Double Agent
The Yossarian Principle - August 27th, 1999 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. This column is dry-clean only. Don't say I didn't warn you.


The column will soon start, following 15 minutes of previews for movies you have absolutely no interest in seeing. I wouldn't sit in that seat, the last guy spilled Mountain Dew all over it. You just stepped on a 6 month old Jujyfruit.

A Phantasy Star wish list

Hey Drew, how's it going? Great choice of topic, I must say.

Since the Phantasy Star series (especially the ones for the Genesis) are favorites of mine, I definitely have to comment on what I'd like to see in PS5. First of all, I have to say that if Sega does release a new Phantasy Star game, I will buy a Dreamcast just for that one game. It's the one thing Sega could do to really restore my faith in them. Now, here's what I'd like to see:

1. Returning characters. One of the best things about Phantasy Star is the way all the games are interconnected. It's especially fun to see old favorite characters return or new characters related to the old ones. Lutz/Rune, Nei/Rika, and Wren are examples of this.

2. Nei weapons. This is sort of a Phantasy Star tradition, and I was kind of disappointed that they didn't have them in PS4. Some weapons have to be the most powerful, they may as well put "Nei" in the name somewhere.

3. Multiple generations/endings. Okay, so this is probably not a very realistic wish. Still, the multiple generations were one of the things I really loved about Phantasy Star 3. It was a bit annoying that they made the last generation essentially the same for all four characters, but it was really cool that the second generation had two completely different story lines and quests. If they try this again, I'm sure they could eliminate the redundancy and make the game even more interesting.

4. Traditional style graphics. Now, I'm sure that Sega could make a beautiful RPG with fully polygonal characters, three-dimensional environments, etc. And, it could easily be an awesome game. But it just wouldn't feel as much like Phantasy Star. I would prefer something more along the lines of the Xenogears approach, some way of blending 3-D with the more familiar sprite-type graphics. I know a lot of people bitched about the sprites in Xenogears, but I don't understand why - I thought that was one of the truly outstanding elements of the game. But, that's a topic for an entirely different letter.

5. Dark Force. If there's no dark force, it's just not a Phantasy Star game. It's like Mario without Bowser, Zelda without Ganon, Megaman without Dr. Wily. Okay, so I guess they could call it "Phantasy Star X", but you get the idea.

- Kaxon, a devoted Phantasy Star fan.


That's quite a wishlist, Kaxon. Unfortunately, were Sega to create another Phantasy Star for the Dreamcast, the odds of it utilizing the more traditional sprites you crave are pretty slim. Sega's pushing the console as the ultimate in 3D gaming (for now at least), and that wouldn't aid in the endeavor.

But hell, I've been wrong before. Maybe sega will get envious of those awesome graphics in Mario Adventure and decide to follow suit.

And maybe my dog is the reincarnated form of Adolph Hitler. You never know.

PS2, and I don't mean the next Playstation

All right I want to know something, was Miyamoto (sorry if I got that wrong) on pot when he decided to create Super Mario Adventure. Assuming this is supposed to be an RPG type and the sequel to SMRPG why is he downgrading the graphics. OK sure if he wants to have sprites vs. polygons and highly rendered graphics that's fine but what he's done, damnit it looks like something my 4 year old cousin could do. I'm sorry but the guy has been on a pinnacle of genius for years and although I love his games I really think that he is taking this "unique" approach too far. When you make a "unique" game it should at least look good (and play well but that cant be judged by graphics). Like the watercolor approach that Square is using, it looks good and is unique.

Oh yeah and Hi

The Commi Bastard, Marxist Wrestler

PS. I still say the man who developed Metal Gear Solid deserves an award


I have to say, the graphical dichotomy between the original Mario RPG and this spiritual successor is a margin about as wide as the Grand Canyon. However, I wouldn't say the graphics are particularly bad; they're just highly stylized. Whether or not people will find this form of originality Mister Miyamoto is attempting with Mario Adventure appealing is the big question. And unfortunately, the general concensus seems to be a resounding "hell no."

