Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Dan says: cigarettes are better than heroin because they give you enough time to savor the self-destruction. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Okay. The first response in today's column is pretty long, so I figured hammering out another unrelated intro would be a waste of my time and yours. After all, there's already plenty of DA goodness in store, so why force an intro on you that you'd probably have no interest in reading, anyhow? Plus I'm lazy.

Welp, may as well get this one over with. Time to knock off the rust and lay into someone for being so foolish as to hold an opinion in opposition to my own. Just like the good old days, eh? This letter gives me so many points to tear into that the response gets pretty long and ostentatious, so be warned.

I don't even know how you feel Japanese television is relevant to my comments yesterday, but okay. I'll be the first to admit that the short nature of my stay in Japan kept me from delving into the underground music/entertainment scene as much as I would have liked to. But judging from the NHK stations, I'd say that television's place in the Japanese music scene is to promote one Avex group after another. Which probably makes sense, when you consider that Avex has every major group and rock band ever and handles ticket sales. Got to love those Japanese monopolies, huh?

Secondly, I'd like to know what's "not to understand" about Japanese pop. For one thing, music is pretty universal, especially pop. However, you could point to cultural differences in taste, and I could buy that. Assuming, however, that modern J-Pop was in some manner an extension of traditional Japanese music, which it most certainly is not. Even the average Japanese will admit unhesitatingly that J-Pop imitates comparable Western music. I appreciate your efforts to insinuate that my dislike of J-Pop stems from my own mental deficiencies, since I always encourage that sort of attitude around here, but I don't buy that line of logic. And if you're going to compare me to Bob Dylan in that respect, you could have at least done enough research to present a quote of some sort.

Moving right along, do you honestly think boy/girl bands are a recent phenomenon in the States? Apparently you're unfamiliar with most MoTown music, the crooners of the 40's and 50's, and even 80's groups like the good ol' New Kids on the Block. All of those could easily be considered predecessors to the boy and girl bands so popular now. And, really, stuff like Brittany Spears is clearly a watered-down happified version of the kind of soul/hip-hop that the black community has been producing for aeons, so it's insane to try and say that the Japanese pop has been "ripped off" in the West. That assertion is so blatantly stupid it leaves me at a loss. That J-Pop steals pages left and right from Western pop is just one of those things that you know is the case, making it difficult to prove. It's like if you had sent me a letter saying the sky is brown and asked me disprove it. Really, I could have bypassed all of this and just pointed out that the burden of proof lies on the writer, who must adequately support the argument, but that wouldn't have been nearly as much fun.

As for underground music, that's all fine and good. We're talking about pop here, remember? "Pop," as in short for "popular," which the music you cite clearly is not. These artists may have a niche following, and deserve to be more popular than crap like Morning Musume, but the fact is that they are not. As for Utada Hikaru, the Japanese at least have the excuse that they've been inundated with this stuff their entire lives, particularly during their formative years. What's your excuse?

Finally, I enjoy how extrapolated that I'm wholly uninterested in learning of Japanese culture because of my dislike of J-Pop. That's nice. Sure, you're right; I hate Japanese culture, and only went to the country for 3 months to check out Akihabara. After all, where else is worth visiting? But I didn't have a host family, see; I just lived in Akihabara on the streets. Because that's the only area I care about. And you're right, since I'm an Ugly American with no interest in learning of other nations' cultures or languages, I made an active effort not to pick up any Japanese the 3 months I was there. Whenever anyone would try to talk to me in that "Japan speak" I would plug my ears with my fingers and scream at the top of my lungs.

Now, I'm going to make some assertions of my own, since you saw so fit to do so. And I can get away with them, because tomorrow Brooke's back, and I'll just be dumping this anger on her lap. Isn't Double Agent grand? First, I'm going to assert that you got into J-Pop after video games and anime. And I'm going to assert that these got you interested in Japanese culture, including Japanese music. I'm going to assert that you're obviously going to convince yourself that you like a CD, quality be damned, after you just paid $25 or more to import it. Finally, I'm going to assert, and this is based on the sanctimonious tone of your letter, that you enjoy feeling like one of those who "gets it" enough to enjoy this fine form of entertainment. And I'll even bet that as an extension of that attitude, you use a Japanese handle when sending letters into video game columns, since that makes you look so much more culturally savvy. Dorks like you give us gamers a bad name.

