Up yours, Springfield -
April 16, 2001 - Chris Jones
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed
within this column are those of the participants and the
moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the
GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive
material afoot.
When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare at the sun. So once when I was 6, I did.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
I watched Pi on tape and Dark City on DVD this weekend, and started to consider the difference between the two storage media. DVD has far better picture quality, multi-channel sound, subtitles, excellent fast forward, rewind, and still frame capabilites, but the primary attraction with DVD seems to be the bonus material - the director's commentaries, behind the scenes stuff, hidden tidbits, etc. I can't say that I'm a hard core DVD person, but I can say that I've found the extra cost of DVD worth it for movies that are worth your extra attention. Stuff you like a lot, like Rushmore or Blade Runner, watch over and over again, want to know all about. Standard run of the mill crap that's shot with a 4:3 aspect ratio in mind in the first place and only benefits from the occassional bass rumble you might as well stick to VHS for.
So the question is, is Final Fantasy X worth the DVD special edition treatment? Is FFX a shallow Michael Bay explosion fest, or is it one of Ridley Scott's better films? My gut feeling is that, unfortunately, it's the former... but I'd love to be proved wrong.
Onward.
| Even my ironic letters are boring |
| Chris,
How pathetic is it that a man who apparently recives few flames and criticisms has to ASK for them? If I didn't know better I would say your jealous that your not getting the same kind of attention as other columnists. Get over it, it's not our fault that you don't say or do anything that inspires any kind of controversy. Your just boring, but you get the job done and thats pretty much why your still our daily columnist. They say variety is the spice of life....maybe you should consider some for a change.
Kandrin, who could be mocking you.
|
I didn't think this through - don't really have much to say to these letters, even thought i asked for them, because I'd look churlish defending myself from every point they bring up, and stupid agreeing with everything. So I'll mostly just let it slide.
Which is boring, which was Kandrin's point in the first place.
Dammit.
| There is a certain resemblance, I suppose... |
Begin Impersonation:
------------------------------
I'm Chris Jones, blah blah blah.
Do this, do that, blah blah blah.
I think I'm so big, blah blah blah.
------------------------------
Fin.
War and Strife,
-Ted Copulate
formerly known as Sickpigman
|
This column's title was taken from the subject line of this letter, and, of course, the letter itself is a play on the classic "Rosebud" episode of The Simpsons. And considering recent events, it's with a touch of sadness that I offer up the only possible response:
"Have the Rolling Stones killed."
| Mute people say a lot |
| Chris--
In response to Matthew Bafaro's letter yesterday, citing his dislike of the
Cronos and their lack of emotion. I felt I just had to respond to this.
Firstly, silent characters have a definite "actions speak louder than words"
thing going for them. Instead of dropping twenty-minute speeches on the
gamer (which people always seem to bitch about; see Xenogears), they just do
what they need to do. Crono didn't have to make an impassioned plea for the
lives of his friends when he sacrificed himself to Lavos. He just did.
Most importantly, though, is the fact that main characters do not necessarily
have to be changing, dynamic people. It's a common misconception that the
protagonist of a story has to be the *focus* of that story. Instead, they
act as a sounding board, a constant off which the (hopefully interesting)
supporting cast plays. *They* are dynamic, and *they* are what makes the
story.
-Eightball
P.S. Chris, you suck.
|
I don't have any problems with a character remaining static, as long as the character has a personality in the first place. Chrono didn't - he had an attitude, interesting hair, some cool attacks, and a snarky grin, but no real personality. And the majority of his supporting cast didn't develop that much during the game either... but that's ok. Everybody in CT was a stereotype that fit together like a well-worn set of gears, and that's ok, because that's what we paid for.
| Verbose |
| Hi, my name's Chris Jones and I like to use big words that nobody else
can understand like "palatable" and "tepid" and "pee-pee."
Oh, wait a minute, that last one was from one of Drew's columns.
Nevermind.
yours cruelly,
opultaM Forward
|
I know, I know, Drew's got the bigger vocabulary than me, you don't have to rub it in. I've talked with the guy, and he's easily my superior when it comes to higher level verbal skills... but he's also got the edge on the more low brow vocabulary as well. A true man for all seasons, and in more than a year I've yet to match his skill. C'est la vie.
| I prefer to think of Wily as a Jungian archetype, myself |
| One Fine Day In Chris Jones Column:
Reader: Hey Chris, what was you're favorite part of MegaMan?
