| The monster that wouldn't die - August 10, 2000 - Brian Glick Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the
participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is
coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. The sun is a mass of incandescent gas. Don't say we didn't warn you.
You kids are in for quite a treat. While I'm sure you'll cry yourself to sleep tonight over my absence, tomorrow you can expect to see a familiar face return to the column for a Very Special Reunion that won't end until Chris returns online. The king of cynicism and acerbity himself, Drew Cosner, will reprise his role as Double Agent. This dude is so choleric that he makes me look like a skipping, blushing schoolgirl. So, give our mutual friend a warm welcome and be sure to send him mountains of email, wouldja?
Moving back to the present, I think I'll have to submit to the reality that it's impossible to escape the horror of politics in our information-saturated society; expect at least a few letters partially related to government issues. I'll try to keep it to a minimum, though, so you can return to killing brain cells with alcohol, porn, and Taylor Series equations. Let's begin our session for today.
Thanks Eric. I usually check The Onion regularly, but missed this new issue. Very funny article.
| One last time |
| Howdy Big Lick,
Alright, let me start by making it clear that I am a LIBERAL
Democrat. That's right, I'm an intrusive government endorsing, abortion
supporting, tax-cut hating liberal SOB who won't let the good old boys
trample all over civil rights. Or Civil Liberties.
So why am I not disturbed by supposedly Senator Liebermann's future
occupancy of a prestigious position in my party?
Because the RIGHT to play whatever the hell you want is NOT being infringed,
and the good Senator has never said that it should be.
His problem was with the industry misrepresenting its product to the
American people as a whole (i.e. parents of little kids who want Resident Evil
or Silent Hill).
Now as gamers, we tend to be protective of what we view as a 'niche'
industry, a little corner of the entertainment market.
But it ISN'T! The interactive entertainment industry nets more money
annually than the movie industry does. Let me repeat that. The MOVIE
INDUSTRY, probably the most mainstream and well known facet of
entertainment, makes LESS money than the VIDEO GAME industry.
We are no longer a niche. Its time we stopped being treated as one. And
Senator Liebermann was only ever trying to safeguard, not 'control' or
censor, what he recognizes as a mainstream part of American society.
Yeah, I know that a lot of game players have severe psychological/social
problems and would probably wet their pants if they ever considered
themselves mainstream, but it's true. Maybe all of those who need to
differentiate themselves because of self esteem issues can find some other
niche to dwell in, like An- no wait, that's becoming mainstream too. Well,
there's always J-Pop, though before long, the bell of mainstreaming will
toll for it as well. And I welcome it.
In conclusion, a warning: DON'T let a stupid issue like this move your vote
to Bush/Cheney! I don't think enough people realize the gigantic leap back
the Republican ticket represents. Please, if you value the principles of
liberty and equality, vote Gore/Liebermann. Or at least Ralph Nader.
DragonBarrel, hoping that in 8 years we'll see President Liebermann |
Nice little subtle plug there at the end, DragonBarrel. Anyway, while I think we've already beaten this issue into the ground, you make a good overall point.
I disagree that the bizarre chords of J-Pop will ever becoming mainstream, but that's just little ol' me.
| The LaRusic clan attacks |
| Hey Brian,
I was looking at your picture on the recent DA column and you look exactly
like my brother (only he wears glasses). I swear if you held a look-a-like
contest my brother would win.
- John LaRusic
|
| The LaRusic clan attacks, part two |
| In response to "The Steve"'s letter, I'd like to make the record clear; ALL
Canadians (myself and Brian Glick included) all look big and lumberjack
like. We're just absolute masters at deception, using our selective choices
in clothing and scenery to create an illusion of having an American build.
Why do we do this? Because we're a nice country of people, and if we ever
showed you guys up in anything you and you're pansy country would be up at
arms yelling for justice :P Case in point: the infamous I Am Canadian
Commercial with Joe.
- Eddie LaRusic
|
Eddie, my man, if you do indeed look identical to me (when my contacts are out, I too sport a pair of sexy spectacles!), then I can hardly blame you for deluding yourself into thinking your appearance is one big sham.
And hey, aren't you two identical twins?
| I forgot to include the Legendary Stardust Cowboy... |
I'd like to make a comment about the music RPG.
Oh yeah I think they call it Rhapsody.
What kind of people are always singing songs.
How can they commit all these terrible wrongs?
Singing and stuff to me just isn't right.
I mean are these people looking for a fight.
I'd like to complete and what I'm going to say.
Rhapsody I will make you pay.
"A very musical" Kramer"
|
Kramer, my friend, that is perhaps the worst piece of musical artistry I have ever had the misfortune of encountering. Were I fourty years older, I'd box your ears. I fear what could happen if someone were to put that to music. No flower would be safe from wilting, no window would be safe from shattering, and no Napster user would be safe from song renaming pranksters. Kramer, you are exceedingly worthy of receiving the first ever Horrible Musician Award. Wear it with pride.
Remember, the Horrible Musician Award is highly corrosive and should not be stored indoors or outdoors at any time. The Horrible Musician Award contains enough smarm to seriously harm a child. If you experience eye pain, mumps, excessive self-confidence, or a penchant for hermaphrodite Republican dwarves named Walter, discontinue use and consult with a physician immediately.
| Read My Lips: No More Tomb Raider Games |
| On the contrary, I must argue that Ms. Tilmitt would not make an excellent Cabinet member, but, indeed, has all the qualities necessary to become the next President of the United States. Running as a member of the little-known Garden Festival Party, Selphie and running mate Yuffie Kisaragi are prepared to forge a brighter future with their platform of "compassionate anarchism."
How does Selphie stand on key issues?
