Double Agent
My dad the robber - January 28th, 2000 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I think my mental activity has flat-lined. Don't say we didn't warn you.


In the sake of having something to write up here, I figured I would thank all of the people who've helped me become the man I am today. Then I realized that nobody's helped me and all of you can just go to hell, so instead I'm thanking inanimate objects.

Like my computer. Were it not for my computer, writing columns would be really hard. This chair I'm sitting on is nice, too, because without it I would have to kneel on my knees the whole time I typed, and that would suck. Lastly, I'd like to thank my spellchecker, because without it most of my writing would look like a guest submission to GameSen. With that out of the way, let's get this show on the road.

I can't even tell you how many letters like this I got last night

I love old arguments that haven't been discussed in years.

Here are some facts we can conclude from Final Fantasy 6.

A. Relm is not really Strago's granddaughter. There are two bits of evidence to support this,

1. Strago and Relm do not have the same last names (one possibility is that Strago is Relm's maternal grandfather).

2. After you go to Thamasa for the first time and meet Strago and Relm, if you talk to one of the villagers, she says something like "You know, Relm isn't really Strago's granddaughter. I heard she's his friends daughter."

B. Shadow was a train thief that escaped from Doma to Thamasa, Thamasa is not his hometown.

For evidence of this, we must look at Shadow's dreams. Everytime you sleep at an inn with Shadow in your party, there is a chance you will see a brief cut-scene of Shadow dreaming about his past.

1. The first one involves Shadow standing there, his old partner in crime Baram comes out of the darkness and says a few words to him.

2. The second one involves a man named Clyde and Baram leaving a train, where they celebrate on how they just stole a million GP. Baram suggests they take new names, and Clyde's should be Shadow.

3. The third one involves Shadow and Baram at the bottom of Baren Falls, Baram is seriously injured so Shadow intends to go on without him, Baram asks him to "use his knife" before he goes so they won't find him alive. Shadow can't do it, so he just runs off (this explains why Shadow leaves the party if he's still with you at Baren Falls when you're playing through Sabin's scenario).

4. The final one shows Shadow, exhausted and on the brink of death, stumbling into a town. He collapses, and a dog runs up to him (presumably interceptor) and barks, then a woman approaches him (presumably Relm's mother), telling him he's reached a small town called Thamasa, and that he needs to "Hang in there," the dream ends.

C. The last piece of evidence is how interceptor (Shadow's dog, if you've forgotten) takes an immediate liking to Relm, despite on how it usually doesn't like people except for Shadow.

The conclusion most people reach from this evidence is Shadow stayed in Thamasa for a while, and fathered a child with the woman who saved his life. The mother died during Relm's childbirth, Shadow ran off again, and Relm was left in Strago's care, Strago may or may not be her real grandfather.

The reason the Memento ring has the message "A departed mother's love protects against fatal attacks" is because of the programming limitations. You get the first Memento ring because Relm comes equipped with it. You can take Relm's ring off and equip it on Shadow right away without finding the other one if you want, but you're not supposed to know that Shadow can also equip the Memento ring at first. The text describing what each relic does is the same no matter who equips it. Heck, in Chrono Trigger, you can visit Guardia Castle in 600 AD with Magus at the head of your party and have the soldiers congratulate you on defeating Magus (lazy programmers).

Another thing to take into account is the age difference. Relm is 10 when we first meet her, Shadow's age is never revealed, but he's probably at least 2 decades older than her. Not that that can't happen, but it's extremely unlikely.

There... I think I've covered everything, let me know if I convinced you. Sincerely,

-Cal


A couple of people wrote in with rather inarguable evidence that Relm is in fact Shadow's daughter. I'd completely forgotten about the dream sequences; it's been a while since I last played FFVI.

I realize that to be a true RPG fan I should be replaying old SNES and Genesis RPGs when I'm not plowing through the latest RPG release in a 3-day sleepless gaming binge, and I apolgize. But in my defense, I lost the ability to refer to myself as a hardcore gamer anyway when I decided to not import Japanese RPGs I couldn't read. Or when I also enjoyed 32-bit Final Fantasies instead of claiming that, say, an obscure strategy RPG released for the SNES years after it was a viable platform is far superior to any of Square's recent offerings. It's just fortunate that I'm the sexy, sexy man I am, or I'd truly have no place hosting this column.

Anyway, yeah, I was wrong. Relm pretty clearly is Shadow's daughter. That's what I get for updating the column when it was late and I was already hard-pressed to eke full sentences out of my brain, let alone remember videogame trivia from my youth.

