Double Agent
Tactical Espionage Wonderful! - January 6th, 2000 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Getting whomped in Tekken Tag sucks. Don't say we didn't warn you.


A deadly virus threatens the very existence of humanity. Only you, armed with a half-eaten Ding Dong, two scraps of paper, and a shoehorn, are capable of penetrating the besieged government column where the virus is located to find out the true intents and purposes of those hiding out within. Only by doing so can you ensure that the disease is never released upon mankind. Although I'm neither Asian nor attractive, I'll still be with you every step of the way via headset to supply you with inane and pointless babble as well as idiotically vague clues. Hurry, the fate of mankind rests upon your shoulders!

I'm a gameplay whore

I'm sorry Drew, but a 10/10 just isn't good enough. I don't even know why Square bothers putting out games anymore, because they've all been crap since Final Fantasy VI. This score just makes me want to see Chrono Cross stay in Japan even longer than it has to. While I haven't actually played the game yet, I can 100% guarantee that it's nothing more than eye candy. Sure, the prerendered backgrounds are absolutely beautiful, but they really pull away from the game because you're too busy looking at them instead of the characters. And speaking of characters, why are we getting 40 characters? Seriously, with this sort of variety, someones head is going to explode. I just hope it's mine, so that my family can sue all the greedy bastards at Square. Then there's the battle system, which must really suck because it's different. Oh, and let's not forget about the music. I've downloaded every mp3 I've been able to find, and it just gets worse with every song. I want "beeps" and "boops", not the orchastral crap. All in all, Chrono Cross is destined to suck, and I surely won't reserve it at the soonest possible moment I can and eagerly spend the next few months sitting around waiting for it.

-CTZanderman


Personally, I've had it up to hear with high production value, endearing characters, and an intricate storyline. I miss the good old days, when my nameless white mages were as important to me as a sack of moldy tangerines, graphics blew, and the plot was merely a sad excuse to fight various monsters.

Just not hardcore enough

You know what the biggest problem with Chrono Cross is? It doesn't FEEL like Chrono Trigger. I mean, Chrono Trigger was a small plastic box with ridges and a rough texture in places as well as a papery label, whereas Chrono Cross is a flat, smooth disc with a hole in the center. And it barely weighs anything! Oh, sure, there's the Chrono Trigger reissue for Playstation, but that's just a devious ploy to fool gamers into thinking the two games feel alike. True hardcore gamers know that it's a lie, and that the REAL Chrono Trigger felt totally different.

I hate Square.

In bitter anger,

-J. Parish


I couldn't have said it better myself, Mister Parish. Only stupid newbie gamers could possibly enjoy a game that's not on cartridge. It's people like that who will ruin this industry with their affinity for decent graphics and this "3D" mumbo-jumbo.

Damn you, GIA, and your in-depth coverage

What a fascinating and intelligent topic, Drew. You should be paid to come up with them.

Let me say this first and foremost...And again, really. I'm really looking forward to CC. Really, really, REALLY looking forward to it. I imagine it will be an experience that will stay with me for a long time. And little could change that at this time. An example of what could change what I think would be when I found out Legend of Mana was completely non-linear. But I'm fairly sure nothing like that will happen at this point.

Second, let me say that I'm incredibly disapointed in myself for even gazing upon Anything related to CC. Especially the FMV filled promo-videos. FMV in a game, while not rare, isn't around every corner and usually only used to display important moments. And if you sit at your computer and watch the important moments of a game over and over again, it kind of desensitize to the scenes meant to be truly epic. And that sucks. I vow never to look at your media updates ever again, you evil secret agents.

And third, what does Naitsu mean?

And fourth, how many Eggmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

~Ian P.

P.S. For some reason I feel obligated to include a P.S. regardless of whether or not I have anything to say Post Script. I wonder why?


First of all, I'm also looking forward to Chrono Cross. Secondly, I've also been trying to avoid viewing too much of the media related to the title. Not an easy task when you're working for a site that covers mainly RPGs. Third, "Naitsu" means "knights." And lastly, the answer to that question cannot be ascertained as every Eggman to attempt changing a light bulb has been killed in the process.

Imported whine

The Moogle Who Stole Christmas was completely justifed in giving Chrono Cross a 10/10. Why? Two words: Tsumalu.

Did you not see his noble features?
His liquid eyes, revealing innocence!
His bright white hair, throwing off the contrast balance on my television!
His spectacular Angel and Devil forms, signifying power!
His soothing, adorable Level 5 skill!
His mighty element grid, with incredible strength! (Who needs Level 7 & 8 slots anyway?)
His proud posture, demanding respect!

