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I have nothing to say here, and I get tired of pretending like I do. I sure showed you.

I absolutely agree with you that there needs to be a market to justify the creation of some type of game tie-in. And I also applaud you for realizing what a small portion of the market we uberfans make up. However, there's one key point you overlook: these are being manufactured for a Japanese market. In Japan, there is enough of a hardcore fanbase to support these sorts of products.

Getting to the figures you mention, you'll notice that those are just imported from Japan as well. The only time I can think of where RPG figures made it stateside was the FFVII boxed set, which had all of the major protagonists from the game thrown together more cheaply than their Japanese counterparts and at a lower bundle price.

Of course, even when there's not a mass market for a product, as long as the company is making a reasonable profit from each trinket sold and manufactures a reasonable enough amount that they all get sold, there's still money to be made.

So, at any rate, while I doubt Square is going to recoup the cost of the Final Fantasy Movie by selling Tidus' jewelry, the company will undoubtedly pick up a few extra bucks in the end. And now that I've done nothing but point out the obvious for 4 paragraphs in an effort to make it look like this column has actual value, we'll just move along to the next letter.

Whoah, hold on there one second, kemosabe. While I admit that I'm a bit leery at the prospect of a FP Metroid title, you're jumping the gun in a truly remarkable and, as always, commendable fashion. Asserting that any FP game will inherently be a Quake rip-off is ridiculous in light of other Nintendo FP games like Goldeneye and Perfect Dark. There's plenty that can be done within the bounds of the FP architecture, and I have faith that Nintendo's quality control department won't slack off.

Of course, I guess we'll have to wait until E3 to be sure, eh?

I've noticed that people of every hobby like fawning over paraphernalia they can't possibly afford and, when you get down to it, don't really need. It's hardly a thing unique to gaming. Every good car fan will have magazines lying around the house with the latest concept cars, guitar fans will constantly talk about amps far out of their price range, etc. etc. It's just part of having a hobby. After all, what fun is life if there's nothing out there you wish to attain?

I just want to take this moment to make one thing clear: the GIA can neither provide you with a Griever necklace, nor can the GIA tell you where to get one. We aren't a shopping mall, people; we just report the news. This applies to all gaming merchandise.

I realize that to 99.9% of you reading this column, that rant seems to come out of nowhere. To clarify, we have consistently been getting emails asking us either to hook the writer up with a Griever necklace or tell him/her where to get one since reporting on the story well over a year ago. We're just a news site. We report what we know, and that's as far as it goes. Are we all clear on this now?

You know me and my illogical desire to always slip some form of dissention into the column. So here it is. Not much for me to disagree with, really. Moving on.

You see this? This is why I never mention where I live or talk about my personal life at great enough length to inadvertantly make apparent where I live.

First of all, I really don't think Square merchandizing is proof positive that gaming has become a mainstream affair. You'll remember that even when FFVI came out in America, you could order a Mog watch and things of the nature, so this is hardly a new endeavor on Square's part prompted by some kind of recent runaway success on the part of the industry as a whole. Sure, gaming is more popular than it used to be, but to the average person, a game every few months is plenty, and spending cash on gaming paraphernalia is just obsessive. So, like I said before, this is just an extra bit of pocket coin to Square, I'd wager.

Secondly, I'd like to address the assertion that increased success translates to lousier games. It may surprise you, but most game companies already target the casual gamer. You know, the casual gamers: the people buying 80% of the games being sold. Part of targeting these people is getting good press for your games, and getting good press means putting together a game that the hardcore gamers will enjoy, since they're the ones running the websites and magazines. Naturally, there are some exceptions that succeed because of product recognition (Frogger, Superman 64), but these are the exception rather than the rule.

Not only that, but once you've reeled new players in based on the merits of a game, it would be stupid to change the formula drastically for the worse, which dumbing down would most certainly do. People who've come to enjoy RPGs or adventure games or whatever already understand what it is that they enjoyed about the games, and if a company suddenly stripped all of that away, they'd be quick to look elsewhere. Sure, there are new gamers that will be attracted to more arcade-style fare, but that's why there's room for all kinds of genres.

And finally, while I'm on such a roll, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: gameplay elements and storyline don't necessarily need to detract from one another. I get really tired of people saying that.

I'm amazed that there even is a Rockman Dash figure vending machine. I can't really fault you for blowing 30 dollars on it; it's not everyday you find something like that. I know if I ever go to Japan, I'll blow a ton of cash on the beer vending machines just because it's a beer vending machine.

Since it suits my fancy to do so, I'm going to completely ignore the meat of your letter and instead address your final comments.

I must not be enough of a Gen-Xer or something, because I've never understood the fascination so many people in my age group have with things that inarguably suck. I guess I'm not self-examining enough to realize the inherent humor in subjecting myself to something crappy of my own volition, or the profound statement that doing so makes about my life and life in general. I'm such a pinhead.

Closing comments:

Okay, here's your topic for tomorrow: I've noticed that just about every GBA game in the works is, for all practical purposes, an update of an older concept or series seen back in the 16-bit days. Do you think that's all that can be done with 2D at this point? After all, 2D has been around for aeons; it's conceivable that the ideas have finally dried up. Or is this simply all that companies are interested in creating are updates since there's already proven appeal? Also, is it necessarily a bad thing that so many of the GBA games on the horizon feel strongly of games of the past?

Let me know all this and more when you mail me. Okay?

-Drew Cosner, who got a Platinum award from the Weekly Famitsu