Almost as good as a DVD - April 7th, 2000 - Chris Jones
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of
the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There
is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. But you can't see out of the
side of the car because the windows are completely covered with the decals from all the
places where we've already been. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Our servers have been swamped as of late with people downloading that FFIX Coke
commercial. Aside from showing how gosh darn cool Square can do CG these days (and we've
all known that for a while) I don't see that there's that much "there" there.
There are a couple of things you might draw from the commercial if you stare at it
obsessively enough, but Square's a master at not giving too much away from their FMV
trailers. (With the gigantic exception of the FFVII American TV commercial.)
My final verdict: nice eye candy, but I'd rather see an unplayable demo disk at this
point. Onward.
| Dodged a bullet there |
| I had a sudden urge to type "Ff7 iz gay!!!" five hundred and
one times and send it to you, Chris. But...I didn't. ~Ian P.
P.S. Which do you fear more, AK after he sees you making fun of REM, or rabid wombats
who majored in marketing and went law school? |
And I'm deeply grateful for the fact that you didn't type that out Ian, because then I
would have had to spend the rest of my days tracking you down and killing you. Anybody
else I could handle, but for you to do such a thing would just be too cruel.
As for your question, allow me to answer that once I've seen what AK does to me in his
columns this weekend. For the moment though, I'd have to go with the rabid marketing
lawyer wombats. That just ain't right.
| Grandfathered in |
| I just downloaded the Coke comercial of FF9 (or is it the FF9 commercial
of Coke? Whatever). Usually, I don't download movies because I might get accidentally
spoiled... but what the heck. This is a major pop phenomenon: when was the last time a
videogame was used to sell Coke? And this is not Dragon Quest, let me tell you... Anyway,
after seeing the commercial I have a couple of theories about what are we going to see in
FF9. Since I don't work at Square, this is mere speculation, but I *might* be right, so if
you don't want any kind of spoiler, then skip this letter.
Still here? Good!
First, I think that the "people changing into entertainers" is going to be a
part of the plot. At first I thought that it was completely unrelated to the game, but at
the beginning of the commercial we see Steiner is inmune to the effects of the Coke cap,
and he looks quite surprised... So maybe some force in the FF9 world is changing people
and the heroes are inmune, so it is up to them to turn the world back to normal. This
would fit with the fact that VIVI doubts of his own existence: if I could change any
minute now into a circus counterpart, then I would doubt of my existence, too.
Yeah, sounds weird, but it also sounds "Japanese" weird, so it could be
true...
Also at the beginning of the commercial, we see Eiko walking around town. But a guard
is following her closely... Maybe she is the princess we were hearing about? FF4-6 have
had a playable member of the royalty, so I'm guessing FF9 has a playable princess too. If
she's a princess, then it would explain why the guard is following her and would also give
a reason for Steiner to remain in your party (or a reason for Eiko to stay in your party:
to be close to someone who can really protect her).
And at the end of the commercial, we see Vivi holding Eiko's hand. Since Eiko looks to
be older than Vivi (and Vivi is holding Eiko's hand with both of his), this might not be a
romantic relationship (thanks god, because the tought of such relationship between such a
cute girl and a faceless dwarf makes me shiver). Maybe Vivi is an orphan and during the
journey begans to see Eiko as a mother figure... Or maybe Eiko is an advanced magician and
Vivi looks at her as a teacher, and since Vivi is 8 years old it would be a classic
infatuation (how many of you weren't in love with your school teacher, may I ask?).
Anyway, it doesn't look like a romantic relationship to me, and if it is, then it is
entirely one sided in Vivi's part...
Mmmm.... since Zidane loves girls, will he and Eiko hook up? Or will he end like Edgar,
girlfriendless? Since every FF character has a basic flaw (like Vivi's lack of self
steem), I guess girls are Zidane's flaw, and that during the game he will grow up and
learn to love, and I think Eiko is the chosen one.
Gee, it is awesome how much you can squeeze out of a commercial like this. Just
remember, they are all guesses, and I could be very wrong...
And forgive my mangled english. That's what learning English as a second language does
to your grammar.
Cheers!
- Carlos Rodriguez |
Yeah, all you geniuses out there will be quick to point out that this letter contains a
grand total of 584 words. But I'm printing it anyway because of two reasons. 1) It was
sent in prior to the column being put up last night, but after my Thursday letter
deadline. 2) It's written in nearly flawless English, but since the writer apparently
knows English as a second language, he feels compelled to apologize for his non-existent
faults. If you haven't noticed by now, every letters columnist in the world has to put up
every letter they receive that meets the second criteria, as part of a master plan
orchestrated by the government to shame US students into learning better English.
