Double Agent
Name that band! - October 25, 2000 - Chris Jones

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. It doesn't matter what I say, as long as I sing with inflection... Don't say we didn't warn you.

How can I possibly pass up the opportunity to suggest a name for AK's band? It's actually something I feel fairly well qualified for, since band names and column titles share many of the same characteristics: as a rule they're both vaguely portentous post-modern non-sequiturs. (Album titles too, come to think of it.) Every once in a while I'll have a column title that kinda sorta relates to what we're talking about (like today) but by and large generating band names is what I've been doing for the past 8 months. That said, here are several recommendations for AK, culled from various literary, scientific, pop-culture and even game related sources. The possibility exists that there's already a band that goes by one of these names, but I haven't heard of anyone doing so. And the nominees are:

Blind Watchmakers
Standing Room Only
Hoimi
Free Radicals
GrandLeon
The Culture
Spoony Bards
Opus
Theory of Everything
Zod Wallop
Shaper/Mechanist

Just remember, AK, if you use one of these names and the band ever makes more than a million bucks on album sales, I want 10% of the gross.

Onward.

Spike's a relative... well, not really
Jonez,

Just thought I'd mention that MUD type games frequently can and do have ongoing story lines and climaxes of a sort. But those are usually completely role played out as having to recode a world, even a text only one, is a smidge hard on the admins...

However, if there was a company that could make a system of some sort that allowed them to drastically change the world and what the NPCs said and did without bringing down the server for days at a time, it'd probably be...Well, maybe not Square, but it'll be cool to see them try.

I'm probably looking forward to FFXI the most at the moment, just to see how they pull it off. You know, even if it is a Everquest clone where you can ride Chocobo's and have access to all the FF classes...I'll still be tempted, monthly costs and all.

~Ian P.

I'm not sure I completely understand what you're saying here: do you want the developers to have a chance to change the world and the people on the fly, or do you want the players to have a chance to change the world on the fly? I'd like to see the first one (indeed, I think it's vital for any kind of interesting online game) but not so much the second one. Actual role playing will be far more key in an online game than in a standalone FF - a player must be able to lose themselves in a character, and stopping to figure out how they want the shopkeeper to talk would make things difficult.

Just to blue sky a bit more about FF 11, I'd like to see the kind of ongoing story lines you mention above, but vastly expanded. The few MUDs I'm aware of that do such things usually have plots designed by a few senior players and sysops, and everyone gets a part to play, large or small, with the ultimate fate of the world made according to a few key decisions by some main characters. Instead, I think it might be cool to have players treated equally, and a central conflict involving everyone that gets decided by the cumulative efforts of many people over a long period of time. A lot of people have been mentioning an online version of FFT, but what if we steal from that game in another sense - a system wide version of the Lion's War, for example, with everyone fighting on one side or the other, and the game being decided on the basis of those battles. The world could change over time, with cities on the winning side becoming richer and more complex, and cities where wars were fought becoming damaged and deserted. It's an just an idea, but the ability to actually live in an FF world and have your actions actually matter in some small way would go a long way towards selling me on this game.

I always sweat when I get hit
When games like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure and Incredible Crisis are getting released daily, there should be no excuse for Enix still thinking that Japanese games won't sell in the US as is.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure was censored for the US in several ways: the blood was turned to white "sweat", the ending was changed (in the original the main bad guy blew up into lots of gory chunks, in the US version he sort of "bounces" offscreen), and most of the characters' names were changed (Vanilla Ice into Iced, Devo into D'bo, etc., probably so as not to get sued by the musical acts the char.'s were named after). As such, JoJo's is really not a good example of a Japanese game selling in the US "as is."

You're right, I forgot about the changes. Still, a lot of the strangeness inherent in the game remains, (a LOT of the strangeness) and my main point stands - if extremely Japanese games can be brought over, than somewhat tamer games such as DQ7 shouldn't have any problems, and thus there shouldn't be any reason to change them.

No keyboards for you!
Hey, what's up? You may have already answered this question, but I don't think so, so anyways, here goes:

Since you can hook up things like keyboards to the PS2 at the USB port (man, I hope I know what I'm talkin about here) will you be able to use a keyboard to type in your text for RPG Maker? If so, how would that work?

