Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. My diaper makes weird noises when I sit down. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Look, I have to be perfectly frank: writing this column is eating into my Harvest Moon: Back to Nature time. Now, some people have been looking forward all year to Chrono Cross. Other people to Final Fantasy IX, Persona 2, or even Skies of Arcadia. But not me. Ever since I saw it at E3, the only game I've been patiently waiting for has been Back to Nature.

That and I've been having a really hard time concentrating since I got hit on the head with that bat. Everytime I sit down to write, things go well for a few minutes, then the next thing I know my mind wanders and I'm thinking about those cool cookies with the marshmallows on top of the wafers that are all covered in chocolate, or how grateful I am for those grippy things that look like flowers you put on the bottom of bathtubs to keep from slipping around. So let's just get this column over with.

I wouldn't know since I haven't played the game. Despite my efforts to slow the earth's revolution down and hence gain a few extra hours per day by putting on 300 extra pounds, it would seem that I'm still a slave to the 24 hour day. So, someday when I "graduate" from college in a pine box (as I'm now convinced will be the case), I should have plenty of time to work in a little Skies of Arcadia.

Until then I'll try to look like I know what's going on and agree unquivocally and say that Vyse is a major badass with hundreds of major badass lines.

If there aren't cell phone shaped lucky charms by 2011, I'm going to be really disappointed.

Actually, not everyone here at the GIA dislikes DQ. In fact, we all agree that the first 6 were excellent titles in their own rights. And none of us feel that DQVII is a terrible title per se -- we just feel that it's a mediocre title receiving more attention from the Japanese than it deserves based solely on its namesake. Furthermore, Fritz, for God knows what reason, actually likes DQVII. So it shows what you know, you whining little pansy. Why don't you go model your fall collection somewhere else; when I'm in charge, wholesale mockery of our biases and hostile opinions doesn't fly.

Although this does bring up a point that I never got to address before my computer died last week: the FFVIII orphanage revelation. Everyone who wants to mock the title immediately picks this particular plot point, and quite honestly, they're totally missing the point. The entire theme of the game was love and friendship; the party's realization that they had all grown up together was intended to further cement the close bond they all shared and through fate had come to share once more. It wasn't the obtuse deus ex machina that critics hastily assert it to be. So in conclusion, you're a big dummyhead.

Whoah, wait. Slow down one second there, kemosabe. How could a console made popular by the Tomb Raider series be non-evil? You're not making sense anymore, Ian. I told you not to drink that wood alchohol, even if you were cornered by a terrifyingly powerful martial artist in a steel factory and you felt it would improve your drunken boxing.

I'm really afraid of VR; I just know I'd be one of the dorks they find slumped over dead in his VR chamber after starving to death when he lost his grip on reality and assumed video game food and drink would be enough. I just know it.

Actually, yes. As much as I like Back to Nature, and as much as Back to Nature has Karen whereas Chrono Cross does not, CC was an excellent title with an amazing battle system and ingenious plotline. It was definitely my favorite game of the year. Don't get me wrong; Majora's Mask is a lot of fun, as is FFIX, but CC just got me right in my jaded heart. Plus I really, really hate random encounters.

I think they should just give us the best of both worlds: beautifully animated attack motions that land with a tinny "chop chop" sound played out of only the center speaker.

Kids' Korner:

Hey kids! Letters columnist Drew is experiencing serious brain block. He has a letter accusing him of homosexuality, and here he is without a proper reply. Help Drew out by sending in a caption to the following letter! Winners will receive a family four-pak of jack shit!

-Drew Cosner, decidedly not the big man on campus.