Unfortunately, US students have no shame, but that's not my problem.
As I said before, I haven't stared at every single frame of the commercial, but there
are a couple of valid points here. (And since I don't know anything more than Carlos does
regarding the game, this is all pointless speculation on my part as well.) Eiko seems to
be the closest thing we've got to a female lead at this point (plus she looks like a
hybrid of Tifa and Rinoa, dead giveaway) so I can't see her not hooking up with the hero
sooner or later. I also noticed Vivi hanging on to Eiko's hand at the end, but I'm not
sure how much we can read into that. None of this can really be viewed as canon, unless
FF9's plot is much more Coca Cola oriented than we'd previously been led to believe. Low
HP? Drink a Coke, and you're healed! *shudder*
| Just under the wire |
| Agent Chris, I believe we're all feeling the "pains" of too
many RPGs being released on the market. We "old-skoolers" were bred on the fact
that RPGs were sparse and precious, each one a jewel to be savored, replayed and
discussed. Mean people would spread rumors about games, just because they knew that we
RPGers would play the hell out of every last byte in game.
Now, we buy games and rarely touch them after we beat them. There's no going back to
complete every little side quest, it's into the case with the CD and off to lay in a stack
of other games until...well...forever. I probably can't list the number of times I've not
played games using the justification that I'd "Play them if I got snowed in for a few
days." I live in the south! It's a blizzard if we get two inches! I don't know
exactly when I plan to be snowed in with no entertainment besides RPGs, but I can somehow
justify that.
As for my personal picks for RPGs this summer, I'd say it'd go something like this (In
no particular order):
Legend of Mana - Although I have heard some BAAAD things about this game, I'll still be
picking it up because I loved SoM.
Final Fantasy 9 - Importing this one! I cannot wait!
Dra Que 7 - I'm getting it. Don't know why.
Lunar 2 - LUNAR 2 - PERIOD.
Dew Prism - Looks jinky.
Chrono Cross - I've already imported it and played it, and it was just perfect. Can't wait
for the English version now!
I think that's how it'll be going. I'm sure there's something I've forgotten along the
way, so don't yell at me because I "didn't list game X".
A last note: Clyde Hudman isn't some Sega-owned Dreamcast pusher (though he
occasionally seems that way). I've known Clyde online for about two years now, and he's
actually a lot younger than you may believe. He is quite intelligent though, and judging
from the way he writes, you would think he is a lot older than he actually is. Don't EVER
bash Sega in front of him, or you'll find yourself engaged in an endless debate that you
probably won't win.
-Aaron L. (Tasslehoff to Clyde)
PS: I've got this great idea for a "FF9 Party". When I import the game, I'm
inviting all of my friends over with instructions to bring their best FF7 saved game.
Everyone will race through the final dungeon, and the person with the best time gets to
take first shot at playing FF9. (Of course, I'll have already played it, but it'll be new
to THEM, and a chance to play it months before most Westerners). Off course, everyone else
won't just sit around watching the other people play, there'll be other cool stuff going
on elsewhere. Everyone who imports FF9 should be nice to their friends and throw a party
like this! |
I actually feel far worse about Clyde Hudman than any amount of abuse heaped upon me by
some of the DQ community. It was very unprofessional and stupid of me to print a letter
directly criticizing any other author, even if the letter in question did look like it was
intended as a joke. Believe me, it will never happen again. Clyde's been very cool about
it, but I feel bad regardless. I've already written Clyde an email apologizing for the
snafu, and I'm publicly apologizing here: sorry Clyde, I screwed up. End of story.
I like your idea of an FF9 party, if it wasn't for the fact that I can't stand imported
RPGs. I tried it once long ago with FFV, and couldn't make heads or tails out of it. I got
all the way up to the Mammoth boss battle, but it was clear to me that I wasn't enjoying
it anywhere near as much as FF4. I play RPGs for the story, and that's exactly what I was
missing. I'm not saying that you shouldn't import RPGs if you enjoy them, regardless of if
you speak Japanese or not, but as for me, I'm staying well clear of any FF9 stuff until I
can get my hands on the US edition.
| I'm the reason America has lost its way |
| hello super muchacho information man, Square seems to have decided
that the title for one of their upcoming RPG's was too intriguing, atmospheric, and just
plain cool. So they decided to change the awesome title "Dew Prism" to the
lackluster, boring, and just plain stupid "Threads of Fate". IT'S YOUR FAULT
ISN'T IT?! YOU made them change it just because YOU are a tyrant. PLEASE make them change
it back or I won't be able to buy a game called "Dew Prism."