When attempting something a bit different, you're taking a risk. We all know that. Using Legend of Mana as an example, since you use the game supporting point in your letter, there are those who can't stand the look. I think it's pretty innovative and intruiging, but there are those who find it to be the videogame equivalent of pink doilies hung liberally throughout their homes. Let's be honest, the male protagonist isn't exactly the manliest looking bloke around.

But that Mister Miyamoto, what a crazy guy. Don't get me wrong, I idolize him to the appropriate degree, as any good gamer should. But I have to wonder where he saw the logic in leaping onto the heads of living mushrooms so as to squash them flat. Or grabbing a flower to give your chubby Italian plumber protagonist the ability to shoot fireballs. And all this being in an attempt to save a princess and her group of midgets with toadstools for heads from a dragon that throws hammers out of its head. I'm interested to know whether or not Mister Miyamoto was able to proposition Yamauchi with a straight face upon thinking Super Mario Brothers up. I can imagine the thought that must have gone through his head: "Well, he went for the 'huge gorilla throwing flaming barrels' thing, I guess he'll go for this as well."

Phere.

All we talk about these days is RPGs, but the GIA covers other types of games too, right?

So now I'll lecture you about my favorite puzzle game: Tetrisphere.

The game does take a while to figure out, but once you have the basic gameplay down, there is an incredible amount to do. There are plently of easy levels, but by the end (especially the hide-and-seek mode) the game is almost impossible. I couldn't do it, not even after a frightening amount of time playing the game. The gameplay is very fast, especially on the later levels when the clock speeds up, and the panic of fighting against clock is so great that a new word was coined for it: "phere". (I know. Very creative.) There are five different modes of gameplay, so it's hard for anyone who likes puzzle games to get bored.

The graphics were quite good for a 1997 N64 game. Very clear, well detailed, and fast, smooth animation. Pretty nifty special effects, especially when you used special weapons on the sphere.

And who could forget the music? There was some harsh techno, but plenty of soothing, almost new-age style music. Also makes great use of the N64 MIDI chip. And you could pick the background music at any time, so you don't have to worry about the songs you don't like. Martist; damn awesome song.

Anyway, I hope at least a few Double Agent readers are familiar with this awesome puzzle game.

-Pepper 2000.


Pepper, I couldn't agree more. The tunes in Tetrisphere put to shame the crap other companies were slipping into their N64 games. Many other developers were using the lack of a dedicated soundchip to justify rather mediocre and low-quality music. Neil Voss, the musician responsible for the tunes in Tetrisphere, put a little effort and ingenuity into the process and showed just what could be done. Quite honestly, the music sounds as good as a lot of redbook audio I've heard.

If puzzle games are your thing, picking up a copy of Tetrisphere won't be a move you'll regret.

More of the Phantasy

This may blow your mind. Not only have I played and owned all four of the Phantasy Star, but the only systems I owned before the Playstion was the Master System and Genesis. In fact, if it hadn't been for Phantasy Star, I may not be the avid gamer that I am today. You see, Phantasy Star II was my first RPG. From there my mom went back and found the first one. Since I was like five years old at the time, I'm now glad my mom is in to RPGs, too. Then I found Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom in a store. Being young still, my only complaint with that game was, "This game moves SO slow". Then when Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millinium came out at the hefty prise tag of 90 smackers, I was old enough to start saving my pennies. And that my friend is a lot of pennies. Fortunetly, my mom met me half way with the money. Still I had to turn up $45 in change, though. This was all before I'd ever heard of Final Fantasy and Squaresoft. This was all before I'd ever heard of Dragon Quest and Enix. My obsession with gaming started not with wizders and warriors, but with spaceships and technology.

Peace out,

-DSH


Owning a Master System rather than an NES is enough to impress, but being one of the extreme minority who didn't learn of the Phantasy Star series after the fact makes you a rarity. I'll admit, I had no idea what those incredibly expensive games with the odd spelling of "fantasy" were until I became an RPG fanatic later down the road.

