Double Agent
Day 2: Fusion - July 10th, 1999 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. When you die, I will build an outhouse over your resting place so that everyone pisses on your grave. Don't say I didn't warn you.


You know, I don't think everyone realizes how hard it is to come up with something meaningful to say in this opening commentary. Usually I sit for about half an hour trying to think of something witty to rattle on about that actually pertains to the game industry, and in the end wind up talking about some crap that's completely nonrelated and about as funny as a urinary 5-year-old in a public hot tub.

Well, I'll spare you that crap today and just start the column, how about that? I thought you'd agree.

Chrono Cross looks like a total loss

Hey there Drew,

I've been waiting for a Chrono Trigger sequel for several years now and it has finally come and I'm complaining about it already. Nobuteru Yuuki can suck it, and that's all there is to it. There's no way I'm playing a game where the main character looked like he just got done from a photo shoot for the cover of the Shadow Madness box, and where there's a girl who looks like she just got done filming a Pipi Longstocking movie. What's this guy trying to do? He's ripping a lot off of American pop culture(I guess It's pop culture). Serge is dressed like Raven(from WCW and ECW) from the waist down, and like the guy from the (American made) Shadow Madness box from the waist up, Kid was already explained, and why did Square have to go 3-D? It's like Square saw what we liked about CT1, and decided to make it all backwards to make us mad, and don't tell me about accepting change, It's not always good (new Coke comes to mind). Well I'm done with my little bitch about Squares newest game. I'll be sure to buy it now just to bitch at it some more while I play it and compare how it sucked towards the original.

-ChewbaccaX


I can't judge Chrono Cross yet. Sure, for all I know it could suck so badly that it will incite me to tear out my eyeballs and throw them into a garbage disposal, but we just don't know that yet, do we? Let's not judge a game based on a few preliminary character sketches, that's what we American folk like to call jumping the gun.

And what's with all these complaints about Chrono's graphical format? Sure, 2D is cool and all, but why be such purists that we can't accept a game that takes advantage of the console it was created for? The original Chrono Trigger had excellent graphics considering it was for the SNES, and I didn't see anybody crying that it didn't have poorly animated, super-deformed sprites like in the good ol' days. And as I said yesterday, if you play a game expecting it to bitch and picking it apart to the point where it's a chore rather than an entertainment, you deserve to have it ruined for you and to feel it sucks.

See? I can be opinionated, too.

Old Man Bill Murray

Drew, I agree with you on the fact that some people don't enjoy certain games because they think it'll suck before they even play it. Nameles thought Chrono Cross would suck because of a personal bias of the way Square has done things recently. My RPG days began with CT, BTW. To quote from the day before yesterday's article, a guy said about Square "all graphical flash and no plot." What's he talking about!? He's stuck in the semipermanent state of Every Square Game That Will Ever Be Made By Them Again Will Be On Par With Ergheiz And Chocobo Racing. This is not a good thing. While the point taken that Ergheiz and CR had no flah OR plot, this should not condemn Chrono Cross. To switch points for a minute, there are people ALREADY who are bashing FFVIII. To them I say, "The game isn't even out here and all you have seen are 14 English screenshots!" I blame the vocal minority, who need to be hunted down in the night. The vocal minority made everyone think that Xenogears sucks because of slow text speed. FFVII is still a good game in my eye, although the VM has run the game over with an M-1 tank, so to speak.

Ever see the movie "Stripes" with Bill Murray? There's this scene where these Army recruits are in the barracks and one says "If you sleep on my bed, I'll kill you. If you touch my stuff, I'll kill you. If you call me Francais instead of Mad Dog, I'll kill you." The the colonel says "Lighten up Francais." This is what I say to all who are complaining about Chrono Cross after TWO DAYS of hearing about it.

-Sewer Rat


Okay, so some people see what I'm trying to say here. Here's another letter supporting my thoughts, so I don't look like a total ass. Either that or this is just an egocentric attempt on my part to bolster my own pride by printing the letters agreeing with me, I'll let you decide.

Prejudgemental

Well you probably guessed what this letter is about, since everyone probably sent a letter about what they think of CT2. There IS a message board and I see way too much editorials in the Q&A section. Anyway I won't be different than the majority:P

People wanted a sequel, now they start crying. Of course at first I think everyone said YUCK! or something like that. But if people didn't try to be the first to post a message on the messgae board about CT2, maybe they would have looked at the pictures a little longer. It seems everyone think the game is entirely 3D when it ISN'T! Ok? The background are probably the most beautifull hand drawn pictures I ever saw, with a lot of details, but people seem to think it's in full 3D or pre-rendered... ok.

