Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. And the bad FAQ jokes are just starting, folks! Don't say we didn't warn you.

I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, it's gonna be a short column. Chalk it up to 4th of July festivities if you like. The good news is, (keeping in mind that both good and bad are relative terms in this case, so the good news could be bad and the bad news good, depending on your point of view) I've knocked out a first edition of the Double Agent FAQ. Read through it and tell me what you think, and send me some feedback on it if you like.

And in the spirit of completely trivial accomplishments, I'd just like to point out that the June 2000 letter archive represents a first for DA - it may be the first time ever an entire month has gone by without a letter column being missed, but more likely it's the first time anyone's been anal enough to make a complete monthly collection of DA ramblings. Since the worth of an old DA column is slightly less than that of a hundredth of a Mexican peso, this announcement actually has negative value, because no possible use can come out of it. I just enjoy wasting your time. Whee!

Onward.

Aside from Palom and Kain from FFIV, I can't remember any of these one way or another. As a proud righty, handedness doesn't generally register. However, this is the most complete list on the subject I received, so I'm putting it up for the sake of completeness..

Despite a sneaking suspicion she went overboard at the plastic surgeon's, I also like Tifa a lot. It's not really a competition between her and Aeris, since they both played very different roles, but Tifa, for me, represented a very well realized female character. She was fairly strong and confident, but at the same time managed to have a romantic, vulnerable side. As it is, I think the character's design actually did the character a great disservice, because I think very few people actually bother to look past her extended personal traits to the personality underneath. Regardless, Tifa's pretty cool.

Considering that every FF between 1 and 6 had the heroes and villains in contention over some kind of crystal, yes, I suppose the comparison is legit. The way I see it, all the elemental crystals ever really did was give the heroes an excuse to chase the villains around, and vice versa. Hitchcock used to call it a "MacGuffin" (I'm almost certainly misspelling that) and it could be just about anything - elemental crystals, stolen spy plans or the freeze dried corpse of your aunt's favorite poodle. These days it's seen as something of a crutch for a writer to use, which is why I'm just as glad crystals were absent from FF7 and 8. FF9 I'm guardedly optimistic about, because I hope Sakaguchi's come up with something interesting to say about the crystals after their long hiatus.

I do agree about the FFT old school feel, but I'd equate that more with the correct use of leveraging the Final Fantasy franchise. In other words, FFT built off the classic staples of Final Fantasy - summons, spells, character designs and monsters, in a way that was original and charmingly nostalgic at the same time. In contrast Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon and other Chocobo games just seem to shove an FF character in our face without really adding anything.

Because they make pretty colors and interesting noises, I suppose. When you think about it, it's not terribly different from playing RPGs, just analog and much more chaotic.

Having never played (or rather, understood) a Final Fantasy in the original Japanese, I can't confirm this for sure, but I believe the humor you're describing may simply be the result of a good, non-literal translation. Certainly there have been amusing moments in all FFs, but before 8, stuff undoubtedly got lost in the translation, and light hearted humor may have been part of that. We may just now be seeing what's always been there.

On the other hand, I agree that the characterization in FF8 was superb. For once, characters felt less like heroic archetypes and more like real people. Squall could have been any number of brooding loners I went to school with, had they been dumped into a quasi-fantasy world and asked to save humanity. I also suspect that's why Squall wasn't liked by many people - they signed up for a great warrior and instead got the guy down the street. Personally I respect Square more for being able to write such realistic characters, but I can see the other side as well.

Closing Comments:

That's all for tonight, campers. No topic for tomorrow, just send me what you please. And I hope everyone concerned has a great 4th with their family and friends. Just stay the hell off the roads if you've been drinking, because I'll be driving all day and I'd just as soon not be run over. Thanks.

-Chris Jones, prefers fireworks done by professionals