There. See how you like it, ass.

At least I can always count on you readers to be just as cynical and sardonic as I am. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the readers really make doing this column all worth it. Well, except for readers like Esegaijin.

Good points all, The, and the next letter is all about GC/Xbox promotion, so I'll get into that more in-depth then.

As for going to Japan, you're asking the wrong person, since I clearly only went to see Akihabara. Okay, sarcasm aside (I sure end up saying that a lot lately), I would encourage it if you can afford it, and are confident enough in your language skills that you won't wind up lost 300 miles from where you're staying. Make no mistake: you will end up using the rail system, and you will end up having to ask for directions to get to the station you need. Plus being able to order food is pretty important, too.

Obviously, the better your language skills, the more you'll get out of the trip, but you'll also learn quite a bit there, especially if you had instruction prior to going. In my case, I'm a fourth year student, and that was enough to get around and kind of participate in conversation, so use that as whatever gauge you will.

Yeah, this certainly seems to be the word that's running around. There's no Software Etc. or EB or anything like that around here, but considering your comments, in addition to similar ones from other readers, as well as this Penny Arcade comic it sounds that the GameCube support from the specialty chains is lacking at best. If I had to take a guess, I'd assume that some parent company somewhere is taking huge kickbacks from Microsoft; if not, this move defies logic. I mean, let's face it: the GameCube fills its own unique (and highly salable) niche, whereas the Xbox seems to be targeted at the PS2 crowd. You know, the crowd that's going to buy PS2s?

Addressing your comments, had I been in your shoes, that would have been enough for me to actually speak up in front of all of the store's customers, fully revealing my geekdom. I don't know who this man thinks is going to be buying all of these Xboxes; the average consumer just cares about the games, which GC and PS2 both deliver, whereas the Xbox does not. Similarly, even big gamers are scoffing at MS's prospects for the reasons we've been over in this very column at length. This manager's justification of his assertion is equally ludicrous; only tech wonks care about what's in the machine, and I hardly believe there's millions of those types lining up with their 350 plus dollars to get their Xbox.

Then again, I wouldn't trust anything the average Software Etc., Babbages, or EB employee says farther than I can spit. For whatever reasons, they have a ridiculous penchant for picking favorites and defending them in the face of all logic -- as though admitting that the system they happen to anticipate may not be the hugest seller is some kind of personal affront. Besides, we're talking about the same type ofpeople who say and genuinely believe that, "Final Fantasy III was the Genesis version in Japan" and that you should "...get the new Madden rather than some dumb RPG." And yes, both of these were told to GIA staffers.

Finally, I'd just say that I'm not too worried about the GC launch being sabotaged by Bill and company: something ridiculous like 80% of all console sales are divided between K-Mart, WalMart, and Toys 'R Us. Specialty chains usually get tiny allotments almost as an afterthought, and these stores tend to cater to heavier gamers, anyhow.

Well, I'd say this will help me meet the doom and gloom quota for today's column. But just to waste your time by tossing in my unwanted two cents, I will say this about Gates: I think he's less concerned with the gaming industry than he is with using the Xbox as a Trojan Horse of sorts to set up a proprietary network. I believe the hope is that people will buy an Xbox as a gaming machine, and end up using it as a network-ready set-top-box right in their living rooms.

Well, considering that completing the average RPG takes 40 hours, I doubt you'd be able to get a bunch of buddies together for a 40-hour drink-athon. Besides, this is a family site; we can only support soda drinking games.

I haven't printed this letter because we don't cover PC games. But fine, here. You've been so insistent that I may as well reward your persistence somehow. The moral of this story being that if you send lots of angry letters to a single person, he'll finally break down and do something stupid.

Yup, excellent point. Couldn't agree more. I guess we'll just have to agree to agree.

Closing comments:

Well, barring that first letter, this column was actually pretty amiable. So, go us, or something. Hopefully my joints didn't creak audibly from all of the rust I had to shake off, getting back into the swing of things here. So, let's give Brooke a real doozy of atopic to cope with tomorrow; trial by fire and all of that. Dragon Warrior VII is finally coming out, albeit exceedingly late in the PSX's life-cycle, and amidst a flurry of great next-generation games, as well as two new consoles, to boot. How do you think it will fare? That is all.

-Drew Cosner, Man on the Sun