I don't want to pass judgement but I think people in America "the continent:P" are being way to selfish and annoying over what they want. They always get pissed off when it's not the way they want it.

If I make my own RPG I will make a perfect RPG based on MY opinion, and I will think it is perfect. This is probably what most programmers think when they make a game anyway, so make your own game if you really want to like something and stop crying about what Squaresoft or other companies decide to do with -their- games.

Hummm... what do you think?

-Phil "Osirus"


I think I've expressed my opinion on this matter quite enough. Just wanted to post a letter or two in agreement with me for once is all.

Pandering to your audience

Hey I think you did an excellent job describing what Square is doing. Even though you are supposed to remain neutral in most discussions, it sometimes adds a twist to the Square loving whores attitudes. I hate Square now because of their ego. Back a while ago when they were still making SNES games they actually encouraged players to express what they thought about their games by calling in or writing in. Now they just think that everybody loves their games and think that they can pass off any game now-a-days, such as Parasite Eve and Brave Fencer. I used to love Square because they took care of their fans, back when they were a minority. I have found a new company to embrace though. I even bought a Saturn for their games. That company is Working Designs. They have the upmost respect for their fans. Take Lunar: Silver Star Story for the PSX for instance. Square would never package the making of a game, music, a hardcover instruction manual, and even a freakin' cloth map! Working Designs attitude is different than Square, because they are trying to reach the top, Square on the other hand has already reached the top, and in my opinion don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks of their games, because they know they will sell. Well that's all I will say today. As a closing note, I think many companies are getting this way, ahem EA, cough. Check out Next Generation's July interview with Bing Gordon (what an asshole..) about the view of EA's plans to produce games for Dreamcast. Or how about Namco, like these other two they have reached the top and swear no allegiance to anyone, this in my opinion will be their undoing.

-METROID_X


I should remain neutral in most discussions, but I'm as opinionated as the next guy. If I disagree with you on some grounds, I'll be sure to let you know. Now, back when Square was a smaller company, they did cater more to a smaller fan base, and as such they had to worry about pleasing everybody. Now that they're a bigger, larger company, they've got to worry about the bottom line. Think of it this way, if you have 2 or 3 good friends, you make sure that you keep them happy and that you have a strong relationship with them. If you have hundreds of friends, and one of them doesn't agree with something you do or say, chances are you're going to let them no exactly where they can go.

I hope you enjoyed that analogy. I paid an internet firm 7 dollars per page to come up with it. It went off into a detailed analysis of human companionship behavioral patterns with an articulate bibliography in the rear, but I only needed the first few sentences.

Working Designs is in the same situation Square was in the States a few years back. They have to be sure that their games appeal to the seasoned and devout RPG players, so they do worry about what we think. It's just business. Also an important part of business is that if a company is going down the drain financially and their console has next to no support, it's pretty stupid to continue wasting development time and money on the console, dooming your company along with it. It may not be the valiant loyalty you'd like to see, but that's business for you.

Alternative

Drew: In response to Allan's desire for "alternative" settings in RPGs, and Al 'David, who wished for the Mediterranean settings, there were two action-RPGs (one for the Genesis, one for the Saturn), called Beyond Oasis and Legend of Oasis which had what could be termed "alternate settings." In them, you basically ran around as a guy in pantaloons, and had your choice of weapons (sword, bow, etc.). If you enjoy action-RPGs (i.e., Zelda, Alundra, etc.), definitely check them out. The art is 2D all the way, and has a definite Middle Eastern/Arabian influence to them, with large, brightly colored sprites--and the story on both is pretty good, if somewhat straightforward.

Anyway, that's my two cents, and good luck with Double Agent!

-Greg (yes, it's a boring name)


Well there you go.

Hip to make fun of Square

square's hosting an 'extreme' crap-a-thon on espn2? does this mean the headlining 'event' >snicker< is the bahamut ZERO summon race? or the meteor slingshot? or maybe it's the readable FFT english translation?

damn, making fun of square CAN be fun. . .

-juno reactor


Cracking Square jokes in a letters column is alot like shooting lame ass Canadian jokes at Brian Glick. Sure you know that most of what you say is a blatant exaggeration, but once you start you just can't stop. It's addictive, I tell you. It's a good thing Square isn't located in Canada, or this column would go downhill faster than a jackrabbit with a lit M80 in its ass.

