Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Calling Elvis, is anybody home? Don't say we didn't warn you.

We got a lot of good emails on dumbass things people have done in games, several of which made me laugh out loud as they came in, which made everybody at work look funny at me. But no matter, I think you'll enjoy this.

And just for the sake of fairness, let me start off with one of the many, many stupid things I've done in my many years of game playing: I didn't realize you could change the level of your Limit Breaks in FF7 until after I was done with the whole game. Yep, I played through thinking Cross Slash was as good as it got.

Needless to say, Omnislash looked comparatively much more interesting...

Onward.

This wasn't real bright of Jeff, but I suspect we've all done something similar at one point or another. I've never lost a console game that way, but I have deleted more than a few computer files by accident, even after I was repeatedly asked "Are you sure you wish to delete?" It happens.

Not bad, but it would have been funnier if you'd leveled up through random battles to the point where you actually beat the game with nothing but 99 year old squires and chemists.

Many people I know didn't want to mess with the Grimoires right away, in case they were limited use items and because they were doing so well without them. Heck, I finished the game without using a few elemental alignment spells at all, meaning I'm short the full compliment of magic on my second play through.

Again, it would have been funnier if you'd finished the game without realizing this, but not bad.

I like the thing about item shops, it's very much in the "digging your way through the mountain because you don't see the tunnel" mindset. Your ignorance amuses me greatly, Raven.

Your question leads me into some thoughts I've had recently about games and suspension of disbelief. It should be obvious that just about any story depends on having an audience in a receptive state for its really big moments - if you walk in right as Luke's screaming "That's impossible!" in Empire Strikes Back, the scene plays much more poorly. Narratives generally start off with neutral characters and gradually increase the audience's affection (or hatred) for them to the point where there's enough emotional investment to allow lines like "You had me at hello."

Well, usually there's enough.

Games have an advantage and a disadvantage here. An average RPG runs around 30-40 hours of play, which means a player has a LOT of investment in seeing what happens to a character. This investment means that when the payoffs come, they seem much more compelling than in other media, but it also means that lame situations are accepted much more easily. It often doesn't matter that the dialog is bad, or the plot is trite - you want to see what happens. Add in the fact that many games feature Japanese characters who appear intrinsically strange to Americans, and you have a situation rife for misunderstandings if not outright ridicule.

This was made abundantly clear to me when I was over at someone's house and a roommate was playing Xenogears. It was right at the first Fei/Elly mech battle, which I had found fairly compelling during my (solo) play through. Here it was comedy on par with the Simpsons, from the bizarre expression on Elly's face after the Drive kicked in to the little hearts that came out when Vierge hit something. Perspective is everything, in games and out of them, so you're probably best staying away from those without the right perspective while playing.

This seriously cracked me up, so thanks, I think.

I have to admit something - I played through part of the FFV translated ROM. It got old quick, since being on the computer wasn't as good as on the TV, and FFT was waiting. There's also the little matter of me purchasing the Japanese cart a few years prior (still have it) but I'm not a complete emulation virgin.

I know temptation, I understand temptation. Temptation is a good friend of mine. That still doesn't give you the right to play hacked ROMs you haven't paid for, like it or not. And your own letter has the logic needed to refute itself: how much money does Square get from FF2j and 3j? None of course, as it doesn't sell them over here. But just as there are those who wouldn't have bought the games when they can play the ROMs for free, there are those who would. There is a demand for those games, and that demand is Square's to satisfy or not as they see fit. It may be that the ROMs cutting in to the demand are the reason why the games haven't been brought out here: who would play a 10+ year old game for the NES who hasn't played the ROM already? Well, I would.

The bottom line is that no matter how odious it may be that the guy with the one remaining copy of Action Comics #1 uses it for toilet paper, it still ain't yours to steal. But in many ways this is purely academic - I know that no matter what I say people are still gonna do it, and not feel real guilty about it. I don't even care that much, I'm not going to cross the street to spit at you if I catch you emulating. I'm not even gonna leave the room if you fire up that SD3 hack, though I won't use it myself. Hell, I'll even admit that emulation has it's place. If your copy of Zelda died years ago, but you bought it fair and square, you have the legal and ethical right to have made a copy, and play that copy at your discretion however you wish. But as for everything else, you don't have the right. It's all just rationalization.

This is a reasonable argument, although you might wonder what it means in some cases: has FF2j gone "out of print", or could Square argue they "just haven't got around to selling it in the US yet"? Is the slow-loading PSX copy of FF6 a legitimate offering, or do they have to sell you the actual cart?

But if the law's on your side, I can't argue against you. The logic makes sense.

And yes, Disney is evil. But you should have known that by now.

I really was going to make the column worth a credit, but then I read the phrase "good intentioned" and realized several of you still need more legitimate education. I suggest you start with English class.

...says the man who once wrote "sounds like they was done by Yanni."

And that, children, is the story of how the Deathmatch came to be. So the next time you make some punk eat rail gun ammo, remember to thank Mr. Powers and his crazed bunch of rampaging Marines.

I gotta say, the automilking thing was my favorite letter of the day, despite not actually being something done out of stupidity. Very Far Side-esque.

You're still one sick bastard for doing such a thing, however.

Closing Comments:

Many people pointed out that Weird Al's "Dare to Be Stupid" was used in the Transformers movie, so this isn't the first time he's sold out. Still, it's a bit depressing, I think.

To paraphrase Mel Gibson in Braveheart: "I may take your wives, but I'll never take your freedom!" Your freedom to send in whatever the heck you like for Fridays, that is. And what do I care, with your wives to keep me company? See you tomorrow.

-Chris Jones, once wondered if equipping weapons really made a difference