Defense: "Let's just fire like crazy and make a big hole, BOOM!"
Racism: "Sorceress or not, it all comes down to what a person does."
Privacy: "Mr. Bear is watching yooou!"
Public Transportation: "I love trains."
Endangered Species: "Well, we could skin this little guy and wear him as a disguise..."
Campaign Finance Reform: "Let's derail the president's car. Y'know, hit him with a big log or something."
Foreign Relations: "Sir Laguna is sooo cool!"
Crime: "Everybody! Love and peace!"
Science and Technology: "I'm not sure what to do, so I'll just press whatever!"
Honor. Integrity. A vision for the future. Tilmitt / Kisaragi 2000.
Do it for the children!
- Fritz Fraundorf, Tilimittie No. 1 |
| Another party supporter |
| Hey Big Lick,
It's already too late for me to email that dumbass Chris right
now, but hey, you have to agree with me that HE is the one with the bad fashion
sense, just for thinking Selphie isn't the freakin' princess of fashion. Because,
you know, she rules and stuff.
Selphie doesn't suck, Chris does. Right?
-gabu-san, the man who'd like to see Selphie and Yuffie
doing...uh..nevermind.
|
Personally, I don't see how you folks are all missing the perfect candidate for the presidency: Mint. I mean, you certainly can't deny she doesn't have the aspirations and ambition.
| Subject: Wark |
| I've been meaning to ask you this, but...
Would you, um, die for my sins?
-Boco |
I never knew Chocobos were sinful creatures.
| As hardcore as you can get |
| So... We meet again... Bwahahaha!
Since you said we can talk about anything, I thought I'd tell you about my first console, an Atari 2600. Being 16 right now, the NES was really big back in the day when I was little, but I stuck with my trusty Atari. I had about 20 or so games for it, including space invaders, pitfall, Q-bert, and this one game where you chase a robber up a four story building.
My big deal is that those games were so simplistic, yet they kept me entertained for hours every day! Nowadays when I go to play something on my Playstation, it only keeps me interested for about a half hour. Sure, I have great games such as MGS, every Square game made, and several others, but it just seems like there's something lacking. Do you think that with the greater graphic abilities of todays systems gameplay is getting less and less important? I feel that companies try to make good storylines in their games to make up for this problem. But then I go back to thinking about my Atari, and non of those games really had a story, they left that for you to make!
Needless to say, I still own my Atari, and it still keeps me entertained for hours.
-Espezito
P.S. I'm from Michigan, so I frequently visit Canada to take advantage of the exchange rate. You have a bit of a lumberjack look in the face... Grow a beard and put on a winter hat and I'm sure you'd look the part. |
Espezito, you seem like a great fellow, so please don't take my relentless mockery personally -- it's certainly not intended as such. But this sort of "modern games don't have the stuff the classics do" argument never fails to amuse me. You must have been quite the youngster when those games were able to keep you entertained for hours at a time. But you've since grown up; it's going to take a lot more to keep you interested in something for hours now, regardless of the relative quality of a title. You say your Atari still keeps you entertained for hours, but how much of that is nostalgia, and how much of that is a genuine, objective interest? Do you really think you'd stick around for more than five minutes on most of those titles nowadays if they were just released for the first time? Granted, some concepts, like Tetris, never get old, but the Atari had a veritable cornucopia of crap games. It's what brought the industry down for a while.
| You spin me right off, baby, right off |
| Hey, Brian! What part of Canada do you hail from (I live an hour North-East
of Toronto)? Now onto Tron Bonne. Sorry, I do not fantasize over Tron but I
do greatly enjoy the game and I have found it to be much more challenging
than Mega Man Legends. My second comment concerns Final Fantasy XI. Thus far
I am greatly disappointed with Square's decision to make this an online
game. For it to work as an online game all of the mainstays of previous FF's
will have to thrown out the window. You just can't make an RPG with a
spellbinding storyline and great characters into an online game. Sure the
idea of Square taking a stab at the online gaming world is intriguing, but
this game should definitely have taken the vein of FF Tactics and been made
as a spinoff, not FF XI. I know some of you share my opinion and I'm glad to
see that. See ya!
-Deathduck
|
You seem hung up over the fact that it's titled "Final Fantasy XI," and not something like "Final Fantasy Online." Does it really matter? Not particularly, in my books. For all intents and purposes, it is a spinoff, being released only a few short months after Final Fantasy X in Japan. I think it's great that Square will experimenting and innovating in such a radical way with the famous series -- the potential for payoff is very, very huge, for both gamers and the company's accountants alike. Who cares what it's called?
For the record, I hail from just north of Toronto too, though I'm at the University of Waterloo for most of the year.
| He's also got the cod-piece under his sheets |
| Big Lick,
I wear a blue suit, a blue helmet, and I have the voice of a 7 year old
girl. But, under one arm is Tron Bonne, under the other is Roll.
Oh, some of you make fun of me, saying my gameplay is uninventive, and
that the characters are all clones of characters from earlier parts of the
series, but really, only one thing of importance comes to mind:
When you jerks go to sleep alone, I've got Tron Bonne and Roll with me
under my sheets. Hellz yeah. Let's just say, they don't call me Mega Man
for nothing.
Mike Drucker.....(cough-cough).... I mean, Mega Man |
You win this round, Mega Man.
Closing Comments:
I'm sorry, but we've run out of time. I can see that we've made a lot of progress, though, and each and every one of you are developing and coming to a self-actualization which can only mean a large influx of positive energy in the future. Continue your meditations in quiet solitude until tomorrow, when Drew Cosner will arrive to lead you further along the path to spiritual enlightenment.
-Brian Glick, once again the monster who doesn't belong in this world |
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