Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. We were supposed to have flying cars by now! Where's my damn flying car?! Don't say we didn't warn you.

I was having a hard time coming up with an intro today, but fortunately a prime nugget of info was recently dumped into my lap, so I can pass that on to you folks, look like a hero, and still not do any real writing up here. Info as follows:

Yasumi Matsuno (lead producer, Final Fantasy Tactics, Vagrant Story) has NOT, I repeat, NOT been fired or demoted from Square.

This according to a story posted over at gamers.com, supposedly from the mouths of Square themeslves. I'm gonna be more wary of buying into (and printing) nasty rumors like that in the future. And in the meantime, let there be celebration and general merriment all around.

Onward.

Actually, that was more like your buck fifty, but who's counting?

The fact that the PS2 has been preordering well in your neck of the woods (and pretty much everywhere else from what I hear) is encouraging, but you should probably keep in mind that many of those orders were probably based on initial word of mouth. Now that word of mouth is not so great, there may be those who'll sacrifice their $10 rather than follow through. On the other hand, there'll still be more than enough people buying for Sony to have the greatest launch in history, so it's probably a non-issue.

I like your ideas about the X-Box, though. No matter how evil and/or ogreish Microsoft might be, the fact that it's an American-based console system has to count for a lot. That's not just empty jingoism, that's improved access to games for American gamers - let's see how you folks across the pond like a 9-month wait, eh? Then again, with the exception of the original Atari 2600, there hasn't been a strong American contender for years. Microsoft has a lot of history going against them. And there's also the issue of the types of games we'd see; the US does great FPS games, and I'm sure companies like LucasArts would put up intriguing oddities like Grim Fandango. But the Japanese RPGs that are the heart of this site would probably not be much in evidence, which is nearly all the reason I need to consider X-Box a non-issue.

Since nobody's actually seen the Dolphin yet, it's probably worth waiting until Space World in August before we tackle it head-on. Seeing how closely Nintendo's sticking to the N64 model will tell all. As for the Dreamcast, well, your facts are a bit backwards. The Genesis, much like the Dreamcast currently, is far more popular in the US than Japan. In the early 90's the Genesis placed 3rd behind the SNES and PC-Engine (compared to a strong 2nd place showing over here), and currently it's behind the PSX and N64. America is vital territory to Sega at the moment, and if they can capitalize on the present uncertainly about the PS2, they may be able to strengthen their position even more.

All of which reminds me: reading this column on a regular basis will soon be worth a college credit in economics. I'm talking to the accreditation people even as I write this.

Credit where credit's due - as far as just games is concerned, Microsoft's done quite well by all accounts. I don't think they've done anything truly revolutionary, but they have developed several very good, quality games, no question. Heck, most of Microsoft's applications as applications are quite good. Sure they're hideously bloated and crammed with more features than any 5 random people will ever use, but those features come in useful every once in a while, and most of the actually crashes occur in the Windows OS code. I'm typing this on Front Page right now, and I prefer Word to any other word processor I've ever used. (Yeah, I know, I'm insufficiently geeky. Bite me.)

You also make several good points regarding Microsoft and what it's actually trying to accomplish. Microsoft is NOT the 800-billion pound gorilla in the console market, and needs to act accordingly. The problem is, even as the company seems to be realizing this the rest of us are still looking at MS as some sort of rabid wombat. Perhaps we shouldn't be worrying so much about potential MS market dominance, because if there's any one company I think could stand toe to toe with Mr. Bill, it's Sony.

And as a note to the powers that be, I'll preorder an X-Box Marathon game as soon as such a thing exists. Get to work.

I'm not quite sure what you were going for with that final line: a threat? An attempt to pass my work off as your own? A talisman against the evil that is Bill Gates' face? Sorry, you gotta do all your own typing yourself 'round here.

Still, if you are having trouble beating VS because you're staying awake all night worrying about the future of the gaming world, you have my sympathies.

This question just tickled my fancy, so I'm answering it despite it's complete irrelevance to anything discussed in the column.

