What is this thing we are calling art? - August 13th, 2000 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. You'd be a better person if I were you. Don't say that I didn't warn you.
I have a question about those new tires that don't immediately deflate after being punctured. See, after you bust these things, they claim to give you around 50 miles or so to get to safety. But if you bust your tire and it doesn't deflate, how are you even supposed to know you just popped it to get off the road within those 50 miles? You could run over a bucket full of razor blades thinking it was just a pothole and wind up on the side of the road 50 miles later anyhow.
Considering that automobile companies are now capable of technology as advanced as infra-red windshields that let us see the deer we're about to hit, there should be more of an investment in tire technology. I've got a few ideas of my own. Like a tire that just flies right off of your car as soon as it gets punctured. That way you know what just happened, and you don't need to go through the trouble of removing the popped wheel to replace it. Or a tire that just sort of falls apart at the seams after a certain number of miles so it never gets the chance to become dangerously worn. Wait, they already put those on SUVs. Well, you get the idea. I really should be in charge of absolutely everything.
Okay, so I couldn't think of anything worthwhile to talk about in these introductory paragraphs. Cut me some slack; it's Sunday. I should be down at the fishin' hole lookin' for some incontinent toads to hide in Teach's desk drawer tomarra'.
| Dude, it's just a stupid image I made in Photoshop |
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Hey Drew,
It's good to have you back again. Anyways, this seems to be my last chance
for a sexy award. I've gotten the incoherency award before, celebrating the
fact that I thought house wine was Kool-Aid for the first 20 drinks. So here
it goes,my picture
that's the closest I could find to what I look like.
-Gilbert
P.S. What's more disturbing? What I'm doing in the picture? Or that I had to go to
a homoerotic anime site to find a picture that looked like me?
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In understand that to some readers, getting an award for a letter they've sent in is important. Usually people who only bothered to write because they were hoping for an award either fill their letter with obsequious crap telling me what a wonderful Double Agent I am, or go with the "humorous threat" route. You know, threatening to send a fat woman to sit on my head, or to tape me down and force me to watch a really lousy television show, or something along those lines. Gilbert, you've done neither of the above. And in a way, that's commendable.
However, as you yourself point out, you went to a gay hentai site just to get that thoroughly disturbing picture. First of all, gay hentai is for mommies and daddies who love each other very much, not for people like you. And secondly, no insult I could possibly toss your way would be worse than the admission that you check out sites like that of your own volition. That's pretty bad. I'm afraid I can't justify giving you a Sexalicious Award for this, although I will be nice enough to hook you up with a You Ain't Gettin' No Award Award. Enjoy.
Remember, the You Ain't Gettin' No Award Award can get in touch with your dead ancestors for a modest fee. Now you'll finally be able to find out where your great-grandfather stashed all of his fetish apparel.
| Don't you people have your own lives to ruin? |
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I just got finished calling the phone sex line. No, no, it's not
what you think. It was a free trial, and I figure that it's a chance to prank
call. So, I decided to use my 10 minutes constructively...so, I decided to
lead her on with a fake persona. And what was that Persona? Drew!
Now, Your ego may lead you to think that I flattered you with a great
deal of adjectives that are synonymous with "large", but you are wrong. No, I
gave you the greatest persona of all: That of a big pimply geek!
Muahahahahaha! I included many things, including, "I'm wearing my Gaming
Intelligence Agency special issue t-shirt!" and "You like guys with
retainers, right?"
And what was the reaction? "You're kidding, right?" With my feigning a
bruised ego, Cheryl attempted to cheer me up by telling me what she liked, so
I told her what "Drew" liked. Of course Drew likes Final Fantasy, Wheel of
Time books and Star Trek. Apparently, though, Star Trek was enough to
counteract her disgust toward the first two.
Finally, I was informed that I had one minute left, and hadn't had phone
sex yet! So, I told her that I'm Sterile and have Erectile Dysfunction and
was too poor after importing FFIX to get Viagra. She sighed and passed me on
to the advertisement recording. *click*
Ho-hum. T'was fun. Of course, I don't think this helps my declaration of
"I'm not going to be a terrorist/villain when I get older!" though... Ah
hell, you live and you learn.
-Aquila, Not so evil as to make the letters article PURE EVIL....actually I
am...but there are no prizes for such a thing, so pity me. And note the lack
of a closing? That takes far too long to write out! And I doubt I was being
sincere and kind, nor am I "Fondly missing you" or any tripe like that.
...Speaking of tripe, I believe there is a cup of Menudo in the fridge. No,
not the boy band, but the Tripe/Hominy stew that is so popular down here! ^_^
(Smiley of evil!)