Tsumalu notwithstanding, Chrono Cross simply has that certain je ne sais quoi, that intangible magic, the likes of which I haven't felt since Final Fantasy 2 was sugoi nine-odd years ago. It ties up fraying threads that Chrono Trigger left behind, yet is a solid enough game to stand on its own. It's one of those games that reminds you why you play RPGs. I would urge all of your readers to import it if they possibly could. Beg, borrow, steal, maim, and/or kill.

-CB!

PS. Bernie Stolar's problem is, despite all his rage he is still just a rat in a cage.


That's a hell of an endorsement there, CB. You've sold me. Actually, I was already intending on importing Chrono Cross, it's really just a matter of deciding which organ I want to part with this time around. I'm leaning towards my left eye at the moment. I was never too big on depth perception, anyhow.

Not all worked up

About Andrew Vestal's rating of Chrono Trigger? I don't think 10/10 is really ridiculous, as some people probably would, but on the same token, it doesn't do anything to make me want to play the game. See, I was a fan of the original Chrono Trigger, but to be honest, I'm not as fanatic about it as a lot of people are. It was a good game, sure, but it wasn't something that I starved myself for because I couldn't tear myself away from my SNES.

Since it's been so long since I've played Chrono Trigger, I'm really not that interested in Chrono Cross. Now, after you're done gasping in disbelief, let me explain: I don't think Chrono Cross will be a bad game, or a letdown, or anything of the sort. Hell, it'll probably be a completely awesome game (as Vestal and others claim) worthy of a 10/10 score. But I'm still not interested.

Like, imagine the fighting game genre, will you. People are raving about lots of games in that genre: Soul Caliber, Tekken Tag Tournament, Power Stone, and so on. All of those games are excellently-made, fun, and everything else that's required of a good fighting game. But am I interested at all, despite the raving reviews? Not at all. I'm not anti-fighting game, but I'm not pro-fighting game. Same way with Chrono Cross: I yawned when it was announced. There's just no pull for me.

I imagine maybe sometime in the future I'll rent it, but I more have my eye on SaGa Frontier II, Hoshigami: Running Blue Earth, and Planescape: Torment. All more obscure titles, certainly when compared to Chrono Cross, but the difference is that there's something in me that makes me interested in those games, and makes me disinterested in Chrono Cross.

Just a freaky thing about me, I suppose.

-Matt Blackie


Possibly. However, I'd be willing to go out on a limb and predict that as the release date draws closer and further information is revealed, you'll find yourself becoming a bit more interested. In my own experience, it's a bit difficult to get worked up over a title that's not going to be released in the West for nearly an entire year. Very few games have done that for me. I find myself getting worked up around the time of the title's release, myself.

Okay, now it's time to see the one and only negative response that I received. I was actually expecting to get more than just one, frankly. I'm a bit surprised -- in a positive way, of course. The main argument I expected to hear was that "no game is perfect." My response to this statement is that while no game is truly without flaws, it's kind of stupid to have a level on your rating scale that is literally impossible for any game to attain. The occasional 10 out of 10 should be handed out, in my opinion. But enough babble, here's that letter.

Negatory, chief

I hate to break it to everyone, but the character designs in CC leave a lot to be desired. Crono Trigger was a respectable Role Playing Game. All of these characters look like either half-dressed prostitutes, flamboyant gays, or macho pimps. And did I mention that Starchild and Lucky Dan look so bizarrely ludicrous, my friend and I laughed our butts off. Needless to say, Akira Toriyama should have stuck with this one. And Kid should get some damn clothes on. Serge was the only good char, in my opinion. He is actually close to an old CT char. Leea was good too, because she is obviously the offspring of Ayla and Kino. To sum it up,the characters stink like an unflushed toilet, and we hope the storyline will have more to offer than hooters popping out of spandex. Square, for shame!! We've been disappointed. Again.


Look, I'm going to be honest: while character design is an important aspect in any RPG, disliking a game based specifically upon average characters is pretty stupid. While they may not be particularly eye-catching, it would seem that they all have enough style and personality to make up for it. Of course, once I've played the game myself, I'll be certain to force my well-rounded opinion on you. I bet you're looking forward to that.


Closing Comments:

Okay folks, it's the weekend, and things are settled back into their former patterns. In other words, your good pal Andrew will be fulfilling your requests and answering your questions tomorrow, so by all means send him some mail. As for me, I'm off to write a nude patch for Sim City 3000.

-Drew Cosner

 
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