Brevity is the soul of wit, I hope - April 24th, 2000 -
Chris Jones
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of
the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There
is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. New Orleans is swampy. I like
that. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Well, here we are again. Minimal email, but it was a holiday weekend, so that's
understandable. I'm still in my home town of New Orleans, enjoying the muggy weather (no
sarcasm, I'm serious) and also enjoying the exceedingly tasty seafood. Catfish po-boys and
gumbo, good stuff. Those of you who live in dull, boring places *coughcanadacough* don't
know what you're missing. Admittedly, New Orleans also has insanely high poverty, crime,
pollution, and disease rates, but that has nothing to do with why I don't live here
anymore. Nothing whatsoever. Really.
Ok, you deserve a column on Monday, and I'm gonna try and give you one. I didn't get a
whole lot of email, 'cause the link pointed to AK, but I did get a few from people who
were smart enough to remember my address (agent@thegia.com).
In the future, unless somebody says otherwise, please just send stuff in to that address
regardless of where the link points on Monday. The column you save could be your own. Or
something.
| Sixteen characters, you can do it |
| The worst thing about AK missing half a weekend: no monday link. I had to
go back to the Thursday column (and yes, I am too lazy to type the address, short though
it may be...), but I won't complain too much. Anyhoo... 2 things:
1) To the people who got the Chrono Chross OST before I did (I'm in import order limbo
right now): stop waxing poetic on how great it is, damn it...or I'll have to start
stalking the UPS guy (he probably isn't even that cute, so that's NOT a good thing).
Wahhh!!!
2) I've already posed the what limb would you cut off rather than miss a Square RPG
this Summer/Fall (no wait, that wasn't exactly what I asked...), so here it is: any
reccomendations on NON- Square RPGs (and I, the one complaining about not having any time,
or life left to play 'em all, for shame)? I'd get Hoshigami in a heartbeat, but it seems
no one's picked it up for North American Release yet, and I can't read Japanese. I really
am not looking forward to Lunar 2 (gasp), it is a great game and all, but I'd rather give
a chance to a new game, rather than a re-issue. I was thinking Vanguard Bandits (heh,
cause I just finished one of the FM3 stories, and yes, it took inhuman determination, and
it looks like I'll have time to finish it before Vagrant Story comes out), but we are
talking Working Designs, so I may have to wait a while.
Well, I must stop rambling, even if it is what I do best....
Princess Jemmy |
I can't stand waiting for any kind of RPG, which is why I always buy my games at the
store rather than save some money and order online. But most of my OSTs have had to be
obtained online, so I make my order and then immediately club myself over the head. If I
do it right, I wake up just as the package comes in a few days later. If I undercalculate,
I just hit myself over the head again. No problems so far, except for the double vision.
Hoshigami would be great, but I'm not as hyped about it as I used to be, mostly because
I'm still working on Front Mission 3 and there's good stuff coming out from here until the
end of the year. From what I've heard Wild Arms 2 might be a better investment than
Vanguard Bandits for those of you looking for distraction between now and Vagrant Story,
but it's your call.
Rambling is fun. And necessary when the column is this short. Can I have some more,
please? PLEEEEEZE?.
| Flattery will get you printed |
| Ummm...ummmm...your hair looks nice today. |
The irony is, I just got a bad haircut. You sure know just how to kick a man when he's
down... I salute you, sir!
| It was a fifty hit combo, but I'm just
starting |
| Hey Chris (yes I did rip that right off of another post) I finally
figured out why you can't do no stupidly huge Marvel Vs. Capcom combo in 3D. It's because
your controller is designed for 2D!
Even today's pimpiest PC controllers (the ones that cost 200 bucks and make you wish
you had one for your PSX) are still based on either Nintendo's D pad from the eighties or
the airplane stick from well errm awfully long ago. And don't even go telling me a plane
moves in a 3D world. I know it does, but does the plane go forward when you push the
stick? Nope , it yaws down, speeding up is done by a separate lever under your other hand.