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I really wish you people would quit impersonating me all the time. I walk in the bank and have the teller ask me why I keep coming in to make so many withdrawals instead of just taking my money out all at once. I go into work and find out that I've been fired for being "dangerously incompetent." And dammit, I swear I must see obituaries for "Drew Cosner" every other day. What the hell are you people doing as me?
| Here's the question of the day |
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Video games are not art. Neither are movies or music or those stains left in
your $650 leather sofa after your three hundred-pound grandmother sat there
for the entire Green Acres marathon. [Dude. -Drew] The sad thing is that art isn't even
Art anymore. It's merely a tool for the pretentious to justify the quality
of something they enjoy.
When you call something art, you're saying you enjoy it. And not only that,
but now that you believe it is art, you can't understand how anyone doesn't
enjoy it. You consider them stupid or ignorant or disillusioned. But
they're not. They only have different taste. I could wipe my ass with a
Picasso painting and somebody would exclaim "Oh, that's art! Precious art!
How could you do that to so beautiful a painting, you jerk!" Maybe I don't
like the man, or maybe I think the painting is ugly, or maybe I just don't
care.
Please, don't call video games art. Sit at home and enjoy the sprites and
polygons in their natural habitat. Don't try to make them into more than
they really are. If you like a game, great! Use one of the millions of
other words to say so. Call it art and you are nothing but an arrogant fool.
-Nova
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Wow, I could sit here all day and attempt to hammer out my feelings regarding artwork and what qualifies something as such. I'll try to be concise.
There most certainly is such thing as art. Art's place is to present its subject in a light the onlooker may have not thought of before. At least that's my definition of art. And there have certainly been films, movies, and yes, even video games, that have done that for me to some extent. My only problem is when I see artwork giving the impression that the artist through it together for the hell of it. An artist should say, "my crazy-gluing of this fork to this vase is symbolic of the way an object of beauty must have some form of utilitarian purpose forced upon it to appeal to the masses." Not, "I'm going to glue this fork to this vase because I feel like it. Suck on that, mainstream society."
Without art, we may as well be automatons. And I bet you thought I was just some computer-lovin' Philistine, huh?
| Links for the whole family to enjoy |
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Hey Drew.
Just thought I'd toss out a couple websites you might be interested in.
www.sinfest.net www.feralhouse.com and www.konformist.com
The second two aren't anything spectacular, but they have some good stuff.
Also, I thought the last would be appropriate to stir up a little controversy
for our current political theme. Sinfest, on the other hand, has some very
funny stuff. Anyway, back to plotting..I'm trying to figure out how best to
acquire a sexalicious award before Chris returns to the column.
-The Neocount of Merentha, counting the hours until Chrono Cross.
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I'm always looking to expand my readers' horizons. Those sites are pretty funny, check 'em out. And just to toss in my say, if you haven't already, give the Cruel Site of the Day a look, too. Having the off-kilter sense of humor that I do, I get a real kick out of that site.
| He's a Freeman |
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Drew
Hmmm, games as an art form.
...
Normally that would be about the only damn thing I'd have to say on the
topic anymore, as we all know the arguments for both sides. However,
recently, I've figured something out. Literature and art exist in the same
relationship as a square and a rectangle. Literature can be art, but art
does not have to be literature. Lame analogy aside, this means a game
doesn't need to solve the eternal problem of interactivity getting in the
way of a great story. A game doesn't even need to tell a story to be art.
A great graphical technique, a new presentation style, a staunch recreation
of something real; these are things that can easily be done in games, and
it would be tough to argue that they could not be considered forms of art.
If a painting is a form of art, then couldn't a fantastically rendered,
experimental form of graphical achievement also qualify? If the filming
concepts originated in Citizen Kain can be considered art, or at least
artistic, than couldn't the same thing apply to game design and
presentation? What if a fighting game were to completely recreate the art
of Ninjitsu in a virtual playing field? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if
sometime in the course of gaming history new forms of art were entirely
created by the industry itself! All it really takes is an open mind.
-Justin Freeman
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I don't know where everyone got this idea that to be a bona fide piece of art, a game must tell an earth-rending story. See my above theory on the purpose of art for that one. I mean, yes, I have focused on the story aspect in the "games as an art form" debate, but I don't think that's necessarily a requisite.
I also thought it was kind of funny to print this letter, since I got another one today ranting on for pages about what the writer was going to do if he saw another letter comparing a game to Citizen Kane. Hey, chief, I hope you're firing up that grill; you've got a pair of eyeballs to be eating!
| Great expectations |
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That ReigunRed honestly has to be a moron. Please tell me he's a moron? How
can he go around claiming that videogames 'are not meant to have true
meaning' and comparing them to classic novels?
Videogames are not novels. Many of today's 'classics' are dubbed so because
they've been around a LONG time, such as Shakespeare. Videogames, on the
other hand, have been around for only a couple of decades. I remember
interviewing my english teacher for a newspaper article and he said that
classics are called so because they've withstood the test of time and because
they can still be applied to today's society.
