Double Agent
It's dark at night - July 29, 2000 - Andrew Kaufmann

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Golly. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Greetings folks! Hope yall had a good week, back for more fun now. Most of my letters today ended up being about Napster and emulation, and after thinking a while, I've decided I don't want to mess with those subjects. They make for great debate, but in the end the only thing that will come of it is that 50% of you will be mad, the other 50% happy, and everyone will think I was getting way too boring and preachy.

So, like, let's do letters, anyway. Fun time!


 
If you've got cash, spend it

Hey Ak

What do you think of Mircosoft spending $500,000,000 on the X-box Launch? It sounds insane to me but whatever. And Do you know what Sony is spending on the PS2 North American Launch?

Hey, Microsoft has money to spend. Can't hurt to spend it, from their perspective. I don't know how big an impact it will have, but studies show advertising does have some amount of impact (or else why would people insist on doing it?). I don't think advertising alone will get a Microsoft victory, though, so you anti-Microsoft folks shouldn't worry too much about them winning just because they have a ton of cash. In the end, I think the system with the best developed games will win. Now, will Microsoft develop the best games, because they have the most money? Not necessarily, but possibly. Either way, though, the gamer gets good games. This isn't a scenario where Microsoft's size will hurt consumers; it can really only help. It adds another level of competition in a competetive market.

Sony, of course, isn't exactly strapped for cash.I don't know what their budget is, but I imagine it'll be sizable.

Off topic

Was it just me or did X-Men SUCK? I'm sorry, i thought i'd dig it, but i just couldn't. Cyclops was a ridiculous geek, Sabretooth was a ripoff of that foolish brute Nod from Superman II, Magneto was tiresome and uninspiring, Ray Park didn't do any martial arts and the X-men school was a shameless setup for X-Men High 90210. The only exception was Storm, I'd disintegrate into clear plasma in her arms any day, rawwr. Oh and another thing, isn't the whole X-Men thing just like Pokemon? You got your good X-men, you got your evil X-men, every X-man has unique powers, and you never know when you're gonna find a new kind of X-man. I shoulda stayed home with my PSX! Well, not really, but this movie was just not worth the 9.50, yo.

I posted some X-Men letters last week, so I might as well post one now, too. I still haven't seen the movie, though... so no comment from me. Just read and agree or disagree. And stuff. But X-Men similar to Pokemon? Nah. Not cute and furry enough.

Blame Canada

Wow, I just bought it and I love it. I do think, however, that Americans (I'm Canadian) should quit complaining about prices. I'll admit that it's not often, but I hate that lament about lean wallets and the like. I got the DC, a VMU, and two games. Guess how much that cost me? About 520 damn dollars. Even after currency conversion (approx. 1.45 can = 1 us), I still got shafted. Bah!

~gaspump

Dude, that hurts. Move to the US is my suggestion. That's not cool. But it's still expensive here, too... and expensive is expensive, no matter where you're from.

A really long, yet entertaining, letter

*transmission from undisclosed location...received*

*a debonair man pops into view*

Agent X: Greetings fellow agents! It's time for the first ever STAY UP TO SEE AK UPDATE SLUMBER PARTY, with me and Gamer X as your hosts!

*camera pans around to a geeky looking guy*

Gamer X: That would be me!

*camera goes back to Agent X*

Agent X: Many people actually think that we're the same person, but are we the same person, Gamer X?

Gamer X: Why yes we...

*Agent X gives a hard stare off screen*

Gamer X: ...are not, of course!

Agent X: Great! We're here with a computer to check for updates, a large bag of cheesy puffs, and the most important item of all...4 12-packs of Mountain Dew! Now that everything is ready, let's get it on!

*1 hour into the slumber party*

Gamer X: Any update sitings?

Agent X: No, but the night is young! It's not even midnight yet!

Gamer X: Yeah, maybe the night is young for you, but I've got a gaming convention early tomorrow morning.  No way I'm gonna miss salivating over booth babes that I know I have no chance in hell with!

Agent X: Hey, maybe I'll come along with you!

Gamer X: Don't you remember last time you went to a gaming convention?

*Agent X has a blank stare on his face*

Gamer X: Remember, that Mortal Kombat character dressed in military garb at Midway's booth startled you and you...

Agent X: Oh yeah!  That was pretty messy.

Gamer X: Yeah, and they put all the blame on me!

Agent X: Sorry I had to dematerialize out of there so quickly. It's just that if my cover was blown...

Gamer X: You would have to kill everyone in the building, blah, blah, blah. Still, you have no idea what tortures mall security put me through...*shudder*

*2 hours into the party*

Gamer X: He's got to have updated by now, right?!