In order to get 3D to play as inituitive as 2D we'd need some pedals (that'd still be
whack, but it beats the analog stick) or Nintendo needs to pull our sorry asses to
controlling Mecca once again (Go Miyamoto! Go!).
Spidermonkey, smartass |
You're wrong. I'm right, you're wrong. That's all you need to know.
Ok, if you have to know more, I'd say combos are not about being 2D or 3D. Combos have
more to do with deliberate decisions made by the designers to allow insanely long attacks.
If you remember the original Street Fighter II, workable combos were rarely more than
three or four strong hits. (Rapid short punches or kicks don't count.) The same number of
hits can easily be strung together in Soul Calibur, or even more if you've got a character
that can juggle well. I don't remember any stupidly huge combos until Killer Instinct, and
it's pretty obvious that those were programmed in. If 3D fighters ever become so stale
that long, arbitrary command sequences need to be rapidly entered to make things
interesting, I'm sure 3D combos could be implemented.
| The Legend of Hogan |
| Hey Chris, Let me tell you a little story. One time way back when the
SNES Zelda came out I was playing along and having fun etc. Then comes the part where
you're supposed to come to that bush that you pulled up to get to Zelda in the first part
of the game, but know you're pulling it up to go fight that wizard, Aganihm or whatever.
Anyway, so I was doing just that, and I went into the hole. Here's where the weird part
beings. Instead of ending up in that room in the sewers I end up in this one room cave
with an exit to the south. In the room it's full of blue rupees and a text box pops up
saying (ok this is not verbatim because I'm quoting something I saw once about 6 years
ago) "This is Chris Hogan's secret room, please don't tell anyone about it". So
when I gathered all the rupees I left the cave and it takes you out to the front of Link's
house. Then my brother had the idea of putting in the name Hogan as the character's name,
and when you do the guards at the start of the game say all the messages they ever say to
you. For instance talk to them once they say "What are you doing out tonight
kid", the they say "Oh you have a pendant" or something like that and it
continues for a long time. Perhaps there were other things that happened with that name
but I never found them out. I wrote a letter in to EGM long ago but I never got any
response from them. So what I was wondering is have you heard anything about that too? In
all the time since I've never heard anyone mention anything about it and how to get that
room to appear.
Hope this wasn't over 500 words!
Mike |
Sounds spurious to me, and I'll be away from my SNES and Zelda until Wednesday. But if
you're bored, try it out and tell me what's up with this.
| Fear of a Microsoft Planet |
| Chris, Have you heard the rumor about Square being acquired by
Microsoft? What a bunch of shit! Unbelievably (or perhaps ignorantly) enough, I've never
thought Microsoft was too big, or out of control, until this idea hit my ears. To think
that this company could ACQUIRE a company as big as Square. I understand that Square is a
business and when money is involved... but c'mon, I'm a Square devotee, and want no part
of big-daddy Microsoft's influence. All I can say is that hopefully it isn't true!
Just thought I'd share my thoughts...
Scott |
Like I said, I think the chances of this happening are zero to nil. Microsoft has
absolutely no intersection with the markets Square is in, and, even considering the X-Box,
seems unlikely to try and play in Square's sandbox. Any such rumors are likely
mistranslation from the early reports about the X-Box, which had Square listed as a
potential developer. Square may end up coding for the X-Box, or Dolphin, or even
Dreamcast, but they'll do it as a non-Microsoft company. Bet on it.
| EverQuest Anonymous |
| I had wanted to mention that all of this recent PC vs. Console discussion
has somewhat hit home, so to speak, as I've just arrived at what must be my 11th step in a
12 step process of ending my addiction to a little game called EverQuest. Since last May,
I've been playing EverQuest religiously, at times for even 74 hours straight (although
very rarely), alienating my beautiful wife and family, and most certainly becoming a
disturbed social misfit. My original intentions were definitely noble: to play what was
to be my first online rpg. The concept was incredibly exciting to me, and I was
immediately immersed into this huge online world of people and places, through what was
basically a nifty chat-room coupled with a graphical coincidence to shift player's
attentions to. I was sucked into what would be a very troubling experience, as it almost
immediately became obvious that the advantages of the game, also became it's greatest
fault.
