Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. ToastyFrog has returned. Let there be general merriment. Don't say we didn't warn you.

It's a Monday. And it's a Monday close to E3. So there is, of course, no interesting news for me to talk about. So this will be a really short intro. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Onward.

Actually, it was me who compared Pokemon to Final Fantasy. As for your numbers, I think they're a bit low on Final Fantasy's side - Square's latest press release on the subject claims 25 million copies. I thought the Pokemon numbers were a little off, until I remembered that the 8 million copies of Red/Blue were for the US only.

So Pokemon has sold more copies than I thought. More copies than Final Fantasy, more copies than other video game in history. None of that changes my thinking that Pokemon doesn't deserve the critical respect due Sakaguchi's work. It's possible that in 10 years when the vast majority of Pokemon masters are around our age Pokemon will be seen as being a huge influence, but from my perspective Final Fantasy's on top of the RPG pile.

I haven't played that much Pokemon, so I can't to argue too much with your last statement. Anybody else got a rebuttal?

No. Good question, but no.

In the interests of full disclosure, I should say that I have worked for National Instruments in the past, for three semesters as an engineering co-op, and I still have friends who work there. However, I was turned down for a full-time job when I applied - NI is a very polished, smooth-functioning company, and I'm an engineer of the type who often puts technical concerns ahead of managerial ones. I like NI's stuff because I think it's really good stuff. End of story.

This means BVB owes you a cookie, I guess. None of my business either way.

<insert standard rant about  being damned if you do, damned if you don't>

Just to clarify my DQ position once and forever: I am not a particularly big fan of Dragon Quest. I tend to find the series relatively dull compared with Square's offerings from gameplay, presentation, and narrative standpoints (although I admit I never played the Super Famicom DQ's.) I think DQ7 looks really primitive compared to what else is already out there, and unless it's a much different game than I understand it to be, I think it's going to be a big disappointment to hard core DQ fans.

However, I can't deny that DQ has, in some ways, been highly innovative. DQ4 had a day/night cycle and multiple storylines, neither of which Final Fantasy has yet managed. Someone sent in a whole list of unique features DQ has, from telling jokes to entering beauty contests to becoming king for a day. To me, none of this makes DQ that great, or even that good. And there are definitely elements in the games I'd consider antiquated. But innovation is innovation, and I can't claim that it's not there, or even that there's no reason for people to like the games. Moving on.

The official position of Arch Nemesis has not been filled as of yet, but there are already candidates better qualified than you. Whoever gets the job will have to do things far more interesting than threaten my liver. All I can suggest is to be more outrageous - don't threaten my liver, threaten my dog. Don't threaten the world oil supply, threaten to stop the release of Chrono Cross. You can do it man, I have faith in you.

You did the right thing in emailing me, son. I agree with you about music, but don't really have anything else to add to the debate. Well said.

I'm surprised about your comment about BL being an early version of FFT - I'd always heard that FFT was clearly an example of Square wanting to one-up the Ogre Battle franchise, going so far as to steal most of the associated development group. But you've played it, I haven't, so I'll take your word for it.

I guess Bahamut Lagoon will just join Live-A-Live and Treasure Hunter G as SNES Square games that never got over here and that we'll never play.

Legally.

I have no problems with admitting I find Silent Hill much scarier than just about anything else I've ever read or seen - the only thing that even comes close is Kubrick's "The Shining". Rumor has it that the writer of Neon Genesis Evangelion went off of Prozac to make the series. If true, then I deeply fear the drug Silent Hill's writer must have been on.

AK! Dude! Score! Tell us all about it - was she hot?

Closing Comments:

Looking over Friday's column, I realize it's the EMACS config file that's the exercise in masochism, not VI. My mistake.

Ok, question for tomorrow: Is there any work of Japanese manga or anime that can compare to Alan Moore's "Watchmen"? Didn't think so.

Wait, this is a game site. Ok, how's this - Hideo Kojima has suggested that the next Metal Gear will try to express the elements of temperature and humidity. The reasonable thing to do would be to wait and see how exactly Kojima intends to do this, but that's no fun. So how do you suggest such a thing might be done, if it's even workable? Is it workable? What would you like to see in the next Metal Gear, and what would you like to avoid? Let me know.

-Chris Jones, drinking Barq's Root Beer. (Gratuitous product placement! Run!)