Double Agent
Millennium Madness! - January 28th, 2000 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Wow, FFX and XI sound awesome. Okay, so I lie. Don't say we didn't warn you.


That's right, it's wholesale Millennium Conference madness around here. Information regarding the next three Final Fantasy games was finally revealed to the public earlier on, and it is some unusual sounding stuff. You'd better believe that the entire weekend is going to be devoted to discussing these upcoming Final Fantasies here in the column. And as for this column, yes it's up rather late (or early depending upon how you want to look at it.) I wanted to catch the news myself before typing all of this up, you see.

And there is but one main reason why I wanted to find out what I could of the show before setting to work. So that I could do the following: On behalf of both myself and the entire crew of the GIA, we told you so. Those of you perceptive little geniuses who wrote in to let us know that we were morons and our preliminary FFIX sketches were "obviously Final Fantasy Tactics II" can just crawl back under your damp, moist little rocks, begrudgingly accepting the fact that you should have never doubted us in the first place. The lesson to learn here, my friends, is that we are always right. With that ego trip aside, let's get this show on the road.

The letter from The Steve

Yo Drew,

I await Chrono Cross like nothing else. Argh! That Vestal fella' gave it a perfect 10! Although he also gave FF8 a 9.8, which while it makes him rather suspect, I still trust him. Plus, the intro movie rocks, and the music is great as well. I just ordered the OST, I'm really excited about this game.

However, I'm afraid that you might not like it, Drew, since it's made by the Xenogears team...I was wondering, did you like Chrono Trigger? I'm just playing through it now by emulator so that I know what's going on in Chrono Cross. That's it for now....

-The "DO I HAVE TO CHAIN YOU TO A PIPE?!? GET ON THE DAMN BAG!!!" Steve


Yeah, I liked Chrono Trigger quite a bit. It remains one of my favorite games to date. Imagine that; me, actually liking something. Wild, huh?

Almost as much fun as the flying airships in real life!

Hey, Drew.

In response to Joseph Elder's question about whether it's possible to make FF VIII's Queen of Cards quest interesting--no. Not in the least. Which is why I suggest that you don't bother with it--on disc four, you can find the Queen at Piet's crashed escape pod on the southern edge of the Esthar continent (it's not visible on the world map, you have to walk around until you stumble into it) and she'll have in her inventory every rare card you missed. (That sentence was too long.) There, I saved a few people countless hours, which they can now devote to toppling capitalism.

And the day's topic, yes... I suppose this isn't likely, but I'm in favor of a return to the concept that yesteryear's Super Game Boy introduced. I'm thinking that if it were possible to play portable games on both portable systems and their big brothers quite a few more people would buy these games. Example: I don't really have the desire to play games away from home or to stare at a two-inch screen while sitting on my couch, so I see no reason to buy a Game Boy Advance. But I might give 2001's Pokemon Puce a try if it could be played in the Dolphin as well as the GBA. Catch my drift?

Umm, and previewed games that look neat--well, both Chrono Cross and Eternal Arcadia. The former because it may very well be a too-many-character'ed game that actually works well, and the latter because it's rare that we actually see creative settings. A world of floating islands traversed by airships? Rock! Setting can be as important as anything in an RPG--it was the unbelievably well done Midgar that gave FF7 the memorable start that it had. Only annoying part is that I'll have to buy a Sega product to play it--sigh.

And I suppose that's my two gil. I'll convulse with joy if you print this... D'arr!

-Mylz


I'd have to agree that Eternal Arcadia looks cool. The idea of sailing the skies of an expansive, intricate world intrigues me. If Sega can pull it off, I'll finally have a justifiable reason for owning a Dreamcast as an Adventure/RPG fan. And Chrono Cross just goes without saying, c'mon.

Heavy-handed

Well, Drew, I have to say I think the future of portable gaming consoles is in the hands of the gamers.

...

*Rimshot*

~Ian P.


Ian, this letter was so damned funny that it through my entire psyche out of line and caused me to become a schizophrenic for several hours before its affects finally wore off. I would be mad at you for all of the trouble your letter caused were it not for the fascinating discussion I had with a floor tile during that time.

Difficult to see

Portable gaming is pretty lousy at the moment - which is not to say that it's a bad concept. Unfortunately, modern technology isn't up to par. We get tiny games crammed into tiny carts displayed on tiny screens and manipulated with tiny controllers, and if we're lucky we can play for almost half an hour before acquiring a not-so-tiny headache from blurry scrolling and the glare from trying to angle the tiny TFT screen *just right*. While my Playstation may not be portable, a 27" screen is a lot more appealing than a 2.1" screen; and if the music in a Playstation game sounds like some crappy auto-starting MIDI at a Geocities Sailor Moon site, at least it's not because that's the best the hardware can manage. On the go, I'd rather take a book than a GameBoy.