Good intentions gone to pot

Drew,

I was pretty disappointed to hear about the return of random battles and the return to three-member parties. This kind of makes me think that we may just get another reiteration of the formula that Square has found works for Final Fantasy on the Playstation. However, I was even more disappointed to learn that the creators had better intentions, and are apparently being pushed to get product on the shelves for some deadline. I guess it's kind of a crushing reality that the creators behind our beloved game series are just as slave to the mighty Gil as anyone else in the world. Maybe I'm just the most naive person on the planet, but until now I thought that just maybe Final Fantasy was the last bastion of the philosophy of "great games just because" as opposed to "good games, hopefully; but, more importantly, good revenues". Whatever, I'll buy it anyway, and no doubt enjoy it. The only thing is, the whole time I'll be thinking "damn, I could have not had to sit through the whole swirly screen thing and being jarred from one scene to another for countless unpredictably occurring battles if only this game had been in development for a few more weeks".

sucks to deadlines,

-magatsu


I'd say that just about sums up my feelings, too; I'll probably enjoy Final Fantasy X, but it will suck knowing that at some point in the game's development cycle, those damned random battles weren't planned for the final release. Oh well, hopefully with FFXII, eh?

Those dragons can sure be sneaky

Drew,

I think Square pushing FFX out of the door before the designers do everything they want is more attributable to Square's desire to make a profit more than it is to preassure from Sony. Square is a very talented, very popular game designer who is being being courted by every major hardware company, and whose presence (or lack thereof) may very well determine whether a console suceeds or fails in Japan. I don't think Sony or anyone else is in a position to bully Square. While I think Sony asked Square to try to release FFX around the time of the Gamecube launch, I think Square agreed to do so only because the FF series is so critical to thier bottom line (Square expects to lose money in the first quarter of 2001 due to the delay of FFX). That being said, I am unhappy that FFX is going to continue the tradition of random encounters, where dragons the size of trucks somehow manage to ambush parties of adventurers in open fields every ten seconds.

- Mark


Yeah, I may have phrased the things a little incorrectly yesterday. I'm sure Sony approached Square with a lucrative offer so long as the company was willing to get Final Fantasy X out the door when they wanted. Like it's been said in this very column so many times before, Square is in the business to make money.

I suppose you could also argue that no game is ever completely "finished" in the developers' eyes, anyway. Still, random encounters are a tired RPG mainstay that should have been done away with a long time ago. Even if the development team wasn't able to have the battles take place on the same screen as the envionment itself, I don't see why they couldn't have made the enemies visible, a la Chrono Cross.

Where would we be without Square?

Dear Drew

I think square shouldn't of said anything about having to hold back on FFX. Now all the idiot gamers are gonna have one more thing to bitch about when the game is finally released.

And since in didn't get in on the Amano vs. Nomura discussion, I think square should dump both of them. I really liked C:SotN's art or Xenogears art (minus the long hair on the men).

Was Hoshigami:ruining blue earth released in Japan yet?

-Brad


Yes, Square has indeed given us all something to bitch about. And I love them for that. God bless you, Square; without you this column would surely be a bore.

As for Ruining Blue Earth, it still hasn't been released. In fact, it's all but dropped off the map. Considering how late into the PSX's lifespan we are, things won't be looking so good if some kind of announcement isn't made within the very near future.

Finish what you start

I would rather wait a few extra months for a much better game then get it earlier and have it suck. I don't wanna another Xenogears or Leagecy of Kain: Soul Raver. Xenogears is my favorite game ever but think how much better it coulda been if it was allowed to be finished. Soul Reaver is such a good game too but its only....like half done. If Square needs FFX to succed they needa FINISH it so people won't get so damned angry like i no doubt will be.

-Whatever


I hate to be argumentative, but as I've said before, people like ourselves are in the minority. The vast number of people playing the game either won't realize it was rushed, or won't care. The fact that both of the examples you cite were commercially successful should show you something.

They hit up the MAC machine before going into battle

Hey, Drew.

"Personally, I think it's pretty lame that they're letting some artificial deadline imposed upon them by Sony and its desire to have a counterattack to the GameCube interfere with their artistic vision."

I myself doubt that Square is doing this simply because of pressure from Sony. The way I see it, Sony needs Square, not the other way around, because the PlayStation 2 needs some exclusive titles quickly. I believe that Square rushing FFX is yet another sign of their financial instability. The now RPG-hungry North American market can net them a lot of cash, so it would only be logical to have a translated FFX ready for the christmas shopping season.

Anyways, yes, it is pretty lame of Square to do this. This only damages Square's image even more. Many people on the 'net are already disenchanted with the company these days. Which brings up another question: Would Square benefit from adopting a more personal, friendly, dedicated-to-please-you image like Working Designs?

-Steve Tran, who wonders where monsters keep their money(in between folds of skin perhaps?)


Good question. And because I'm lazy and swamped with homework tonight, this can be tomorrow's topic, too. How about that, huh?

Closing comments:

You have your topic; you know what to do. So get to it.

-Drew Cosner

 
Recent Columns  
01.27.01
01.26.01
01.25.01
Double Agent Archives
You fruitcake, contact the Agent