Adumb

Had the developers of RPG Maker been clever enough to anticipate the game being run on a PS2 with a keyboard attached, they might have been able to program the correct input handlers in to take advantage of a mouse or keyboard. From what I've heard about the game, this would have gone a long way towards making it a useful tool rather than an interesting curiosity. However, while I haven't asked around, I'm 99% sure they weren't insightful enough to anticipate this, meaning that you're stuck entering dialog the old fashioned way. (And to be fair, there may be emulation issues with the PS2 that would prevent a PSX game from accessing any PS2 features.) On the other hand, since systems like the PS2 and Dreamcast do have keyboard options, the next generation of RPG Maker-type programs should be a lot more fun to mess with.

Nostalgia for the DAWN OF TIME!!!! (The late 80's)
Chris, you deserve a severe reprimand for the herecy you printed in your last column (which was, uh, a while ago). Something about missing the days of not knowing when a game was coming out, as with Zelda II and Mario 3 I believe. Bah! Again I say, bah! That was pure living hell - the only thing we had to go on were the questionable half-truths of Nintendo Pravda Power and furtive phone calls to clueless retailers. It became a Sunday afternoon ritual for me to call every retailer in the city when I knew a good release was nigh and ask, "Do you have a Nintendo game called [whatever]?" and wait 5-10 minutes for the hapless clerk to fumble around in the NES shelf before saying, "Nope. *click*" or "Yeah, we've got [game that is not whatever I was looking for]" or - on if it was actually there - "Yeah. It's $10 more than you wanted to pay."

Luckily I lived in a fairly small city... but still. And to add insult to inconvenience, this was right at the dawn of puberty for me, so if my voice didn't crack incomprehensibly during a call I was usually referred to as "ma'am." It was hell, I tell you.

Now one thing I can't complain about is the trend of games to mosey back to their NES-era costs. When Megaman Legends 2 is retailing for $29.99 and Incredible Crisis hits the stores at a budget-caressing $19.99, it's happyland for everyone who remembers (1) buying Metroid new for $25 and (2) balking to buy Street Fighter II for three times that a mere five years later. Heck, if we followed Nintendo's NES->SNES price model of tripling game costs every 5 years, Final Fantasy IX would cost more than a Playstation 2.

In summary: god bless up-to-the-minute web updates, and deep discounts. And remember: it's OK if YOU want to get carried away by nostalgia, but please don't drag the rest of us helplessly into its festering pits of despair.

J. Parish
Artiste de Sketch

Wow, it's not every day that I get accused of being an antiquated gamer caught too much in the past. Interesting experience. There was, of course, an element of sarcasm in that particular reply Mr. Parish speaks of, but then there's almost certainly an argument of sarcasm contained in his letter as well, so it all balances out.

While I agree with Mr. Parish on just about all of his points, I would like to do something very odd for someone in my position: criticize the fire hose of game info that sites like this one have created in recent years.

Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely great that we know so much more about the minutia of forthcoming titles - certainly it's a vast improvement over the old Nintendo Power days when a single screenshot was all the info that could be had on a new game until it was actually released. (Case in point, I stared so long and hard at the single one-inch picture of FF2 Nintendo Power put out in the Summer of 1991 that I can still remember the individual characters and where they stood.) But despite the fact that we know so much more now than we did back then, releases and actual progress on the games still move at the same glacial pace. How irritating is it when we get video clips of the awe-inspiring MGS2, only to find out it'll be more than a year before we can do anything but dream about it? It's been the better part of a year since Square announced FF 10 and 11, and yet we're still no closer to finding out anything about them. Sweet torture, to be sure, but torture none the less. All things considered, I prefer knowing about far off games as opposed to not knowing, but some part of me will always miss the ignorant bliss of the good old days.

So much for going to MIT...
"I'm gonna go ahead and say I hope the Yankees take this thing"

Ok, but remember to update your enemies list. And stay the hell out of Boston!

-Sideshow Jeff

Well ok then.

