, my friend. Same place I was.

Closing Comments:

Today's column was a bit under-developed, I must confess. But instead of accepting full responsibility, I'll just conveniently blame you people, and promise a better show for tomorrow.

Everyone's itching to discuss MGS2, DWVII and Golden Sun, and I can't say I blame you. However, Drew seems particularly keen that he get MGS2 so I think I'll refrain from stealing his thunder. As for DWVII, I've barely started, having only gotten my grubby paws on a copy this past Saturday. And Golden Sun... well... I'll hold off until more people have had the chance to pick it up, hopefully myself among them.

So tomorrow's gonna be another of these obscure topic days we periodically come up in the name of fostering independant thought: What, in your opinion, makes for a challenging puzzle? What keeps you stuck, vainly wracking your brain, for hours? Days? Do you enjoy being stuck? Or would you rather breeze through in-game riddles with relative ease and get on with things?

Surely we all have horror stories about when we braved Spectacle Rock as a second-grader or how the pedantic nonsense of De La Metallica sent us scrambling for a strategy guide. What, apart from finding your way through my labrynthine run-on sentences, taxes your brain? Anything? Or has the challenge long since evaporated in the face of your all-conquering gamer's instinct?

Tell me what makes for a perfect puzzle.

Till then, play with your Monkey Balls and enjoy. As for me... I believe there's a dead rat in yon corner.

-Erin Mehlos, most definitely not to be confused with Noam Chomsky