Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. You know what I like best about snow? That it freaking melts, that's what. Don't say we didn't warn you.

You are on a spiritual quest to find your soul humor. Certainly, there are many forms of comedy in this world. There is geek humor, predominant on the internet. This type tends to involve a particular character who is saliently ignorant in comparison to his peers foolishly using "chomp" rather than "chop" while programming, eliciting a strange choking, gurgling-like sound from its readers as they try to laugh and stuff Doritos down their face simultaneously. Should it transcend this level, it can even be funny enough that the viewer will begin to snort profusely, drooling all over his or her "Quake III" T-shirt. For some, this humor completes them as a person.

There is the light-hearted, observational humor; humor that takes playful jabs at mainstays and staples of culture and various subcultures. Long the king of this particular genre has been Charles Schultz with his strip "Peanuts." You can't help but to recall your own childhood when you also had a head that was approximately two times the size of your torso. After all, who hasn't had the experience of a teacher reaching under her desk to bring out a bugle so she could begin chastising you before your classmates because of your unusual oral presentation ? Or of falling asleep in class and getting a binder stuck to your nose? I know I'm certainly guilty on both counts.

But there is a third type of humor; the cynical and insulting. The type where you mock everything possible for the simple sake of making yourself appear intelligent and witty. Where you make "astute" observations about the shortcomings of everything from television commercials to videogames. Where people send you letters expressing their opinions just so that you can either lay into them for what you perceive as incorrect statements, or agree with them in some kind of enjoyable matter; perhaps with small animations or other images. The point is, you must find your soul humor, or you will never be complete as a human being. One who has not found this is as a sock without some fat woman's foot in it as she tries on leotards 3 sizes too small in an effort to feel slim. None should suffer this fate. Begin searching, friends; I don't need any incomplete readers.

Thanks for all of the cash you've been sending me, but I've already peeked ahead a few pages and realize that you're the ex-con I once helped to evade the authorities all of those years ago, so you're no longer mysterious. I do apologize for ruining the mystique; my curiosity simply got the best of me. To compensate for the detriment caused by my own inquisitiveness, I've mailed a box of fine Cuban cigars to your return address. They're actual just a bunch of broken off sticks in a shoe box, but I couldn't pull together the cash for the real thing. Cheap bastard.

Qlon is a selfish little prick, as far as I'm concerned. All he cares about are his own feelings. Sure, he feels so good, but what about me? What about my needs in our relationship? It's always about Qlon. So long as his gratification is met, everyone else can just go to hell. You won't see me buying any of his games, that's for sure.

Well, you've convinced me, my friend. Here I was, all set to leap through my trans-dimensional device I'd created in my basement so that I could arrive in the Disney Dimension, when I happened to check my email. I'd miss being crude, tactless, and insulting. With an attitude like mine, I'd undoubtedly end up being the villain. Or the sardonic talking animal character. And that would suck.

You told him at that bar last night, Ian. Remember? It was right before you threw a chair at the bouncer and announced that you were "Jesus Freaking Christ." I think the saddest part in all of this is that even when drunk, you have Quest spin-off titles on your mind, rather than anything else.

I'd have to agree there, Phil. I'm actually somewhat interested in the Arc the Lad compilation after looking over the screenshots. It's been too long since I've played an RPG with a good, gritty urban city at least somewhere throughout. I dig a little of that crap, what can I say. Some college students like to go out prowling for women and hitting all of the major parties in town, I like to play RPGs with large cities in them.

As I recall, FFIX has been in development even since FFVIII had yet to be released. Sort of like how Back to the Future II and III were created at the same time. And they both kicked ass. That's a really stupid comparison, but at least I'm being positive for once.

Okay, get ready to gasp. I think a lot of the RPGs that are on the horizon look pretty boring. Not all of them, mind you, but there are several that just don't get my mojo going. What can I say? Grandia II certainly looks pretty, but it just sounds too much like its predecessor. Which was too much like every 16 bit RPG I ever played. I'm not trying to pick on Grandia, but you get my point. In fact, this all gives me an idea for a topic. Aren't you thrilled?

Closing Comments:

Okay, thanks to the shutdown, I was unable to print all of those fabulous letters regarding the future of handheld gaming. So we'll just pretend that's one of tomorrow's topic as well. Those of you who already wrote me, just send again. Otherwise, the question is fairly simple: where do you feel handheld gaming devices are headed, and what innovative uses do you believe to be in store for them?

Secondly, which of the RPGs that have been previewed in recent months look the most intriguing to you? Which of these look to be the most innovative? Do you feel we're seeing an excellent crop of solid RPGs of late, or just a bunch of derivative rubbish? That is all.

-Drew Thru Cosner