yours cruelly,
Opul-kun (Super Muchacho Map Man)
ps. I enjoy having you as the DA, even if you are a Communist Title Changing man. |
Yep, it's all my fault. Blame away. I hang out with Square's US marketing department
all the time. Trudy (the head of the marketing team) and I were having a beer, and I said
to her "Trudy, you gotta change the name of that Dew Prism game. I mean, I like it
and all, but you've got those big-eyed disgustingly cute kids on the cover, and between
them and the name people might think it's some wimpy happy rated-E-for-everyone platformer
game! See, most gamers aren't as *belch* sophisticated as you or me, and they might not
understand that big-eyed disgustingly cute kids can tear the heads off monsters good as
anyone else." And then Trudy smiled her demonic smile, and laughed her demonic laugh,
and the rest is history.
True story.
| I feel your pain... I too, have no Doritos |
| Interesting... It seems I'm not the only one who feels overflowed with
excellent games... However, my situation has a twist. I'm lazy. Really, really lazy.
Lethargic even. Despite the fact that I'm hoping to buy almost all of the RPGs available
this year, I haven't played anything but Tekken and a little bit of Dino Crisis for
several months now. I not only foresee a flood of new games I'll be too lazy to play, I
have a surplus of games I am too lazy to play. Xenogears, FFVIII, Soul Reaver, just to
name a few... I never even finished Wild Arms. Basically, I'm screwed. Add to all this the
fact that I've taken up lots of other hobbies that I'm too lazy to do. I haven't read a
book for non-school purposes in almost two years. So, when you're all complaining about
how you'll be spending the rest of 2000 in your room with a Coke, some Doritos, and 5
RPGs, consider that some people will be spending several years in the same situation, give
or take twenty games. And I don't even HAVE any Doritos. ~Stefano, A.K.A. WEAP0NER
This message is brought to you by the number R. |
There's always someone worse off than you. Think about it.
| Payback! Burn! Ouch! |
| Chris, I take back everything I said (or didn't, as my letter was
lobotomised) yesterday! You're da MAN, moreso than Gilgamesh, Magus, and Drew! Chrono
Cross is the most spectacular looking game ever! DQ is all about level-building! DQ is
dead, right now! DQ's strategy consists of mindless button mashing! DQ's too old! Akira
Toriyama sucks! Old games suck! Zelda 64 is exactly like Zelda 1! DQ fluxuates wildly! DQ
is boring, not at all fun!
Wait a second. Someone messed with my PC's calender. Today's not the first. Ooops.
--(e)magius |
I owed (e)magius after slicing and dicing his letter yesterday, so pretty much any
insult he sent in would have been posted, up to and including "Chris gives hot sweet
love to truckers." Fortunately all he sent was this, so I'm off the hook.
| I swear upon my Bezier curves, I will never
mock 2D again |
| Y-you sh-sh-shouldn't oughtta have d-done that. You've gone and cracked
on Bionic Commando, and now there's gonna be hell to pay. Well, OK, maybe not. But Mark
Cantrell's letter, and your reply, seem to be taking up positions at two extremes of a
gaming mindset. Personally, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the classic
"old-skool" gamer who worships 2-color sprites and waves dismissively when you
show him a polygon or - god forbid - FMV. Yeah, <plug>I run a gaming site glorifying
2D games</plug>, but that's more case of "filling a niche" as I've been
stumped to find a single other site that focuses on classic gameplay without taking a
"NEW-SKOOL GAMES SUCK" attitude.
At the same time, I'm a wee bit disappointed to see you (seemingly) dismiss older games
out of hand... because in some ways, those titles you listed ARE high points of game
design. I agree that they've been surpassed in certain regards, but old classics excel at
what they do, and they're classics because they got it right and don't NEED to be improved
on to be fun. And that's important, for without those wonderful, clever games and their
probably-as-stoned-as-the-Beatles creators, gaming nowadays would be pretty crappy. Which
isn't to say game design should stagnate when someone creates a great game. But just as
DaVinci's paintings weren't made obsolete by Cezanne, Tenchu doesn't make Ninja Gaiden
irrelevant (not that I'd be so audacious as to suggest games are ART, of course). OTOH,
many games (like FF1 and DQ1) NEEDED improvements. Badly.
I guess the point is, a good game is a good game, no matter when it was created. I
still find Megaman 3 as fun as challenging as when I unwrapped it 10 Christmases ago (and
nostalgia alone it is not - I'm discovering many great 8/16-bit games I missed). Bionic
Commando DOES kick all kinds of arse, sir; but so do progressive, contemporary games, like
Metal Gear Solid and Chrono Cross (even though CC has TERRIBLE graphics, heh). And sadly,
there are plenty of BAD old games and new games alike.
