Pokémon fails to make math fun

[01.10.00] » "Math makes Pokémon boring!" shout enraged children.

   Golden Books recently unveiled their new line of Pokémon Math Challenge workbooks. Priced at $5.99 apiece, each of these six 32-page workbooks are targeted to a different grade level. Press materials claim that "Thanks to Golden Books and the power of Pokémon, arithmetic is about to become a lot more fun."

Despite appearances, this book is not fun.

   The GIA was intrigued by this powerful claim. For the past few millenia, children have traditionally found math to be not fun, or "dumb." Could the power of Pokémon be so great as to reverse hundreds of years of societal indoctrination, as well as alter the nature of the very fundamental mathematics which bind the universe together?

   The answer, sadly, is no. Even your favorite Pokémon characters cannot make such arcane, trivial, and boring topics such as addition, substraction, multiplication, and division "fun." In fact, most children found themselves distinctly less interested in Pokémon after exposure to the books. "Alakazam bites," said one youngster. "His card is pretty cool, and his Psywave attack is pretty good. But I can't look at him without thinking of long division." "Psychic-type Pokémon?" piped in another youngster. "More like SUCKic-type!" After this jibe, the group ran off to play Digimon. "Digimon doesn't make me do math," said the first child, explaining the new-found popularity of Bandai's Pokémon clone.

   Surprisingly, most children aged 6-11 had already mastered the basic mathematical concepts Golden Books' series purports to teach them. "This one kid tried to trade me two Pikachus and a Gengar for my holo Charizard," recounts one young female trader. "I dunno what he was on." Basic mathematical skills are an essential part of any trader's arsenal. "If you can't add and subtract, you'll get burned," she concluded.

   Even so, Golden Books' line of instructional Pokémon books may have a future. Several older fans expressed interest in a series of more advanced books such as "Pokémon AP Biology Challenge" and "SAT Preparation with Jigglypuff."