Never the less, I was addicted, and feverish play-times followed, as I attempted to
"play" the game exactly as it usually is resorted to by most of its players:
competitively; Get this item, get that item; get to this level, then to that level; join
this guild so you can kill this mob easily, and so on. All the while, I yearned for the
simplicity of the console RPGs that I used to love; the story and therefore
"context" that had been mising from EQ. Still, the addiction remained strong,
and my will weakened, even when it wasn't apparent.
This could go on forever, but thankfully, I have accomplished closure. I have begun to
go out more, see my friends (those friends who I hadn't drawn to EQ already that is...),
and even take a bath. I trounced through Grandia, Suikoden 2, and Resident Evil: Code
Veronica, and said goodbye to EverQuest for good, along with my 3 level 50 characters.
I realize that this isn't necessarily relevant as a topic of discussion for console vs.
PC games (that topic is bland for now anyway), especially since EQ should be classified as
an online PC game, which makes quite a difference. However, I did want to grant people my
overall feelings that while playing an online RPG is quite fun if you've got the right
temperment and personality, I just cannot find an ultimate reason to play a game that has
no contexual values insofar as story developement and hence, its effect on the very
character(s) that you play. Without that, it seems that all online games of this nature
tend to fall back on a partially selfish and unsettling attitude of competitiveness among
its players, which eventually result into a political gambit, that is definitely not the
reason that I personally choose to play games. As such, the news of Final Fantasy Online
has me alarmingly frightful, and hopeful of some gameplay wizardy that will somehow
revolutionize the way online RPGs are played.
If Final Fantasy Online turns out to be largely successful (and to a certain extent
Phantasy Star Online), I see online RPGs becoming a trend- a trend that needs some serious
work. Otherwise, we're stuck with the distinct disillusionment that is today's online RPG,
and I'm not in a hurry to revisit them anytime soon.
Recovered Online RPG Addict,
mendou
P.S.
I also own a 36" Sony WEGA with component inputs; I only wish that game systems had
component outputs... That, and that component cables weren't so damned expensive. |
If your addiction was truly as bad as you suggest (and I can definitely believe it was)
I congratulate you for breaking it. One step at a time, dude. (Dammit, I sound like Dear
Abby. *shudder*)
On the other hand, I'm not that worried about us all becoming a nation of drooling
EverQuesting EverQuesters. The fact is, some people just have addictive personalities. The
actual poison might be different in each case - tobacco, drugs, alcohol, the net, caffeine
- but some people are just of a type to become hooked, and some aren't.
There are issues with giving something like EverQuest access into every home in
America, and I'm sure we'll see examples of kids skipping school for weeks to play FFXI
nonstop. I'm also sure that any such examples will be played out in the media as a major
threat to our nation's youth. Just like videogames, comic books, television, and baseball
once were.
Don't get me wrong, the development of immerse, interactive online virtual worlds is a
very big deal, and I appreciate your viewpoint on the issue. I just don't see online
addiction as being as pandemic as some people fear.
You've probably heard by now that the PS2 has component inputs, and I'm sure the needed
connectors will cost more than I'd like to pay. However, I've found that well-shielded RCA
cables will work just as well as the specialized component cables. 3 of the gold Radio
Shack video cables ran me $20, and give me a great DVD image.
| Pong with rabies |
| Heh, that reminds me about this really cool game I've played. Mortal
Pongbat. You've got the paddle and hitting the ball deal, but there's also a laser you can
shoot to put holes into the other guy's paddle. Then there're little boxes that pop up to
give you temporary upgrades to your paddle, make the ball a bomb, add or take away balls,
make the balls drunk, or make your laser get bigger. It's crazy. Good game.