Agent X: Nope. 'Tis only 1 o'clock. It's not his time yet.

*Agent X shakes an empty cheesy puffs bag*

Agent X: Dude, I can't believe all you brought was one lousy bag of cheesy puffs. What am I supposed to eat now?!

Gamer X: I couldn't afford anything else! There're too many great games coming out that I have to buy!

Agent X: You've got to give up those videogames. They're draining you of all your free time and money!

Gamer X: *zombie voice* Must buy game...Square tells me to buy games...Square is good...

Agent X: Great, he's entered one of those trances again! Nobody can talk to him now!

*3 hours into the party*

Gamer X: *belch!*

*an empty can hits the floor*

Agent X: Dear god man! That's your 15th Mountain Dew in the past 10 minutes!

*Gamer X's eyes close and begins to fall asleep*

*suddenly, his eyes snap open, a look of insanity on his face*

Gamer X: Worship the god of caffeine, I will!

Agent X: Uh-oh. He's entering his yoda phase. Wonder how long this one will last.

*Gamer X begins to stare at Agent X*

Gamer X: Make sacrifice to God Caffino, I do!

Agent X: Oh no you don't!

*Agent X runs off screen with Gamer X following closely behind*

*5 hours into the party*

*Gamer X is asleep next to Agent X*

*Agent X has scratches and bruises all over his face*

Agent X: He's a feisty one when he's on his caffeine high. He's still no match for my mad Agent skillz! Anyway, he's gonna be out 'till next spring, so it looks like I'm the only one left.

*he looks down at Gamer X*

Agent X: Hmmmm...looks like he's starting to eat better. He's getting nice and plump...

*he licks his lips, but shakes his head quickly*

Agent X: No! I must go on without food!

*6 hours into the party*

*Agent X has dark circles under his eyes*

Agent X: It's 5 o'clock, yet still he does not update. I don't think I can go on much longer...this is Agent X, signing off.

-Agent X "maybe next time..."

*he collapses onto the floor next to Gamer X*

*a bright red message flashes up on screen*

ALERT! ALERT! AK UPDATE HAS BEEN SITED! ALERT! ALERT!

*screen fades to black*

*end transmission*

Dude, you spent way too much time writing that out. I love it!

A tasty snack tip!
AK,

Did you know that if you eat a handful of almonds a day it raises your metabolism? Well now you know!

-Mikey B.

P.S.- My feet don't itch anymore. I had to see a doctor after Touch Actin' Tinactin didn't work, and he gave me this gel that cleared it right up. Turns out I had a rash or something.

That's a useful tip, Mikey! Thanks! And, err, thanks for the foot update.

Sega

Greetings,

Sega's downfall will not be because their system is not as powerful hardware wise as the next wave of the console wars, but simply because their products have failed to capture the imagination of the general gaming public thus far. With the lone exception of Soul Caliber, which I rarely play because fighting games are not my cup of tea even though the eye candy is fantastic, there is no Dreamcast game that stands out in my mind. Sure Sonic was pretty decent, but it did not even begin to hold a candle to the way the two original games on the Genesis had once dazzled me. They gave a sense of speed, Sonic Adventure just gives me a headache with the bad voice acting and the wobbly camera. And the third party RPGs are simply not even C grade material. Grandia looks promising and may come just in time but what about Sega's own creations ? Will it be too late? Does anyone even care about playing Online RPGs on the DC? I know that I'd rather have both of my eyes poked out than 'surf the net' via the DC because its incredibly slow, I don't even want to imagine what heavy duty online gaming is going to be like, and Sega is dreaming if they think all their users will hop on their bandwagon and subscribe to their own ISP. If Sega wants to hit hard and recapture the magic, they are going to have to dig out some of the old standbys that made the Saturn an almost cult classic and the kind of games that made the Genesis worth keeping around (which I was a huge fan of back in the day). NiGHTS, Panzer Dragoon (Saga too), Phantasy Star, Shining Force, and a proper Sonic the Hedgehog game (in 2D!) would most likely all be heavy hitters if they were done with the same kind of class, style and replayability as the originals. In my opinion it is a critical mistake on their part not to tap into the wealth of their past, and by not doing it there's the possibility that ignoring the series' that earned them respect will enrage and disappoint the public much like Nintendo did with not giving us another Metroid. If they can't deliver, then perhaps its time to prepare a funeral dirge.

Cheers,
Alanna Evans

You make good points, but of course, it begs the question: what IS gaming magic? I think every game designer tries to put magic in his or her games... they just fail, more often than not.

You reiterate the truth, though, even though it tends to make discussions boring: success isn't about technical specs, but about the quality of the games. The fun.

Closing Comments:

Tomorrow is another day.

-Andrew Kaufmann

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