Of course, that's not to say the big game companies haven't tried - Nomad is supremely cool, although trying to play Phantasy Star IV on that little screen is only a slightly less effective way to blind yourself than staring at a solar eclipse. But even that would be preferable to Virtual Boy, which was neither portable nor a real improvement over GameBoy in terms of gameplay (however, I admire how quickly the choppy monochromatic wireframe 3D made me want to puke dizzily). Unfortunately, no game system has overcome the fact that they make their users look patently ridiculous, hunch-backed and squinting at indistinct details while automatically squirming about to maneuver for the best angle of light.

So what can be done? Well, first, the screens need to be bigger with optional backlighting (Neo Geo Pocket Color has a decent screen size, but it needs a light). Secondly, more systems need to have carefully-designed interfaces like the WonderSwan's dual-sided control which allows horizontal or vertical orientation. And portable systems need a good game medium - carts are a bit limited, optical media is probably a no-go because all the moving parts would suck battery juice like a vampire at a neck-fetishist convention. Some kind of flash RAM would be great... similar to the PSX Memory card, but with better capacity (like, um, the PS2's card). Ideally, games would be cross-compatible between standard systems beyond gimmicks like the NGPC/Dreamcast link-up or the Super GameBoy. For instance, following up on the PS2 card idea idea, the game cards could be inserted into a PS2's memory port to download new games, update existing titles, exchange scores and so forth - much like the Dreamcast's

Also, I'd like portable gaming a lot more if there were fewer Pokemon knock-offs, thanks.

Of course, my idea of a perfect portable would be a small system that projected its game image onto the back of a beautiful naked woman for that retro-sexist James Bond appeal. But then I suppose the system's portability would depend on the personal modesty of the woman in question.

Much love,

-J. Parish


Yeah, the tiny screens definitely suck. I want a handheld that can be plugged directly into my brain. And then, perhaps, we could create a global network that all of humanity was plugged into. And so we could enjoy our global network at all times, we would plug ourselves into the devices and let robots feed this alternate reality into our minds. You can always trust robots to take care of things while your brain is plugged into a kind of vast, digital universe.

I'm just the lame, boring Drew

To Drew, King of the Undead, Lord of All Evil-

(No, wait, that's not you, that's the other Drew, never mind)

I think there are two possible conclusions we can draw about the seemingly bland nature of a lot of the forthcoming RPGs. First off, it could simply be the case that, aside from the increased number of RPGs out on the market lately, there's no real difference between the current situation and the situation in the past. We see more derivative, unoriginal RPGs because these types of games are finally being translated for release in the US. They've always been out there but we weren't aware of them when Final Fantasy was the only series around. The actual number of interesting, groundbreaking RPGs (Chrono Cross) is still the same, but it just seems smaller next to the large number of Star Oceans, etc out there.

The other, more disturbing possibility, is that there's a sizable portion of RPG fans out there who simply don't like change, and the game producers are catering to them. Consider the case of Dragon Quest VII - this game is years old, and still has yet to be released. Had it come out at the same time as FF7, there might have been some interesting things to say about it from a gameplay perspective, but as it is it seems pitifully outdated. Yet if reports are to be believed, there are still legions of fans in Japan waiting desperately for this game - apparently because DQ7 will provide them with the 2D menu-driven experience-building traditionalist-plot experience that they crave. The situation seems much the same over here, to an extent - consider all the people who dislike Chrono Cross because it's not the same gameplay setup as Chrono Trigger.

The forward progress Square has made in many of its flagship series has made me believe that there was always a direction for RPGs to go in the future - to a state of great plots, character development, beautiful graphics and music, and interesting battles. But it may be the case that RPGs of the future will be little different in spirit from their (S)NES ancestors... and that thought depresses the hell out of me.

-coldjones


I'd tend to feel that we're seeing more derivative, uninspired RPGs simply because we in the West are seeing more RPGs, period. It makes sense. That is all.


Closing Comments:

Okay, guys and gals, your good pal AK will be taking care of the weekend in his typical fashion that you've all come to know and love. I'm sure you must have all kinds of thoughts and opinions about the upcoming additions to the Final Fantasy family, so send 'em to AK. With that, I'm off to enjoy the weekend. Just to get you all started, here's a little letter that I received just as I was wrapping my writing up:

Massively multiplayer.

....
....
....

Burn in hell, you bastards.


Let the games begin.

-Drew Cosner, instigator extraordinaire

 
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