Chris: You know, that's a great question, lets have five columns devoted to the art form known as MegaMan. You know in many ways Dr. Wily and Dr. Light's relationship is inspired by the classic Freudian theroy, in which...
Readers: What the @$#%
Oh well, at least you dont have some fruity ass alter ego... and you don't let people who once wrote a good column ramble for half a freakin page. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for letting me waste you're time
Ryan
|
Hmm... an alter ego... let me get back to you on that. I could do some interesting Freudian spins on that...
| It's about blowing stuff up with style |
| quoth Red Raven: (sorry, how could I resist (besides with a nickname like
that, it's yer own darn fault, hehe))
"But I do think that we have reached a point in where the developers forget
that sometimes we DO just want to "blow shit up" for ten minutes before
moving on. From what I've heard about ZOE, I guess it's sad that they had to
add on a story to an otherwise fantastic "blow shit up" kind of game."
Call me guilty for double standard since I haven't played ZOE yet, but
doesn't it say somewhere in the beginning 'A Hideo Kojima Game'?? Or am I
just thinking of the oh-so-dreamy MGS2 demo? Regardless, I doubt Kojima would
be involved with a straight-out 'blow stuff up' game, I mean if you look at
his past works (Snatcher/SD Snatcher, Policenauts, Metal Gear/MG2: Solid
Snake, MGS/MGS2) you'd know that Kojima isn't really into the 'mindless'
dept. He's a 'director' remember, he's gonna put the player into the action,
not just give some bare-bones story and send you off...
But hey, if they wanna do a new 'blow stuff up' game, why not try
resurrecting the Contra series? As long as they file a restraining order
against Appaloosa Interactive, to prevent any further damage (while the clean
off the mud that's already on it, ugh), then I'd be more than ecstatic to
reenlist in the fight against the Red Falcon one more time, for old time's
sake...
- JR
|
I think this letter just goes to show how firmly in both camps Kojima is - he's a great presentation man, but there's an undeniable visceral thrill to his titles. He makes it incredibly fun to shoot things, blow things up, toy with your enemies, even as he makes you question the morality and necessity of what you're doing.
As for Contra, don't ask me... I'm still of the opinion that the best Contra was the little-mentioned SNES title, wherein you got to hang single handed from a cruise missile and fire at airborne alien drones. For pure bang for the buck, I've never found anything better. On the other hand, there's probably some alternate reality wherein Konami's making a PS2 Contra instead of a PS2 Metal Gear, and I certainly pity those poor bastards.
| Anonymity is my strong suit |
| You want to hear about what is boring and dumb about the columns you host?
How about your name? Chris Jones; could there be anymore run-of-the-mill,
boring, blah, *yawn* name? Your dual-monosyllabic nomenclature threatens
instant stupor and catatonia. After I click the link to the Double Agent
page I have to hurry and scroll down a bit before I see your name at the top
and fall asleep before I get a chance to read the day's fare. Why don't you
use a new, more exiting name like Ringletorn Humpledirk or Barney Rubble?
By the way, please print my letter since I too am about to be conscripted
into the Israeli military; not because I am an Israeli but because I need an
excuse to get my letter posted. Thank you in advance, Heidenburg Rimshot.
AL
|
I take great pride in being completely boring and normal... makes it easier to sneak up on people unsuspecting. And on a more serious note, let's lay off the military conscription jokes, ok? I don't think anyone's going to be laughing by the time this is over.
Closing Comments:
Eh, not bad, but not great. I'll try and act a bit more outrageous in the future and we can try this again sometime. Meantime, here's your topic for tomorrow: Archetypes. Some stories and characters pop up over and over again, not just in RPGs, but in nearly everything you can think of. The coward learns courage, the boy becomes a man, someone learns a lesson. So what games best play out what stories, in your opinion. Drop me a line, I'll see you in 24 hours.
-Chris Jones, "Go to hell you old bastard." Classic.
|