Given that nearly all videogames outside the role-playing genre are not big
on plot (which usually consist of evil terrorist threatening such and such a
place and you and your thirty-five guns must stop his evil army of
thousands), the fact remains, role-playing games ARE deep on plot
development. And not just some stupid, overly-cliched plots. There are many
RPGs coming out, or that have come out, that are very 'meaningful' and are in
some way intended to show us society's wrongs or human frailty or the such.
I'm not going to describe scenes from games or anything because that will be
wasting my time. But you, ReigunRed, have obviously failed to conceive any
meaning these games have.
-xChrisx-
And honestly, how can you compare videogames to Tolstoy? Maybe your
expectations are just a slight bit too high, eh?
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This letter brings out an important, oft-overlooked point: games are an extremely new media format. Literature enjoys the benefit of having been around for thousands of years; film is beyond its centennial birth day. Yet games have only been around 30 odd years. No form of media, no matter how pervasive, could possibly undergo the transformation from curiosity to art form that quickly.
| Just in case there's a group of people out there I haven't pissed off yet |
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Drew,
After reading Princess Jemmy's letter, I've become even more convinced of the
need for a strong communist government in the United States. Sure, it failed
in Russia, but Marx never even considered the possibility of a successful
communist regime in Russia. In fact, he envisioned the movement taking hold
in the more industrialized nations of the West.
Besides the obvious sociopolitical need for communism, it must always be
remembered that communists make cool things. Have you ever seen that mail
order catalogue of stuff from the USSR? It's filled with stuff that can only
be described as "bitchin." If you want to check it out, drop by my house. I
live in Virginia, and I'll give you candy.
So, in conclusion, I have a manifesto in my glove compartment I'd be happy to
share with you. Death to the imperialist/capitalist running dogs; long live
the revolution. Your gratuitous made-up word is "skeevy." It means sticky
or nasty, like dried orange juice on your hands.
-Signore Iago
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Well, let's see here -- within my reign as temporary host, I've insulted the viewpoints of long-time fans of gaming, promoted dissention and incoherent babbling, and kinda-sorta stuck up for Senator Lieberman, known to most gamers as "Satan." I may as well throw in a nod to communism just to round things out.
| The reality of ratings |
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Okay, I know there's maybe some validity to this fear of violent games
-- we have yet to see any proof that they cause real violence, but
exposing five-year-olds to Splatter Vampire Bloodsword 4 might not be a
great idea -- but I don't think enforcing the ESRB's ratings system is
going to help matters any.
To begin with, it's just as inaccurate as the MPAA ratings. I recently
purchased Legend Of Mana and Threads Of Fate, rated T and E
respectively. For the life of me I can't figure out why Legend Of Mana
got a T. Big poofs of really cartoony blood show up every time you get
hit, I think -- I thought they were just impact stars until a few hours
into the game. Threads Of Fate, on the other hand, contains all the
sub-"shit" swears, and I know for a fact plenty of parents object to those
more than they object to a little blood -- I got suspended from school for
saying "damn" and kicked out of the neighbors' house for saying
"hell." Interestingly, this is the exact opposite of the MPAA ratings
system -- violence has to be fairly graphic to get you better than
"PG," but throw in one solitary inaudible "fuck" and you're an R.
As far as enforcement goes, you show me a good way to enforce any
ratings system and I'll eat my shoe. I faked a deep voice and got into
Gladiator -- which I'm two years too young to see. It was a really
stupid-sounding fake voice. I've bought tons of M-rated games at EB, and
never even been asked at Suncoast when I buy "18+" anime titles. For the
record, I'm 16 and look it, but this kind of thing has been going on since
I was 13.
I'm also curious as to how many video games reward children for killing
"innocent people?" Carmageddon and Blood Omen: Legacy Of Kain are all I
can think of. What kid is going to pass up Pokemon Platinum or whatever
for either of those games? How many movies and books, on the other hand,
depict the slaughter of innocents? And if you think kids aren't seeing
those movies or reading those books, you're kidding yourself.
-Slack
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I think that in general, there's a lot of problems with the rating system, both for games and movies. In an egalitarian country like the United States (and yes, you too, Canada), it's going to be hard to force people to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Blaming a faceless media monolith is a lot easier than saying "yes, I am a crappy, non-present parent!"
You also bring out another good point: in general, kids aren't all that interested in ultra-violent games. The younger kids I know are all about the Nintendo 64 and its first party titles, namely the Pokégames. The only kids I knew who were playing titles like Resident Evil along with me were in their early teens. By that age, I'd certainly hope you'd be able to discern fantasy from reality. Additionally, by the age the interest generally arises, kids have already gotten the outlook on life their going to act on.
Closing Comments:
Here's your challenge for tomorrow: give me your definition of art. Its purpose, its meaning, and how you feel that applies to gaming. Now mail me already.
-Drew Cosner, the man who wrote the Yellow Pages
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