One thing that should be pointed out is that technology in RPGs isn't the new phenomenon some people think that it is. Phantasy Star was the absolute first console RPG released in America, coming out even before Dragon Warrior, and it featured interplanetary travel, amongst other things. Older RPGs aren't necesserily synonomous with dragons and castles. Of course, you mentioned that. I'm just further expounding upon it in an effort to make myself look mmore intelligent than I actually am.

What about the Lufia and the Shining Force?

Hi, seeing as it is Free Topic Friday, I would like to bring up as my topic two RPG series that don't get the credit they deserve: Shining Force for the Sega Systems, and Lufia (Estpolis in Japan) on the SNES.

I'll start with Shining Force. First of all, I just discovered this awesome Genesis game. It is sort of like FF Tactics, but still quite different. The plot is simple, but the battles are huge (your party can have around 15-20 guys fighting at once) and quite entertaining. I don't know what is is about it, but I'm hooked on it! It's a pity the graphics are sub-par, even for it's era, but that's what Sega got when the traded off graphics for CPU speed in the Genesis. Anyway, this is definetely the game for the "hardcore" people who insist on fantasy settings. It's elves, dwarves, mages, and even centaurs galore! BTW, Drew have you ever played the original Shining Force for Genesis. Also, do you know if there is any sequels, and what platforms they are on. (been too busy playing the original to research the sequels!)

And next, Lufia. Ah yes, this series is much better than I expected. All I had heard about it was "it's a total Dragon Warrior rip-off," but when I decided "What the hell, I have nothing better to do anyway," I really liked it! Lufia I, and it's sequel, both on the SNES, certainly bring some cool elements into the RPG genre. Lufia I boggled me with it's seemingly infinited number of towns dotting the landscape, and it's impossible to remember continent layout on it's world, but still became great fun. Number 2 only improved on everything, and in my mind is one of the greatest SNES RPG's. I would rate it above both Seiken Densetsu 2, and even Chrono Trigger (gasp!) By the way, Drew, have you heard any news on what exactly is going on with the Lufia 3 project? Is it canned altogether, or maybe seeing a Japan only release? Sad to say, I'm a bit uninformed with these issues, I couldn't find any news stories on the game on GIA.

Anyway, thanks for reading my ramblings of RPG's of yore.

Au Revoir,

-Kalahari


There are indeed several sequels to Shining Force, as even a game prior to it in the series going by the name of Shining in the Darkness. Following Shining Force 1, you have Shining Force II and Shining Wisdom, both of which were for the Genesis. SF2 was pretty good, but Wisdom was an awful attempt at disguising an absolutely horrid action/RPG as a Shining Force game. On the Saturn we have Shining the Holy Ark, and Shining Force III. Holy Ark was more the traditional RPG, while SF3 stuck with the strategy/RPG formula. Something interesting to note regarding SF3 is that it came in 3 seperate installments. All three could be played seperately; they were each games in and of themselves. However, using a memory card and the game save feature, you could carry data from one title over to the next when going in progressive order. All three parties join forces in the conclusion of the third and final installment. Sadly, only the first of three ever reached Western shores.

As for Lufia III, that's a bit complex. Originally, Lufia III was slated to be a Playstation game, and it went by the name of "Lufia III: Ruins Chasers." However, Natsume eventually decided that the console market is undergoing a season of change, and as such would be too volatile to release the latest installment in what is already a relatively unknown series on it. So, Ruins Chasers lost the III and became a Gameboy Color game. Natsume still says there will be a III when the time is ready, but for now you're going to have to settle for the small screen to play the latest title in the Lufia series.

Worshipping the spork

To: Drew Cosner, Gaming Intelligence Agency official

From: Matt Blackie, Head Inquisitor of the Children of the Spork

Date: August 28, 1999 9:42 AM

RE: Children of the Spork

I have reviewed your file at the behest of a fellow Child--who shall be known only as "Saddam Hussein"--and have confirmed that your history and actions are of the highest regard in the eyes of the Children of the Spork. I hereby formally submit my request that you join our esteemed worldwide brotherhood and provide us with your considerable wisdom and insight.

