Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Look at you! You're crap! Don't say we didn't warn you.

I was essentially expecting to see Square ration out a bit of Final Fantasy IX information in the way of a scant few character sketches and stills in their typical fashion. You know, to placate the crowds as well as distract them from the fact that they've flown half of the way around the world to hear the official announcement of release dates that have already been public knowledge for weeks. But Square done went and showed me to be a truly nescient fool by announcing the next three titles in the series. And over the course of the past few days, I've certainly entertained a number of thoughts regarding this triduum of Final Fantasy titles.

For example, I've been particularly contemplative concerning Final Fantasy IX. "Is this so-called 'return to its roots' necessarily a good thing?" I thought to myself. "Perhaps Square has taken a more realistic approach with the more recent additions to the franchise simply because the formal style had been used to its fullest; maybe 'medieval' has become outmoded. Then again, it's possible that Square simply intends for this latest Final Fantasy to serve as direct competition for Enix's soon-to-be-released Dragon Quest VII. After all, what better way to prove your domination of the genre than to beat what many Japanese consider the most venerable RPG series at its own game, despite having developed two other titles in the time its taken just for that one?

"Furthermore, isn't it a bit unusual to return to highly-stylized visuals, only to make the switch immediately back with Final Fantasy X? Granted, FFX sounds interesting, but what's the deal with FFXI? Entirely online? Won't that ultimately strip the game of the captivating storyline that has been the series' defining feature all of this time? Why not just use another name other than calling it a direct sequel, as was done with Final Fantasy Tactics?" At this point my thinking must have grown too intense; the robotic truck stop urinal I was using had difficulty interpreting my thoughts, causing it to fritz out and toss a handful of infectious water into my face. I was promptly returned to reality -- fortunate as it was now 1 AM and the janitor had begun mopping around me as I stared slack-jawed at the wall.

Yes, I've deliberated my friends, and today's column is the lucubration that resulted. Okay, so today's column is actually a semi-coherent jumble of my thoughts and opinions that will almost undoubtedly contradict one another and make little sense at all. But that's what you were hoping for anyhow, am I right?

Well, I'll begin by taking the easy out: Square probably has some ideas up its metaphorical sleeve that haven't even occurred to us common laymen. That said, I'm in complete agreement with the points you bring up.

Firstly, although I find the notion of a perpetual world interesting, it's simply not feasible for the vast majority of gamers. Like you, I'm lucky to get in a few hours of gaming per week; were FFXI's environment truly persistent, my character would materialize, run around for a bit, then stand staring off into space waiting to get hacked to pieces by another active player -- and you would undoubtedly see quite a bit of that. It would be like a playing a game where the developer decided not to bother with any enemy AI. Like Paintball Extreme! only worse.

And even if the game wasn't persistent in its existence as respects each player, it would still require an attentive devotion. Should you leave for even a few days, new guilds would be formed, important players would grow tired of the game, and essentially the face of this digital community could easily be changed in that short a time span, leaving you behind with no realistic way to become fully involved once more.

And then there's the questions of affordable pricing, lack of storyline, etc. It will be extremely difficult to implement effectively, to be sure. With this undertaking, Square will either prove itself to be a forward-thinking trailerblazer, or it will just give more credence to the general feelings of distaste towards online RPGs.

P.S. That could very well be. Unfortunately, if current Internet RPGs are any indication, they would swiftly be replaced by the "die, rematerialize, run around town in your skivvies just for kicks" people. And now that I've gone out of my way to do nothing other than point out the obvious, let's move along to the next letter in line.

That's certainly an impressively thought-out theory, Jim. And for all we know at this point, it could very well prove to be the case. However, it's probable that those stats were just mock-ups for use in displaying the title to the press and others attending the conference. But hey, if it turns out that you're right and I was wrong, be sure to come back and demand that you receive a Smartass Award. I think that's only fair.

Yeah Ian, it's almost as if RPG fans are finicky, anal, obsessive, and difficult to please. What the hell is up with that?

If people could choose to be Moogles, I would want the ability to be a Behemoth. Then I could finally live out my secret fantasies and run around smashing moogles flat as I chased chocobos through dimly-lit caverns. See there? Final Fantasy XI could very well end up being the game we've all had a latent desire for.

That's actually a very valid concern. Would Square really want to invest the time and money necessary to set up a national broadband network in America just as they have as Japan, despite the fact that RPGs and video games in general have typically enjoyed less success here in the West? Not only would they have to have a game that appealed to an American audience as well as the Japanese, already something difficult to pull off, but they'd have to form entirely new partnerships with American companies and essentially be left back at ground zero. And that in itself could take years.

There are a lot of questions surrounding the distant haze that is FFXI. Here's hoping for a satisfactory answer to them all.

When I first read this letter, I didn't really know what to think. Perhaps I had scanned it a bit too quickly, and I had misread a few parts as a result; I was a bit weary at the time. But upon closer examination, this letter is definitely screwed up. It wasn't just me. It is, for the most part, grammatically correct; there's definitely some pretty solid sentence structure we've got going on here. Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea what the hell this person is babbling on about.

This rather lengthy paragraph is essentially as meaningful to both myself and you readers as a Turkish horiscope. Obviously, a letter of this type deserves special treatment. It's not an acerbic rant brimming with hatred and contempt, so it doesn't belong in the Flamers' Corner. It isn't actually making any points that I can refute or agree with, so I can't give it a response. Obviously, the only choice is to create an entirely new way of honoring letters such as these. And because of this I am proud to give you the new Corner of Incoherence! Okay, so the name is rather predictable and uninspired; too much insanity all at once will blow a gasket in your noggin.

So congratulations, Gilbert, you are the very first inductee into the venerable Corner of Incoherence. May your days be around 72 years or so in length and your height be approximately 5'11", give or take. The gods have spoken, and they feel that your words are as empty as your soul. Hey, they said it, not me.

Closing Comments:

I wouldn't be much of a host if I didn't have at least a general idea of what was on the minds of my readers at any given time. And with all of the coverage within the past few days, I think that the current answer is obvious. As such, my topic for tomorrow will reflect this overall interest. So here it goes: what do you think of that NeoGeo Pocket conversion of Evolution? Can a Dreamcast game possibly be crammed onto a cartridge of that size without everything that distinguishes it from other titles in the genre being lost? The three-dimensional environments and solid character designs would be difficult to scale down for the handheld unit. Then again, perhaps you're happy to see another 2D RPG, no matter what platform it may happen to appear on.

If you haven't caught on to the fact that I'm seriously screwing around right now, you haven't been reading this column long enough. Either that or you're just a dolt. Whichever may be the case, I'd have to be more dense than a brick of lead not to realize that all of the current buzz is Final Fantasy-related. So here's your real mission, as opposed to one of those cheap knock-off ones: It's already a given that FFIX will be more whimsical in style. What would it take for FFIX to win you over should you be of the type that's more partial to the technological/modern settings found in the more recent titles? Likewise, if you're like everybody's pal Andrew, and happen to prefer the games of yore, what innovative uses of such a backdrop would you hope to see? After all, one of the main criticisms leveled at a medieval FF is that it's been overused and nothing interesting remains to be done with this; prove that conception wrong. That is all.

-Drew "Drew" Cosner