Deus ex Machina means "God from the Machine", and initially referred to the practice of Greek and Roman dramas hoisting actors portraying various gods down from the sky with cranes. Hence gods (actors) from the machine (cranes). Since these gods traditionally solved any and all narrative difficulties by divine fiat, the term came to mean "big fancy event/character the author uses to magically solve story problems." It's not a good thing in a plot, but it's still used quite a lot. (The ending of FF4 comes to mind - gosh, how fortunate that two incredibly powerful wizards appear in the last few hours at to soften up the final enemy for you!)

Yeah, I know that was an easy question that any 9th grader should be able to answer. Hey, it's not my fault US schools suck.

Nothing I could find one way or another really indicated if it was a remake or a sequel, but for the sake of argument, I'll accept that it is merely a spiffed up remake. Even so, it changes nothing - the original game isn't theirs to mess with. In some ways a remake is even worse, because it shatters the original gameplay balance Square put together. I don't have a problem with 2D series moving into 3D, as long as the specific games were designed by the creators from the ground up to be 3D. This mutilation of a 2D classic is equivalent to "colorizing" an old black and white film like Casablanca. Regardless of your stand on emulation, you must realize this.

Now, outright emulation of the game is less bad, but still not real kosher. The problem with Brad's argument is the idea that people have some sort of right to play old games that they don't own. "Gosh, I can't buy/afford them, I might as well steal them!" But here's the deal: you don't have that right. Games are an expensive hobby, and if you wanna play you gotta pay. SNES carts of CT running at insane prices doesn't change that, any more than Neal Stephenson's The Big U being extremely rare gives me the right to distribute free photocopies of the UT library's copy. If anything this should encourage you to buy more modern games, since what's all over the place today could be gone tomorrow. (FFT, anyone?)

I'll admit there are all kinds of mitigating circumstances. Yes, Square, Nintendo, etc. are being stupid for not releasing these games for cheap in ROM format. But so what? It's still their property, they can sell it or not sell it or feed it to the goats at their discretion. Yes there are numerous great titles available only via emulation, a few of which have even been translated into English. I'm just as aware of the SD3 hack as you are. Still doesn't change anything. FFV finally being released in English, lame translation or no, indicates that there's an outside chance that other old games may someday make it over. And the bigger and richer a company gets, the more likely this is to happen. So spend your time on buying and playing current games, not robbing people blind.

It's a hard job being the moral prude in this genre, but someone's got to do it.

Heavy hitters like Konami are a major advantage the PS2 has that doesn't look to be going away. What's curious is why these players have stayed away from other consoles for the most part. Had X-Box or Dolphin secured Square as a developer I'm sure we would have heard about it by now. And even though it's become abundantly clear that multi-platform releases of the same game usually turn to generic mush, I'm sure there's money to be made in targeting unique games to even 2nd place consoles like the N64 or Dreamcast.

On the other hand, old grudges die hard. You'd think 100,000,000 Game Boys would be plenty good enough to get Square to put out some new GB titles, love of fancy 3D or no, bitter hatred of Nintendo or no. But here we are, with "Quest for Camelot" instead of Final Fantasy Legend IV.

We already covered the emulation thing, so I'll spare you my rant again. As for the expansion pack mentioned, I think that only applies to people trying to play the game on a Nintendo 64, and it's not the RAM pack but rather an N64-to-computer connection that can simulate a large cart size.

I figured play difficulties were at the heart of your distaste for VS, hopefully it'll get better from here on out. And speaking of stupid things...

Closing Comments:

We've been hitting on some fairly serious stuff lately, so I'd like to give a softball topic for tomorrow. Come on, let's hear it - it's time for the "Stupidest thing you've ever done in a game" column. This won't be a contest, but it should prove pretty entertaining none the less.

Though it doesn't really cancel out the joy of Matsuno's non-fired status, I do have some tragic news to report: the great "Weird Al" Yankovic has apparently gone insane. I say this because he's listed as doing a song for the soundtrack of the new Pokemon movie. Sad but true, check the site. See you tomorrow.

-Chris Jones, already looking forward to the next Matsuno game nonetheless