But damnit! it's only for mac.
-- Eric |
There you go. For you ancient school gamers with a psychotic bloodlust, this is your
game. Enjoy!
| Speaking of psychotic bloodlust |
| I just went to a church service devoted to Tonberri. Pretty weird eh? ~Alexander3025
|
No, that's deeply, deeply disturbing. I trust I'm not alone in this assessment.
| Cartoons. You knew it was coming. |
| When I saw your comment concerning 80's vs. 90's cartoons, my initial
impulse was to head butt my monitor in the hopes it would somehow transfer to your central
nervous system. Fortunately, I came to my senses before administering the blow, but I am
still beyond disgruntled at the comment that Pokemon is Shakespeare compared to the
immortal Transformers. The only way I can justify this comment is by saying that both
Shakespeare and Pokemon are simplistic drivel that, due to wildly uncontrolled hype,
gained much more notoriety than they deserved. Assuming this is not the idea you intended
to communicate, I will move on to my rant. How can you speak such evil of Transformers,
the greatest cartoon in world history? Megatron is perhaps the most memorable villain from
the 80's, and Optimus Prime the decade's most honorable hero. The show had a mix of drama,
action, coolness, and comedy ("Follow the trail, dummy!" Megatron once told
Skywarp) that has yet to matched in serial animation. The characters were well-developed
and delivered their lines with conviction. By comparison, everyone on Pokemon (of which
I've only seen two 10-minute increments, by the way) gets way too excited about
everything, a common trait of translated anime. It's the same reason why I dislike Dragon
Ball Z--the 90's basically promoted over-the-top lunacy at the expense of solid
storytelling. My deep interest in Transformers is no mere nostalgia--other 80's stalwarts
such as Missile Command and Milli Vanilli no longer earn my admiration. But the epic tales
of Autobots and Decepticons survive strongly in my mind. Comparing the eventual movies
both series begat, we see there is no comparison. Transformers was the ultimate payoff for
the fans--higher quality animation, the death of Prime and Starscream among others, the
transformation of Megatron to Galvatron, and the emergence of a new cast of heroes and
villains to carry on the legacy. Pokemon was simply more of the same. The Transformers
were an inspired idea--you could ignorantly dismiss them as yet another show that merely
advertised a toy line, but anyone who watched it knows that each episode was the result of
a team of artists and writers who legitimately cared about the characters. This is quite
more than can be said about Pokemon, and I doubt anyone could seriously argue me on that.
At any rate, I feel I cannot adequately make my point, because to do so would require far
more exposition than I have offered here. Suffice to say that Transformers and Pokemon are
both the ultimate representation of their respective decade's action-oriented animated
shows. And I pity those who have had to grow up knowing only of the latter... --Brad G.
PS--Beast Wars truly sucks, but at least the Transformers continue to survive in some
capacity... |
I never saw the Pokemon movie, and don't want to. Even so, I'll concede that the
Transformers movie is better - that thing rocked hard when I saw it in the theaters. But
as much as I remember loving Transformers, I also remember them being incredibly static
and formulaic. There were a few characters who had depth (Prime, Jazz, Grimlock,
Bumblebee) but many, many others were bought in to advertise the attached toy and never
seen again. Until the movie, nothing in the show ever changed, except for the addition of
that year's new toys. Pokemon, in contrast, has definite evolution as Ash gathers more
badges and becomes a better trainer. That alone makes Pokemon more interesting from a plot
standpoint.
And I like Beast Wars. Mainframe rocks, and I'm looking forward to the new Reboot
movies.
Closing Comments:
This has to be a record for percentage of letters printed - 9 out of the 10 I received.
And I'm very pleased with the results, thanks much to everyone who wrote in. No topic for
tomorrow, I want to see how people react to today's letters. See you tomorrow.
-Chris Jones, who does like Canada. Really. |
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