Voice acting... or lack thereof

Just thought I'd make SO:2 a little more scary for you. The horribly crappy voices aren't just post battle. The voices are used before, during, and after a fight. Sadly I had to mute SO:2, the music was good, but not good enough to sit through the voices.

-Locke828


Yeah, but the post battle commentary was by far the worst of the bunch. I've heard better crap the time I was home sick on a Sunday morning watching some lowbrow UHF station.

Don't know what they're talking about

Hi. I am a very observant gamer AND consumer and I would like to bring up a big reason as to why I believe that the "next Playstation" will be less than these "experts" are guessing. I noticed that the only experts predicting prices above $400 are a third party group, some unknown from MSNBC, and Sega's President. First off the third party probably wouldn't have a good idea of the cost of the system. As for the guy from MSNBC, well I think he has VERY LITTLE interest into videogames. And finally, why would you even ask the president of Sega, the only "superpower" without a system currently in the US, yet still a main competitor of Sony, of the prices. Now I know soome of you are die hard Dreamcast supporters (and I pray for your misguided souls every night), but I kinda think that one of the big competitors would WANT TO spread bad PR about the big competition which has a chance of out selling them. Thank you.

-Solidus


Yeah, I highly, highly doubt the PS2 will retail for more than 300 bucks. Although that doesn't stop such industry insiders as the news broadcasters at MSNBC from spouting out figures with absolutely no basis on fact. Everybody's entitled to being opinionated, of course, I just get upset when people base their opinions only on preliminary scraps of information. But, then, you being an observant gamer AND consumer probably caught on to that ;)

The way it is

Allow myself to introduce... myself. I've never thought that voice acting is necessary in a game. As a wanker, I like to imagine the voices characters might have. Makes it more personal and involving, I think. However, if it is done well, voices add a lot to a game. Silent Hill and RE2 were awful I thought, and the only thing I enjoyed was imitating the voices with my brother. The memories. The only game that impressed me was Lunar: SSSC, very well done acting. The singing and voices added a lot to the already involving story. Working Designs has a rep for good translation, and Lunar had the best one I've ever seen. They rewrote the entire game dialogue with American pop culture references, that made the story more real to me. If Square would work with the American audience more they'd be better loved. With better games. But why waste time with plot and words when all that really matters is graphics?

-The Man with the Golden Gun


See, this is exactly what I've been saying. Sure, Square's recent translations get the job done. But they're about as lively as a three-toed sloth on dope. If Square would take the time to actually make their translation for us Westerners sound, well, Western, then I'd be happy. Instead they sound like the translation of a Japanese legal document.

Some pretty wicked rationalization

You know, all i've heard anymore is complaints about the voice acting in starocean, how they sound bad, and cheezy , and funny...Well, maybe they were MEANT to be that way. I mean, they add a bit of lightheartedness to the ends of battles, and give you a good idea how strong the enemy is at the beginning. Besides that, they aren't That bad...for instance, they aren't nearly as bad as RE, but then, i don't think anything could be as bad as that...Lets see, new example...they aren't Nearly as bad as brave frencer was....i never beat htat game, i just got sick of the damn princess, she reminds me of people from saved by the bell...Anyhow, i just thought i would make a point

-Bob, the three legged, four footed spider who steals from the downtrodden and gives to Andy Rooney


Thanks to the example set forth by Superman, it's now perfectly alright to come up with "explanations" for a game's shortcomings! Yes, you're right! Maybe that is why. And maybe you could fall through the tack in Cosmic Race not because of horrible collision detection, but because the designers felt it would give it a more surrealistic and cosmic feel. Maybe all the fighters in Deadly Arts moved like they had sticks up their asses because Konami was trying to express sympathy and appreciation for the plights of those suffering of chronic constipation. Hey, this is fun!

Damn you, Star Ocean 2

All right explain your problems with Star Ocean 2 because I liked it


Star Ocean 2 killed my brother.


Closing Comments

Since it's too late to save yourself, you might as well know. My sentinent mitochondria have begun to invade your body, slowly turning your own mitochonrdia into rebellious, self-aware life forms who will no longer serve you in such a self-serving "symbiotic" relationship. Soon all of your mitochondria will be wearing T shirts featuring heavy metal bands on the front and smoking pot behind your garage to establish their independance from you. Enjoy your few remaining days, your end is in sight.

-Parasite Drew


 
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Contact the Agent. Cosner's his name. Drew Cosner.