It's like Oprah's book club, but, you know, interesting...

Chris,

I'm on the verge of finishing just about all the reading I currently have lined up, and am starting to look into what will come next. Now, after wandering fruitlessly through borders for about half an hour, I remembered your little rant about what a shame it is that books infinitely better than Jordan or Goodkind are passed over for those which are more well known. So, here's your chance to help shape the mind of a young gamer: What should I read? The more the merrier, of course. Thanks for your help.

-The Neocount of Merentha, valiantly putting off homework and the RPGMaker to ponder the advantages of female companionship.

Generally I've been handling questions like this on a one-on-one basis, but the number's finally gotten to a point where I figured this deserved answering in the column, and then eventually integrated into the FAQ. Thus, a list of recommended sf and fantasy, from writers who you may not be so familar with (and some you might be). A lot of these are pretty old, but the authors are fairly well-known, so chances are you might have better luck tracking these down at a library than at Borders.

A Fire Upon the Deep, A Deepness in the Sky - Vernor Vinge
Ender's Game, The Worthing Saga - Orson Scott Card
Diaspora, Distress - Greg Egan
Eon, Anvil of Stars - Greg Bear
Diamond Age, Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
The Anubis Gates, Last Call - Tim Powers
Schismatrix, Holy Fire - Bruce Sterling
Excession, Player of Games - Iain Banks
Small Gods, Hogfather - Terry Pratchett
Desolation Road - Ian Macdonald (but good luck finding it)

I'm sure everyone's read one or two of these, but the others should give you an idea as to where your tastes lie. And please, do me a favor: I'm pretty familiar with the complete works of all of the above authors, so don't send me an email saying "Hey, did you know that Ender's Game has a sequel called Speaker for the Dead/Xenocide/Children of the Mind/Ender's Shadow?" Thanks, and enjoy.

Corporate mistruths and other constants
Dear Pickles,

Well, the PS2 is nearly upon us and the hordes of screaming pre-orders are crashing down upon the Babbages I so humbly serve. Day after day concerned and even frantic people walk into my store looking on the verge of doing something drastic, come in and ask me if THEY will be getting a PS2. Unfortunately more often then not the answer has become "Not on the first shipment, but I'm sure you will get one on the second, which is before Christmas!" This is of course a blatant lie forged out of the neccessity to keep my job and pay the bills that are piling up on my dresser. For those of you out there that have been taken in by this ruse, please know that you have a SMALL chance of getting a PS2 before Christmas, or even before next year. Even if you reserved yours back in January your chances of getting one on release is low. Were talking less than the first hundred people... or less for most places. So the next time you walk into my store (or any others) don't be fooled if they tell you your sure to get one.....because theres a likely possibility you will be one of the many enraged people who walk away empy handed.

Kandrin on ice, sick of corporate policy.

Sounds about right from what I've heard so far. On the other hand, there are places out there that do not have preorders in place and will be selling on a first come first serve basis. I know the local Wal Mart told me as much, that they'd be letting people line up at about 6am and would start selling at 10. Heck, in the unlikely event that I get up at 6am tomorrow (ha!) I may mosey on over myself to get a first hand glimpse of this historic occasion. Who knows, in the extremely unlikely event that the store isn't mobbed with crazed shoppers, (Ha HA, I say!) I may plop my credit card down and walk out with a PS2 myself, just for the experience.

Lord help me, the hype must have finally gotten through...

Closing Comments:

Ok, so Nintendo caved and we won't be seeing Zelda and the PS2 go head to head tomorrow. Still, I'm interested in your take on events... especially those of you going to extreme measures in the pursuit of an Emotion Engine. So send me a letter, either pre-launch or post-launch about your PS2-related activities, and I'm sure we'll all have a good laugh over the obsessive lengths some people will go to.

Of course, for those of you lucky enough to just show up and get one without any hassles, this is your opportunity to describe to the rest of us how positively rapturous the experience of playing the system is. Bonus points for anyone who's able to hook their PS2 up to a really killer entertainment system with component video and Digital Surround. See you on launch day.

-Chris Jones, incapable of movement earlier than 9am

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