So consider this a public service announcement. Old-design and new-design games are an
important part of a balanced diet for a well-rounded gamer. I'm hoping you agree down
inside, and probably I'm just taking issue with the way you phrased your comments (in
which case, uh, never mind).
As for me, I'm buying both Chrono Cross AND Dragon Quest VII - am I going to hell?
Hoping I didn't hit 500,
J. Parish |
Just under the wire, Mr. Parish. You are correct, I should have been more precise with
my language. I said "...I'm pretty sure both games would look and play a lot
differently if they were being made today, and so I feel it's kind of pointless to make
them out as some sort of high point of game design" when what I meant was more along
the lines of "...and so I feel it's kind of pointless to make them out as the
end-all-be-all of game design." It would indeed be foolish to state that BC and SMB2
were not great games that influenced much of what came after them. Any given Smashing
Pumpkins opus does not undermine the past greatness of "Pet Sounds". I apologize
(been doing a lot of that lately) if I implied otherwise.
On a more serendipitous note, I also received Mega Man 3 on Christmas Day, 1990. Such
are the ties that bind this chaotic group called "gamers" together, I suppose.
And yeah, you probably are going to hell for getting both CC and DQ7. But we're all
damned for one thing or another, so I say sit back and enjoy the in-flight movie!
| Whoa... that's like, deep, man... |
| I just realized something. RPGs is a genre that can survive with very
little in the way of graphics, yet at the same time they can benefit from great graphics
more than most any other type of game. --
BeerGoggles_FromMARS
Daniel Kaszor |
Quite true. I often wonder how the text adventure part of FFT would have played had it
made it over here - with a good story, quite well, I suspect. And at the same time the art
design was one of the reasons I like FFT so much. Good thinking sir, I salute you.
| The scary part is, this actually passed spell
check |
| Why, do I ask, do you try, do you try, to actually, and I mean actually,
to do, when I do, the impossible, which is impossible, and post the neurochemically
impossible metaphysical osmosisism of monetary eye currency in order to successfully
discircumnavigate our train of thought long enough to unfortunately reduce our attention
maximally muraphasm your mom? |
Well, like, just because, you know? (And don't you talk 'bout my momma, foo'! I slap
you upside the head, you know I will!)
| What's wrong with the world and how to fix it |
| Chris As I was sitting in bed last night, trying to find things to
do--sleep is never an option for me--a random thought entered my head. Now, I'm sure
you-'e thinking why in the world you might give half a shit as to what I'm thinking, and
frankly, those thoughts would mirror my own, but this does have to do with RPGs! I just
started thinking about the severe lack of two player options in strategy RPGs; namely the
fact that most don't even have a two player mode. As far as I'm considered, this is an
ideal genre for two player play. Think about it; in one mode, you and a friend could each
import your teams from the one player mode, pick a battlefield and go at it. In another
mode you could each pick from a group of predetermined battle squads, just in case one of
you has a much better one player team than the other. Each squad would have inherent
strengths and weaknesses that would counter balance each other, just like in a fighting
game. Right now 2 player abilities are limited, in the few games that include them, to the
practice, or training modes. With the advent of online console gaming, I think its about
time turn based strategy games take the jump that has made their RTS brothers so popular
on the PC. Give us online play! The lag would be a non-factor, if it even existed, due to
the fact that there isn't a lot of action going on at once, which would also lead to an
interaction-friendly experience. In most online games, there isn't much time to converse
with the opposition, without some sort of risk--not so in a turn based game. It just sort
of baffles me why no development team has really jumped on this yet. Any ideas?
Justin Freeman |
I agree with you one hundred percent. I think Kartia does offer two player mode, but as
you said, it's limited. I'd kill to see the FFT engine adapted to two players, and like I
said earlier, I think adding such a thing to Play Online would make it a much more
attractive package. I imagine armies of several hundred 5-10 player squads, all lined up
against each other, fighting simultaneously. I don't know about you, but I love the smell
of Flare in the morning.
As to why nobody's done this yet, I think it may be an actual downside to Square &
followers' emphasis on story. They were so busy coding a kickass engine to tell Ramza's
tale, they never stopped to notice that they could have done so much more with it. But I
can't imagine a great idea like that would be unused for long, so fear not, our day will
come.
| Last call |
| I agree . . . there are far too many long letters in this column. This
must end. Now. Jeff |
Works for me.
Closing Comments:
More better. Now I remember why I wanted this job, very enjoyable column today. AK's
back at ya' tomorrow, so send him lots of good stuff. I'll see you Monday.
-Chris Jones, conquering his ant/guinea pig/wombat/marketing/lawyer neurosis |
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