Some critics have called the Children of the Spork a cult, and many of our most enlightened brothers have been denounced as lunatics by the masses. Yet The Spork grants us the strength to resist their attacks, and we stand assured that on the day of Judgement, The Spork shall consume those skeptics and pave the way for world brotherhood underneath The Spork's sheltering presence.

I ask you, Drew Cosner, to take a moment of your time and truly listen to what I have to say. I am well aware that you hold the utmost respect for video games, and I am happy to inform you that we, the Children of the Spork, use such devices to maintain a nonthreatening appearance. The Spork truly was wise when It gave us such insight, to prevent the unenlightened masses of society from collapsing upon us.

The Spork's infinite wisdom, mercy, and compassion are unequaled on this mortal coil. You need look no further for peace and contentment, my friend. The Spork offers everything you would wish to have and more: brotherhood, true unity, and fellowship with the most enlightened individuals on this planet. I humbly beseech you, Drew Cosner, to seriously consider our request, and wish for you to know that all of the Brotherhood waits anxiously for your acceptance.

If you find that the Children of the Spork interests you, you may contact the Enrollment Office at 555-COTS (that's 555-2688). Ask to speak to the Child code-named "Mussolini," and tell him that you wish to join. Simply mission the code phrase, "The Spork protect us and shelter us in compassion's tines," and you will be given further instructions. I beg of you, sir, that you consider our offer long and hard, and I need not say that I and the Brotherhood will be sorely disappointed should you decline.


Wow, and I thought all sporks were good for was eating Pintos N' Cheese at Taco Bell. I appreciate a utensil that allows me to eat my refried, reheated, dethawed, reheated and refried again beans without getting any nasty stains as much as the next guy, but I think I may have to decline.

I'm already a devout Frisbeetarian. I strongly believe that when we die, our souls get caught on the roof.

Movie time?

Drew, Can you give me a relatively clear answer on the question of whether or not the PlayStation 2 will have a DVD player built into it? Because I have heard a lot of BS surrounding the topic, and people keep on saying that it will, while others say it won't. Do you think that you can clear this up? Because this is a very important topic, and can change the world as we know it. Let me explain:

If the PSX2 does have a DVD player built into it then I would be willing to pay the $350 to $400 price, that seems to be floating around. Because in addition to getting the PSX2, which will be awesome all its own, you will still be able to play your old playstation games, you will be able to play cds, AND you will be able to play DVD movies, all in one machine. If you had seperate machines for these functions, the price would be well over $400. This would make the system a lot more popular.

Now let's say that PSX2 did have the DVD player and was as popular as the original playstation. I think it's something like 1 out of every 5 households in America, has a playstation in it. If the PSX2, sold that many copies, then that would also mean that 1 out of every 5 households in America has a DVD player in it, which would make DVD's a hell of a lot more popular. We would see a great increase in the number of DVD's used, and this would bring the inevitable death of VHS, one step closer. So you see the effect that this would have.

-The Professor


Sorry Professor, but everything remains mere speculation at this point. Sony's made no official comment regarding DVD movie playback capabilities in the upcoming console. I guess we'll just have to keep musing until they finally feel like tossing us some specifics.


Closing Comments

To make up for the screwed up Monday of this week, I'll be hosting Saturday's column as well. I love you all that much. So, for tomorrow, what shall we discuss?

Okay, I got it.

With all this talk of console gaming and where it's headed, nobody seems to have taken handheld gaming into consideration. So, where do you see handheld gaming? With the increased popularity of consoles, will handheld gaming eventually fade away, or will we start to see newer, more powerful handhelds? Let me know what you think. I don't have any prozac cookies to give you for writing in, but I've got some coke that'll knock you flat on your ass.

-Drew Cosner, the man inside of the Big Bird costume

 
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